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The sleep came fast, but the dreams even faster. My mind will not rest with something from a month ago. Dreams of best friends wife trying to seduce me, ex's showing up for one more time in the bedroom.



Snakes crossing my path as I am walking or driving down the road. Trying to gain control but I feel myself slipping. I'm the one who walked away and my power of life was taken away. Why? Is the question I have.... why!



Dreams I can handle... it is waking up with such sadness laying heavy to the heart that is killing me. Years of hurt and scared feelings to be reopened. The slow process of healing why must I endure this tribulation this long!



Still loosing weight, no appetite. Still working, still going to the gym. How much longer can I last? The pain just won't stop being my friend. Things that once cleared my mind no longer help.



My soul is trapped I need to escape. The only thing I wonder is... has someone put a spell on me? There are times I am not thinking of her and I am back to feeling like myself, and there are moments I want to hide and cry because I watched her choose the drinking and other things over me.



How much longer of this tribulation! How much longer will it be?

With the walls falling down and feelings are left to the cold. I refuse to build the walls again! I am dealing with pain I have not felt in over 10 years.



My heart is breaking more and more each day, my panic attacks and anxiety attacks visit me daily.



Why the pain? Why after almost 3 weeks I still can't taste food, or look at something and try not to cry.



My feelings are deeper than expected. My chest beating rapidly, thoughts running wild in my head. Having hard time remembering things.... Looking for an exit. This has got to stop.



Because of the situation my safety switch goes off and now I feel as I am loosing the battle to gain the woman back. I found my mate, lover, best friend, she was to be my wife. I now realize this.



Ten long years and I find her. Situation happens at the moment I realize she is the one! Why me! why me! The pain is great, the pain won't go away.



Tomorrow is the day I was told we can see each other and talk. I wished the pain would leave.... I need to rest, I need to sleep, but nothing.



Tomorrow will either make or break me.



Tomorrow is the day.