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Last week I was "kidnapped". It was disappointing for the most part. Kidnapping is not one of her fortes. She did humiliate me in front of some of her church friends. (Baptists no less!) When I was in Jr. High (14 or so) I heard some joke on the bus about a vinegar truck and a water truck crashing. As it turns out a solution of 50%/50% vinegar and water is NOT a good thing to splash upon a girl's pink bits. (makes the skin come off) At some point in our ancient teen years I confided this story to her mostly as one of those "learn from another's mistakes" things I think.



She threw herself a surprise house warming party and told everyone this story quite loudly proclaiming the word "DOUCHE" over and over right there in front of God and the baptists and everyone! I totally shut myself up the day before in the car with her and her boy friend who she wishes would just give it up and ask her to marry him... I was telling the story of her progression of not being allowed to ride in the car while I'm driving anymore. I so LEFT OUT the part about her giving the guy in the back seat with her (who was sort of like a brother of mine which makes it just that muck more yucky!) really loud ummm "oral stimulation on not his mouth" ALL THE WAY HOME! (a little over and hour drive) I kid you not even a little bit It could be heard with the stereo turned ALL the way up! There were 4 of us in the car.



Now to be fair I have have done similar in the car a couple times. He was driving etc. Oh and we were ALONE in the car. *sigh* Since the passing on the noises in the back seat story had happened before the douche story... I spent the time between arriving at couch (my "bed" *shrugs*) and sleep composing a little song about girls who suck things real loud should keep their mouths shut at parties and set it to a hymn she likes. In the morning while doing the dishes I was humming it. When she started humming along I started singing... *EVIL grin* I didn't know people could go whiter than me! She sort of snarled/begged "Don't you DARE!" I mumbled something about turnabout being fair play. I wasn't gonna tell anyway. It would have been rude and it doesn't fit in with how I roll. I should have decapitated her rubber duck collection. Damn the missed opportunities!

I tried on a g string. It looked dumb on frontwards and backwards so I went with my first thought on what the hell it was and put it on like a bra just for grins. I tell you what. If for what ever reason I end up with one breast I'm SO going on a spree and buying about 50 of the stupid things! WOW! Comfy and only looked mildly stupid. Good got a giggle though.