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Infernalmage's Journal


Infernalmage's Journal

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3 entries this month
 

why

09:40 Jul 22 2007
Times Read: 748




I started off wanting to be a follower of god. But every turn I was rejected or abused. There has been no time in my life when I wasn't in an abusive situation, with me being the one to have allowed the situation to effect me. From friends, to the sad excuses of flesh that raised me as theirs. Up till the son of a bitch I was living with tried to kill me. So morality for me, is to protect the loved ones. I have no one I would die for, no one to protect but myself. There are a few I have met recently online, who I love as friends and have not hurt me, or abused me, simply because they are not close enough.



To compensate I devoted a lifetime to gaining power to be able to understand the nature of life, and become a hand of nature, so that at least nature herself would not and could not forsake me. You cannot unlearn magick, it absorbs itself into the very nature of your soul, and will change everything you have, if it has not done this, it is not magick. It allows for perspectives, it allows for being able to see things in subtle conversation.



However the power is there, it is just a means to keep me occupied, to keep me feeling, to let the heart beats persist. however, Morality, right/wrong sort of view points, isn't factored in. That is not how this world has ever operated. Balancing the scales must be done. To the sides out of balance they seem correct, they see the other as wrong.



Ego is merely self, and mine is to survive, because I am tired of being abused, and have almost everyone aside from the emotionally abusive people in my life, physically abuse me. Trying to stab me, hang me, burn me, stone me, or till recently, choke the life from me. Simply because I saw something in these people that I wanted to help get out of this cycle. I thought those who I have fallen in love with, actually loved me back. But no. I live for love, the passion, the hatred, the desire, and longing all of it. I have loved. One sided emotions do nothing for me, but make me bitter. The energies i consume, are those found in the deepest of the abyss, those forgotten cast offs from societies old gods. They are dead, forgotten, gone, but their power remains.



Seeing in realms, being able to walk in those realms with my spirit. Being in command of legions of armies, and energies, and elementals. Its parlor tricks to the real feat of finding someone who will love me back, some one i can desire physically, emotionally, spiritually, and can do the same for me.



It has been true I have in moments of lonlyness and rage subsumed members of the angelic hosts, and demons, but they were bother some and came at my summons. Humans are no more fit to consume then living ones life of McDonalds food....This is why, I seek union. My threads woven so that If the time comes I can protect my mate. I can keep it so that demons and gods will never harm us, or try and kill us. That our family can survive in any world, or craft anew one according to their wants. Or if i do give up, I will summon what I know to be at my disposal, forces, and entities that are limitless and eternal, and let them dance over the souls of this world until I tire of watching death on the news. I am tired of it. This hurt and being hurt. I want life, love, and a chance for peace. Consuming the forgotten things ensures that i can sustain myself, and my family on the enegy that I have collected and refined through the use of spells, meditiations, and assorted magicks.

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YAY spot for tests.....

10:49 Jul 20 2007
Times Read: 753


Which Pagan God Were U
OdinOdin is considered the chief god in Norse mythology and Norse paganism, he is a god of wisdom, war, battle and death. He is also attested as being a god of magic, poetry, prophecy, victory and the hunt.
Take The Quiz Now!Quizzes by myYearbook.com








Oh yea im also a dragon fur, and this is the best thing that describes my inner beast if you will.



What dragon species are you? (Stunning pics)


Shadow Dragon
Dark, evil, you are the evil breed of dragon. You lurk within the shadows of the night and attack with surprise. You prefer to stay alone, solitude is your best friend within your deep, dark cave or den.
Take The Quiz Now!Quizzes by myYearbook.com

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IT

09:22 Jul 20 2007
Times Read: 756


Infernal- The contacting and calling on forces to balance out the missing aspect of the developed soul upon the wheel, so thus I propose that this be established as an art, the theory of the IT IS the base.



The infernal is networking, communication and delegation of tasks, it is a path of connection, growth, ascension, Starting from as a base from the elements.



The Temple of the night is the base working ground as the dawn causes a different setting for this type of magick, there are is the split between night and light. The Temple of the Eternal Night, and the Temple of the Eternal dawn. Houses wherein all are work is made possible, and of course the houses of the Twilight also effect what can be connected with. These times engrave in the subconscious the needed gnostic trances that allow for the effect of the rituals. The rituals we preform solidify these memories and bring the forth focus for the reasons as to our existence.



it is not one religion over another it is the relationship of the missing attributes that link them together. It is not one race over another but on emotional levels the thing desired for IT, GOD, MAN. It is what we strive for, IT is the unknown, IT is magick, the words used to describe with a simple concept that which is infinite, undefinable, and vague. It is everything, and nothing. Every sound used to attempt to to make a true name for IT, can only name it in the moment of Its application. From IT came everything and everything returns to IT. IT is, as we are, will be, have been IT.



So we seek to change IT to be what we want IT to be, by forcing IT to be what IT is isn't, yet we still try. By potions and spells, rituals and meditations, we try to manipulate IT, to change IT in ITs current state to how we think IT should be in its cosmic state to effect with the levels of radiation . Infernalism is the sought changes of IT by any means necessary, By controlling the intervening situations so we know better how to recognize IT when it comes. Thus ritual and spell craft, meditations and so on, cause the rotation which bring the action of IT, so IT is as we need IT, manifesting on the level of it is radiation.



The primal abyss of darkness and chaos yielded their control to the earth which are the cycles of existence and the rotation of the wheel, as all has stemmed from the darkness, the primal beginning of everything, IT was here, and IT is beyond and all encompassing much like the abyss. Is the abyss IT? Changing, growing, and creating?



The levels of rotation define IT, it is the levels, it is what the levels represent. The levels are as follows;



Levels of effect and the radiation of such



1 line of sight

2 within a small room single object by prior knowledge

3 within thirty feet

4 within a hundred feet with previous knowledge

5 within 1 mile

6 within 20 miles

7 on the same continent

8 on the terrestrial plane

9 on this universal plane

10 on the aetheric plane

11 on the astral plane

12 on the spiritual plane of purgatory

13 on the lower realms of Dante

14 on Styx and all hell type planes

15 on heavenly planes of Dante

16 on the higher planes of existence

17 on all heavenly planes

18 one hour into the future

19 the past weeks after events occur to when the seeds were laid to attempt a change

20 1 year

21 random leaps in time

22 control leaps in time

23 to a specific event in any time

25 to the exact moment that a thing was thought of

26 to the plane of existence to the exact essence of the thing when it was created

27 to the beginning of time

28 to any object in the moment in the present at any place

29 and so on....



Figure on the greater containing the lesser, but to a more developed degree, put together a list of 0-10 of all double digits 10 through 100 and condense the list, then breakdown to degrees of single digits, herein referred to as the base numbers, 0-10.



Breakdown to degrees of the base numbers between time and distance, time being a greater form of distance with a rotation. But when the levels of the base are reset to a zero base the interval is dropped back to the one at different levels. Powers go away and are replaced with hybrid powers, never being able to return to the lower types, never being able to turn off the higher power.



High versus Low magick. Area of effect again goes off the tables, of every new increment of power, the greater the power the less power of the ones that made it. Bigger energy signatures, more ripples, more pockets, more time, more more more and so on, never returning to the point of origin, the source. IT is the current, all of the pieces are IT, all that is going to be is IT, and all that was before is IT.



The moment of refresh, the reflection period lengthens depending on the magnifications of the original power, augmenting them to one. The ladder, the path, the power, all is again divided by ability and the area of effect to 10, all begins at the base, every increment of ten of the original reduces and compacts itself to the ten, always striving to be eleven, which never comes out side of this wheel of rotation. Time, life, death, rebirth, again growing and splitting and expanding to the general from the specific which was general to begin with. The circle and the dot, back to the circle till it replicates again and again.



Where to start? The beginning, where to end up at the beginning of something new? All is what IT IS. IT is now, so move to then, and then is now, whats the point of magick then if this is the case? What is the next level of transcendence from the current state of growth to the next, the higher the growth the greater the jumps and the greater the return to the base. Every year is for development of self, so self has the greater reach of the smaller worlds, would that be my life now. To make the blood stronger the power greater? Why follow the journey when you know the story? Why not finally remember the conversations with yourself since you were able to think and wanting to move something and succeed because your ignorance gave you the power of your belief. The gnostic settings for your power, thus the more you study, the more you strive to study till you are trapped in this matrix like constructs of your mind, with moments of lucidity instead of coming together as the great thoughts of self-hood and being were, but as the journey progressed progressed became so clouded and forgotten and unused? What of you? What of your Path? The little tricks the favored spells, then what? When they lose their strength, and you are at the beginning of new levels unable to move that glass that you were once able to fling across the room? Because you have come so far from your beginnings, that you no longer can do such things because those individual muscles are no longer used. So though you are no longer who you are, and keep seeking to get that power back, when you have even greater power then you started with, until you have landed at a point similar to the point of origin, when you sit back, and recall what you did, when you were how old, and then what you do now, with little thought to the actual level where you are at which causes such grandiose or subtle changes. With all that comes before as a cloudy memory that when written becomes the embodiment of your life's work.



The poofs and bangs, the marks of the unskilled, and the arts of the subtle coming about without you having to realize your need of them, they just manifest, this is IT. How far has that led you to master different things, to grow beyond what is, to what could be, as a created notion of your “True Self”? That IT is because IT is, it is all of IT always has been and always will be. Where does IT proceed from there? How much more do we seek to grow, or do we seek IT because IT is all we can do, but exist simply and inexorably without motive, purpose or the driving will but because our experiences have given us this?We merely live out life in the moment as if it were a memory of our future selves telling the younger self at the same time what one did, effecting the area of being. Where do we go?



How can we carry on? We know the game, we know how the game is played, we manipulate the game, or do we do this because there is nothing else to do? What of then? When this realization comes, you dust off those old spells, and rituals from the beginning and take them out for a shiny new test drive with the power you have accumulated through life's experiences, You are GOD, you have proven this, and then you will be as god, and the effects of this work bring you back to the higher level you are at, with more results, and greater or less subtlety depending on the desired effects.



Take a new caste and begin all over again, back into the wheel of development, to forget about the wheel in its movement, the hours, the days, months and years, before a new system starts, and all is effected because of a choice you forgot you thought you made. IT all goes back to wanting something bad enough and letting yourself have it, on everything in and out of what is described herein.



Years of your development on training the more your training increases your power, the memory of the thing fades as the new powers come, and they then must be tested, mastered and eventually forgotten. IT is in this chain. In this wheel.



I personally at this point do not know my limits, but I shouldn't thing that there would be any nor have mastered anything beyond the concept of IT and attempt to further align the attributes of IT to help me on my journey, nor should I think I have any limits. However it comes back to the level we can effect, the level our radiation and the level that another person is at, and how we can effect each other, and the plays between those currents moving into a greater stance of existence bringing more and more elements into play because of existence of the self, seeking to know itself by knowing its limits, if it is limitless, then IT IS.



Here I sit in on reflection of the past events. Rehashing them and finally looking back at what I missed, each art till mastery to develop my soul further, and I am still the same me I have always been, the energy has always been the same, it is just what I do with it, the source has been my soul, and IT shall change when it suits me for the time I am, in moving to the next level, the next time I will have this discussion with myself. So I don't forget again, and the wheel can end for a moment. Because if IT is written then so must IT be. Looking over the statements of the masters, then they must apply on every level of existence.



Above is as below, As below is as above, As within so without, as without so within, this is IT.



Knowing, willing, daring, being silent. The silence is only broken when another is around to share the means by which we follow on the wheel. Paths meet they intertwine, they allow intertwine, they allow for the needed reflection of a greater current of growth. IT is not chaos, IT is order, IT is a damn waltz of the Cosmos, where everything related to the numbered base, everything being based off of this scale, and so scaling of powers. Examples can be found in Mark Rein-Hagen's, Vampire the Masquerade d-10 numbering system, or modified D-20 systems, add form to this construct and gives a means to in “fantasy” develop these powers.



IT IS here that again new tricks are found, or rediscovered, and made and delivered back to the world, this is true with inventions in history, and even now. This is the meaning of life, to grow, to seek, to learn, to experience, to become, to live, these are the stages of life, the foundation. Of course the act of doing so falls to seven where the reflection of the all, is 8 and the going further is the 9, the initial disproportionate becomes true at 10, IT is all in the beginning and IT is all relative in that when you are at 10 you do not care you ever at 9 or anything before. No matter the steps you take, you do not value what you had. Yet you still seek to grow and become, a drive from the soul, inexpressibility, till the level of reflection comes again at 0.



Alchemy at its finest in the Grand Arcanum, then taking this, and applying the methods, of the seven standards of ritual construction: Intent, theory, consecration, dedication, direction, tools, release. The the memory comes, and you realize you knew all of this before. That everything was one, and your perception wouldn't allow you to accept this. That Everything was one, and thus you strive to learn of the other systems by which people operate. Here is the hidden truth, that only what is revealed by the extrapolation of experience from memory, and then reflection of the memory instead of off the notes of experience. SO, if one practices rituals and spell craft, one has record of the experiences and so controls the memory to make it what is willed, when the two come to reconcile in the moment of conflict.



They become both, yet nothing of what was, rendering the entire process obsolete. Yet with the knowledge of the individual memories. Pictures are thus three dimensional constructs of thought patters displayed in the stages of growth as new realms, and new ways to grow beyond, as does all the perceptions of them, and realms become like Jello to the keen participant in this game. Again going back to the beginning, does one ever wish to stay at the end? To be aged, and withered from the trials? Or fresh and new as a result of the successful journey only to be withered by a new one. To be gifted with these dark thoughts as offspring currents of the original idea. This is how life is lived, and the level of effect again only stems from the 0 to 10. So on a scale of this type what do you do then? You can now go backwards or forwards, or sideways ad infinium.

What do you stick to? Spells, Rituals, meditations, something to pass the time? With exaggerating the effects of thought processes that just keep tying into themselves. One giant run on sentence that moves fast enough to get us to forget the wheel, the circle, the game, with these moments of rationality. What is next? What does this line of questioning matter? IT is coming and you have the power to deal with it. Okay so then What? Boring, old, and odd?



So chaos comes in handy to spice up life. Get this general philosophy external so it stops pressuring the inner silence with the noise of it, in need of the almighty cartoon-esk recap of things past. Which we have at current. We know we control IT, but we are controlled by IT. Why does IT matter? Is IT cause we exist? Why do we exist? Because we are matter? And what is that matter exactly but the material of our foundation. Nothing mystical. Chemical, Biological, but again cyclical, thus eternal, and ephemeral. Time finally outside of time, with the rational grip to finally get this thought out on paper. To merely demonstrate the laws of magick as laws of magick. Saying no matter how you believe something, IT IS because of your belief. So take your belief and accept nothing, for no thing is what is. Believe in everything that you see, but don't accept it, because it is not true in the universal sense of Truth. There is always a catch, a loop hole, in the thought where IT links, and ties nicely, but the other person/thing has a pair of scissors or a nice anti-magick ward set up, limiting all that is unknown from coming to pass. Demons, gods, angels, spirits, elementals, half breeds, are all extensions of the self, study each one, and know that in your becoming you become more, and increase upon the ladder, the journey never ends.



Upon this realization, we are ourselves again, no longer pondering what was in the past or what is to be in the future, no longer caring, just alive in this moment, this time, at peace. “Life is universal, how you choose to live it makes it yours” (2002) Then comes the next step. Live and observe, change, grow, learn, know and will and everything you do by your actions, your words because the old ones had it right, because they new this simple but unavoidable truth, evolution comes on every level. You need to have a strong foundation, so the words left behind by those that have come before are all extensions of the situation at hand for the experiencing IT. This is magick, this is what is, and shall be. Hunter and Hunted. Vampire of knowledge, prey to mortality. Can this be changed?



Will it be that the moment of realization is true? Based on the experiences spoken of in said realization are accurate to how things are. With all the feelings and memories of the experiences with witty anecdotes or is IT inexorably clear that, that isn't the overall goal of the picture, but the final stage to reach the greater means, the immortal thought of the realization and the implications it has for the common man. Who in his mediocrity has gained nothing, but exists in all who are not in the top or bottom echelons of creation, but are members of the world at large. Any contributions to the literary circuits allowing this thought to be expounded upon ad infinium, but why speak it? Why write it? If it is what is? And not a damn thing is going to change it?



Because magick is the causation of conscious direction of will to cause desired reactions in the environment where the target and the hunter (the mage) exist. Vampirically, parasitically feeding off of one another, off of plants, and animals, and all energies in and out of existence because all things have motion, all things have change. IT is in this that magick works, IT is in this that these things are true. In the very moment one speaks a word giving “IT” name, form, function, causing IT to be.



One has achieved what? Another cycle? Where to go now? This is the root of IT, the source the finish, the journey, IT is because IT is, because IT IS and so on. Simply It is, It is Magick, It is the unknown, but do we even care at this point to find out what IT is? Or is this it? Is this why we can bend the world to our will? I am a wizard, but IT is my art, and I will use any means to get what I desire in the moment.



Written and observed by,

Thothmes


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