The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

November’s Diary 2009



6th November 2009 (My birthday)



After attending a séance and then having a few cups of mushroom tea with some friends, i came home feeling in the mood for some energy play. I played with the energy between my hands; it was much stronger than usual extending maybe 5 feet from my fingertips. I played with the feelings of attraction and repulsion between my hands. I could feel a strong force playing around my hands, and then it penetrated my arms; its arms were in my arms. Then it lowered its self-face down on top of me. Its body was sinking into mine, it was a subtle one, not having much force or energy, but i felt it. We exchanged energy by emotion and thought and then it faded. I don’t count this a strong astral vampire, it’s more a subtle spirit visiting.





20th November 2009



One came a subtle one, it was a very bright purple, we had a moment of mind space where we greeted each other and it attached to my solar plexus , but then it made it clear it wanted to move up to my throat chakra. It took a bit of energy from me, its tendril or whatever it is that attaches its self to me with, was very thick, maybe as thick as my leg. I thought in my mind it was flying away. And then as i opened my eyes it actually did fly away exactly as i had seen it. I think it let me know it was about to leave.



They’re a lot more subtle lately, I’m beginning to miss the more solid emotion related attacks, and the lessons that come with them. I know why their leaving me alone at this point in time. Because I’m having another development (a big one), part of my consciousness has to die so a new view can be developed. Things like to feed off the excess mental output and despair. This means a mental breakdown and instability; there’s lots of weird stuff going on in my head at the moment. Also the strong ones want me to instigate the astral travel from my own consciousness and not to rely on them to get me out. I seem to be stuck in my dreams of late and have no control over anything. Sleep is extremely erratic at the moment, that doesn’t help.





Sat 21st Nov 2009



Something came; i could feel it moving up my arm, and then all around my head. It was definitely male in presence. It was talking to something in the wall, but i couldn’t get what it was on about, something about someone’s Mercedes. I played with it for a bit, a standard sort of visit from the subtle ones.





Sun 22nd Nov 2009



This one was a lot more receptive; it wanted to play a lot more. I had a really serene calm and it sunk right into me. I got loads of visuals. It was massive and black. It was down the end of my bed. And it was pulsating like the solid energy, we played, i kept trying to bite it, and it kept moving around me. Then it went up to my head, and i got a very solid feeling about my brain. I asked what it was up to and it said it was healing my brain, Ok, i need some brain healing. It was around for quite a while. I thought about trying to engage with it sexually, an energy exchange, but then i felt foolish. I got 2 orbs as well. One was pulsating from a dusky yellow/green to a really vivid purple and blue, I really liked getting lost in its colours and patterns. I’ve been buzzing with energy the last few nights. I’m meditating with fruit and veg, sucking the life force out of them and topping up from every available human source i can, including my own blood. I’m up all night and sleeping in the day if I can. I’m feeling comfortable in the dark again, daylights too draining. I’m turning into a vampire i can feel it; i need more energy for the awakening. This is what i want to be powerful with the night’s magical forces.

February’s Diary 2010



12th Feb 2010



One came last night, i was in a really deep stage of sleep, and i could feel it coming in all over me. It was strong! i couldn’t fight it off , and telling it to go away was useless, so i tried to wake up. I thought i had woken up but found myself in my old bedroom at Paxton road. It wouldn’t allow me to wake up until i figured out i was in an illusion, i had to force myself to open my eyes and look at my pillow in the real world. It had such a strong spell over me. Waking from such a deep sleep with such an oppressive force over me, freaked me out a bit, this also jogged my memory of it coming a week or so before in the same deep stage of sleep. It operates by subtle manipulation of dream substance and holding you in that deep place. It’s different from the one that came before.





14th Feb 2010



This was quite a cool experience. My alarm was on repeat snooze, so every five minutes it was going off, I was so tired and just couldn’t open my eyes to wake up. I was in a quite lucid stage of sleep, i kept dreaming that I’d got up and made Kai’s breakfast and put the bath on. It got to the stage that my mind was so awake and already up and at it, but my body was dead to the world. My astral body really wanted to get out; it had flipped over and started to drag its self along the carpet trying to separate from my sleeping body. I was so awake and aware, but my body just wouldn’t move, this might actually be a good way of getting out, i dream I’ve already got up allot so if i can train my brain to remember to leave the body in this state it might work.





19th Feb 2010



I wanted to get out of my body starting from full consciousness. I relaxed and spent quite a long time slowing my breathing and shutting my body down. Somewhere around this point a purple light came near me, I watched it moving and changing shape. I knew it was the spirit of a vibrant young girl and I could hear a girl’s voice off to my left, it told me to go and lie down in the bedroom. After relaxing for a minute I felt like I was on a fairground ride. I kept moving up to my right and not quite falling back down. I felt like I was perpetually rising and tiltering on the edge of sliding back round to the bottom. I could feel my arms and legs but they were in different places and then lost awareness of them, but couldn’t lose awareness of my breathing and torso





20th Feb 2010



One came; the same one that comes during deep sleep .I was asleep and dreaming and then became aware of its presence in the room. I was in a nice lucid dream state, aware that i was in my bed , i could feel it lower its-self down on me. I allowed it in fully, lulled it in to a false sense of security and then engulfed it. There was an eye shaped hole along its centre where it was joined to me, which was centred with its widest point across my solar plexus. I released my attack like some sort of wild energy that engulfed and crushed its presence, or so i thought. My astral self was released as it often is when there about, and i found myself standing on my bed waiting for any repercussions. I looked around , and the room was still , then i looked at my feet , there’s a tiny plastic crab ( one of Kai’s toys ) crawling towards my toes . I realize I’ve woken into one of its preferred states where it can manipulate my dream/astral reality;" Ooh” it’s a tricky bastard. I throw my covers up to Kai’s bunk bed and fly up to sleep with him and forget all about it.





23rd Feb 2010



I had this really weird lizard thing crawling over the end of my bed. It was like some sort of giant komodo dragon but with a small round head in its neck, and where its head should be was a tipped back flower made of scales. Then the flower tipped forward, it was a completely hollow, with skin of blue/green. Then it sprouted hundreds of scaled legs with green hooves all sliding down the previous hooves. Then its legs began to flip over each other like a break dancing starfish. Then I heard this old female voice laughing at me and the green just faded into the dark. Disturbing but beautiful, i love it when they give me visuals.





28th Feb 2010



Ok I’m writing this one from memory and it was quite a while ago that it happened so there's bit’s i can’t remember. The beds were in the front room because Kai wasn’t well. It was the early hours of the morning and one came, it came onto me, and i came into an illusion of its making. At first all i could see was black and out of it seemed to come shapes, it looked like the black of a turned off TV screen and i was struggling to make sense of the images. Then i was flying over and through a landscape of industrial piping until i came to a section that was a mirrored reflection of me, sitting. Its face grew larger and i found myself staring at a something in the guise of myself , it was an amazing mimicry of me , it was too weird staring at myself that wasn’t actually me , it freaked me out a bit . This is what i wanted, one that that could teach me the next stage, i get the principal of getting out of my body and finding people, but the subtleties of getting in their heads and manipulating others dreams would just make it all the more of an exploration of other worlds.

April’s Diary 2010



9th April 2010



This was a really good experience, but I’m am writing this from memory, two weeks after it happened, so there’s some major chunks of it missing (I’ve really got to start writing it all up properly again, been coming unstrung again, I’m all over the place lately) I can’t remember one actually coming or how i got out, but i do remember repeatedly hagging something that had come into my house. I was flying in my front room and someone was on the floor and i lowered myself down on to them. I knew exactly the feeling to give it. I gave it weight an all over heavy enveloping energy, and then i penetrated it above its hip bones , giving it a nearly orgasmic light tingling energy, and i feel its intake of breath and with its release a massive surge of energy. I drink it in and move down upon it more and closer to its face and i want to hurt it and have it all, so i send tendrils out and into its ears and try to rip its head apart. It tries to scream and its face smears and becomes a blur. I fly off to the right and I’m disgusted with myself “Why did i try and hurt it like that?“. I go back and try and do it properly again. I can’t remember the outcome of my second try, but my first try i can’t forget, especially its face smearing in agony and trying to pull away from me. I’ve been freaking myself out lately; I’m being a right animal lately and on the astral plane. There’s a lot of uncontrollable anger in me at the moment, it scares me.



I can’t remember the date in April some time.

This one was so good, one came into the room i could feel it come really close, i couldn’t wait to be out , as soon as it connected i was out . I took off with such speed. I wanted to be outside and in my impatience i missed the window and went straight into the wall above it, i tried to force myself through but it was taking too long so i half melted and half passed through the window underneath . I bolted up to cloud level in the blink of an eye and breathed in the expanse and then floated on my back riding the air currents. I could feel the elements so strongly; drinking them in and riding them playing like a wild thing through the night. Escape into the astral, nice!

June’s Diary 2010



9th June 2010



This was in the middle of the day in the pub. I was sat having a pint with a friend and my son was sat playing his DS next to me. He asked if i could do something on one of the levels, as i reached for the DS my hand went almost ethereal. Around the DS, my hand and my sons hand were having some mad exchange of energy; it may have had something to do with the electrical appliance between us. I could see red and blue sparks of light appearing and fading, they were there for quite a while, 5 minutes or so, so i had time to look at them. It was like my hand had faded from existence slightly and the sparks were coming into this existence from tiny points in space dotted all around my hand.





29th June 2010



One came, initially i tried to turn over and go to sleep, but then it came up by my left hand side. I said hello and spoke to it, and it came into me nowhere in particular, but it was a strong feeling. I let it in and then tried to engulf it, but it allowed me too and then it expanded around me and put me back to my original position. I wasn’t expecting this, it sank into me again and gave me the fear , and i must admit for a moment i was afraid. It’s been a long time since i was unable to fight one off; i wasn’t expecting it to fight back. It writhed about inside me giving me the feeling, and while it did so i tried to draw it out. I stared intensely at the dark in front of me and i could only make out its face changing from one direction to the other. It was made of smoky white energy morphing from a pleasant looking face in a hood, to almost demonic; it didn’t want me to see it. When i finally got it to look at me its eyes were manic spheres of rage and it came at me. Again i was afraid. Then i remember thinking i can get out now, but didn’t want to leave my son in the room with it, i was going to get his astral self out for a lesson, but got the distinct feeling this was my lesson, and i knew it had come for me not him so i took off and went through the wall to the outside. I flew to a neighbours that i knew and flew up level to where they were drinking , they were like " how the fuck are you doing that" (flying) i go into the flat and tell them they have to remember this , that it’s really important, and then i fly back to the hag at my bed . It’s still there. I’m properly awake now and i ask it, if can teach me. It says i should leave my body every night for a week. I say i,ll try and think about the projection. I don’t know any of my neighbours, I realise that the three girls who I’d just been to see were complete strangers. The feeling that i knew them well, and was certain i would see them to validate the experience the following day was unbelievable. I felt i knew them so well. This sort of thing has been happening loads in dream lately, showing others how to fly, right from the beginning, jumping, hovering and balancing. I’ve been teaching kids including my son and trying to get some evidence back to prove this is real, but no joy yet. Oh yeah, i can also make fire on cue, something that hadn’t really occurred to me before.







17th July



I woke from a deep sleep with the feeling of a strong presence in the room. I could hear paws down the side of my bed and thought it was my cat Mouser, but the sound of the paws was too big and heavy for him, so i listened again. Then there was a really loud bark two inches from my face which freaked me out, then the sound of one more step away and it disappeared. It took three times of trying to get out of my head before i could wake up. The dog sounded like my old boxer dog Murphy or my aunties dog Bud a big deep male bark.

Earlier that night and also in the day time i could see and feel astral creatures and spirits moving around the room.





18th July



Saw the black dog walk down the side of my bed, thought it was Mouser again but she wasn’t there. Then it came again and a shadow rose by the door into the shape of a man and the second shadow ran down the side of the bed, I think it was the dog again. I’m sure the dogs following me round.

August’s Diary 2010



8th Aug 2010



This was a good night , I was dreaming about walking down the roadside wearing my cloak, thinking how good it was that the people on the other side couldn’t see me because i blended into the darkness so well . Then i get this feeling that I’m going the wrong way, so i turn to go home. When i get back i find that I’m hosting a moot (meeting of witches and druids on a full moon ), I’m pissed off no one let me know so i could hoover the floor it’s a mess . Then I’m in my bed and the other moot lot are in there as well. Now i actually become aware of its presence outside of the dream, I feel it come into me really strongly on my left hand side abdomen; it’s got my head as well. I try to turn and get it off, i try to say to the moot lot, "your crap it’s getting me and you’re not even feeling it”. The feeling in my abdomen is really really intense, on the verge of pain as I’m trying to force it off me, my astral self’s twisting from side to side and trying to scream or make a sound, then i actually do make the most pathetic little mwheep sound in real life, and it instantly breaks its hold. I wake up fully in a split second, the air in the room is vibrating so fast, there is masses of energy about and i can still feel its presence. I think to myself you stupid idiot, why did i panic and get rid of it.



I calm down a bit, lay there, and fully open myself to it (flat on my back, arms to the side, mind in a neutral /receptive state). I can feel the subtleness of its energy as it passes over me, so delicate and refined compared to the clumsy material senses. It’s still wanting to connect with me, but i have to put my mind away in a still place, where it can’t reach my body. When the vampire gives me thought or feeling, i breathe in or twitch and break the subtle connection. I’m still a bit flustered from the abrupt waking and find it really hard to shut myself down. My son Kai keeps fidgeting so i get him up for a wee, and decide to try and fall asleep again. It works, just as I’m nearly there she comes (I think this one’s a young she). She comes up from behind and i feel the energy sink into the back of my head. It’s not a pleasant feeling as I’ve said before and i endure it , then i think “go with it”, and i tip my astral head back and flow into the feeling . I’m out !, hovering 3 feet above my bed writhing in and out of my own astral body, like an amorphous cloud of astral parts. Nice!, I’m off like a shot into the garden , but something’s very different , I think not being fully lucid or asleep from the start or being aware that this was going to happen , had somehow brought me much closer to the material plane. I’m feeling everything in so much reality, the subtle softness of matter as i pass through it; I’m heavy and more aware of astral processes that are usually second nature. As i pass through the window, become aware of the fact that I’m too big, my astral hands touch the ground outside and sink into the concrete and my rear end follows my elongated body as it flows like liquid through the window. I stand in my garden seeing it with the most beautiful reality I’ve ever seen, it’s alive. I feel like I’m in a secret place where no one can see me, a place between reality and dream, I fly up into the branches of the tree and over into next doors garden. Then the normal thing, me going feral, flying around, playing in the tops of trees etc., until it fades back into a dream again.



Again that night woke up and was aware of its presence , thought if it came into me again, or helped me out , I’d go and hag Jess in the bedroom next to me, but it didn’t .

On waking Kai told me how he was flying over the back garden and over the houses with a school friend, i was well chuffed, been trying to get him flying on his own.





9th Aug 2010



It’s here again, felt it several times tonight already, it’s watching me write this, waiting so it can get me again. I’m writing this on the 9th, so maybe it will come again tonight. Fingers crossed (or maybe not crossed, not sure if crossing fingers is an anti-vampire thing?).





11th Aug 2010



This was a good visit, it happened in the early morning; at a guess I’d say around 7 o’clock. I was awake and had been for a while; i was just waiting for my son to wake up before i actually got out of bed. I was quite lucid, drifting in and out of dream, but not being asleep and i felt it come. As i became aware of it, it came into me smoothly and openly, it was a gradual nice merging of energies. I expressed that i was happy it had come again, and allowed it to take anything it wanted from me. Then i opened up more and expressed my want of it, and it tried to communicate with me, an intense high pitched noise fluctuated in my ears , it was like it was talking in some alien language that was completely indiscernible to me. I listened for a few moments, and then on my left hand side this hole began to open up. It was like a black vortex trying to suck me in, i could feel layers of my astral self being sucked in, it scared me a bit and my astral-self rolled over and i opened my eyes with ease. I felt fear of this vortex and it’s trying to suck me in, but i can’t help feeling this might be the way they get me out, i was really close to being awake and something about the hole made me have this feeling of dread. Next time I’m going through it.



Also the same morning a short time later had a major hagging session, i was in a lucid stage of sleep and managed to bring the dream i was having close to the real world, and had some good effects worth noting, i don’t usually bother with dreams much anymore, but the ability to be aware in them and manipulate them is very important, and this was good. There were several people present and the first i jumped on was my sister Aimee, i tried to pull her out of her sleep, her astral self knew something was there and she turned her astral head inside her sleeping body. I could see the emotions move like liquid across her face, and before she became aware enough to realise what was going on i moved on to Jess. This bastard I’d hag to death, part of me still loves him, but I’ve no qualms about hurting him astraly, he’s been a willing victim for some time now. Anyway i jumped on him and gave him the most intense wakeup call i could muster. He woke realised what was happening and had a look of horror on his face, I intensified the pressure upon him, wanting to feel his fear and i fixed his gaze. Then something happened i was not expecting, his emotions moved across his face in the same way that Aimee’s did, but his face melted off and my dad’s face was there. I found him nearly awake and looking at me, i instantly fade and float up away from him so he can’t see me. I was floating above him and found myself looking into the large mirror in my front room, I decided to change my appearance to that of a more appealing nature, and as i drew closer to the mirror i couldn’t focus my features . There were hundreds of faces washing over mine, my gaze was intently mine, but eye shape, colour, sex, hair, clothing etc. was fluctuating , it freaks me out a bit that i can’t make it stop, so i think fuck it and fly to the third person . My mum who has been dead for 6 years. I land upon her and think this could be scary and i turn her sleeping face toward me. As i try to wake her, by giving her the feeling, she disappears and there’s a sleeping baby in her place. This was quite weird as i was still sat upon her translucent body, but could see the baby inside it. I took this to mean that my mum’s been reincarnated and is now a baby again.



I liked this fusion of dream walking and hagging, pull people in through dream creating that subtle mind link, then using that link to breakthrough to their sleeping self’s. Explore this technique further! There might be more dreams being written in here soon if i make any progress.





15th Aug 2010



This happened in a really deep stage of sleep; i was dreaming and then found myself aware of being in my body. I felt a wave of energy go through me and felt my astral-self shrink away from my real body. I put my arms out in front of me and could feel them sliding out “yeah that’s how it’s done “i thought. I flew around the room, much of its difficult to remember, but i do remember touching things in the physical plane. I was trying to touch the carpet and feel it physically and also later i tried to open the door handle using the same method. My astral fingers would go straight through whatever i was trying to touch, but if i concentrated enough i could manifest my actual hand in part to do the feeling and grabbing movements. Feeling is difficult almost like I’m trying to feel from two inches from the actual finger tips, it’s difficult to explain, maybe it’s more like i must manifest the sensation of touch to such a real degree to have an actual effect. I did get the door open using the handle, why i didn’t just go through it i don’t know. Maybe the lesson was in the process of understanding and not the quick result.





17th Aug 2010



This was a night of almost constant presence in my room. I went to bed after watching Paranormal Activity, and i was a bit freaked out, but my fear only made me more sensitive to the things around me. I could feel it come right down and into my head on the right hand side. I just asked it not to fuck with me tonight. I had to open my bed room door to let in some light, i reasoned that, i was lucky the things that visit me are much more chilled than in the film and soon i was asleep. I felt it come twice in a lucid stage of sleep; i was freaked but not enough to wake up. I remember thinking "shit it’s here", and then" Oh well ", "just let it come in and do its thing”. It was quite tame and didn’t try to mess with my head or communicate with me. I felt it again later, it was fully attached to my left hand abdomen again, giving me that uncomfortable feeling, feeding deeply i think. I remember squirming about in my body, but not trying to fight it off. It was around lots during the night and even in the early morning. I'm not surprised it came, my fear of it being there gave it more ability to manifest , and i was pumping out energy, the air was on fire around me when i first went to bed.





21st Aug 2010 (around 9am)



I was in a lucid stage of sleep and felt it come down onto me it gave me the feeling and i told it how i was terrified of them and in love with them at the same time. I have been reading up on demonology and related things, allot of people seem to class these type of attacks as being the work of demons. Some of their accounts were more extreme than I’ve experienced, but being quite aware of what their capable of i had to calm myself and know that it wasn’t going to hurt me. I remember lying in my body and expressing my complex emotions regarding the subject to it, i don’t remember getting a response back. Then twice i remember going mental, i was feeling its weight against me and trying to fight it off by kicking and punching at it, writhing around and being a psyco. It satisfied me, something about the release of my wrath upon it gave me a feeling satisfaction. The second time i remember thinking it’s gone, then i could only feel it when i moved against it, the more i revelled in my emotions, the more i distorted , i could feel myself changing, my face started to get wide pointed cheekbones and horns. At this point i stand up out of my body, not the usual flying off , i just stand , i feel really heavy (close to the material world ). I decide to try and fly but i barely glide two inches from the floor, and it’s a real struggle for me to get the height to land on the end of the bed. Then i see the mirror and jump down to have a look, I’m the same no horns or distortions apart from the fact that my eyes are shining with the most amazing clarity. They are bright greeny yellow instead of the greeny brown they usually are.

It never tried to get me back, it was just inside me and let me fight against it, i got no emotion or communication back from it.

Later about 12 midday i just laid down on my bed and could hear something behind me whine a deep weird noise, then the hairs on my left arm stood up, but i could feel no presence.

Again about 4 am, after the moot had finished. i was quite drunk and laid in bed and i could feel a subtle presence above me . A full body shape in shadow, not strong but definitely making contact warm and gentle, a subtle one.





28th Aug 2010



This was dream but i just want to note it down so i don’t forget it. It was very cool. I had almost unlimited ability and was with a Russian man who was giving me a run for my money. he was better at running (creating the illusion of speed) jumping , flying , physical things, but the way he used them in combination with morphing phasing etc. was too cool, inspiring. I really had to raise my game to keep up. He was emotionally sad and needed some comfort. Then he showed me how the Russian government were breaking people to get there powers out. He showed me how men were being knocked out , had breathing masks put on them , and then had their heads submerged until they gained consciousness of what was happening to them ,then they were chucked in the tanks of water, until they could leave their bodies . They were all very sad but had kick arse abilities, they obviously spent allot of time on the astral. I don’t often get to meet people that can wipe the floor with me in the astral it’s nice to know there are others out there taking the next evolutionary step.



Later the same night had my second experience of transfiguration. I was running on all fours but just couldn't lose awareness of my arms/hands. As I’m running as a wolf (animal form), i keep seeing my hands as i bound along and I’m frustrated by the slowness. I think of my wolf nose and look through my eyes. I see three other wolfs ahead, and i run for them. Now i go wild, i can feel a surge of energy and i can hear my paws as they thunder along and i can feel the power in my hind legs and my claws as they dig in the ground. I’m still aware that i can go faster by creating the illusion of speed, by making the country lane I'm running down pass me faster. I'm literally flying along, I'm not aware of any body any more. Then I’m with the others, I’m a big black wolf. That's only the second time I’ve gone full wolf.





31st Aug 2010



This was a proper projection; i went from waking consciousness into a relaxed state where i slowed my breathing right down. I tried a technique, where you simply lay in bed chill out, feel and listen to things outside yourself, and then turn your concentration inward to your breathing. Soon i lost all awareness of breathing and could feel myself floating about , my legs rising up to a 45 degree angle , my breathing increased at this point, and i had to momentarily bring my attention back to slowing my breathing again. Then it was cool, my feet went right to the ceiling i was upside down my hair was hanging down, then gravity dropped or rose depending on your angle. I felt it drop like the room was full of it, like water, it just washed over me as it dropped. It was a brilliant sensation. I remember being brought back to my body upon the realisation that this was exactly the sensation i was trying to achieve through one of Selective’s meditations . A few months ago i was doing this exact meditation, where you sit in a comfortable chair and then visualise and feel / know that you’re sat in the same position but on the ceiling. By doing this you can trick your brain in to thinking the you on the ceiling is the real you and so gravity flips to suit the one that's most real. I got some really interesting results doing this; mostly I’d slide around all over the place and struggle to keep myself upside down for long. But this projection was perfectly what i was trying to do back then, now i know what he was trying to get me to experience, it works!

September’s Diary 2010



1st Sep 2010



Something walked down the side of my bed last night. It was walking at a very brisk pace, it was quite loud, enough to wake me from a deep sleep. I was too tired to be concerned about it.





3rd Sep 2010



I really feel like I’m learning to consciously detach myself from my body. I started to chill out slow my breathing down and stuff, as i felt out into the room i could feel something there. The air was really still, but i just concentrated on my breathing. Then i felt the feeling i get when their about down my left hand side, i knew one was there watching me but it made no attempt to hag me or help me out. I didn't manage to get out totally, but got sensations of not being able to feel my extremities, or feeling them detached from my body. Also feelings of being stretched out, the room expanding or contracting around me, and sliding, spinning or being upside down. These feelings in themselves are fun to experience, but i feel to consciously be aware of how my astral self is detaching is the key, imagine being able to slip out at any time. I think the mind has to travel with these experiences and ride them, and not be so conscious of trying to remember them and learn their patterns. I’m quite used to these sorts of things they happen all the time but are not really worth nothing. I'm going to try and astraly project every night.





10th Sep 2010



Different! This was something quite different from the usual. First i was aware of one coming into me; i was in a really deep sleep and woke to lucid stage. It was giving me waves of the uncomfortable feeling, but at the same time it was giving me really messed up distorted visuals. It was quite amazing, there was freaky faces merging and distorting into each other (I get this a lot), brilliant colours and weird demonic creatures. The intensity and vibrancy of the experience along with the sensation of being rolled, stretched and pulled was really disorientating but brilliant. Every time it faded i pissed it off and annoyed it by insulting it so it would try to mess me up more. I was in that place for quite some time, and then i tried to roll over to Kai. I had this feeling that i wanted to hold him and come away from this place. The feelings it was giving me where quite overwhelming by this stage. I rolled over to Kai i wanted it to end and just to hold him and wake up, but we didn’t wake up into real life, we woke up to astral / dream state where it still had a hold on me. I sat up in bed and could feel them around me; the room was really dark due to the presence. Then it moves out into the hall way and down stairs, i follow it down and my mother is in the lower room wearing a white dress (weird). Then this sound starts to come from everywhere, it starts to distort into different tones like something’s trying to break through. The it comes, the voices of hundreds of people/creatures screaming out , but its backwards and really weird ( I’ve heard this before a few times ).Then it fades out again into that familiar base tone . Things start to get weird again as we look at each other, i notice our thoughts and feelings and movements are being expressed in the tone. My mum looks intently at the floor and the tone reacts to the intensity of her gaze, then she turns her head in a slow creepy way and the sound distorts (cool!). I begin to make large sweeping actions and experiment with the sounds i can make, then we begin to synchronise what we’re doing until we've begun to bring rhythms into being and music is being made by our expression in dance. Then my mum begins to dance backwards in a really fucked up disjointed way , like her joints are all dislocated and she can bend them any way she pleases , she is really wide eyed and staring directly at me in a really creepy , manic fashion ( she did that when she was alive too ) . This was not my mother but something in the guise of my mother again i think. I go back upstairs and Kai's in the bedroom , he comes out to meet me and says " There in there mum " he looks older maybe 12 , I ask " do they not frighten you " he says " no ". They are in the shadows again but we pull them out and their just dead people 2 men a women and maybe some more. At this point we move further into dream , the house begins to distort and change , and beings manifest in every room , it basically drifts off into a ghost hunt for me and Kai , we end up phasing through graves and crypts looking for more ghost people .





13th Sep 2010



This was a standard visit, i felt it come into the room, and its presence was like someone had switched on a TV or something. I was lying on my right hand side, and it came down into my left and i got the feeling. I wasn't really bothered by its presence at all so i just went back to sleep. Oh yeah, i haven’t been trying to project, can't breathe properly so I'm finding it hard to relax.





15th Sep 2010



Ok, this was well messed up , it took on the form of me dreaming and then becoming aware of dream-walking , and then sort of moving forward or backward through different layers of dream dimensions . This is going to be so hard to put into words. I won’t go through the whole dream , suffice to say I'm with Kai and a good friend Scott that had visited earlier that day (in real life) we find a collection of objects , that are mostly carved wooden objects and a small statue of a medieval knight . I think Kai would like the knight and as I'm looking more objects seem to appear. I'm very aware that as our attention is aimed at one object a better one seems to appear, then i realise that we're not it the scene that we stared in and we’ve moved to someone’s house. We're in a front room; i know it belongs to the person whose object i just picked up and that by feeling it I've been pulled into its usual setting. I stand up and look at Scott and tell him we've just dream walked into this house and the people are asleep if he wants to affect them in any way. Then my awareness grows and i can feel the vision of the dream fade, but i still retain the ability to hold myself in that deep place where dreams are formed. I'm still in a good fluidity of mind. My consciousness comes into myself I'm sitting in a crossed legged position. Then ( this is going to be really hard to explain ) I sort of focus and an light patch seems to form in front of me and i know i can move through it into any dream scape i like , to others or ones of my own making . I’m in a place in my consciousness that's in between / pre thought form. I can see dreams wash past me to my right, a jumble of colours and emotions. Then there's something black riding it , It knows I'm there and it flies up , i remember thinking shit that's the( not Dargaarin thing ) bad-ass black thing , then it flips over and folds into the dreams and disappears . At this point i realise i can go anywhere and do anything, i wonder if i can make it to the gates of the underworld, to get to the other side? I move through black and I’m a bit scared and there's this deep woman's voice ancient and full of wisdom speaking in my right ear , but i can't discern what its saying and some sort of symbol that's glowing light blue/purple . Then i feel myself going into some sort of trance state my consciousness floats above my astral body and the space left behind can be used to allow other spirits to occupy me.

Then i feel myself being pulled backwards through a hole. I’m being held at the hall way in my old house and I’m wild. I'm big and demon like , i smash through the front door and think "where’s the nearest human that i can feed from " next door , their be asleep i fly through the front door and go to phase through the ceiling , but again catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror ( that's 3 times WTF , i need to have a good look at myself in more ways than one ) I'm big and red but as i get closer it’s me but screwed up and ugly , my right eye is small and red/orange . I don't stop for a second, i rip through the ceiling and there's a women sleeping with her baby next to her. I fly over her and go to lower myself down, but to hag she with all my power would not be enough, all the fear she could scream out would not sate me. So i pick up her baby and float it in the middle of the room and then give her the fear she wakes up and feels for her baby it's not there. At this point guilt wakes me. WTF , in this last bit i was a fucking wild demon so much power and such an insatiable appetite to hunt , i don't know where this came from . It was like i was a caged animal released to hunt. This word springs to mind EVIL; wickedness; harmful; morally bad; very unpleasant; wicked person. When i woke i thought on this for a long time and tried to get back into the dream to put things right. What i took from this attack was how not to behave. Some more work on etiquette and moral self-control i think!





28th Sep



This was a weak attempt at projection, i went from waking consciousness into a lucid state where i forced myself forward and floated above the floor, but i was in my dad’s house in France. I was trying to find him, but flying round his house was messed up. It was like i wasn’t there and couldn’t control where i was going. It seemed to me that i was behind a layer that i couldn’t penetrate, like glass. I could see through it, but couldn’t feel and interact with my surroundings, more like i was simply viewing it than actually being there.

October’s Diary 2010



Oct 3rd 2010



Something’s in my room, it’s been there for ages but never really wants to connect. It always plays with the dark, condensing it and such, opens and shuts my door (which really pisses me off ) and makes funny little noises, bangs, groans, rustling and mumbling. Also it strokes and touches me. It came last night i was nearly asleep, it was very dark black and he came up on my left hand side, its touch was warmer and denser than the normal air.





Oct 9th 2010



One came while i was having a nap in the day, my rooms really dark so you can’t really tell if its day or night outside. Anyway i was drifting in and out of sleep and i felt it come into me from under the bed/ strait through the bed. I was lying on my right hand side and it was giving me the feeling, over and over again, it was quite weak but still uncomfortable. Lasted for quite a while then i fell back to sleep.





Oct 12th 2010



Ok, it shut my door again, and the room went completely pitch black, then i could see it trying to manifest to my right, it was drawing the darkness in around it. It’s there every night but i try to ignore them lately , I've been ill, i can’t breathe and i feel weak , i ask them not to come . The fact that it just shut my door and was intent on making contact freaked me out. I allowed it to come a bit, it came up my leg strongly i just couldn't get one intake of breath, i had to sit up. I hate this weakness. It’s out there sitting in the dark corners of my room waiting for me , it's provoking me , and i can’t calm my body enough to let my spirit interact with it . Fear as well! When it shuts my door and makes the noises, it obviously had some power in this realm and it hides in the darkest places and it wants me in those dark places and that scares me. I’m such a pussy. I need to get well, sit in my room turn all the lights off, look into the darkness, call it out, and lose my fear of it.





20th Oct 2010



This one happened when i was on holiday in Spain. The house we were staying in was relatively new and i felt absolutely nothing there so it came as a bit of a surprise. I woke from a deep sleep and was aware of something right in front of me. I could see it as clear as day. He was an old man with deeply ingrained lines all over his face. He was bald and had slightly pointed ears and a blue jacket. He seemed happy, there was something very familiar about him, a deep knowing of his nature, I seemed to think he was my gnome spirit guide or something, but he just laughed at that. Then he disappeared into a myriad of colours and patterns. I got the distinct impression that it was just messing with me.





27th 0ct 2010



One came; i could feel it in the room. I think that it's the one that's always in my room of late. Anyway i remember it coming but there seems to be a time lapse before i actually get out of my body. I float at the foot of the bed, i feel quite heavy, but i open my astral self to it and allow it into me it gives me a boost of energy and I’m able to manoeuvre more easily. I remember at this point the feeling of a dark hooded figure. I don’t remember going through the wall, but i end up in the garden. I decide to fly over into next doors; i go through their back door and fly about their house. I'm not familiar with their house , but i was certain it didn't look as it did in real life, this pisses me off i don’t want to be skirting the borders of dream so i decide to return to my body . When i get back however there something in the room (the one that's always about) I get pissed off and decide I'm going after it. I fly along the floor to the boiler cupboard, and feel around in the darkness in side, and then i have a look just to be sure it's not there. I'm hunting for the thing in the darkest shadows i can find, i fly under the bed. I have no fear of it or the darkness. Then i find it, it’s in the darkness right in front of me. At first it’s quite faint and its face more skull like, then its features become more defined and dog like. Its teeth protruding from its lower jaw, it got thin features and it's snappy and aggressive like the temperament of a jack Russell. I watch it distorting and biting and trying to threaten me, i laugh at it, excellent; it gets more and more aggressive and begins to shrink in size, now it's lying on its side. Then i remember getting rid of it like i did when i was a teenager (with love). I just gave it love, opened myself and repeated love, love, love at it whilst i flooded it with love until had gone.





29th Oct 2010



I had a good dream where one came but it was very clearly in dream. It levitated me i just wanted to note the effects so maybe i can duplicate them in the future. It grabbed me from behind with an invisible arm / appendage and then it was almost like i was floating in a bubble of condensed pressure, but still retaining all the qualities of the outside air, I'd say the pressure was condensed gravity / psychic energy or something. It was holding me there with relative ease. Then twice it condensed the energy in the room so it was almost impossible to move, very much like when you jump on someone and give them the weight that causes paralysis but on a much larger scale. I was trying to get to the stereo to turn the music off and it took such a massive amount of energy to break its hold and move forward. I could hear it rushing in my ears as i forced my way forward, the energy i was burning off moving and the energy it was using to stop me was immense. Cool! , I did enjoy the effects.

November’s Diary 2010



21st Nov 2010



One came for the first time in ages. Last night was the first night in about 8 weeks that I’ve been able to breathe laying down. I didn’t even remember it until the morning either; i must have been in a deep sleep. Anyway it came and gave me the fear and i could feel it coming into me all over, but i was only aware of my head. It was trying to pull me into sleep again ( to shut my consciousness of it down ) but i kept it out of my head by reciting the lord’s prayer ( that's sad i know , i used to do it when i was a child ), but it worked . It was like a white film of mist trying to engulf my head, and by keeping my mind engaged on something else i seemed to be able to keep myself separate from it. It gave up trying to get into my head and was content just feeding from my body. I let it do its thing and then it went, and i didn’t even remember it until the morning, when another thought triggered my memory of it.





22nd Nov



My sister Aimee came round about 3am coz she'd split up with her boyfriend and needed somewhere to sleep for the night. Anyway she said that she'd been hagged again, when she was lying on her side and in bed with one of her friends. She thought it was her friend at first putting his arm over her, but then she knew it was one of them, but she didn't freak out, she said it was quite a nice cuddle. Apparently she phoned to see if it was me visiting her, but i didn’t get her call. But by far the most interesting thing she told me was that she'd been to a psychic over in Swanmore who apparently got lots of things spot on. She told Aimee that she was very spiritual and that she had a kind of deja-vu type of precognition power, and then proceeded to tell Aimee that her sister (me) was surrounded with some very dark and negative forces. Also that this one particular negative entity had been attached to me for at least the last 15 years (which is spot on, the weird stuff started happening again when i was 15 , I'm 30 now ) She also said that i need to get rid of it now ! Otherwise it's going to make me insane (bit bloody late for the advice now), and suggested i do this by rubbing and cleansing my house with Sage. Shit! not sure what to make of that, i know there's lots of dark things that follow me round , there always has been , but getting rid of them for the sake of sanity , not sure there's a great deal of sanity left to be salvaged they’ve been in and out of my head for years. And the fact that she’s singled one particular entity out as the major perpetrator strikes a major cord. I'm not going to go into full details because then you will think i'm mad as cheese , but I’d be really interested to see what this psychic makes of all the weird stuff that surrounds me . I've never seen a psychic before, the thought of someone that can see into my soul and can know my secrets scares the crap out of me, it’s hard enough keeping normal mortal out my head.







23rd Nov



My sister Aimee phoned about half an hour ago and said she left in the night. I assumed she'd got up before 7am coz she had to work or something , but she got up to use the toilet in the night had another freaky experience and left . She said she could hear weird noises coming from my room like a weird loud churning noise and she thought that i was grunting, growling or something. So she came to my bedroom door to see if i was ok and the noise got louder like someone chanting and shouting in a weird foreign language. Then she tried to open my bedroom door, but something kept pushing it shut. She said she tried to open it about 8 times, and whatever was holding it shut was screaming at her. So she ran out of the house and got her ex to pick her up. He wanted to come back and see if i was ok, but Aimee said i was used to it. I never knew anything about this until Aimee told me which is unusual because I'm not a heavy sleeper , and she said the noise was really loud , she couldn’t understand why it has woken me and Kai up . I have my theory that he was either holding us in deep sleep, or he was concentrating on effecting Aimee's psyche only. Anyway Aimee’s totally pooing her pants, i think she upset him. She told me some more about what the psychic said after she had a chance to listen to the tape again. The psychic asked if i had weird stuff when i was really little, from the age of about 2, Aimee said yeah, and the psychic said that it came from the wardrobe. Aimee didn’t know what she was on about but relayed the message to me. As soon as she told me all the hairs on my arms stood up, it's bringing back lots of memories from Mayfield road where i lived until i was about 6. I used to get so freaked out in that house , and parents would say there's no such thing as monsters , there's nothing under the bed or in the wardrobe , there bloody well is , and it's still there at 30 , It's lucky that I'm well on my way to becoming a monster with it . It still scares me a bit though!



It got me! , i knew it would come. I was in a deep sleep and woke when i felt it presence in the room. I laid there and thought “ok where’s it going to come into me " Then it came straight up from under the bed and into my side, that weird uncomfortable feeling. So i just let it in to do its thing, but was aware of it trying to get into me. My arms where numb and i couldn’t move them , and then one of my hands touched my face ( but it wasn’t me controlling my arms) , and my face began to melt off where my hand had touched it . I remember asking it to take me to where it was, i was experiencing things from my side, and i wanted to know where it was and what it was experiencing from its point of view. Then things go a bit weird, I'm in some kind of tube / cave with holes in and i can see a steep rock face outside through lots of tiny holes in the tube/cave, but the rocks blue. That's not really the outcome i was hoping for, obviously I'm drifting into dream so i just let myself fall asleep .





26th Nov



It came again last night; i was in a lucid dream state before actual sleep. I felt its presence come strongly into the room, then it came over the end of the bed, I could feel it pull the covers as it came onto the end of the bed. Then it walked up me to my chest, i could feel its feet on me, and its face was right in front of me. It wanted me to look at it, but my eyes were shut and i wouldn't open them. I expressed that i wasn’t ready to look at it in the eyes, when it was manifest to this degree. To be honest i did feel fear, but i expressed only love and reason that i wasn't ready yet. It lifted off me, but i knew it was still there; i opened my eyes but couldn't see. Then i felt it next to me, i put my hand out and felt nothing there, so i reached a bit further and there it was. I could feel it as a dense pressure and see it as vibrating energy, almost like the static on the TV. Then i move my arms through it, but things get sketchy and i can't remember much after that.



I need to look at it , it's what I’ve wanted for ages , to see them in their manifest form , but when it came down to it i didn't have the balls. I'm not sure I'm ready , to know they’re there in spirit, to see them as shadows and ghosts and have glimpses of their astral forms is one thing , but if i unlock the door of being able to see them manifest , what if there hideous ugly demons and i express fear in their appearance , that might have a negative effect . I need to be resolute in my decision to accept then in all their forms and wherever they might appear.

December’s Diary 2010



7th Dec



I noticed something that’s been happening for years, but i actually didn't think much of it until now. It's a certain kind of nightmare characterized by a feeling of dread and terror, and typically the feeling that you’re being held there in a dream you can't win in or escape from. This type of feeling is very similar if not the same as the terror that accompanies the hag attacks. I became aware of being in this particular kind of dream, and as i did so, it condensed around me and everything became monotone. I was aware of the set of objects that were in front of me, and the fact that any of them had the potential to change/transfigure into anything else. My awareness of its illusion had broken its spell. I can't believe it's taken me this long to twig that this type of dream is probably the work of vampires. Dreams would be the perfect place to affect fear and be undetected by the victim. It's only when they try to get you before and after dream sleep that their easily detected.





8th Dec 2010



I had this really strange sensation today. I just wanted to note it down in case it had future relevance. I began to feel really disorientated and stepped out into the front yard to get some air, but the feeling only increased. My self had split into three parts, and each part was experiencing a slightly different time. There was a me that was in the future (only by a second or two), a me in the present and a me in the past (again only by a second or two). But experiencing all of them at the same time was really disorientating. If i moved forward with focus of where i wanted t go, my consciousness moved into the future me, as long as i kept moving the feeling of disorientation was slightly reduced, but I’d still have flashes of the other times. If i stopped to consider and experience “what the fuck is happening" then I’d move into the present and the feeling would become overwhelming, the past the present and future me's all trying to be experienced at once. But if i moved into the past to look back at what had just happened i could hold some stability. The whole experience was very disorientating big chunks of experience missing between moments and the same moment from different angles all at the same time. I’m glad it didn’t last long. One time i was stuck in the future for 20 minutes, i wasn’t sure i was ever coming out of it. That’s always a worry in these states, “when will it stop?”





9th Dec 2010



This was great, 3 time's it came! The first was excellent. I was lying on my side and I felt it come into me just above my hip bones, that same old, hollow almost orgasmic feeling. I let it in and concentrated on the feeling, and then I felt it touch my face and hair. It was right by me to my right and it tried to speak to me. At first a very high pitched tone came through (not to loud). Then it tried to speak, very similar to last time it tried to communicate with me. I really don't know how to describe it ' other than alien, it doesn't resemble any language of humans, and seems to have a multitude of resonances that happen simultaneously. It was speaking quietly at first and then it became louder and more intense and it freaked me a bit, it stopped at that moment, it knew I was freaked , I said sorry, and asked it to carry on, I listened and it spoke again. I was happy that it wasn't offended at my being freaked out.

I found this that has some relevance here

"…any unwanted sound, soft or loud, sweet or nasty, creates a multidimensional envelope that does more than intrude - it takes over not only your acoustic space, but your mind space as well. Acoustic intrusions reduce your freedom of thought. There is no escaping sound. It meets your body and forcibly enters your mind, not just through your ears but also via your bones, your flesh, and your body cavities."

Then just after i thought "hang on, I can get out now”. So I took off into the room with ease. I flew to the end of the room, as i flew past my dresser i noticed something astral, it was small and shaped like a ball with lots of moving tendrils coming out of it, i paid little attention to it as i flew past. As i stopped at the window my hair was flying about me in slow motion , I was in total comfort , the air around me was like a soft pillow and i revelled in my ease and comfort of moving through it. I was initially thinking of going into the garden, but I've done that loads of times, so I decided to go up through the ceiling into Marks spare bedroom. I've never been in there, but knew the layout of the walls, so decided to give it a go. But as I willed myself upwards , I travelled back towards my body , it's almost like my direction was transferred with seamless ease by someone pulling me back . I went back to my body, and then remembered the astral thing, and so took off again. At first I couldn't find it, only a small speck was discernible, so I flew past it a few times until it was completely visible to me. Then I touched it, it wrapped it's-self round my left hand, it felt like a dense liquid energy, I shook it off, and flew back to my body. End of round one.

A few minutes later it came back. It came into me the same place as before (on either side just above my hip bones) and gave the same almost orgasmic feeling. This time I rode the feelings it gave me and gave it ecstatic delight in return for the feelings it was giving me. Then it did something it's never done before , ( not sure how much of this I actually want to divulge) but it knew ( or could read me) and knew exactly how to send me into fits of orgasmic pleasure , it knew all about my dirty little fetishes and executed them most exquisitely. I could do nothing but yield to it. Perfect! A definite 10/10 for the demon in the dark.

Then a short time later it came again, in at the same point (above the hips) this time it stayed there, I took this to mean that it was in need of my energies now. I opened myself and allowed it to take anything it wanted from me. It just stayed there for quite a while. I remember talking to it lots at this point, thanking it etc., and then it just went again.





11th Dec 2010



Wow, he came again more than once, but only fed the one time. He's about a lot throughout the night. I felt him make himself known, it was like a deep pressure in the room but then he disappeared, he did this a few times strongly. One of those time's he came, and i could feel the bed covers move, i wondered if it was Kai who was sleeping next to me, but he didn't move a mussel, then it ran up me and about an inch from my face snapped as if it was going to bite me, but it was just a warning, this freaked me out, and then he disappeared again. Then he came and got me, that same old hollow feeling just above the hips. I let him in strait away and lost fear and gave love , but the more love and contentment i gave the more he faded , so i concentrated on the feeling he was giving me and tried to make it as intense as i could . I purposefully pushed against it moving and squirming around, then i got violent with it, just for fun, it went again. He came lots of time's throughout the night , I was in a really lucid state of dream all night , I was awake and alert to everything around me , but was able to watch and interact with dreams at such a clear level . I could feel his presence in the room, whilst keeping a dream rolling, one eye on the demon one eye on the dream. I could also with my eyes totally shut and my inner eye open see the entire room. Once he came so quickly and strongly that he pulled me right out of dream, and i couldn't find the mind-set to get back into it, Bloody hell! It was a good dream too. Also I've just remembered that he did this weird thing he's never done before. He makes noises all-round the room, all sorts of noises, like taps and rustles, rushing noises , clanks , little running footsteps , low humming noises, mumbling, voices and high pitched tones . This time he made a noise like he'd flicked a piece of metal , sounded like a 'crack' , I thought nothing of it , he always does it , but then it happened again , the exact same noise but inside my head , like he'd flicked me in the forehead and the sound was bouncing of the inside of my head . I could see it ripple out in white and black, i wasn't expecting that! I was fully awake at this point. Another thing he did in the night , was to wake me from dream by making a loud door banging sound in my head , but i knew it wasn't real , only an astral sound .





18th Dec 2010



Again another eventful night. I was totally shattered, I've been on the piss for two days and had to host the moot and sort the house out despite having the mother of all hangovers, so as soon as my head hit the pillow I was out cold. He was in my dream and i was aware of him and the nature of the dream, but i was so tired and heavy i couldn’t wake from it , it was like not only had my body shut down , but my mind wouldn’t stay in control of the dream , i couldn’t help reverting to auto pilot and being his play thing . Anyway in the dream he’s kicking my arse in various forms and i can’t stay ahead of him, if he’s a rabid dog, i fly off the roof, he turns into a crow and pecks me, i just can’t keep one step ahead . Later on in the night I’m a lot more lucid and he’s in my room and he’s trying to possess Kai and i pull him out and i try to get rid of him by condensing his essence , he keeps trying to bite me . He really terrorised me all night, in dream and out of it. I really did consider smudging him out the house. I have no idea why he’s been so frisky lately, it might have been because the house was full of Witches and Druids all night at the moot and there was a lot of ambient energy. Also that bloody psychic witch my sister went to has been trying to kill the negative entity in my life (which is him ) I’m going to give her a chance to back off , I’ve also put mirrors and tin foil up to reflect any spells she tries to cast back at her . Stupid woman! She’s got no chance of separating me from him if the bond is wanted on both sides. Oh yeah, just remembered something else he did, he came hurtling up the side of the bed and he was like a gigantic bear, i didn’t even turn over i was too tired. Maybe it’s his way of playing; he’s got a lot more confident; he's in my room 90% of the time now. I’m going to build the wardrobe for him to live in like he used to have and I’m going to give him a blood offering on the 21st (longest night of the year). That should please him.





20th Dec 2010



He scared me on the 19th like I haven't been since i was little, hiding under the covers, deliberately ignoring all the things he does to get my attention. I begged it not to get me, it was a long night. On the 20th he came and made a really cool sound on the pipes in the boiler cupboard like he was actually playing music from them. Later he came up behind me , he walked slowly up the bed in-between me and Kai , I had my back to him, and i got the feeling i usually get above my hips in my back , but it was somewhat reduced like i was catching the edge of it. I was paranoid that it was getting Kai, but Kai made no movement or signs of distress, so I did nothing. I was worried about it trying to get Kai all night, it made me remember when it used to get me when i was his age (6), it very much like that now, it being constantly in the room and quite animal like, sometimes friendly sometimes like a wild animal. I also remembered it coming into the room when i was just drifting off, it changes the tone of lucidity as you fall on waves into unconsciousness, this is when it enters my thoughts and becomes aware of every emotion and thought that i generate, at this point i let my brain regurgitate all kinds of neutral stuff, and try not to insult or anger it, or drift to deeply in any one direction that could descend into dream. But at this stage of lucidity it's difficult to keep control for very long.





21st Dec 2010 (Fed Him)



Gave him some blood! , and had a really quiet night, he came into the room twice, i was open and unafraid, but he made no attempt to connect with me. It was a really quiet night considering i was awake for most of it due to the full moon making me looney.





22nd Dec 2010



He came again twice, and was around for a bit in the morning too. Kai heard him making cracking sound and asked what was making that noise; i didn't tell him it was my demon. I had some awesome dreams last night going to skip some and go straight to the fox one. I could see a fox on going over this hill, but it was way out of proportion, it was huge, then it came closer and it really was massive, as tall as a human when it was on all fours (when i was sat on the front step having a fag earlier and recalling this bit of the dream a fox walked by. I think this is a sign the cunning fox is my animal spirit guide as is the wolf. It was hopping about in the bushes. Then came wolfs, i knew there was 12 of them because i was looking at these most beautiful illustrations of them. One was coming and people were running from it, but one rambler kept her head down and ignored everyone, and got her head bitten off by a 10ft wolf standing upright. The wolves in this dream were so cool, their hair hung like garments giving them a most beautiful appearance. Their faces were of wolves, but with very human expressions and individuality, they were like gypsies or pirates or some fairy-tail band of ruffians biting off the heads of anyone in their path. I had to cross this small river to get away from them, but i knew one was hiding under the bridge, i went down anyway, it jumped out and i fell back, i thought," i have no weapon ", then i thought "hang on this is my dream”, so i whipped out a sword and stabbed it in the neck a few times, it wouldn't go down, but i knew it was defeated. It was a grey wolf, old, with its hair short and smooth on its face and head and long grey locks hanging down past its shoulders, it had the darkest blue eyes that were fixated on me. Then I’m climbing this hill in a forest, with the most amazing views. Then when i reach the top there's a small pond and out of it flows a rushing river. I stoop to get a drink from it, and there's a pond skater (insect) and it tells me of 4 deaths of no consequence experienced by one young pond skater and then one death of great woe experienced by another young pond skater. Not sure what this means, but it seemed to have a deep and profound meaning at the time. I'm going to start doing a dream diary again. Might pick up on the Russians again.





24th Dec 2010



I didn't go to bed until about 2am and had a really busy day as-well as baby sitting my little niece. I was really tired but couldn't fall asleep, the noise of the boiler was annoying me, but i couldn't turn it off because the kids would get cold sleeping in the front room .As i laid there the churning noise of the boiler began to distort into a music and voices talked far away, this happens a lot with the Hoover, engines and the fridge, droning noises, they seem to be able to sculpt these noises into voice patterns more easily. Then i could hear a young girl’s voice so vividly and right in my ear that was on the pillow. It pissed me off because all i wanted to do was get a few hours’ sleep. I ended up turning off the boiler, putting an extra blanket on the kids and totally refusing to listen to the voices. I don’t mind this sort of vivid voice talking, but it can get annoying. He was in the room at the start of the night too.





27th Dec (fed him)



Fed him. He's been really quiet, i noticed him in the room as usual, but he’s not tried to do anything. He did do the young girls voice thing a few times, it woke me up, he only said one word repeatedly, but i couldn't figure out what it was .