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January’s Diary 2012





Tues 3rd Jan 2012



I stopped taking the pills just before Christmas, so maybe I'd get what i wanted (my demon back) I've had the worst few weeks. I can't describe where my heads been at, pure chaos and despair, my body feels like I’ve been coming of heroin or something and sleep has been nearly impossible . But the last few nights I’ve been able to fall asleep not for long, but a natural dream filled sleep. I felt I’ve got over the cold turkey symptoms and my skills are coming back. My ability to watch thoughts forming and dreams is becoming clearer, but I'm far from my natural state of interaction.

I've had two dreams that are distinctly his doing. One at Lizzy's where he took over my body which was extremely disturbing and another excellent one this morning. I can't remember much of it, but it involved the outward image being very different from the inner one. This handsome man (my demon) showed me the appearance of the biggest blackest horned demon ever, but his outward image seemed very quiet and humble. This had so much impact on me having been cut off from my soul and inner realms by the pills. My soul is in tatters and i want it back. I'm going head first into the deep recesses of my mind, and I’m going to let it all out. I consulted my stones; they said i should ditch reality and turn inward again.







7th Jan 2012



I became aware of a massive amount of energy in the room, vibrating and moving wildly around. Also there was this apple green patch of light moving about. I think it was a fairy or some sort of being. It didn’t manifest it stayed for a while and then faded away.







8th Jan 2012 (Fed Him)



Fed demon in an attempt to summon him, then heard the voice "We do not take orders from humans”

Later that night one came in dream. It felt different from normal, much more uncontrolled a mad one i think. I found no meaningful connection with it, just a frenzy of feelings. I remember it being in me, or I in it, and trying to fly to have some meaningful connection with it, but control or direction was impossible. I was just caught up in a mass of energy.

I also had a visualization of this tornado, but as i looked closer there was this dragon in it / causing it, it had grey scales. I could see no head or tail, just hundreds of coils moving round each other in the dark grey cyclone, some of the dragon’s coils were hoofed .This is the second time I’ve seen this dragon.







9th Jan 2012



Something came last night, the same apple green light as a few nights previously. I was relaxed and meditating on opening myself to all around me, tying to loosen my astral self from my physical body. I became aware of this entity “Apple “as i will now name her, entering my aura and maybe half a foot / a foot from my body making these wonderful green light patterns. It was very nice, and then she went.







10th Jan 2012 (Fed him)



I became aware in dream of the presence of someone and wondered why she had been on the outskirts of the last three dreams. I knew in real life her mind was on me. As i became aware of them their image split, i could almost see their astral self’s and their dream image as two separate layers. I didn't really occur to me to hag either of them as i know them well, even though their astral selves were easily accessible. I did however decide that flying would be fun. The position i was in didn't allow for a lot of room for flying, but i thought fuck it, i can do it, it's like riding a bike. It was, i flew with ease. I remember trying to induce speed (make things pass me quicker) but with some difficulty, i didn't concentrate on the destination. The rest of the dream was testing my extreme flying skills. My soul was alive with it, it's been too long since I’ve been experiencing this kind of soul rush.

Voices said "I would be pleased with tomatoes’ today”. They were right, lizzy made me a tomato’s on toast and i made a tomato sculpture with the left over’s.







11th Jan 2012 (Fed him)



I was in bed in the dark and i could see some very agitated energy to my right, it was light blue / lilac in colour. It formed mad patterns and seemed to be attached to my arm, where my bleeding wound was. I invited it to drink and then another one appeared, i invited it to drink also. They stayed for a bit and then faded away. They attached with elongated triangle appendages and had multiple limbs that were again bent to be almost triangular in nature.







12th Jan 2012



One came last night, but again I'm not sure it was my demon, but it did have a stronger presence than the subtle ones. I could see it in front of me as a small humanoid creature; it had clothes of an orangey-beige check of loose weave and a hat. It was really ugly and looked at me i a really scary way. It had ape like features that were distorting with anger. Its eyes were boring into me, but i held my cool. For some reason it was mad at me and wanted to frighten me. It could be my demon in some sort of guise. After a minuet it's eye's grew larger and it began to distort into a more animalistic form. It's eye's grew into large cat/ possum type creature. It was very cool the way it formed, almost as if it was always there but became visible through smoky ether. This visit reminds me of another visit when i was on holiday in Spain on the 20th October 2010.







14th Jan 2012



He came subtly, but i could feel him come into the room. He was playing with my head i could only see shadows, then my head was engulfed in black and I couldn’t see. I could feel him brushing through my aura and stroking my leg, he didn't stay for very long.







17th Jan 2012



He's been in my dreams, but i can't recall them much. I need to gain a deeper alertness again. More sleep!







20th Jan 2012



I woke very abruptly in the night with no cause, i knew something was present, but it was hiding.







21st Jan 2012



As soon as i got into bed and closed my eyes i seemed to have a very open mind space filled with the most beautiful colour of emerald green. It was so lovely; i thanked it for being there and enjoyed its tones. There was also a pale blue/white light coming in from the left as well.

A short time later the room was filled with a bobbly black energy. I could see it and feel it as clear as day and spent a while playing with it and talking to it. It was difficult for me to perceive and discernible shape at the beginning, but i was certainly aware of it indicating a presence of some kind. Towards the end of the visit as i was talking to it i could see a mask like face, it reminded me of general Grievous from star wars. I think the fact that I’m seeing more subtle ones indicates my souls becoming more open to the subtle realms.







22nd Jan 2012



Twice i woke in the night with a presence in the room it was familiar but I'm not sure if it was him. Also soon after getting into bed i could feel a strange feeling above my hip which is a tell-tale sign of my demon, but it was very subtle.







23rd Jan 2012



"St-St-St....Stuttling Startlements” From this voice to my left , i thought it was funny.

He came twice in the night much stronger than before. Both times I was woken from sleep by his presence. A distinct change in density and darkness of the surrounding air and a high pithed awareness. I was able to feel outside myself, into the subtle layers of my aura and feel him moving through it. It was good to feel him there, to sense him and to keep a steady alert mind. I could feel him touching my face. I apologised for my mental health problems of late, and said i was very sorry for all disruption of my mind state; it must have prevented him from interacting too. He then moved his energy up to my head, i could feel him almost penetrate my brain and give me some healing it was nice.

The second time he came was similar to the first in that i was woken from sleep by his presence in the room. This time there was not so much interaction more of a connection of minds. From my side there was expression of great enjoyment from this, just to be open in this sort of connection and to maintain and feel the emotional intention of him without the human senses. Even thought is not entirely necessary for them, but i used it, for humans thought is a way to direct and organise emotion. I told him my breathing was restricted and i would have to cough, but i didn't want to break the connection, I coughed and he was still there. I also had the hollow feeling just above my hip bones , i was laying on my right hand side , when he had finished i turned on my back and invited him to take as much energy from me as he needed .







24th Jan 2012



I hear this weird squelching noise about two inches from my ear, then giggling for a few seconds and then the squelching again, Weird!







25th Jan 2012



He came in dream and i was aware of the nature of the dream and felt it turning form a normal dream to the tell-tale horror that he evokes. I remember as things began to get intense i deliberately woke up. Composing myself for a moment i decided i was up for it and tried to get back into the dream but to no avail.







28th Jan 2012



He came last night about 5 times. i was on the verge of sleep and became aware of his presence in the room , it was strong , definitely a hag demon not a subtle one . It brought with it a strong sense of fear. I was lying on my left hand side the first time he came with my face out of the covers. I knew he was watching me and observing my thoughts. I could feel my heart rate increase rapidly along with my temperature. I was anticipating him to attack or make some kind of move on me, but he didn't. I remember pulling the cover over my head in a pathetic attempt to hide, but coming back out and presenting myself in a calmer manner. At one point i think it wanted me to open my eyes and look at it, initially i wouldn't but then i did. The room seemed calm, but i could sense a dark shadow or figure in the corner behind me. The second time he came i was slightly more lucid and open to him after his presence came i decided to try and astraly project. My awareness of my body made it difficult , even so i managed to get my head out and could feel my astral self-squirming about in my physical form , but it wasn't happening . I let my mind run around the walls and ceiling in an attempt to gain some sort of feeling or perception of being out, a transfer of consciousness so to speak, but again no luck. I've been in this house less than a month I’m not sure my soul safe here, i don’t feel like it’s mine or like a home, maybe I’m just not acquainted with it yet. There didn't seem to be any help from my demon either. He feels different but that might be a lack of perception on my part, I’m a bit rusty and unstable still. He came several more times during the night, he made no attempt to communicate other than one short distorted sound almost like a squeal. I was nice to feel him present again.







29th Jan 2012



He was there most of the night again, it was great! A while after i went to bed i felt him come into the room or manifest from where ever he comes from. I could feel my heart beating again. First the bed started to vibrate especially in the bottom right hand corner where my leg was. I could feel distinct pressure up my leg as well as strong vibrations, this stayed for a while. I began to feel more relaxed which was good my calmness seemed to be important in facilitating an entry into my body. Then he made this weird bark/ shout noise. I remember thinking where the sound had originated from and to my own surprise my head had made a slight involuntary movement back and the sound had come from my own throat. Shortly after this he made several really impressive sounds like cracks coming from the wall and later from under the bed near my pillow. Throughout the night i felt him not only in the room but actually inside me. I'd be bordering on lucid dreaming and I’d go to move slightly and feel him in me and as a slight pressure around the back of my neck. He laid with me most of the night, his presence was almost constant. I worked with him astraly on trying to project again, but sadly it didn't work. I did reach a state of bodily and mental peace this seems to be important at the moment and is in direct contrast to the agitated fucked up mental state I’ve been in of late, so calm will suffice for now. Also something’s changed but exactly what i can't say maybe him or me or the house but a change in the nature of things has definitely occurred. This has happened many times in the past.

I had a lovely relaxing night of subtle connection with him; it's so nice to feel him so close again.







30th Jan 2012



He was about again for much of the night. Initially he came as a heavy black cloud that engulfed my head; he made many clicks and noises throughout the night almost as a way of communication to questions i asked. There were periods where he was absent from the room maybe he was sleeping. Again i didn't project but felt my soul was alert enough to do so , but my mind was racing , i wasn't calm . I did have a flying dream though, my flying needs attention also.









31st Jan 2012



I had Kai in the bed with me so i was a bit distracted. Strange thing happened with the light in the front room, it kept flickering like something was trying to communicate through them and something kept moving round them. I felt him a few times gently. He vibrated the bed and touched my leg. Quite a quiet night in comparison to the last few. I hope i didn't upset him by having Kai in the bed.

February’s Diary 2012





3rd Feb 2012



I've felt his presence once or twice over the last few nights but nothing major. Other than he appeared in dream. At first it got in Lizzy and then it's eye's grew and the face became my mother’s staring at me with an evil gleam in her eyes. Then she turned her arms/hands into the shape of serpents and was trying to bite me. I knew it was him and opened my eyes at this point. I could feel him in the room.







6th Feb 2012 (Fed him)



I did a magic rite, a blood bind in preparation. There was a foretelling of danger coming my way soon.







8th Feb 2012 (Fed him)



I did a blood painting in addition to the rite. On-going work for the next few nights.







9th Feb 7am



He came a few moments ago. I was lying on left hand side and became aware of this static buzzing sound, sort of a high to medium pitch coming from behind me. It faded out and then came back, i could sort of tune into it and when i was in tune i could feel my demons presence. He penetrated between my shoulder blades, it seemed to fade and i wondered if he had gone, but i felt he was in me. When he lie's still within me you could hardly tell he was there , but when you try to move astraly or normally you can feel him or a slight difference in energy shape or vibration . I asked if i could astraly project, but it wasn't happening. Then i rolled over in my body and wanted to hag the neighbours upstairs. My hate of them came to mind and i got this lust and gnashed my teeth , only they weren’t my teeth , they were my demons teeth and i felt him fully in me . I was him or driving his form and he didn't like this. He proceeded to put so much of his presence into me that for a moment i thought I’d lose possession of my own body. He picked me and thrust me back into my body. This freaked me out, then he was gone and i opened my eyes. Shit i think i might have pissed him off.

I've also experienced the vibrating bed thing he does for the last three nights running.







10th Feb 2012 (Fed him)



I woke several times in the night with his presence. The main time it made my heart beat fast and i had the fear, but when i adjusted my composure he had gone. He made a series of strange noises shuffling along the floor.







13th Feb 2012 (Fed him)



He came lots last night, nothing special. He made some strange noises that were very good. Also one time i could see a black pattern dancing against blue background, it had a very strong presence.







14th Feb 2012 (Fed him)



He was around nearly all night. I've forgotten how many time's he made his presence known strongly, but it was a few 5 or 6 maybe. As soon as i had gone to bed i did some exercises to open myself to commune with the magical astral light. He came then and i talked to him for a while, there was a mass of energy to my right and a slightly larger amount to my left that took the form of an alien head that seemed to be healing my wounds or feeding from them, later one healed my brain (these were subtle ones). The next time he came i was in deep dream. I was dreaming about brushes and was using a large basting brush for sweeping potato peelings away. I began to get the feeling of him and became awake in dream. Suddenly i began to question my ability to make sense of what I’m doing and I’m overcome with the feeling of fear. I become aware of my physical body and where i was in the room, but i can't penetrate reality and wake up. I think I’ve got to get to the door and open it the light will break his spell. I sort of drag my astral self towards the door; the room elongates making it further away. I'm so nearly there, my desperation at wanting to touch the light breaks his grip on me and i open my eyes. There's energy all around me the rooms on fire with it. I know he's still in the room, but I’m heavy with sleep and as i drift off i feel him try to re-enter dream a couple of times. He woke me from sleep a few times with his presence and with various sounds. On more than one occasion upon waking i became aware that he was comfortably nestled inside my body. It is almost like he climbs into my sleeping body to sleep himself. To feel him that calm and relaxed with almost no perceivable energy difference to myself is very comfortable.

I'm becoming slightly concerned at his ability to use my body without my awareness. At one point i was awake and just lying there thinking and my arm just flew out and punched the wall. I know it was him. I'm quite prepared to share my body and mind with him if that’s what he wants. I've been riddled with lesser demons for a while, invasive entities of a subtle nature that have broken and fractured my mind. However he demands a certain stability and peace of mind that keeps the lesser demons in their place.







15th Feb 2012



He was around lots last night. All times i was comfortable that he's come and one time really felt I’d consciously merged with him better than i had before. This was more an exercise in trust than anything else. He was in me and i could feel him pushing , pushing's quite a strong word it was more like falling with him on top into deeper consciousness . It felt like he was gaining hold of me more and more and my awareness was being pushed out of my body. I could still feel one of my hands but it was from an outside perspective. I don't know why I’ve developed this fear of him taking over my body. I'm going to let go of this fear as it might be a barrier to further development. He might also be showing me a technique of how to paralyse or merge consciousness for decent into dream.







18th Feb 2012



I just had this realisation that when i fuck up in the daytime sometimes it's almost like reality has become the dream. I become overcome by the feeling of fear and paranoia and question my ability to make sense of what’s going on and what I’m doing. Sometimes i don't know where i am and reality distorts and people know I’m acting weird , they all get dragged into my distorted reality and fuck my head up . I can't get tangled up with their thoughts so i go and hide in a bush or something until i can get a grip on things again. What if my demon can distort reality the way he distorts dreams. This would make perfect sense; the feelings of fear and despair are his tell-tale signs. It's not unheard of that people who fuck with the occult lose their minds and that demons can make you insane, but it’s not like I’ve really had a choice in that, it found me. What if reality is just another step on the consciousness ladder and once realisation of this has occurred one can manipulate it like dream. Once a soul has become awake in dream, manipulation is possible. Once one loses the distinction between reality and dream consciousness what’s stopping you from manipulating both. What if reality was just a dream in a crystallised state held there by the belief of the many and in fact doesn't exist at all; all particles are just vibrating energy. We perceive things as we are expected to, but maybe it's just one big illusion / delusion that are necessary for our conscious entrapment at this time. Reality the first dream we ever have, no one ever questions it.

March’s Diary 2012





3rd March 2012



He came several times during the night. I was roused from sleep by the distinct presence of him in the room, a definite change in the tone of consciousness. Twice this happened with no following effects, but the third time was excellent. I was in dream at my old school and became aware of him. The dream shrank back, but i didn't leave it completely. I became very aware of my sleeping body it grew with my expanse of consciousness until i was super imposed in dream, but had awareness of the bed where i was laying and the room around me. He was on me strongly giving me an immense pressure about the chest; it spread up me to encompass my head where it became very intense. Then it rose in pitch and intensity of pressure it became so crushing i wasn't sure i could handle it. It rose and fell a few times but the first was the most intense. I remember moving my hand and being able to feel the bed cover while being suspended in the background of dream. I could still move my physical body at will. It was nice that he came, i did request his presence.







6th March 2012 (Fed him)



Wow! What a horrific and wonderful night. First before i even became lucid i was having visualisations / hallucinations of demonic deformed animals snuffling around the room which was disturbing yet unthreatening. He came many times in and out of dream. The first time he came i was having this horrific dream about hundreds of rabid kittens and a man who was trying to get me. This went on for a while and although rabid psycho animals are one of his specialities it didn't cross my mind at the time that the dream was instigated by him. I was entirely caught in his nightmare .I woke from lucidness thinking "that’s enough of this madness I’m going to take some Quatiapine and shut down, this pissed him off! As soon as i thought this his presence was on me , he turned me over (i was laying on my left hand side ) and this immense noise started and began to get faster like acceleration of an engine with intermittent markers like the sound you get when you pass something at great speed . These became closer together indicating we were getting faster and faster. As soon as he had turned me over and this noise had begun i was dragged backward at immense speed and force. This only lasted 10-15 seconds or so. When i opened my eyes the room was still and i knew if i fell back to sleep he would come again, and so i did willing. I kept falling though whole in my consciousness, but was unsure if it was him or the natural dips in consciousness you get when you fall asleep. He tried to get into me a few times but i remember withdrawing. One time my head was tilted back and i could feel his presence trying to penetrate me via my throat chakra. All i had to do was lower my head to cut him off which wasn't easy. I remember him trying to hag me, coming into me with extreme intensity. I flipped over in my astral body and tried to fight him, wriggling around and trying to free myself from him. After this rejection of him i felt foolish and the next time he came i let him get me. While he had me the thought crossed my mind to get out my body. It was quite easy, but I’m not sure he wanted me too .I flew up to the top of my four poster bed and looked down into the room. I couldn't see him at first, the whole room was filled with this static black and white energy and it was quite dark. I spotted something pale sat between my pillows. I flew down to him, this time he'd taken on the form of a small white demon with thin arms and legs and large ears and eyes. I remember asking if this was it's true form , but i got the distinct impression that it wasn't usually some of its previous forms can be traced back to mental images or information I’ve read that seen to subtly influence my perceptions of it . It's almost as though it appears how i expect it to, but not this time. I cannot relate this particular image to anything I’ve recently seen.



A while later he was back in dream again, this time with the same cat theme. He was getting into cats and making them into psycho rabid terror things and i was getting hold of them and killing them, but he'd find a new form. After one particularly gruesome killing of a cat i thought I’d done him, but apparently not. I remember recalling that the way to get rid of them is with love. So i breathed out love into this possessed cat, but the love went right through and broke the whole spell of dream. That's all i can remember, i hope he's about again tonight. Also he made some impressively loud bangs.







March 10th 2012 (Fed him)



He came, I could feel his subtle presence a few times and he made some very good noises in and around the room, taps, knocks and pings. He has almost a pattern of noises that are identifiable as him. He came twice with a stronger presence, but did nothing more than make himself known the first time. The second time he came gently into the middle of my head and round the sides, he was very gentle. I'm not sure what he was doing but i had no alarm. I expressed my love and contentment at his presence.







11th March 2012



He came last night only momentarily while i was lucid, he didn't stay for long. I did try to converse with him tapping the answers.







12th March 2012



I had the hollow feeling while i was lying on my right hand side, it was quite mild. He came but only for a moment. I also had an excellent flying dream with zombies. I get a lot of zombie dreams where i have to escape them by flying etc., there very good training dreams.







14th March 2012



I had a very dense blackness engulf my head







15th March 2012



He was about just after i went to bed i could feel him about my legs and he was vibrating the bed. Later on he made two very subtle appearances and then a much stronger one. I had a calm mind space and was a little too eager for him to interact, he didn’t. He did however mimic a human voice well; I also had a lot of voices about tonight, very clear visualization of who made them. A few in the day too.







18th March 2012



He came last night, it was so good! I was lying on my left hand side in a very lucid state of sleep. For the second time this night i felt his presence, actually it was the third time but i didn't recall it until he hagged me again. First he came and got me and it was relatively mild, this connection often happens with no following effects. Then he began to actually hag me, giving me that hollowing feeling just above the hips. At first i allowed this and then part of me wanted to fight against the feeling, not to stop it but to increase its intensity. As i did this i almost breathed in the intensity of the feeling and felt i was somehow drinking his energy. I felt guilty and express love but the feeling begins to fade, love repels him because it's a positive emotion and he feeds of the negative. So i go back to fighting against it. What follows is a play of energy transference between us which was very intimate. I felt i was almost filling up on his energy. This i felt facilitated my ability to leave my body. Separation from my body was difficult. I remember turning over, just moving those first few inches was slow and arduous. Once I’d separated my head the rest was easy. I know he was merged with my astral self as i stood up and because of us being together I’d have more clarity and power. I took off strait through the wall and then became stuck in it. I don't know what the hell i was up to or where i was going. I soon gained a decisive composure which stayed throughout the experience, a sharp and reasoned will. I decided that this would be an excellent opportunity to explore Wickham from the skies, and this time decided to use my bedroom window instead of the wall. The curtain was up but i could visualise the ally with enough clarity to pass through without getting stuck. I could see the big tree and flew right up into the sky. I could feel the freshness of the night and I’m at home in it. I decide to fly into the village square as i do i become almost stuck in the air. I didn't realise until awaking this morning and leaving the house that I’d flown into a building and was forced to go over the top where i nearly got tangled in a TV aerial which is actual there in real life which i hadn’t noticed before . Anyway i got there in the end, and the square was empty and dark and i flew round it touching the ground with my hands, the clarity was so real. The square was mine i was alone invisible to the outside world; this old village was my oyster now. Yet i could think of no accessible person in the buildings around that i could hag. That’s the down side to being a loner, no active connections to people apart from two, but I’d never hag Kai or Wizzy. I didn't really feel like hagging anyone i longed for the forest and rivers and flew left towards the water meadows. I remember flying for a long time, just over the wet tips of the grass, it was a lovely feeling. I remember landing and thinking how ridiculously cumbersome my body was and the use of legs to walk at this point was a total waste of time, but then i had a longing for my body. I was quite far from the house by now and again my impatience of wanting to get home hindered my speed. At this point i thought “wolf mode”( transfiguration into a wolf). I didn't do it from a running start as i have done on previous occasions. Instead i was still and saw through the wolfs eyes as i knew is the key. I had distinct awareness of my wolf teeth especially the back ones. I began to run along the Winchester road towards Mc McCarthy’s grocers, running as a wolf it truly exhilarating, but even the form of a wolf is restricted to certain speeds. I found myself again distorted into a new form. I was a wolf like creature as big as a car with powerful thighs and back legs that ripped into the tarmac as i ran. I reached great speed in this form, but the question dawned on me "why was i running along the road when there are miles of woodland and open country side around me?" I bounded off to the left into the witches wood and then back up to the fields. I found it difficult to be free in this uncharted territory. I became tangled in unknowing, not being able to place myself or visualise clearly where i was. My previous excitement left me and i knew the experience was at its end. I made no attempt to return the long way to my body, i simply opened my eyes. I went from lucid sleep through hagging, leaving my body and into the astral where i transfigured twice and then back to waking awareness without losing consciousness, awesome!

Prior to this i had a vision of my own face and an enormous sense of self, me, Leanne. That's something that’s been gone for some time, not really sure what to make of it.







20th March 2012



He came twice i the night quite strongly both times, but made no attempt to do anything. The second time i convinced he would, but nothing. I did hear a strange little voice coming from inside my pillow; it was talking about “coherent triangles in tessellation coils” then it faded out. It’s always bloody triangles; even the cosmic lizard has a triangle head?







22nd March 2012



He came last night. I was in a deep sleep and woke to find him there. I can't remember much about the experience only that i was fighting him. My astral body had slipped round in my physical body of which i had no awareness of and i was punching, kicking and snarling at him. Maybe i was trying to fight against him for more of an effect or maybe i just didn't want him there because i was sleepy. I don't recall why i was fighting him. Knowing me it was probably just for fun.







24th March 2012



He came in dream; I remember fighting him again, but nothing else. Maybe it will come back to me; it's at the tip of my conscious memory.







26th March 2012



Just after i went to bed i could sense him strongly about my legs and the end of the bed. When i moved he made the bang on the bed. I could also feel him about my head and could see him as a dense dark. I also became aware of him in the very subtle act of observing my dreams. I was dreaming and the dream was definitely my own not one of his. It was a very spiritual dream centred on the Sandman graphic novel i was reading by Neil Gaiman. My demon seemed most intent on just observing what i was dreaming, and his watching seemed to illuminate and wake me into watching the dream with more understanding of how special it was. There’s some deep magic in these stories of his, he’s an incarnation of the shaper of dreams himself.







27th March 2012



He was about nearly the whole night, it was great. I was very lucid and he floated in and out of my consciousness, most of the time i could commune with him my thoughts and feelings. A few times i was awoken by the arrival of an alert consciousness in the room, but had no idea if it was Kai or the demon or one of the neighbours that had awoken abruptly. I knew he would come before i went to bed and was trying to decide who to hag, but had only the intent of merging with them and observing their dreams. I was trying to decide what form to take so they wouldn't know it was me. Instead my demon merged with me which was nice. It lent me a certain amount of conscious clarity in my dreams which i put to good use. First was the dream with Darrel in which i was teaching him to transfigure. I skipped the wolf part and went straight to just feeling what power and skills i wanted and just letting my astral form adapt to that. I'm not sure how you'd describe what i turned into , but my feet were probably the length of a cars tyre and i had no trouble ripping up the tarmac which i found thoroughly enjoyable . I remember running wildly about and wanting Darrel to be with me, he kept up but didn't seem interested. I wondered if he'd like to fly with me instead, but he was already doing so. He was sat crossed legged in a meditation position about 20 feet of the floor facing away from me. It was clear that he didn't want to play, so i left him there. In another dream i was teaching these young Chinese children to fly. First i was teaching them how to compress gravity and then how to slow time and expand moments to gain greater enjoyment and maximum pleasure out of the feeling of air. For me the Cheshire cat in Tim Burton’s Alice in wonderland has a comfort and contentment in the infinite luxury and perfect cushioning of the air element. I remember flying was effortless and i did a backward loop and allowed myself to fall like a feather and landed gracefully on the earth, the feeling of solidness was very real. I don't feel the same ease with earth as i do with air and water , once i changed my hands to rock to i could merge with the rock face i was climbing , but that’s about it .

After this came the astral projection. I left my body and flew up onto my bed post. I had the idea of flying through the window, but felt the feeling that there was nothing out there i wanted. The key to subtle interaction with the astral lays not in the expanse of outside but mastering one’s ability to manipulate one's own perception of things, bending my mind not the reality I’m perceiving. I sat on my bed putting my hand through it as a child might play with sand for the first time. The matter was pliable and viscous, yet my finger felt solid. I wondered if it was matter at all and not simply the astral light / ether configured by my mind into replicating my immediate surroundings. My fingers felt real / solid, but again my body was lying next to me and the perception of reality only an illusion. I recall a similar state that i had in the past where the object (a door handle) was solid and my astral form couldn't quite grasp it because i knew i was immaterial. I wonder which state is closer to the real world or are they both just states of consciousness.

Next this night came a dream with my sister Sophie. She was having trouble with a demon like mine that was harassing her son William. I won't go into explaining it all. There was one point in the dream where i had to go through this sort of frosted glass which was really cool. I put my left hand through it and it stretched out so i just stepped into it. Going through it was cool. I didn't know my surrounding area and therefore couldn't visualise what was on the other side apart from rough shadows. As i pushed through the glass became thinner, i could make out more. I almost became the glass and moved through it to gain a cleaner view until i could see everything, then i was out.

Later i danced with a man in a trench coat and hat who then became a salamander (fire elemental). Although we had hold of each other and he was made of fire he didn't burn my astral form. It was very cool!

My demon was merged with me most of the night and it was nice to feel him. He was intent at one point at getting parts of my body to move under his will which i had no awareness of until he'd managed to move them. This was quite funny, he moved my hands and fingers many times and one time tried to turn my head but i resisted. He made sounds from my own throat and penetrated me sharply in the hip twice. It was a good active night.







31st March 2012 (Fed him)



He came last night, but only made his presence known and then went again. He made a weird sound using my vocal cords.

April’s Diary 2012





3rd April 2012



He came last night a few times but differently than he usually does. He was very fast and alert. I was in a lucid stage of sleep and was woken abruptly by him almost charging at me, he had a very strong presence about him. He was on top of me, my eyes were closed but i could see this black vibrating mass directly above me. I felt certain he was going to hag me or do something to strongly influence me, but he didn’t. Then i could feel this strange sensation at the bridge of my nose, it felt like trickling water, but in a confined spot. It went on for about a minute or so, it was not unpleasant. There were lots of noises that were distinctly of his doing. He came a second time almost charging at me again, a very fast projection of his presence. Later in the night he got me with so much intensity. I can't remember how i woke only that he had stuck something in my ears and this noise and pressure was almost unbearable. I was squirming about the bedroom with this extremely uncomfortable pressure trying to burst my ear drums. I remember i was sitting on top of my pillow when it eventually faded out. Then i climbed back into my body. That was really fucking intense.

He was about quite a lot, the awareness of his presence woke me a few times and one time he hagged me above the left hip bone.







9th and 10th April 2012



He came both nights riding the waves of my consciousness down, but to my knowledge didn't interact further than that.







11th April 2012



My demon came last night twice. The first time he came up close i wasn't sure if he was going to make anything happen, but he didn't disappoint. He pushed my astral-self back and then barked in my face like a dog. He penetrated me with extreme force in his favourite old place just above my hip bones. He was connected there throughout the experience. Then he grabbed me with two hands about my waist and pulled me up through the ceiling. The scene around me wasn't in Wickham, it was something like Portsmouth near the sea only the city was taller (more sky rise buildings) and i was flying in-between them all. The sky was the most magnificent I’d ever seen in the astral , large dark cumulous nimbus clouds of deep hues of blue , purple and pink outlined in orange light from the setting sun . The city reflected the same colours and tones but contrasted nicely with its linear structures against the tumbling curves of the clouds. I flew up into the sky thrilled to be witness to such a magical spectacle. I headed out away from the city and over the sea. Soon i became aware of my inner comfort and fell into the darkness of my soul. With my astral eye's closed i felt at one with my demon and we moved without limitation of bodies .We played of each other’s movements and expressions and flew through darkness with the most intimate and playful contentment with each other . I lack the words to express myself. We were two consciousness’s playing off one another in infinite space; the smallest of things becomes a macrocosm of experience when nothing else exists. Then i fell with him into dream (on later reflection he guided me there to show me something). We were in dream and suddenly this lady became aware of his presence. She was looking around and then ran over to a fruit bowl. The demon then made the fruit rot by inserting petrifaction and accelerating it. This pleased her, and it was clearly not the first time she'd seen it happen. She was youngish I’d say about 28 and was dressed in Victorian attire. This first part of the dream occurred in a stately home. Then the dream moves to a pier overlooking the sea. We're still in this ladies life but we've moved further along in her time line. I try to step on to the pier but this man stops me, he wasn't nice and his intention was not good. His leering face and filthy ginger beard repulse me. I stretch out my hand touched his heart, giving him intense pulses, i insert petrifaction, he begins to rot. I desist and leave him to rot slowly to death. I do not feel like me at this point, I’m a tall male and i know this is my demons guise and that we're still merged. The woman from earlier is dead and people are referring to her as the ugly woman and they think she's some kind of disgraceful wretch , but my demon shows me photo's . She had a family and was well do to and respected, she had some kind of important job. I feel this all-consuming sorrow for her, they type of emotion you can't forget like some past life has been recalled and the emotion erupts. The woman was not that ugly in the pictures and i feel her innocents and wonder why they all think so harshly of her. She died alone a disgrace and an outcast. Then i feel this alert presence and i almost lean back out the dream to the present day. There's this little girl (7-8 years old) she's of mixed race, she's sat at this desk trying moving things with her mind. Her progress at getting the things to move is difficult. I give her a few tips on how to pull not push and always focus past the point of destination and some stuff on speed. I ask if she would like to learn to fly. She says she can already fly. I'm surprised at her maturity and her focus and ability. I ask her name, she says her name is Abby.

The second time he came i was relaxed and he again penetrated above the hip bones strongly. I put my astral hand down to where he was attached and could feel this lump of viscous static energy. He was there for a while; he fed deeply and took lots. Today i feel fine apart from some internal pain above the hips.







12th April 2012



I had an astral projection, but a very difficult one, it was very hard getting out of my body. I had to drag myself out of my body and across the bed. When i got down to the floor i was still dragging myself now at some speed on my two front hands, there was no concept of anything like legs. I wanted to hag, but upstairs didn't appeal to me. I went to next doors instead. I don't know them at all, so i just opened my soul and sort of let myself be attracted to the nearest life force. Then i was in their hallway walking on my hands again and looking through a crack in the door at my intended victim. I remember recognition of the person and a sense of wild delight, but i don't recall actually hagging him.







14th April 2012



Only waves and the presence of an alert mind.







15th April 2012



Demon came this morning while it was daylight. He came in the room close to me, his presence was clear and i waited for him to make a move but he faded away again. As he went i thought i can get out of my body now. I rolled over and pushed myself up and then stood up on the bed. I decided to have a bash at hagging upstairs. I jumped off the bed strait through the ceiling into the room directly above me. I've never been upstairs so visualising what was around me was no use. I pulled the little girl to me, she’s so noisy, their children scream and thump on the ceiling all day, their driving me mad. For some reason i couldn't hag her, pang of conscience perhaps. My failure to hag deflated me somewhat, and i went back through the floor to my room. I decided to find someone else to hag. It was daylight outside and i felt it difficult to cloak (become invisible). People were going about their daily business and were alert and awake. I felt exposed, i flew over to the shady side of the street and began to watch this man crossing the road, and he was deep in thought. I flew over to him, wrapped my astral self around his chest and began to breathe in his life force through the top of his head. As i did this i could see his astral self being sucked out and elongated. I took in a few deep breaths of his soul, and then i let him go. I flew back towards the arch that leads to my house; the tunnel was quiet and shady away from the bright light. I hid down there for a while not wanting to get back in my body quite yet. I hid behind a shutter, only my head was poking out. I could hear people coming, so i decided to cast a glamour (a projection of how i wanted my image to be). I pulled shadows around me and made my dreadlocks flail wildly about me, my eyes a manic red and my mouth full of evil teeth. I projected a twisted face contorted with evil malice to frighten them. They walked past, only one of them saw me, a little girl, but wasn't frightened, my glamour I’d cast had no effect. I felt like a twat and pissed off that it didn't work, so i returned to my body and woke up.

I also had an important dream with him in, but i can't remember it Doh!







21st April 2012



He came last night, firstly as a black presence that engulfed my head and later in dream. I knew the dream was becoming intense and that he was about for some reason as soon as this dawned on me I was awake. I was also anxious about going back to sleep because his dreams really aren’t nice. I heard Kai moan in his sleep and went to see if he was ok. I was reluctant to go back to sleep even though I'd called him to visit me earlier. Weak!







30th April 2012



Opened myself to the darkness and did some energy work with shadow clouds. He hasn't been for a while now. Not the slightest presence since the 21st that’s 10 days of nothing. I feel a blood offering is in order, that should please him.







31st April 2012



He came in dream, but i can't remember it. Also i have this brief memory of trying to fight him because the love i expressed made him fade and i didn't want him to go. I think i bit him.

May’s Diary 2012





2nd May 2012



He came, I was in dream and aware of a high pitched tone that was very loud. I was not woken from the dream by this sound but instead seemed to take my alertness into the dream. I was laying in my old basement room at Paxton road , i knew i wasn't really there . As i put my feelings out to search for the actual whereabouts and positioning of my sleeping body the tone started up again with even greater loudness and intensity. At the same time i was being hagged, in the same old place above the hips, it was a deep penetrating pressure. Then he was getting me all over. Waves of discomfort and this unusual feeling kept getting me, and i became unable to reach out to my physical body. I just tumbled through black until the sound and feeling ceased. It wasn't a bad experience but he kept me wrapped in my own sub-consciousness. I couldn't penetrate reality, if it wasn't for my shock at this i might not have recalled this incident at all.







8th May 2012 (Fed him)



Shit! First i could tell there was something in the room. A high pitched awareness that i thought at first might be a human consciousness like Kai’s, but it grew. The mother-fucking strong bastard had me pinned down by my left hand waist (I was laying on my right side) with a really strong hagging feeling. He also had me round the back of the head and neck with waves of the most outrageous and unbearable discomfort running down my spine. I have to be honest he scared the fucking shit out of me..FEAR!. He was just so strong. I remember just begging him to stop, it was too much, then i thought just ride it out it won't last forever, but it went on and on. This was quite a prolonged attack of pure brute strength. I remember trying to tell him i love him and could he please chill the fuck out, but it didn't work either. Then i felt him distinctly touch my waist with what felt like a hand and then i felt fingers slide round the back of my neck. At this point i wanted to grab his fingers, i could somehow see them as red / back in colour and larger than a humans. My astral hand reached round to feel them, and then i had this flurry of fear at possibly pissing him off further. My astral self just flipped out of my body and i gave him an all the love, angel, shiny god feeling i could muster as a sort of self-protection to get him off me. I tentatively opened my eyes; i could still feel him in the room. I thought i might see him away to my left but i didn't the room felt eerily calm. I got the impression he was extremely pissed off with me so i gave an offering to feed him. I felt him a few more times during the night , but only mildly , but that didn't stop me crapping myself with fear that he was going to get me again , but i somehow knew he wouldn't .

I also had another weird thing while this was going on. I could hear woman’s voices from a party of some sort. I thought it was coming from the street or upstairs but it wasn’t. There was nobody there in real life. I was aware of this in dream and through the entire hagging and for a short time after, I’m not sure what it was. Maybe some very fine distant connection to dream. But having no sleep for the rest of the night did lead to a tremendous night of insanity involving Morris dancers and various twisted hallucinations. It's alarming how quickly my mind disintegrates without sleep.



When i finally managed to get to sleep around the late hours of the morning i did some hagging of my own. There's a bit missing in this recollection of this dream, but the important bit's i remember. Firstly i remember leaving my house, but not my body. I stood up on the bed naked, and decided the sensation of flying naked, to feel the air around my body would be nice so i flew through my bedroom window and made sure i was invisible. Then there's a gap, but i assuming that I’d flown to Wizzy's house and then descended into a astral / dream scenario. I'll cut to the main points it saves writing up loads of random dream stuff. I was stuck for a way to get up to a roof so i decided to fly, this conscious decision awoke me into the dream and i had conscious control over my will. There were these two men playing football with each other. I fly over to them, but they don't notice me, i know that I’m invisible to them. I touch one on the side of his head, he feels it and shivers. Excellent i can interact with them. I want to hag him, but so subtly, i want to enjoy the feeling of stalking him creeping unnoticed until I’m upon him. I was a foot or so away from him and i could feel his aura try to shut me out, like a magnet it tried to repel me, but it was too late. My want of him was too strong for him to defend against; he was weak in his panic. I drew out his energy from his neck, i bit him but sucked out only vital force not blood, i breathed it deep down into me. I could feel it in my chest as a warm comforting joy. I rose into the air like a helium balloon.



The second time i hagged it was my old neighbour from Paxton road. He still lives there. I was so close to him millimetres from the back of his neck, i could see each hair. I wrapped my arms and legs around him crushing him until he falls unconscious on the floor. I didn't feed from him, but went straight for the next person i saw .This third time i had a very good experience on how the energy transfer looks and feels in detail. I approached this man who was standing out on the road talking to another man. As i flew up behind him i could visibly see his aura and as i grew close i could see tattoo's about his neck and chest. I'm looking intently at them as his aura enveloped me. It was almost like he welcomed me in. He did not know i was there (that close), but was aware of someone admiring him and wasn't threatened by this. I went round him studying his tattoo's until i reached one that was not long done right near his throat. As i studied it i penetrated his throat chakra and began to insert fear at the same time allowing him to become aware of my being and intention. He let out a massive surge of energy almost like a scream / stream of fear about as thick as my arm from his throat. I sucked it in and almost pulled his astral self out of his body. I let him go, i was full. I could feel this energy streaming from his throat as a vortex, the inside running smoothly the exterior rippled in movement against the different density of the air. I could not see the colour but was filled with a orange / yellow energy that was viscous and warm and filling. I found his energy pleasing. As i broke the connection there was a fluttering ripple a momentary disorientation as i left his energy field or maybe i was just intoxicated with his energy. It was good.







12th May 2012 (Fed him)







13th May 2012



He came last night in the usual old way. He came into the room more than once. Twice he woke me from sleep with a loud clicking sound. I knew that he wanted feeding but i was too sleepy to oblige. I will do it tonight for him. He didn't try to interact with me in any way, but i did have some strange dreams. I'm unsure if they were influenced by him. The personification of dream himself was in one, i really enjoy the dreams with Dream in.







14th May 2012 (Fed him)



Kai came into my room around 4am saying that his dreams were distressing him; he was crying his eyes out. I let him get in with me. It’s probably my demon getting into his dreams.







15th May 2012 (Fed him)



Twice in the day while i was in the front room i had this major sense that someone else had entered the room, something triggered my spider sense. I looked around and could see the shadow of a man flying above the TV, it stayed for about 5 minutes then faded out. In the night i had a mild but lengthy hagging sensation in the right hand side of my waist for about 30 minutes.







17th May 2012



One came in the night, i was asleep and was woken by a presence, and it felt different for some reason but still familiar. Firstly i felt something walking around on my leg. It was about the size of a rabbit or a cat, it felt so real that for a moment i considered whether there was actually a real animal on my leg. Then a short time later it came again as a dense feeling that moved from one end of the room right up to within just a few inched from my face. I closed my eyes and tried to feel it and let it in. I thought it wanted to get inside me, but it didn't or couldn't for some reason. It was all around my head and the top half of my body. I could feel it trying to life me up, physically or astraly it was difficult to tell. I could feel it lifting me and trying to pull me upwards, it felt like it was trying to levitate me .I also remember trying to phase through my bedroom window, but finding it quite tricky. I'm unable to recall the rest of what happened in this part of the night. He came many times, one time i remember fighting him off, another time he hagged me only in the left hand side of my waist, the hagging was mild but prolonged.



I also had this dream which was clearly his doing. There were these three puppies and he kept changing into one of them and at first we had to guess which one was him, pleasant little game to draw me in. Then things began to get disturbing the demon dog grew instantly and becomes rabid and manic , then it's eye's bulge and it explodes all over us . A man comes to take us to the bathroom and get cleaned up, but i know it's my demon in a different guise. He speaks but it's a ladies voice , it's fast and delicate and indiscernible , then somehow i tune in for a moment and everything he's saying is clear to me . No sooner had he finished speaking then I’d forgotten what he'd said, which is not unusual for me but this was different. It was like his voice was so fleeting and delicately subtle it can't be retained by my level of consciousness. In over 25 years i can't recall him using a human voice to converse complex ideas and meanings not like some of the others. He's mimicked the odd word, and used indiscernible patterns of the human voice, which might on later reflection mean something which i haven't been able to tune into or decipher .Maybe he needs me to project language so that he can use it. I've had some other weird language effects that are worth noting here as they relate to a tuning in effect, once in Holland when i was working with loads of Hungarian immigrants. I was mindlessly listening to their conversation only to realise they were actually speaking Hungarian which i have no knowledge of yet i could understand everything they were saying. This has also happened in Italy and France before but to a lesser degree. Also sometimes it happens in English changing into gibberish or something different than what I know their actually talking about. Sorry I’m digressing, I’ll get back to the dream. My demon in the guise of this man takes us to the bathroom. I have a bath and go to get dressed, but the taps and shower come back on in the other room. I know it's him that's turned them on. I go back in to turn them off. As i reach over to the tap he picks me up and flips me over into the bath. He has me held under the water by an immense pressure on my chest. I struggle for a while then he lets go, i spring up and run into the other room where my mum is. I say “we’ve got to get a fucking exorcist and get the fuck out of this house “. I was clearly shaken by him trying to drown me.







19th May 2012



I was having a nap in the day and wasn't really asleep just lucid, and he pushed me, i just rocked backward and thought WTF







20th May 2012 (Fed him)



One came last night, I'm not sure if it's him or a different one, there's something different about its nature, but still familiar. First it moved up my leg and was moving the bed covers; it did this a couple of times during the night. Also i have these waves hitting me and rippling through me, i think they were testing my level of consciousness. I've been getting the frequently up to about 20 times on this particular night. I've had then before but the force of some of these was enough to actually move me physically. The first time he came in dream i was just dropping off and was in a very lucid stage where i was dreaming but still awake. There was an old friend / acquaintance called Shauny Pawny , but then i realised it wasn't him and this other image of a person stepped into view form my left hand side . I could only see the shoulder and lower jaw which was decoratively tattooed. The rest of the face was obscured by a hood. I got the fear and the feeling of him (my demon) and tried to fly away from him before the dream turned bad. Because i was so lucid the dream just broke with my intent to escape, the way in which it did so was quite cool. The dream sort of dissipated into the stylized patterns that matched the tattoos on the face of the hooded figure. I watched for a moment thinking how excellent it was and wishing that i could draw them, but these visions from the tattoo gods are so fleeting. I got out of this dream but i knew that he'd be back for another try. Later i had this vision / hallucination of a hand coming towards me. I knew it wanted me to shake it , i couldn't quite move my astral hand to do so , so i moved my real hand instead . The image dissolved shortly after. I know it was just playing with me.



I also got hagged in the side again. It was there ages. At first i didn't mind and let it in but it went on for so long i got bored. I tried to intensify the feeling by fighting it and pushing my will against it. I played with it in this way for quite some time before i got pissed off and went for it. I tried to fight it off, but as soon as I’d stopped it was back on, or it never left. Right! I was quite fired up by now and my astral-self flipped out of my body and i was under the covers trying to catch it before it flew off. It was quite elusive, but i got the little bugger. It was extremely strange. It looked like some very ugly giant pinkie mouse (the one's you feed to small snakes) only it was the size of a piglet. Whatever i had caught it wasn't very responsive or even capable of response. I had the impression it was a baby whatever it was. I felt it was suckling from me. I'm aware their doing something to me, taking energy is what I’ve always thought they were doing, that’s why I’m so sleepy all the time. I've also thought that there fucking with my ovaries steeling my eggs for making dodgy demon / human hybrids, or other weird experiments like trying to impregnate me with the anti-Christ. I'll probably never know what the hell’s happening to me and what their up to. To be honest it doesn't really matter at this point. I feel each of these experiences teaches me so much i get allot out of them so they can take what they want from me , it’s all part of my gaining knowledge of the astral realms.



Next came another dream which freaked me out, i had to sleep with the light on after this one. He was doing his getting into cats thing and making them go rabid. I was getting attacked a lot and killing them as usual, but then the scenario changed and two mental health workers came and said if i killed another cat they would section me. I disparately don't want to be sectioned. They take me to this room, their watching me intently. They won't leave me by myself and make me sleep in a bed next to them which I’m quite surprised at. Memory fills in the rest , I'm a tramp and i stink , i think I've been living rough for a while now and i know I’m mental case but not about this particular cat thing . Anyway a bloody cat gets me and I’m trying to get it off without killing it. The woman mental health worked say's i have to sleep on the floor because I’m fidgeting too much. I tell her about the cat, all she say's is I’m not allowed to kill it . The fucking things eaten most of my hand off. I don't kill it i just wake up in a total panic. I had an unusual amount of fear in this dream, which stayed for a long time after, hence why i kept the light on. Every time the demon came in the room after this point i freaked out, He roused to much emotion that was near to my anxiety in the real world, and my brain was going all night.







21st May 2012 (Fed him)



I was just dropping off and felt him come into the room and right up to my conscious mind. I said "Hello”, but as i tried to keep a connection with it my mind kept wandering into lucid dreaming. Then I’d realise he was still there, but my thoughts would drift off again into a world of their own. Never mind maybe I’ll be more alert next time.







22nd May 2012



He was about once or twice; he made a few very loud clicks that woke me up.







23rd May 2012 (Fed him)



Lots more loud clicks, i think he wants me to feed him, i will tonight.







27th May 2012



He came last night; his presence came into the room. I felt it up to my left, i looked to where i felt he was but there was nothing visibly there. I was glad he'd come, I had asked earlier if he'd visit, it's been a few days since he last came. I've been very active in the day the family are harassing me with stuff which sucks, leave me alone!

He also came in dream, but i awoke before he really got a grip on it and it developed into a nightmare.







31st May 2012



I had a mild hagging sensation; i slept on the front room floor and felt him come into the room several times.

June’s Diary 2012



Wow, what a quiet month. My demon hasn't been around a great deal, but that's not surprising the house hasn't been safe, and i haven't been very relaxed.







2nd June 2012



I just had this weird feeling like my chest was filled with this massive expanse of dense energy, it felt strange to breath. I felt he or she was in me, i was breathing in their essence or Kai's (who was on the bed next to me) I got paranoid at this point and stopped. It was a very for-filling sensation, i have felt it before, but not with the clarity that i felt it with tonight. I also experienced the vibrating bed thing twice.







6th June 2012



He came last night firstly as a vibration that moved up my leg. This was strange as i was not in my bed but on the floor in the front room. My sleep has been little and erratic and it's being to have knock on effects. Anyway I’d asked him to come tonight, if he could and he did so. He came in dream, it was getting disturbing and he was a strange animal of sorts. I can't recall much detail, but i remember trying to wake up, only to realise shortly afterwards that I’d woken from one dream into another and that i wasn't actually awake. I knew he was still about and knew if i could open my eyes for a few moments I’d be clear enough from the dream not to be dragged back into it. It was a struggle, but it worked. I wasn't up for him running me ragged in dream tonight. He did make some very good noises, clicks and bangs throughout the night. I have to try and find a safe place to sleep so i can commune with him better.







10th June 2012



He came last night, I'd put out a call to him. I tired of going through life trying to fit in with humans, my life's path is vastly different from there's so i feel i must stay away from them and build up my connections to my inner realms and to him . I also had these male voices repeating “If you don’t bleeed we don’t neeed….you”, over and over and cut fucking cut bleed, cut bleed .....”I become manifest through you, by the sacrifice of blood”etc. They really wanted a blood sacrifice, but they were not my demon and i didn’t fall for there trick.

He did come in the room very subtly on a few occasions one time i recited a poem for him that came from the outskirts of my consciousness , it was very good almost divine inspiration . Everything that comes from this most subtle of places is pure genius, so delicate and fleeting.

Again he came, it was like a massive wave crept up through me and the bed began vibrating and pulsing. I let myself go into it and opened myself in case he wanted to feed. My mind was really alert and i wanted to get out of my body and hunt, perhaps i was too alert. I felt him in me and my breathing became difficult. I'm glad he showed. I'll try again tonight with an offering.

Quimar - The spirits of sleepers fashioned into demons - research!







13th June 2012 (Fed him in the evening)



I went back to bed after taking Kai to school. I was lucid dreaming when i suddenly became aware of this voice speaking to me. It was as clear as day, delicate and female, it kept repeating the phrase "Why the king?” I concentrated on it but not hard, it was delicate and i didn't want my concentration to encompass and crush it. It kept on repeating. At first i thought it was a dead girls voice (like a ghost or something ) the clarity of it was a step up from what my demons demonstrated in the past , although he has favoured the voice of a young girl before . How i reacted to this voice is harder to explain. I felt like a kitten with a toy. When i knew it was stable enough to play with, i began to push against the sound to try and distort or affect it, but to no effect. The pushing against it however revealed that it was my demons force that was holding it there. I began to push against everything around me , which was mostly just blackness , but i felt like i was in a bubble or , i know this sounds weird but i can’t get this analogy out of my head , an eyeball . It was like when i concentrated on the voice or visualizations i was experiencing complex vibrational patterns in the substance of thought / dream, but when i disrupted these patterns or dis-attached from them i was still being held inside this bubble. I was an amorphous force contained in the bubble , but as i moved about in it i could feel where he'd entered and was observing me , directing my thoughts and experience . I flipped over and tried to head towards him, he didn't like it and disconnected from me, but i could still feel him there somewhere. My perception of things is clumsy and restricted to a three dimensional way of explaining. Sometimes i know what i write seems grossly inadequate in explaining what’s happening , maybe i need to refine my understanding of the evermore subtle mechanisms behind each experience , then I’ll be able to explain what’s happening with greater understanding .







17th June 2012(Fed him)



He came last night. The first time i was wide awake and i felt his presence and a related change of pressure in the air, followed by being touched about the top of my head. I remember a loud click from the door, I also remember struggling to breath at this point and having the need to move and cough. I did so, but felt him still around for a while.

Later i was lying on my back nearly asleep and i felt his presence come into the room. I greeted him and welcomed it to feed or get me in any way, but he didn’t, he just faded away after a while.









19th June 2012



Something was in the room, a large shadow cloud of great density. I also had a very short sensation that something was playing with my foot and an unusual sense of intense fear. I was convinced he would attack me or come for me in dream. I felt the most subtle presence of something about for a long time.

I also had lots of voices about my head. At one point i had the same man but one of him was a boxer, one a rugby player, one a business man etc., there was about 8 of them. They were all arguing , i remember saying " just shut the fuck up " , but my voice was echoed by a strong male voice about an inch from my ear , this freaked me out . I took some Quatiapine just to knock me out before it got more intense. I love my demon , but all the other gibberish and lesser demons fucking with my head fucks my head up , if it keeps me awake for more than a few nights i begin to lose the plot , that's the only time i even consider taking the pills because I don’t want to be a zombie.







20th June 2012 (Fed him)







21st June 2012



I was sat in the front room after just having a bath, staring in to nowhere as usual when i saw this dark shadow ball about the size of a tennis ball float about a foot off the floor and in a straight line travelled from the TV across the front room and into the kitchen. Then there came loads of strange noises from the kitchen. I listened for a while knowing something was in there, then it began to make noises right next to my left hand ear, like distorted voices in the distance, mumbling .

Later i was in bed and felt the subtle presence in the room and felt a dark shadow cloud engulf my head. I tried to dis-attach myself from my body.

I was also woken from deep sleep into sudden abrupt awareness that something was in the room, but then it went.







24th June 2012 (Fed him)



Something subtle was in the room again. I keep seeing them moving around the house and feeling them move through my aura and my immediate area. I think their attracted to me at the moment because I’m quite spiritually open. My days are filled with strange coincidences and precognitions, but still no demon. He tends to stay away when I’m not on level pegging. I do get woken in the night strait into clarity of mind , but I’m not sure what it is that's waking me, maybe it's him, maybe it’s someone else spying on me.







25th June 2012



I had my head engulfed by a very dense shadow cloud; i thought it was reading my thoughts. Also this familiar, disturbing feeling of being rippled in a most chaotic way. It reminds of the feelings i used to get when i was young.







Friday 29th June 9:30am



Wow, he just came not a few moments ago. I was lying on my back lucid dreaming and i got one of the waves but he was riding it. I got the high pitched awareness of his consciousness and expressed contentment to him. Then i got an almost orgasmic feeling and rushed of energy all through my being. It was truly outstanding! I can’t quite describe it but I’ll have a go. You know the feeling you get when you have an amazing orgasm, that initial peak, well it was like that but not confined to the genitals. It came in light and delicate waves. I could feel it all the way up my spine and into the back of my head. The whole time this was happening i could see this vision of my skeleton, and where he was putting concentration (around the pelvis), he was trying to mimic my position. I loved the feeling i was getting from him, i breathed it in, and then i tried to push against the feeling to intensify it. The first time he obliged, but the second time, i think i may have been a bit forceful. He got pissed off with me and the point where pleasure had been a few moments earlier (inside the base of my skull) turned to the most intensely uncomfortable feeling, painful. The skeleton i had seen in front of me became the skeleton of a dog, but the front teeth more rodent like. Then it went Raaaaa! And charged to attack me on the left side of my head, but then disappeared at a point just prior to impact.

This is the first time he's been in a while. The orgasm bit was exquisite, but i can't help feeling my own thoughts and lust messed it up. He's so responsive to the slightest thought. I feel guilty for upsetting him, if I’d have been more receptive maybe he would have played for longer.







30th June 2012



He came into the room strong and unmistakably him, he came right up to me but was very gentle. I did have a bit of fear though.

Later in dream he came again, but I’ve forgotten most of the content. I do remember a second dream in which me and Aimee (sister) where trying to divine our true love by doing a mirror spell. There was a hand held mirror that was a strange shape with blue flames. When we looked into the centre smallest flame we would see our true love. Aimee went first then passed it to me i looked in and adjusted my focus to skrying mode. Almost instantly the green of my eye transfigured into the big demon with fierce yellow eye's and the force that came through the mirror was so strong it rippled the entire dream around me. I dropped the mirror and woke up a bit freaked out. I'm happy that my demon is my true love , i don't know why i was so freaked out , i think it was the force or surprise , if i was more with it maybe i would have gone through the mirror with him.

July’s Diary 2012





1st July 2012



He came twice last night but only his presence. One time he came up to me very abruptly and i woke with perfect alertness of mind.







4th July 2012



First i got this weird sensation like a vibration up through the bed and through my legs. I've had this before so it wasn't that unusual, but what came next was. The vibration grew until it affected the air around me. The density of air pressure was vibrating much like you get when a helicopter or schnook passes over head.

Later he came again and gave me an internal back massage. I felt this energy moving down my spine, working on certain areas. I helped it locate the painful spots it was very nice, my back felt a bit better today. I've been having some serious problems with my back and found out that back problems are related to problems with the will. Also my thumb is bad and that can signify problems with personal will in spiritual healing. It seems my will power needs attention.







6th July 2012



I had this really intense vibration like the bed was actually moving.







12th July 2012



I got into this strange state where i was having fucked up voices, powerful visions, insane thoughts expressed in vibrant coloured waves with objects from my past mixed in to cause emotional nausia, total chaos juxtaposed against feelings of nothingness. Some of it was beautiful to watch especially the patterns, but when you can’t get out of it or shut them up its fucking annoying!!!







13th July 2012



I had this very lovely sensation almost orgasmic going up through my head. I was careful this time not to crush it with my want. It was very nice coming in waves about my head and neck. Excellent! It stayed for quite a while about 5 minutes or so .I also had a very acute awareness of my energy body and waves of expansion running through me.









14th July 2012 (fed him)



I had a dream in which he was there, but i was unsure if it was simply a dream i had created mimicking his usual activities, or whether he was actually creating it on some very subtle level. The usual strangeness, fear and terror was absent, there was something very soft about the experience. I wish i hadn't been lazy and had written it up strait after it occurred. Maybe then i could recall more detail.







16th July 2012 (fed him)



I fed him and he came. I was asleep and became aware of a feeling of wrongness, like a mild chaotic disturbance. I questioned what had caused this, "was it the remnants of some disturbing aspect of dream and why had it woken me so abruptly?” Then i could feel his presence come, it was definitely him and he was strong and mildly fear evoking. I waited for him to attack me or get me in some way, although he was hanging round the room for some time, he didn't get me.

Later he did the vibrating bed thing. Also in dream i remember recounting the earlier experience to two people.







17th - 18th July 2012



I’ve woken twice in the night with a strange alertness. One time was like there was a threatening presence that was indiscernible, but I was convinced there was someone actually in my house; it had me on edge for a while. I got up twice, with my knife just to check. My house is set up; no-one gets in or out. That doesn’t stop me getting paranoid, I’m under invasion though.







19th July 2012 (Fed him)



I felt his presence in dream. I was in my old house at Paxton road, but there was loads of mobiles made out of bones, it was like i was in some shaman’s den, and his presence was strong. There were rabbits, two younger ones at the bottom then a black and a grey angora one on top. They were all sat on top of each other. The black one comes over and i think it looks like India (my old rabbit) and i try to summon her presence into it. I have an extreme amount of clarity and awareness, and i know it’s possible for me to change the rabbit into anything, but as i do i get a distorted feeling like something else is changing the form of the rabbit too, and i know it’s him and that the dreams going to turn weird. I don’t stop and manage to keep hold of the form and change it into India. I stroke her remembering how much i loved her, it’s sad i killed them all. Then the Angora rabbit turns into a dog and it goes mad and starts barking, i know he’s taken the dream and i simply open my eyes.







21st July 2012



Awoke by a presence although it felt like his alertness i believe it’s upstairs. Because their thinking bad thoughts about me, it threatens me and sets of my spider sense.







22nd July 2012 (Fed him)



I fed him and had a mild hagging sensation above the hip while i was laying on my right side.







24th July 2012



He hasn't been that active lately, nothing occurred that's been really amazing. I feel like something or someone's blocking him from me, they better bloody not be interfering. Also he tends to go when I feel stressed and angry any fluctuation in my mental state and he’s gone.







28th July 2012



Twice i woke in the night feeling an alert presence, I know it’s upstairs now.

Augusts Diary 2012





15 day's since he last came, something’s definitely wrong. I think it’s me and my mental state again that’s doing.







1st Aug 2012



Something just came , I felt something was watching me from behind and a subtle strange presence washed over me , it's definitely different than anything I’ve ever felt . I had a mild fear, but felt it had the potential to affect me strongly if it wanted to. My instinct say's it was a hag, but not my usual one. During the experience i also had this black shadow cloud playing about my head and a sort of distant mumbling sound in my ear , which sounded like some attempt to communicate. I also had this weird tingling loose energy going up my leg and at one point felt that the presence had moved up near my head.

It came again a short time later, making the bed vibrate to a degree that it could actually be felt moving. Also my hand on the pillow was being given this hollow pulsing which was quite new.







3rd Aug 2012



Twice i felt something in the room it came across as solid waves of presence and distinct drops in consciousness.

Also there were some loud clicks about the room.







11th Aug 2012



My head was buzzing and i couldn't make it stop. Lots of voices all in conversation around me, it was like i was in the middle of a party going on in my head. This voice a bit later kept repeating over and over again "If i want to survive 5 ", it totally did my head in. I took some Quatiapine just to shut it all off.







15th Aug 2012



He came last night while I was sleeping and woke me by hagging me, and not in a pleasant way. It was very uncomfortable and scary, waves of sickness crashing through me and they just kept coming. Eventually when it faded off a bit enough for me to realise I could get out of my body, I got up and backed out of the room. There was this Raven or Crow outside the window it just landed and I thought it would fly off again when it saw me move, but it didn’t. I knew as I approached it and it simply turned and looked at me and stretched its wings that it was not a normal bird. The window was dirty and I went closer to have a detailed look at it, it bent its eye down and looked at me through a clean patch in the glass. Its eye was freaky, all the emotion of a human in a birds eye. It was so scary yet powerful, I love crows / ravens and spent some time admiring it. I’m going to learn to transfigure into a raven. I think that’s why my demon showed me this form to inspire me into learning. Then I felt another presence just behind me, it was my demon again in the guise of a black dog. He was just sat there in the middle of the front room. I grabbed hold of him and gave him so much love, but he didn’t fade as he usually does, he just returned it too. We were both happy to be with each other. I scratched him behind the ear and stroked him.

Just after getting into bed I had this vibrating mass of energy to my left and as I looked it began to morph into a digger clawing at my arm. Then it changed into a dinosaur, then a cartoon cow with shapes and other smaller cartoon characters climbing all over it. It was very strange, I haven’t had cartoon hallucinations for years. Not since my friend Nigel kept turning into a cartoon every time I was with him.







18th Aug 2012



Something came last night I had a mild hagging sensation above my right hip, and an expanded awareness like something subtle had come through right behind my head. I also had this massive amount of energy moving around my left hand. I could feel it touching me and trying to give me sensation.







19th Aug 2012



I had the strangest sensation and also recall it happening briefly the previous night. I could feel this rippling sensation through my body. It was very similar to the vibration I get through the bed sometimes but it was moving up through my legs and into my abdomen. It became quite intense and I began to get really hot and I could feel energy pulsing off me. I invited whatever was causing it to use all this excess energy I’ve been having. My demon hasn’t been about a lot lately and I’ve had terrible insomnia for the last two weeks which is probably why he hasn’t been. My minds been racing so much but it’s still making sense mostly and although I’m hypa I’m not coming un-strung, yet! It might be a catch 22 situation, if he’s not around to syphon my energy then I get to buzzy and hypa then I can’t be calm to let him in. I’m going to take my Quatiapine just to try and establish some kind of sleeping pattern before I do go mental.

After I took the Quatiapine I had this sensation of having large pins like knitting needles inserted into the right side of my brain, they were coming down through the top of my head for about 5 minutes it was very painful while it lasted. I think the Quatiapine inserts psychic blocks to stop my higher brain function that’s why i can’t connect with my demon. I don’t like it, but i don’t like being in the realm of chaos either.









20th Aug 2012



I tried to wake up but I couldn’t the pills had me sedated, but my mind was awake and lucid inside. I had some intense experiences with visualisations from the chaotic mind states, colours, strange creatures, nonsense morphing, sandwich into ladies arm into melted rabbit etc, strange stuff! But wonderful to observe the mind in such fleeting delicacy without feeling the sickening despair that usually accompanies that stuff. I also had some vivid and memorable dreams. I may experiment more with these states and the pills, I don’t dislike the effect they have on me, only it makes me into a zombie and I need to look after my son. I can’t do that if I can’t function and stay awake, they knock me out.







21st Aug 2012



He came last night, it was definitely him not one of the more subtle ones. I was in a deep unconscious state because of the Quatiapine and was roused from sleep by this very strong presence charging at me. I tried to open myself to him in-case he wanted to feed, but I couldn’t stay awake. A short time later the same thing happened again and again. It was undoubtedly trying to wake me into a reactive state; I wish I’d had the capacity to be more with it, that’s probably why he went. I have to make the decision, pills or no pills?

I’m going to try and haunt the fuck out of upstairs. Astral harassment time! They are making my life a living hell with their constant noise and now their deliberately sending my post back to sender, and have let my son’s tyre’s down on his bike. Their trying to force me to move out, they shouldn’t fuck with me, I’m going to terrorise them and suck out their souls!







26th Aug 2012



“It’s so quiet and deserted in here” from lone voice in the morning and it’s not wrong. I’ve been taking the Quatiapine, it’s shut down much of my churning million miles an hour brain, but I’m not sure if that’s a good thing. At least I’m not constantly thinking of ways to kill upstairs.

I felt a definite presence in the room. I opened my eyes and expected to see something there, but there was nothing. I felt it come and go a couple of times.







27th Aug 2012



I’ve felt him come about seven times tonight. Just as I’m lying there in a lucid state he’s come riding the waves into deeper states of conscious. My knowing that it’s him pushing me down seems to bring me into a more awake state and as I fade back towards unconsciousness he does it again. I had this particularly strong wakeup call as he’d got into my arm and flung it against the bed head extremely hard. I could feel him in me, in my arm and lying in my chest as my breathing becomes a different pressure. There was something very scary about him tonight, a fear that he had the potential or will to do something bad. I was asleep and could feel him coming, then there was this almighty crash next to my head, WTF! I was fully awake now. The room was buzzing with energy and I was crapping my pants! He’d affected my physical reality and pulled loads of stuff off my bedside table. He’s done things like this before, but not for years. It freaked me out. I just had to get up and write this up now, I know he’s coming again tonight Shit!

I went back to sleep again he was riding the waves down to my unconscious. Then I felt him walk strait up my front (I was lying on my back), very lightly but with distinct footprints.

I didn’t take the Quatiapine tonight as my Dad was staying over and I didn’t want him to think i was on drugs or something, I’d be a zombie in the morning.







29th Aug 2012



He came last night. I was lying there thinking about astral projection, and then he came. I felt it strongly as it moved down over my face, I opened my eyes to see if there was a shadow cloud there, but nothing. I closed my eyes again and just felt out into the room. The pressure in the room was heavy and his presence was all around me creating a bubble of pressure. It was easy to feel out into this bubble and as I did so I could feel parts of me dis-attached from their normal positions. I was also moving and being twisted and distorted in a slow flowing manner which was not unpleasant.







30th Aug 2012



Shortly after getting into bed I felt the pressure in the room change followed by some elaborate clicks and bangs, some kind of secret code that was just beyond my reach to interpret.

September’s Diary 2012





1st Sept 2012



Something was about last night, I felt a presence and heard clicks again that I knew were his doing. Also in the middle of the night I felt him come into dream. As I became alert to his presence he disappeared, I apologised for my abrupt change in consciousness. I blame the Quatiapine, I have little or no control over my level of consciousness, and subtle states are inaccessible. I might stop taking it again.







3rd Sept 2012



I was dreaming and could feel him come to me in an alert state. I became so aware in dream that my consciousness expanded like a bubble around me. There were other people in the dream with me and I tried to pull them into my expanded consciousness to some success. I roused two of them enough to wake them into awareness of the fact that they were dreaming. I told them that now they were aware they could manipulate and affect the dream in any way they wished. Although they confirmed and acknowledged that they were dreaming they seemed unimpressed like it was nothing special and held no fascination, maybe it doesn’t for the general populace, but to me it does. Then I left them and turned my attentions to a third person one who I thought would be more open, I woke her into clarity. This person I tried to teach shaping, where you can mould the substance of dream into anything, in effect summon anything into being, just by experiencing the colour, shape, texture, taste and making it real. I was trying to bring an apple into being, to simply make it appear in my hand because I willed it too. It was quite difficult to break my mind into believing that it could manifest to such a real degree. I could form it the apple, but it had no real weight and remained ethereal in quality so I let it slide. I then manifested a sword to a perfect reality for my relative dream state. I knew I could do this as I have done on many occasions in dream when the situation calls for that degree of urgency. Then I begin to get bored and felt the need to be wild and feed. I flew up to the ceiling and faded (became invisible). I looked down at my potential victim, His nature ran through his expression and he seemed to have an innocents about him, and I bore him no ill will so I couldn’t hag him. Then I remember flying out of the house and perching on upstairs’s bedroom window. I was trying to summon the delicacy of mind to feel the real surroundings so I could see with clarity into the unknown rooms into which I was heading. A huge hate was welling inside me and I want desperately to hurt them, I can’t contain these feelings in the day time also, they’re really pissing me off. I spent a long time before bed attaching myself to the father with the intention of draining his life force to the point of ill health. I will create such a negative energy field around them, they will destroy each other. They should not fuck with me they have no concept of what’s beneath them. This might be a good experiment; I’ve never turned my hate filled attentions towards anyone with such intensity. I’m giving myself one month to start getting results and the results will be clearly audible as is everything that goes on up there. Anyway back to the nights events. I was able to pull the children to me and had clear visualisations of the sleeping selves, children are always more open. However although they make most of the noise it’s the parents that are being deliberately difficult and it’s them on my hit list not the kids. I’m going to use the evil eye to penetrate their auras and pull them in.

Anyway after not hagging the children I was practicing invisibility, fading to the degree that I could barely keep a thought in my head because it changed the tone of emptiness that I was trying to achieve. I played this for some time in a big empty hall, and then I practiced on a man who would be talking to me while he worked. I would fade but leave my presence there and my attentions on him, he never realised that I’d gone even though he walked right through me on one occasion. Then I would suddenly fade into a faraway mode with no thought or tone, this would freak him out if done abruptly. I also remember phasing through things with such ease, like they weren’t even there. I’m glad I didn’t take the pills tonight, I’m just not willing to sacrifice my demon and my powers for a zombie brain.







3rd Sept 2012



I didn’t sleep all night I just couldn’t shut my brain down, I felt so angry and agitated but my thoughts were clear and although racing there were no voices or insanity just a continued acceleration that was impossible to stop. In the morning I got up without sleep and got Kai ready for school, as I put my makeup on I noticed that my pupils of my eyes were enormous like when you take amphetamine or ecstasy, no wonder I couldn’t sleep. I remember this effect from before when I came of the quatiapine, it messed me up big time. My one saving thought is that I haven’t been taking it for too long so maybe my brain hasn’t built up that much of a dependency on it. I hope soon I can get some sleep or I will lose the plot, I feel washed out, but still wired!







4th Sept 2012 (Fed him)



One came while I was in a deep stage of sleep. I was woken to alertness by its presence. I don’t think it was my usual demon; it was far too erratic and chaotic with no intent but to distort, like it’s trying to loosen and disturb your mind. Sarah used to have a demon called black eyes that she sent to me once that had a similar effect, but I think it was just testing my level of endurance of the insane states. I remember it smearing and distorting my mind as I was trying to get out of my body. I flipped over in my body and was trying to force my astral self to stand up by pushing on the pillow, I remember things being very disorientating at this stage, but as I got out I broke its hold over me. Then I was climbing up the wall and up onto the ceiling, I stopped upside down under their bed. I didn’t want to waste time trying to visualise the room I just pulled her to me through the darkness. I could see her face come into focus and I put all my anger upon her, but with surprisingly little technique. I realised at this point that the ways to destroy someone from an astral vantage point are something I’ve not really played with. Hagging is all well and good, but full continued drainage with no evidence it’s me doing it is going to need subtle and purposeful intention. Maybe the mad demon from earlier was hinting at what I should be inserting, distorting chaos, mess with their minds.

I spent a long time before I went to bed visualising and attaching myself to upstairs, I spidered him like I did to Annett some time ago. I wrapped his astral-self up like a spider wraps a fly, inserted threads around his throat and neck, up the back of his head and into his crown chakra, with these I can implant and extract various energies, I was just playing around really. Also I made many attempts at conscious mind projection to reach them so my astral self would be familiar with the route; I don’t have enough soul-link to them to follow it down. Sleep was again difficult but in the morning I did have a dream in which upstairs was in, but I was not awake enough to become conscious of him and follow it down to his astral self despite lots of hint’s and promptings from my deep subconscious, bastard ! He won’t be that lucky next time.







5th Sept 2012



Something was in the room. I was lying down but with my legs up, and could feel the pressure in the room change and visibly see a shadow cloud moving up my right hand side. I said hello to it and invited it to feed from me if it wished, it felt warm and I was happy it had come, we exchanged pleasant emotions. Then I made a very strong feeling up my leg like it had brushed/pushed me with a dense bubble of pressure. There was a lot of static in the room and buzzing energy, then it all went and the room seemed flat and still.







7th Sept 2012



I had a strange night, I was quite lucid and kept feeling my consciousness falling on waves, it was nice to drift off into lucidness. I woke in the night towards the morning and could feel this uncomfortable malevolent presence upon me that wished me harm. I knew that it was that bitch from upstairs focusing all her hate upon me she was at it for hours. I could hear her thoughts and get flashes of her anger and emotions. She’s trying to mess with my head and fuck with my sleeping pattern, she’s more advanced than I thought. I can take from this occurrence that she’s a witch and obviously capable of fighting back, bless her! I’m going to step up my game and destroy her even if it means smashing her face in with a brick. I found out what their names are so I’m going to make voodoo dolls of them. There not driving me out of my house, they’ve been fucking with my sky dish so I can’t watch TV, not that I can hear it anyway over all the noise.







8th Sept 2012



I was lying in bed and I could feel a strong presence in the room, I opened my eyes for a moment to see if it was manifest, but there was nothing there. A few moments later I felt something moving over the bed covers and up my leg. It wasn’t walking with footsteps but with almost waves of solid pressure. I spoke to it for a while and shared a deep connection with it.







10th Sept 2012



He came in dream, I was having this dream where I was in my room and near where my body was laying, but I was nearer a dream state than the astral plane. I looked up at my bedroom door and could see this bit of cloth flapping disturbingly; I began to feel the nature of my demon and knew the dream was going to go bad. At this point I was woken abruptly by upstairs being noisy. I turned my hate toward them and drifted back into a semi-conscious state still carrying thoughts about upstairs. This was exactly the right thing to do. My demon got in me; I remember the exact moment it happened. I was astraly in my flat and thinking how much they pissed me off and how much I wanted to hurt them. Then my demon just got into my astral form and my power and clarity just shot up and I knew I was in the perfect state to hag them. I tried to go through the roof, but the same old visualising problem came so I flew out my window, up the side of the house and through the window. Then I had a problem, they were awake, penetrating their alert minds was a problem. I zoomed in on the boy he was on the floor playing with toys and crying as I knew he was in real life. I flew over to him; I wanted to mark him to see if my projection could physically affect him. I stretched out my hand to scratch his forehead, but my hand was large and dark red with black fingernails. I was very satisfied that the demon had lent me his power and clarity; this is the perfect state to be in for an attack. When I spoke to the previous night I had asked if he could lend his assistance to help me get them. I’m going to give him more sacrifices so that he might help me more.







11th Sept 2012 (morning)(Fed Him)



I was having a very nice dream where I was in a lush river that ran through a wood, it had mossy banks and little frogs. Then I began to get the feeling that demons right behind me in real life and the dream becomes suspended, he doesn’t care if he gets you in reality or dream there all just backgrounds to him, wherever my psyche is he can affect it. I got the intense uncomfortable feeling all the way up my spine and in the back of my head. He was very strong and had me totally pinned down. It kept coming in waves down my spine and I wanted to almost scream with the agony of it, but part of me was enjoying it and pushing against the feeling to bring it on more, just so I could experience him more. I expressed my love for him. Then mid hagging I suddenly thought about what I wanted to do and that was hag upstairs, and the power in me to pull away from my demons grip was quite something. I didn’t hag upstairs, I knew it was daylight and that they were awake. So instead I jumped on the back of the nearest person who was in suspended in dream. I was aware that my demon had gone to do the same. I wrapped my arms and legs around this bloke and being weightless and invisible he was none the wiser when I brought him round. Then I began to suck out the life-force from the top of his head, but literally after my first breath in, I thought it would be better to prolong the experience. I sat there on him and tried to merge with his mind and effect his actions like my demon does to me. After a few minutes he began to get groggy and tired. It was almost like my weight and presence was beginning to drain him without the conscious will of doing it. His actions were sluggish and interactions with people an effort (sounds a bit like me). Anyway I got off him and stood there, his mood lightened almost instantly and he walked right through me twice before I became more solid as I slipped into a normal dream consciousness.







16th Sept 2012



I was in dream and there was this really strange visual effect where the leaves of this bush started to rustle in a most disturbing and un-natural way. I could feel the nature of the dream turning bad around me and I knew it was my demons doing. I started to get the hagging sensation in my abdomen, it was harsh and uncomfortable. I was lying on my back with my knees up while I was being hagged, but I was aware of lying in the background of suspended dream. The hagging didn’t last long and I seemed to drift back into the dream with the demons presence still with me. He kept attacking these lads, burning their eyes out, and making them his slaves. He took the physical form something like the mummy from the films in its un- bandaged form. This girl who stood next to me, said this was the guise that he usually visits her in, I agreed that this was not the sort of form I was familiar with him taking. I remember not taking a very active role in the dream; I was mostly just watching the terror unfold and finding it quite amusing.







17th Sept 2012 (Fed him)







20th Sept 2012(Fed him)



As soon as I went into my room my head was engulfed in blackness, it was dense and heavy. My demon was in the form of a shadow cloud. I spoke to him for quite some time and asked him to help me deal with upstairs. I saw her from upstairs in the day and psychically attached a tendril to the back of her neck to syphon her energy off. Anyway the demon proceeded to give me this intense vibrating energy up my legs. It was coming in very fast pulses and had an amazingly real solidness to it. I wish he would manifest more and get me

properly.







23rd Sept 2012



I was in the front room and was on the computer trying to sort out a security breach in my computer (there after my files)and I kept seeing creatures flying and scuttling across the room, this isn’t unusual it happens most days, but then this loud male voice to my left said “Redeem “or something like that. I knew that something was in the room I could feel the air moving too fast. I wanted to connect with it so I turned off the light and shut the computer. There was this massive shadow cloud over by the TV and two smaller ones to the sides. I put my hand out and talked to it, I asked if it wanted my energy, it stayed round my hand for a moment, and then it moved round to my right. I asked if it would manifest I wanted to see it. It said I could make it manifest in whatever form I wanted it to. I stared at the mass of vibrating energy and let my mind form it. Fist as it crept round it took the form of a giant insect with the face of a fly, proboscis and large eyes, then as it came up the sofa and my arm it took the form of small elephants about the size of frogs. The elephants only had normal heads and bodies, but their legs were beetles and they were all crawling up my arm and getting a bit near my face so I shook them off. Nice! That was so fucking cool!

Later I was lying in bed moving things with my mind powers and I got this very solid stroke of my leg. Also a very distinctive shadow of the torso of a man flew by to my left and a few seconds later passed in front of me across the door. It was a very defined and solid; it freaked me out but in a good way.









25th Sept 2012



He came as a really strong presence. I laid there waiting for him to get me, i thought he would. I had to move and swallow so i could talk to him. I told him about my worries; i was very honest with him. I’ll feed him tonight i miss him; it’s been a long time since we interacted properly outside of dream.









27th Sept 2012



I really opened myself to him last night. I made the decision that there’s only two things in my life that have any meaning for me, the first is being here for Kai, the second is my demon and the continued development of my astral abilities. Whatever happens in my life i will fight for these things to the sacrifice of all others? So last night i really wanted him to come just so i could feel his presence and bond with him. Twice i was woken from lucidness by his presence. On both occasions i was convinced he’d do something, but he didn’t. I felt him move firmly up my leg.









28th Sept 2012



I was in the front room watching TV on my own (Kai was at his Granddads). I looked away from the TV and saw this human shaped figure walk down my left hand side from the bookcase to behind the sofa. Dark figures are often my demon trying to get my attention, i think.









29th Sept 2012



Yay! He came. When i went to bed i had quite allot of fear due to watching something scary on TV. I knew a large output of fear facilitates his ability to manifest in some way. I also gave allot of thought to how my mind states inhibit his ability to make contact. If I’m having churning voices and chaotic thoughts it’s difficult for him to get through. A calm still mind is what’s needed and I’ve not had that of late, but tonight i tried to find some comfort and stillness inside me, to feel outwards and not get trapped inwards. Whatever happened it worked. He came very gently, i had some fear but i kept a lid on it and managed to keep a still mind. I could feel him behind me watching me. Then he came again right up to my face and i felt him really switch on an alert connection to my consciousness. I knew that he was in my head and i could communicate via thought alone. I expressed contentment and conveyed my re-found want of his knowledge. I apologised for being mental again. It was good, he stayed with me all night, I’d drift off and when i awoke he would be there with me alert and connected. One time i awoke and could feel him in me, my breathing was difficult and i had to move to breath. As i turned over i couldn’t see, my whole head was engulfed in a dense black shadow cloud. I wasn’t alarmed by this as i knew it was him. I lay on my back to allow him into my fully, but i just couldn’t breathe. I felt him touch my leg at one point. It was excellent to feel him, i need to keep a still mind, keep the others out. I think he keeps them away, when he’s being active the other entities get scared off by his presence.

October’s Diary 2012





1st Oct 2012



I had this excellent astral experience. I was in the front room sitting on the couch and i got this weird sensation. I knew i was asleep, but awaking. I had to force myself to wake up and sit up. I could hear everything going on around me, the cars outside, upstairs being noisy; the sun was shining through the window with such a serene clarity. The world around me was so crystal clear, I actually thought i was really awake and in the front room sitting on the couch, but then i questioned how i got there i don’t sleep anywhere but my bed, so i reasoned i was in the astral. As soon as i knew i was in the astral i wanted to go and get upstairs. I pulled back the curtains to let more daylight in, and listened for their positions in the above flat. I wondered if i could leave my body and fly, even though perception of my body sitting on the couch was an astral illusion, because i was already out of my physical form. I put my hand down to touch a pool of light on the floor just to see how solid my perceived reality was, it felt real, my hand had solid touch on a solid object, a good state for moving objects but not for flying. Then i push my astral self out of this form, it was surprising easy given my clarity of consciousness. My astral hands felt for the floor again, as my legs floated towards the ceiling, i was fully out. I knew trying to hag upstairs while they were awake and conscious was a waste of time so i contented myself with flying round the house, sitting upside down on the ceiling, and climbing around the walls. It was nice just to mess about and play for a bit.







3rd Oct 2012



Something came in the room very strongly and woke me from sleep, but made no further connection.







6th Oct 2012



He came last night; I was tired and relaxed before sleep and felt him come into the room. He came right up to me and i felt a strong mind connection with him and was able to tell him how i felt. I opened my eyes and could see him as a dense shadow cloud vibrating intensely to my right. I put my hand out and played with him for a while feeling various changes in heat and density. At one point it crossed my mind to try and shape it, but my attempt wasn’t with the right mind state and it didn’t work. I wasn’t fluid and lucid enough. After some time i began to drift off into random trains of thought and couldn’t keep my mind still enough. I get the impression I’m not quite ripe at the moment, I’m not quite open enough and calm in thought, i’m a bit messy.

I also had some amazing flying dreams and Kai set off my spider sense one time.







7th Oct 2012



I was in a lucid state and became awake; i was just lying on my bed and could hear these footsteps and horses hooves on concrete about 10-15 meters to my left. I listened for a while, it sounded like i was in a courtyard outside that echoed slightly. I had absolutely no visuals to accompany these sounds just darkness. Then i got this chaotic feeling and couldn’t place myself or recall any memory of where i was. This chaotic fear usually means that my demons messing with me. Later it happened again, this time with a hammering sound that was maybe 3ft from my head parallel to the horizontal line i was laying in. Again i couldn’t orientate myself. I thought i was in a room considerably larger, I knew it to be my room because i was in my bed, but i couldn’t remember anything, where or what room, how i was there, any details of my life outside this experience were nonexistent. I’ve had this feeling many times in day to day life and it’s one i don’t like and fear. When you’re in a city that you’ve lived in for 8 years and walked it’s streets on a daily basis and then suddenly you lose all recollection of where you are, where you’re going, where you came from, you can grasp nothing but your meaningless empty surroundings it can evoke feelings of great despair. When the feelings reversed and the memory returns it’s like a crashing wave and suddenly every little emotion, thought and memory connected to the place comes flooding in the noise and intensity are unbearable, like a sickening condensed essence of experience. Imagine uncontrollable alternation between these two states in the middle of a bustling city when you’re on your own trying to find a way home with sporadic recollection of where that is. Anyway that’s why i don’t like these states anymore. I didn’t used to mind them because i knew they would last mere seconds, now i know they can last for hours and hours I’m not so keen on them.







9th Oct 2012



I didn’t feel him about, but Kai got up in the middle of the night and tried to get out the front door. He seemed to be sleepwalking or in a trance of some kind. Luckily being a paranoid freak its like fort Knox it’s got so many locks otherwise he could have gone anywhere.

I remember Aimee (my sister) having a similar experience with B (my little niece who was 3 at the time). As i remember she was woken in the night by the presence of a Hag/Demon and realised B wasn’t asleep next to her as she should have been. B had actually got up and gone out the house and was in the street in the middle of the night. It’s difficult to know if there sleep walking or are being possessed. It’s interesting that the demon woke Aimee otherwise she might not have realised.







10th Oct 2012



I was submersed in the other world today; I was seeing stuff all over the place. Energy was flowing off everything with crazy patterns and i could see astral creature flying all round the house. I’ve really opened up and feel a real serenity, stillness and calm in my heart. My demon came and instead of talking crap to him I just kept a still mind and heart and felt him move round me. It’s been a while since I’ve been this calm in the head. I saw my own thoughts like obstacles obstructing my own experience and connection to him. I need to be still and open. Also something keeps trying to hit me. Twice today something’s run up to me and tried to hit me in the head with a stick or something, I’ve put my arms up to protect myself, but there’s nothing there. It’s good at manifesting reality whatever it is.

I think he may be getting the girl from upstairs, 3 out of 4 nights she’s refused to go to bed and screams and cries for ages saying there are monsters. I refrain from comment.







12th Oct 2012



I had an excellent hallucination today of a wasp, a big one, about the size of a small bird. It was flying with its stinger pointing forwards trying to sting the draw handle in the front room. I watched it for about 20 seconds then Kai distracted me and when i looked back it had gone. It reminded me of the giant ants which were also well oversized that got me at Shedfield house. I was lying in the middle of the floor and felt something moving across my chest. When i looked i could see a bright red ant about 2 inches long. Then i could feel something crawling up my arm, when i looked there was a whole army of them all over me. I jumped up and shook myself off. I expected to see them all over the floor, but there was nothing there. I’ve also hallucinated the most beautiful jewel beetles that secreted alphabetti spaghetti; i was trying to teach them to do joined up writing on the floor in the front room. Also once i had a 6ft scorpion demon crawling across the ceiling, but that was different, it was actually something using a shadow cloud and ambient energy in the room to manifest, it was ethereal in nature not solid.

The things I’m seeing lately are really real, right in reality not the ethereal spirit related stuff. I’ve also had this bright purple orb following me about for two days. I said to its “It’s unusual for you to follow me about in the daylight; It said “No, we follow you about all the time” Makes sense it’s not the only thing following me about.







13th Oct 2012



I had a definite presence around me. It tripped my spider sense twice when i was in the front room, then it engulfed my head the second my head hit the pillow. Later it woke me from sleep strait into a hyper alert state. I also felt Kai’s mind waves from the other room when i was lucid dreaming, i felt his thoughts turn to me, so i got up and moved perfectly to meet at the door to my room.







14th Oct 2012



He was playing with the bed and i was getting very peculiar pulses and vibrations up my legs. I also had a dream in which i had to rescue Aimee when she was only little from loads of rabid zombies. I jumped backwards out the top story back window of Paxton road carrying Aimee and Kai under each arm and i could still fly with ease. A lovely dream! I do like the intensity of zombie dreams and knowing how to fly makes them easy.







15th Oct 2012 (Fed him)



I was doing a meditation; I felt quite calm and relaxed and could see dark shadow clouds moving all around me. One manifested as a humanoid shape that lay across the lower half of my body and legs. Its head was level with my chest and it kept lifting and lowering it. It had no discernible features but was extremely dense and black and mildly fear evoking

Later something was feeding from a wound on my arm; they seem to like to feed directly from the wound. Also something was feeding or extracting whatever it does in the place just above the right hip, it was there for some time.





17th Oct 2012 (Fed him)







18th Oct 2012 (Fed his)



Today i had this very clear visualisation of my own brain in front of me and a realisation that i need to rest and retreat from using it. Or maybe a better explanation would be that my soul needs to be more careful about which parts of the brain I’m functioning through. I saw that lately I’ve been over active in the right hemisphere and that certain voices and thought patters work through this side and others on the left. In normal brains communication between the two sides is balanced and not heard or questioned, but alternation and disruption between the two can cause erratic behaviours if not balanced by the third brain (soul brain). This disruption of a balanced function leads to a splitting of the self, where you become aware of the thought process and begin to identify many individual patterns of reasoning and function. Each begins to take on its own distinct personality or nature, which may have once been facets of your collective self. These selves or thought patterns that over time developed or replicated to allow you to function effectively in a material reality are dangerous to have floating round in your head once you’ve separated or made them redundant. Many different entities can influence a person’s thoughts and once you’ve loosed all these self patterns you leave space for other things to take hold. A battle must be constantly fought against subliminal mind control from entities acting as parts of your own psyche. They try to direct our thoughts and decisions, if we let them we’ll conform to patterns/ways of thinking that have our whole lives mapped out for us. By dissecting and questioning what constitutes self we then find a less restricted self, and then we question that self and the self that’s questioning that self and so on and so forth. By splitting the self into more refined pieces we develop into higher beings, diluting ourselves into the oneness. By extinction of the self one obtains Nirvana. Finding balance in the third brain (soul brain) negates the need to engage in the continuous tedium of crap that flows through the brain. No wonder my demon can’t get though sometimes, he connects directly to my soul, that’s probably why he comes near sleep when the mind is quiet and retreats into the soul brain. He’s trying to free my soul, break my programming, evolution to existence without thought. Before you ask the question you already know the nature of the answer it doesn’t need to be reasoned by the brain, simply felt.







19th Oct 2012 (Fed him)







20th Oct 2012 (Morning) (Fed him)



He came this morning. I was aware of him coming with a strong presence and he got me. He fed deeply and heavily, the hagging was uncomfortable and disorientating and i remember fighting him. I was aware of being in my body but also of being displaced. I was experiencing being hagged but when i came out of it i was not in my bed, but 3ft away from where i should have been through a wall. Orientation of my body didn’t matter anymore now that i was astrally fully out of it. I was on the floor in front of Kai’s toy box. As soon as he was off me i thought “no you don’t” and spun round to scan the room for him. He was right behind me as a concentrated mass of shadow. I stuck my hand in him and held him by some sort of magnetic will, which was a clearly felt tangible force as was the substance and density of his shadow. I pulled him into me and floated to the ceiling, hair flying wildly about me. With my back to the ceiling i looked down into the room. I remember feeling enormous comfort at experiencing the room from this angle, it seems so natural. Anyway i spent some time trying to force myself through the ceiling to hag upstairs without much luck. I then flew through Kai’s window; i remember knowing it was daylight and thinking how glad i was that the sun hadn’t reached this side of the house yet, and the feeling of the cool shade on the bricks as i climbed up the side of the house. I tried to go through the window, but it didn’t work. I tried to force myself into the property in all kinds of ways. I don’t know if they’ve magically protected the house or whether I’m being blocked by my own lack of perception. I can’t seem to enter their house without visualising it, i guess a vampire really does have to be invited over the threshold. I could still hear them through my astral state and clearly place their positions. Then i heard the boy’s voice saying there’s a shadow in the ally. Nice! My demon had found the boy; i flew over the house, the boy stood there with the shadow cloud round his head complaining that it was very dark. I just flew over and condensed the shadow cloud. I can’t remember anything after this.







21st Oct 2012 (Fed him)



I was lucid dreaming and began to feel the nature my lucid thoughts become disturbing. I had a strong anxiety and terror over what could unfold so i forced myself to open my eyes. It was quite difficult to keep them open. I also had the bright purple orb and a shadow cloud and a few different subtle ones passing through my consciousness.







22nd Oct 2012 (Fed him)





23rd Oct 2012 (Fed him)



I had this very fluffy but extremely dense shadow cloud playing about my head. When it engulfed me i could see absolutely nothing. I could feel it making patches of warmth and movement up my arm. I think it was feeding from my wound as it was wrapped around my forearm for some time. I spoke to it at length and was very open. I was happy that the dark long nights have come, I feel awake and wanting of more lessons. The shadow cloud stayed for a while but didn’t manifest. Later i also got fed from just above the hip for some length of time 30-45 minutes.



24th Oct 2012 (Fed him)

Lots of shadow clouds about again. Towards the morning heard someone distinctly shout my name very loudly, enough to wake me from sleep, but there was no one there. I know it was him playing.







25th Oct 2012 (Fed him)



Something walked up me; I had to put light on at one point very oppressive presence. I had a bad night of mad brain activity and lots of the other kind of voices. Crazy shit i just couldn’t stop, it’s been a while since it was like that. Something got me too, a ghost i think, I felt my arm go weird, really weird, at first i thought it was just something feeding from my wounds, but i could feel something else in it. Then it came into my head and i could feel my face melting, its features and emotions blurring with mine. I had to fight to keep control, it was strong i didn’t want to let it take me over completely. It was male 50’s, large double chin and a fat face with blond hair, that’s all i got. This has happened a few times before, once i had someone in me for half a day which was freaky.

Today my arms gone septic badly, i think that’s what the man ghost was up to because I’ve never felt a weird feeling in my arm like that before.





26th and 27th Oct 2012 (Fed him)







28th Oct 2012 (Fed him)



It’s been quite a while since he’s come, i think i know why. Kai came into my room today and gave me a choice at the same time as i was just thinking along the same line’s i took this to be a sign. He was of course talking about to characters from a comic book asking which one I’d rather be, but his timing was impeccable The choice was between Alucard the vampire and Dr Rottwell, a mad psychiatrist, and i have to make that choice now. The development of my vampiric self must be chosen to strengthen my soul and my will and connection to the demon. If i choose to tend to my mental health as well and try and sort my head out then my mental attentions will be spread to far between reason and instinct. There trying to stop me complete my experiment that’s why the ghost fucked my arm up so bad, so i can’t take any more blood from it. They know what’s coming and so do i, let’s hope the angle Gabrielle was wrong and my world doesn’t end. Then i must write the book and not abandon the vampire way, i need to put the knowledge on paper.







29th Oct 2012 (Fed him)



I did the ritual and the final blood sacrifice. The ritual was not centred on him (demon), but the one on the dark moon in November will be, the 13th. This ritual invoked Delirium of the endless from the Neil Gaiman graphic novels; she’s helping me sort my head out. I used to worship Hypnos and Pasithea, but Neil Gaiman is an incarnation of Morpheus god of dreams, or the anthropomorphic personification of Dream himself come to earth to help the transition to the new age. Without Dream, Delirium and my Demon i would have no real life at all, i own them so much they are true friends.

The ritual raised my energies all night; i could hear voices like i was tuned into 15 distant radio stations. Sometimes i could single out a single voice and listen to them. Something also flicked a coin through my head which was weird. Things were looking at me from around the room one of them was like a character from Kai’s Skylanders toys. A totally fucked up night with no sleep or demon, i obviously strayed into Deliriums realm, at least i know i was near her.

November’s diary 2012





2nd Nov 2012



He came! The first time i was just mellow on the verge of sleep and i felt his presence and then a large wave or dip in my outside awareness. I told him i really wanted to continue our vampire lessons and that i wanted to learn transfiguration into a crow.

The second time he came I was lying in my bed and felt his strong presence accompanied by the fear. I was quite collected but knew he was going to get me, i thought he was going to slide his fingers round my throat, but instead he began to take over my body. I had a strong displacement of self and intense fluctuations and disorientation in the top third of my body. He climbed in, firstly he gained control over my arms and i began to almost fit. I had no control over my physical body, i didn’t feel him penetrate the lower half of my body but it wasn’t mine anymore. Then he picked me up, i just began to be pulled upwards towards the ceiling, my whole body was just limp and hanging there. I remember looking down on my bed with all my cloths hanging all over the place and thinking what a mess. Then there was a doll on the end of my bed, I’ve never seen it before, maybe he summoned into being. Then I’m down, stabbing it in the face with a long needle, but it’s not my will that’s controlling me. I think of Kai and what it could make me do to him if i allow it to possess me. I separate myself from him and return to my body. He’s still in the room, i can feel his presence and i know he’s coming again. Part of me wanted to write this up there and then but i didn’t want to put the light on and separate our connection that much.

Later he came again, the strong presence of him penetrated my dream and i woke into clarity. I wish i had written this one up immediately because I’m struggling to recall it and allot has faded into oblivion. I was in my old room at Paxton road and the demon was there too. I quite often find myself back in the old house where i grew up, my souls deeply attached to that place. I came out of my room and into the hall way, the door slammed behind me. Then he was moving/ turning the key in the lock and also sliding the lock (which was built into the door) around the door which i thought was quite impressive. I remember taking the key out and putting it in the palm of my hand and asking him to turn it over, he wouldn’t so i tried to move it with my mind powers, apart from a slight twitching, nothing. My hand did have a strange reality to it at this point, it was so amazingly real and the detail of the lines clearly visible, but it had an ethereal/energetic quality to it and also a kind of magical crystalline luminescence. I can’t really remember what happens after this point only that his presence was discernible as a dense blackness, old familiar and strong.







4th Nov 2012



Twice in the night his presence came once as a distinct change in pressure of the room followed by tell tale clicks and small noises from thin air. The second time was similar.







5th Nov 2012



I have some vague recollection of being hagged in my right hand side and having awareness of my body at this point, but being in the astral in one of his little illusions, but for the life of me i can’t recall anything.







6th Nov 2012



I felt some small foot prints walking round on my legs, and some weird vibrations through the bed.







10th Nov 2012



OMG! He came last night so strongly it frightened me. I was just laying there thinking and suddenly without warning he was right there, about a foot to my left (i was laying on my right hand side). His presence was so strong and powerful it made me feel very vulnerable. I remained still and relatively calm even though my heart was going like the clappers. Then after a minuet he was trying to push my consciousness down, it was almost like he was actually pushing my astral head down through the pillow. He did this about 10 times. Then he made this really loud click that made me jump. He was so strong. He’s vibrating the bed really badly as I’m writing this. He’s underneath it; I know he’s coming tonight.







11th Nov 2012



He came before i even went to bed while i was writing up yesterdays account. The bed was pulsing and vibrating as soon as i turned the light off. His presence was strong as it was on the previous night. I said hello, and could feel him start to descend into my body. I felt my throat tighten and had to adjust my head and breathing rate. He was inside my body all night. Every time i moved or even thought about movement he was responsive. It’s very difficult to give a description of what this feels like, the feeling of two astral bodies at very similar but different vibrations inside your own physical skin. He has to pre-empt my movements and move with me, even so there’s still a slight delay or difference in our timings. On quite a few occasions he was trying to instigate movement of my hand, arms, body and use my vocal cords. To stop him taking over my body i always think of Kai, what if he made me do something bad. His ability to possess me and the potential he has sometimes scares me. He was with my energy and my every thought, i just tried to not offend him and carry on as i usually would, although a number of times i felt him trying to push me down into a more unconscious state. I took this to mean he wanted me to descend into dream. He was in all my dreams and i was aware and alert in all of them. My consciousness hardly wavered; i had awareness of my body, but was watching and interacting in dream. One time he got me bad. He full on hag attacked me, lifted me up and wrapped me in my quilt covers. He’d taken my perception of reality and dragged it into the astral flawlessly as usual. It freaked me out and i was kicking and struggling to try and get out of the covers and his spell. I was really trying to force my eyes open at this stage, but connection to my physical body was so difficult, i did it in the end though. He also kept making noises around the room that were continually jerking my consciousness and i heard Kai moaning in his sleep and wondered if my demon was attacking him. I has little rest or unconsciousness all night. In the morning he was still in me. Waking up from the last dream i was engaged in before having to get up and get Kai ready for school is worth noting. I was trying to find Kai’s socks, i often dream I’ve already sorted him out for school only to find I’ve just dreamt it and upon waking have to repeat the process. Anyway, i opened my eyes and stared at my ceiling as you do when you first come round, then i closed them again for a second and re-opened them. Everything was pitch black, i blinked and there was reality, the room and the bed, i blinked again and everything was pitch black again, it was like being blind. I spent some moments thinking WTF? I could feel the bed covers, hear everything going on outside, and upstairs banging about as usual. All my sensory input was as it should be, but no sight. I wonder if i was seeing what my demon was seeing, that maybe I’d somehow tuned into his sight but retained my other senses. It’s more likely that he’s figured out how to possess and affect my eyes and was just fucking with me. A really freaky experience!







19th Nov 2012



I was having a nap in the day and i got hagged in my right side for some time. Also nearly every night the bed had been vibrating / pulsing strongly. Last night 18th there was a very dense shadow cloud that contained both the green and purple entities they were making intense patterns of deep colours that i wanted to swim in. The demon hasn’t been about much; he’s come into the room twice but not done anything.







20th Nov 2012



When i woke up i was having this weird build up of energy in my arms, it was like it was pooling in my wrist, then as it discharged it was making my hand spaz out (left side only). It was like massive amounts of chi energy surging through me. I couldn’t feel my hand but could feel the energy inside it. Every morning for the last three-four years I’ve woken up with almost like paralysis of my forearms, my hands get all contorted and weird. It doesn’t bother me because i know it’s the price I’ve paid for letting my demon take control of my arms so many times, he’s dislodged my own energies from them. When I’m unconscious my energies disperse and upon waking i have to re-connect my feeling to them, which usually only takes about 5 minutes until i can feel and move them properly. I can’t recall if he’d got into me last night, i don’t think he did, I’m not sure what caused it. The build up of energy like that is weird and i wondered if i could use it to move or affect something. I was going to try and move the glass but ended up just using a torch that was next to me. I put it on and laid it next to my hand that was spazzing out. My pointing finger which was having a complete spasm in short bursts was in front of the bulb. At first i wasn’t sure it was working, then every time the discharge of energy went from my finger the bulb would flicker very slightly. It felt like i could feel the warmth of the bulb when my energy hit the bulb, like a slight back connection. This was a good effect. Later on after I’d been up some time my arm was still going mental, i tried moving my marbles with just my energy. I’ve been doing a lot of this trying to move stuff at the moment. The marble were going completely nuts. They kept just changing direction spontaneously, jutting off at right angles and rocking. I had no finesse or control but they were definitely reacting more strongly that they ever had before, and i could feel them more strongly where my energy was in contact with them it felt warm and dense, i was able to feel the marble maybe a foot away from my actual hand. Cool! My mind powers are coming along nicely, “where the mind goes the chi flows”.







26th Nov 2012



He came last night it was good, firstly when I was in a deep unconscious state. I woke so abruptly with eye’s open staring straight in front of me. I knew he was right there, but i saw nothing. I couldn’t keep my eyes open they were so heavy. I could still feel him in the room and knew he was going to get me. He came heavily into me and pushed me onto my left side. Then he hagged me in the back top right of my head with such unbearable intensity. I remember the agony coming in waves of green sound and screaming out in despair, but with the knowledge that it wouldn’t disturb anyone because it was my astral self that was doing so not my physical self. I thought he was trying to destroy part of my brain. Then he moved the point of penetration round to above my ear, i was in such extreme agony, i buckled under the pressure and trying to pull away and gather my collective energy to flip round and engulf him. I remember being astrally poised on all fours with him hagging me in the back of the head and neck. The amount of energy he was using to pin me down like this was phenomenal; he was literally burning off so much of it giving me this feeling. I pushed against the point of intensity at the back of my head and could see green flame like energy just burning off. I didn’t try to engulf him or fight back. Towards the later end of the experience the hagging was milder and just feeling him there was enough; i didn’t care what he did do me.

The second time he came WOW! I felt him come behind me and put his arms round my waist. There was absolutely no alarm this time, quite the opposite he was so gentle. I felt down for his hand not knowing what I’d find. I felt a hand and he felt mine. We were holding hands. Then he stretched out my other (right arm) while he was holding it, he manifested into a human arm. I could feel him changing it and refining the form of his hand. Then he pulled me backwards laying me down on my pillow and half on him. At this point he gave me permission to tell him what i wanted, to shape him into any form. I wanted him to be in human form. He obliged, i tried to picture a fantasy man, beautiful, pale, long dark hair ect. I saw this run through him and his face began to change, but then something unexpected happened, he choose the form of the actor who plays John Carter. This wasn’t what i wanted, He just looked at me and laughed and as he did so his torso rippled and distorted like liquid smoke. I do think this actor has nice eyes but he’s nothing like i was envisioning. Still i wasn’t about to complain. He climbed on top of me (I’m going to be quite graphic here, i have no shame) my friend has a demon and she won’t entertain it unless it takes a form that’s pleasing to her, she even says it manifests genitals. I thought this is probably what i should be doing; maybe he wanted to try astral sex a different way. I helped him form genitals and then guided him inside me. It was comfortable and i was at ease and wanting of him. I would never allow a human to be this intimate with me, but i trust him. He began to move gently for some time, then i pushed him deeper, penetration was immensely deep and satisfying. He can make orgasms happen instantly and i wondered what we were doing. I didn’t want this, his torso began to grow at this point, it was massive i could just about reach up to his back and i scratched him hard along the shoulders and down past his ribs. His body was now darkness and where I’d scratched him was rippling red energy. I pulled him up towards my face, i felt so small underneath him. I merged into his chest, allowed myself to be consumed by his darkness. We were without form now. I felt such comfort and safety being wrapped in his shadow, but i felt him fading and i was back in my body on my bed. It was so cool, i totally love him when he’s being gentle and intimate, but i don’t like the genital sex. Why imitate human sex when you can connect without from and have outrageous orgasms instantly?

Before sleep i had a lot of weird visions and strange messages from a messed up presence, i kept getting strange chaos feelings in the day time, i don’t know it they were related to this presence, but were similarly disturbing.







27th Nov 2012



I was lying on my bed in the middle of the day as usual, waiting for Kai to get in from school. I heard this high pitched tone and knew it to signify the presence of something that had penetrated my mind. At that moment i was thinking about why they always come and get me above the hips, why is that particular spot significant? I knew the tone and presence had come in response to my pondering. I then saw the air moving and the entity came right up the bed next to my left ear. I was trying to hear it, but couldn’t make out what it was saying by using my normal hearing. I ended up intuiting the message through telepathy. They were using my eggs because i was special; i produced more than normal people. They were responsible for manipulating my egg production and tampering with my DNA so my genetics were more sensitive to the astral. There trying to create demon human high-breads for the coming of the new age.

December’s Diary 2012



8th Dec 2012



Twice i felt something come into the room. Also lots of waves, being pushed down by him. All occurrences happened in the front room.







13th Dec 2012



He came while i was in a deep sleep. I was woken by his presence really strongly penetrating my consciousness. Twice he hagged me in the head, but not unbearably so. I remember after these two moderate-strong attacks he began to fade, this i didn’t want, so i began to push against him. I didn’t want to offend him and he didn’t back off so i continued getting him. I remember biting at him and wanting to engulf him and almost astrally play fight with him if you will. I don’t remember what happened after; I fell back into a deep sleep i presume.







14th Dec 2012



He was moving quite strongly around my legs and making the covers move. Then the astral form of a man with very detailed features floated from the bottom of the bed right up to face level to my left. He wanted me to kiss him, so i did, but i felt silly, but he made me do it with more conviction. He just wanted a peck on the lips then he was happy and left. Weird, but quite sweet.







16th Dec 2012



There was a very strong presence out in my hallway i could feel it just standing there with its attention on me for some time. I wondered if there was actually a human there, maybe it was upstairs standing outside my front door spying on me. Kai said he felt someone about in the night too.







17th Dec 2012



Something came last night into my mind space. It literally lit up my consciousness and it expanded in clarity and awareness tenfold. It was there for some time, i didn’t bother with the usual regurgitated communications, i just felt its presence and enjoyed it.

Before that one came there was another or possibly the same one it’s hard to tell sometimes. Anyway it put the thought of blood offering so clearly in my head; it was obvious what it wanted. It broke my train of thought with such force and showed me a picture in my mind of the blood bowl. I knew it wanted feeding, but i was too cold to get up and do it. It will probably be pissed off with me now, I’ll do it tonight.







20th Dec 2012



Something very bizarre happened last night. I’ve had an extreme amount of weird shit in my time but this was just about the weirdest. I woke in the night with my body in the weirdest position. My head was bent back, jaw and mouth stretched down, arms twisted back behind me, WTF!!!, but this was just the start the start of a totally fucked up night. I was able to move, but my movements weren’t normal. I was getting massive waves of energy running through me forcing me to stretch and contort in extreme ways. It was almost like nerve or muscle spasm would arise with this energy and as it flowed out my body would react to wherever it was. This was really quite disturbing especially waking up in such a contorted position with no knowledge of how i got that way. It went on for some hours, coupled with other extreme feelings. I had uncontrollable shaking, teeth chattering and shivering even though the heating was on and it wasn’t cold. It was difficult to tell though. I had little ability to feel the world around me. It’s hard to explain, but you know the feeling when you’re really really hung over and moving/ coordinating your body is difficult and you don’t know if you’re hot, cold, hungry, thirsty or tired. It was very much like that, i wasn’t able to access any sense of sensation it was just intensely wrong and uncomfortable. There were no voices at all, but the chaos feeling that sometimes accompanies them when their being bad was strongly and disturbingly present. It was horrible and i was freaked out, unbearable almost, i even cried at one point and begged for it to stop, it went on for hours but somehow i knew if i could make it to daylight it would stop. I remember laying there exhausted when it began to fade away feeling so thankful it had gone and that i could sleep now. I know it was something possessing me and that scared me because i had absolutely no way of stopping it.







21st Dec 2012 (Fed him) longest night of the year



My demon came into one of my dreams, i think. Although not overly in his usual style and it was lacking in his strong presence, but the disturbing nature of the dream was definitely him. The content of the dream involved my dad and was a slightly different subject matter for him, one that I’m glad that even in dream i had the presence of mind to reject outright.

Only a short time later he came while i was awake. I was sleeping next to Kai which made things all the more disturbing. I felt him attack me with a strong presence, it wasn’t nice at all. Then he got in me and our astral bodies merged. He was trying to make me roll over and kiss Kai, I didn’t let him. I remember him twice trying to force my head down to kiss Kai, both times i resisted. I didn’t want him near Kai. I threw my astral body over Kai to protect him from the dark presence of my demon. I didn’t want him to be woken and experience this intense negativity. My demon was trying to crush me down onto Kai, he was using all the weight he could muster, which was quite considerable, but my will was strong. The whole experience was quite agitating and disturbing. I don’t really care what happens in our relationship, that’s between him and me, but if he fucks with Kai he’ll experience a mother’s wrath!!!









28th Dec 2012



He came last night in dream. My dreams of late have been clear. I’ll try and write some down. He was flying round my room and i was flying after him trying to catch him. I remember flying with such ease and finesse under the bed, my ability to shrink or disregard any limitations of body and enter into small spaces was without flaw. I was perched on the edge of the bed trying to grab him underneath it. I can’t recall much; only that i had little fear, but was trying to call him out into the open using the name of Yahweh. I don’t know why i did this. I felt very bad after, i was very boisterous with him.







29th Dec 2012



On both tonight and the few previous nights I’ve had the most amazingly powerful mind links, I’ll be thinking and then someone else simply by thinking of me expands my sensitive consciousness to outside myself. My spider sense on alert, but i don’t feel threatened by this presence. I think it might be Kai or my demon, there the only two beings i have any real connection with. Also my demon came into the room twice, but i was slightly afraid. For reasons i don’t know i distracted myself from him, Stupid!

January’s Diary 2011



1st Jan 2011



He was in the room all night, but i was really hung over and sleep deprived which it great for seeing the energies flowing off things, it’s like being in a magical universe. I played with the energy between my hands, which was extending maybe 2 feet from the ends of my fingertips. I could focus it into purple electric that extended two inches from my fingertips. Groovy! Fell into a deep hard sleep, but awoke about 3am and drifted into a lucid stage, where i have extreme clarity over what I’m seeing and awareness of the room around me. This clarity seems to be becoming a regular thing which is good because this might be the best place to consciously project from.







2nd and 3rd 2011



He’s been there both nights all night and i mean all night, he only tried to manifest once. he stood right behind me and gave me the fear , i was ready for him but he didn't try to come into me or affect me , he's just feeding of my anticipation , i was kicking out some major energy last night , i was like the human torch and my mind was buzzing . I couldn’t fall asleep to save my life. About 7am when i was just drifting off, he woke me up, Bastard!







7th Jan 2011



I spent about an hour and a half meditating and doing various energy experimentations which i was really pleased with. Then after i had let all the visualisations go i relaxed, and parts of me began to slip out. My arms folded back behind me and i concertinaed. I realised i wasn't far from a projection state. So i thought outside myself , lost awareness of my body , then i felt really intense waves of energy shooting up my neck and raising me . I began to move forward in my mind (not astraly), i could reverse the movement at will, but moving forward/up gave intense waves of energy. I seemed to flip backward trough the top of my head all i could see was a black semi-sphere like the edge of the world as i was falling over it. I grounded at this stage. My third eye was buzzing, like a big lump of static energy was stuck to my forehead, i could feel it all the way down to the bride of my nose, put the energy back, and gave it some thought.







10th Jan 2011



I could feel him around lots when i went to sleep, but i completely ignored him and crashed out. I woke up in the middle of the night and went to the toilet, and then i thought i saw someone walk through my front room, a dark hooded figure. As i walked up the hall way i knew the electric was about to go, or for some reason i would be in pitch black. CRACK all the lights blew in the whole house and he was right behind me. All the hairs on the back of my neck went up, a good solid dose of fear from the demon; it's not the first time he's done this. When I’d sorted the fuse box out i went back to bed and decided to confront him head on. I knew why he was pissed with me , i made it abundantly clear that just because a new path has my attention I’m not about to put aside everything I’ve learnt so far from there guidance . But more importantly i apologised for ignoring him.







11th Jan 2011



Hang on today's 11th, must have days muddled, last night anyway he came in dream .I wasn't far off a lucid stage and was aware of going from lucid thinking to lucid dreaming. I was dreaming about something quite boring and decide to liven the situation up by climbing up the wall spider-man style. Halfway up the front of the house i heard strange mystical music and was entranced by it. I’ve heard this type of music before and knew it to mean something else was present in my dream. As i became conscious of it i tried to pull away, knowing that it can manipulate certain aspects of my dream to create fearful situations and then feed off my fear. I really struggled to get out of dream and could feel it attached to my right hand abdomen. It kept trying to pull me back into the dream , and I’d try and pull away , i could make it to the border of reality and make the substance of dream fade , but breaking through to the physical plane took allot of will power. It got me again later that night, but i can remember very little of it.

Something else happened on this night, that same feeling of waves of intense energy shooting up my neck and through my head.

Also a third thing, which for me could be one of the biggest breakthroughs of my life, i could be released from a great bondage by this path if i embrace it fully.







12th Jan 2011



I felt him come in the room, as a dark static energy not long after i went to bed. He walked up my back (i was laying on my front), but his touch was barely discernible, more like a heavy wave. Then he went in the back of my head, not the usual sort of penetration, again a heavy dense wave that was very disorientating but nice. A purple circular cloud was in my mind’s eye and i seemed to be being carried away on dark clouds, slowly rolling and tumbling around. A very mild and pleasant experience.







20th Jan



Something happened but i can remember what it was, only that it was strong and had extremely valuable content that i can't remember.









24th Jan



A subtle one came it's been a long time since such a dense shadow cloud came. It was all over the place. It was playing around my head, i put my arm up and i could feel it brush though my aura, it was great. I could see it all around my hands, so i condensed it to form a deep red energy ball. It was so strong and pulsing i couldn't see my hand through it.

The dark one hasn't been around for a few weeks now, i think his presence stops the more subtle ones from coming. It's nice to feel them again.







29th Jan



This was a very important one. He was in the room all night and wasn't afraid of showing his presence , he was making loud clicks almost like he was testing my level of consciousness by my reaction to them , at one point he made this sound like a giant insect scuttling across my floor. Initially i was completely awake when i felt his presence, he kept moving on me in waves. I took this to mean he was being impatient and wanted to feed, it facilitates his feeding if I’m lucid, so i consciously tried to let go, the waves became more intense and i could feel him trying to push me down into unconsciousness, but my awareness of what he was doing only served as a barrier. It was at this point he was making the sounds and stuff, i had clarity and serene calmness and the noises barely rippled my consciousness. After a short time of doing this is was clear that i couldn't fall into unconsciousness consciously, i rolled over and decided to let myself fall asleep and pick it up the other side in dream. I wanted with all my heart to hag Jess and this desire is what caused me to astraly project. I could feel myself falling back through unconsciousness, then nothing, and upon awakening into the dream which he had constructed to evoke terror in me, i had this insatiable lust to hag Jess. I flipped over out of my body and crawled along the end of the bed. I was ecstatic..... Darkness filled me.... a wild delight coursed through my veins like electric. I took off into the room, No sooner had i done so than it attacked me, mid-flight. It was on my back filling me with as much terror as it could. It was really pissed with me, it wanted to control me, to drag me into dream and have me as a puppet of its terror, but instead i had my own agenda. We were fighting each other, it was trying to hold me back from getting Jess and i was giving it the fear back trying to get it off me. I could feel it for the first time i had an idea of the size and weight of this thing, it was smaller than me, long limbs and quite hairy, well that was what it was showing me this time. Anyway i was still floating and for all its efforts it wasn't having much effect on me , so i thought fuck it , I’m taking it with me . So i flew into the front room, there he was lying on my couch, just as i knew he was in real life. At this point as i revelled in my emotion of hate i saw a mask of a demon in front of me, i saw through its eyes and was filled with a red energy. I crushed Jess; i drew in the weight of the demon still on my back and used it to intensify the pressure upon him. I inserted fear into his throat and watched him squirm, i wanted to peel the flesh from him face. This fills me with a certain delight. Then the demon on my back wants a go and climes down on to Jesse's chest, i take off and give it some space. It does nothing, then shrinks and lies perfectly still. I go over to it expecting it to attack me, and roll it over; it's taken the form of a small monkey thing. I pick it up, its limp and staring at me with these eyes. This un-nerves me, I’d be much more happy if it attacked me. The flat begins to fill up with darkness ...it gives a wry smile....here we go...it's got me right where it wants me. I take it into the kitchen a chop of its head, i know this is futile.... it will simply take another form. I think i must get Kai it's not safe here , so i fly into the back room and rouse him from sleep , i wrap him in his cover so he doesn't get cold and fly back to the front room , but there's another version of him asleep in Jesse's arms, i know this trick he's done it before . I descend into a little nightmare of its devising, but i don't mind because i hagged Jess.

February’s Diary 2011



2nd Feb 2011



I was doing my Tarot cards in bed and then i looked round and there was this white form floating just in front of me. It wasn't solid just wisps and partial form; it freaked me out to see it right in front of me. As soon as i spotted it it dissipated. I saw it in the front room a few days before aswell, a smaller white form. It’s been a while since I’ve seen those if full light; I often see energies in the day aura’s and natural light emanations /patterns, but not too many spirits.







14th Feb 2011



One was in the room and i felt a really distinct feeling of its nature, it's difficult to describe. It made no attempt to get me. I’m sure there are different ones because some of them feel very different in nature sometimes. And sometimes I think it could be just the one, but projecting different moods or personas. After 30 years of these visits you think I would have figured that out by now.







17th Feb 2011



There have been a few subtle ones about lately, but it's been very still and quiet. Apart from the above visit nothing.







19th Feb 2011



He came, i was awake but not far from drifting off, i felt him in the darkness around me. He came into me with immense force (his usual place above the hip bones), but it was bordering on pain, deep penetrating intensity. I pulled away a bit. Then he came in at two places either side of my spine at the base of my skull, with equal intensity. It had me pinned down in four places simultaneously, waves of discomfort were washing through me, and it wasn't pleasant. At this point i thought of Upir and others that say i’m mentally disturbed and it’s not real, it’s just something my brain is responsible for. My consciousness separates from my body for a moment as i have the realisation that it's easy for my consciousness to move up into higher states but not down into the physical. And i see this thing has moved into one of my subtle layers. It deliberately blocks your connection to the physical body. I put my attention back on the feelings i was getting in the back of my skull and in my abdomen, it only gets worse. I remember wanting it to stop. It was so strong this time, no communication from him, no visuals, just a fucking intense feed on his part. He went away and then a few minutes later he came back, and was in at the abdomen again, only for a minute and then he was gone again. I have felt absolutely drained today , This month’s been strange and I’ve felt energy and life in me again, but today i feel like i haven't slept for 2 days . In the words of Bilbo Baggins " I feel like butter spread over too much bread ".







20th Feb 2011



He was in my room, and made this really loud scuttling noise like a creature running up the side of skirting board. It freaked me out! Then his presence was really intense, really really intense but he made no attempt to get me. I have to say he really scared me even though he didn't get me, just the intensity of it. I had to open the door to my room to let some light in because i was frightened. It's been years since I’ve felt the need to do that. He's gone for distinct change in tactic; he's out of dream and into terrorising my waking mind. This is probably better because an over active waking mind is apprehensive and more fearful than a sedate lucid mind. He's so intense and powerful now, I wonder if it's a different entity? This is pure speculation, but something is very different about it, but still familiar.







27th Feb 2011 (Fed him)



Gave him some blood, and woke in the night with the most serene calm and pleasant feeling. Also had a dream related to this feeling in which i gained knowledge of the nature of vampirism and the many natures of things that fall under this heading that dwell in the astral? Some even that I’ve never experienced, that work entirely in dream refined creatures that are nearly undetectable, they work with seamless finesse with our own dreams. Such a calm feeling, I forgotten most of the dream, i remember trying to hold the dream and remember it, but it slipped away.

March’s Diary 2011



1st March 2011



He came last night, I was sound asleep and then in a blink of an eye i was awake and aware that he was in the room. He was just watching me, i had no feeling of alarm he didn't threaten me in any way, just a strong feeling of his presence. I fell back to sleep again shortly after, and maybe an hour later he did it again. I woke on him making a noise, a loud click, he did this a few times, and again i fell back to sleep. On the third time he woke me up I was slightly more with it, and decided to try and project. I was already in a deep stage of relaxation, too relaxed I think. I had a very serene mind space and it was difficult for me to take hold of myself and command any real sense of intention or will. I wanted to go and Hag someone and try out some new techniques, but I was just too tired. I tried for a while but to no avail. I did however make contact with it I think, through this serene mind space, i could hear one of my voices, and it seemed to be interpreting the will of the entity very well, although I’ve forgotten most of what was said, I was happy that finally a possible thread of communication could exist between us (had been thinking of getting a Ouija board). At one point during this third visit he was centimetres from my face , and there was also this strange sensation of strange ripples or slight dips in consciousness , he's either testing my consciousness or trying to push me further down , but my awareness of it cuts him off and i quickly regain my former level of consciousness . I'm not really sure what these ripples are, but i think you ride them down into the depths of unconsciousness, normally the process would be masked by a jumble of lucid thoughts and images, but without them the waves are easily felt.





2nd March 2011



This is my best all time experience, there's no way i can express the immense power and clarity i experienced in this astral encounter. It’s the level I’ve been wanting to achieve , although i was inpatient and blundered allot I’ve learnt a lot from my mistakes .

I was awake and lucid before actual sleep and i could feel him come into the room, i then felt him penetrate my lower back, and the feeling of hollow discomfort follows. In my head I’m documenting the experience making sure i remember things as they unfold , it takes some of my attention off what's happening , but as i do this I’m sort of visualising myself noting down the experience. I refer to the entity as I instead of him, i for some reason i gained the view point of the entity momentarily and questioned whether he was in fact a part of me. Bad fucking move!!! It seemed to be outraged at my insolence; it stuck what seemed like two horns into the back of my head at the base of my skull and pumped in the feeling of hollow discomfort with force. It was bad; i lost awareness of my body. He pulled me upward, like i was astraly rising through black nothingness for a long time, Then he let me fall slowly back down still wrapped in darkness. I was falling for longer than i was rising and i kept wondering when i was going to hit the bed, but i didn’t.



I remember whole heartedly asking him if i could see through his eyes to experience things from his point of view. Then i flipped over through the back of my head, i have a brief visualisation of a dark crescent moon or something. He has me enveloped in darkness , i have no awareness of my body or sensation of any kind , and then i begin to see ,the darkness fades and i can see white , then things come into focus , a wall and a plug socket , I’m seeing through him . I'm on the floor two foot from the end of my bed, and the carpet feels so real. I'm awake i swear..... the clarity is fucking astounding , like every things more real , like I’m experiencing it from such a heightened/refined level of consciousness , i can taste what I’m looking at and smell what I’m hearing , the sensory level of this entity is far superior to my own.

I'm absolutely ecstatic, i want to hag someone. I think of two neighbours that would be sleeping soundly in their beds about now and I’m off. There's so much power and clarity of will in me , I take off and plough strait through 5 walls , without so much as the slightest thought , my only concern is that I’ve over shot , but i think fuck it , I’ll pull them to me . I visualise a bed , I fly over and visualise the sleeping faces , it's hard for me to pull her through , i can see her but there is no calm subtlety about my intentions , my inpatients has made an absolute mess of the whole process , it's all in the preparation!

I decide that this whole hunting for local people is too restrictive, and i long for the elements and to be flying in a vast expanse. So i fly outside and up into the sky , i remember spinning and feeling the wind against me , then i descend through the clouds and i can see a scene below me . I remember wanting to be still and watch , but i kept moving nearer to the things I’m viewing as i focus on them, so i create a platform of glass , or even i create the illusion that I’m standing on invisible solidness then i can retain my position.

Then i see these two men, i get an urge to hag again, i fly over above them, they can't see me. Then i descend upon them , but i don't hag , i rip the first ones throat out , feeling his skin between my teeth is quite nice but the blood gushing forth gives me little satisfaction , i wonder if i did it right , i let him drop to the floor and grab the other one . Again i rip into his throat and drink the blood and let him fall. Their blood didn’t do it for me, wrong type of vampire; I want their pure life force not material bodily fluids.

I stop and think for a second , I’m in this dreamscape with the most vivid clarity and in total control of my awareness , I’m not restricted by anything but my own lack of imagination . I think about what questions i want to find answers for.....I want to know the name of my demon? A board appears in-front of me with a jumble of letters and symbols, but i momentarily glimpsed the name before the puzzle was laid down and i remember it, I have his name!

I hear voices and there are these two American girls, i ask why they’re here and where was the master (meaning my demon) they don't know. Then an English boy turns up and i notice that we’re all wearing the same necklace. He wonders off and I’m left with these two girls, the conversations mundane and dull and i can feel the vibrancy draining it's almost like the colours are draining, I’m struggling to recall things , and i know that I’m descending into normal dream consciousness Grrr ! I'm point blank not having that! I stand up and ask them if they got here by descending from a hag attack. They say they do get them sometimes but not for years and no they didn't come that way. Then i feel his presence strongly behind me, an immense powerful dark force and i feel his intention, he's going to show us death in dream (how to kill someone in their sleep). The girl’s faces contort in terror, and then he creates a powerful force and they go flying into the wall. I turn around and I’m engulfed in black. I tell him not to hurt them their innocent take me instead, then i think fuck this! I’m going to fend him off, i start chanting and then i know to stop this scenario i must simply open my eyes and break the dream. So i calmly open them and I’m lying in my bed.

I went from awaking consciousness, being hagged into the astral, then through dream and back to waking without losing awareness. But the best part of this night was the power of my demon; I can't express in words the immense refinement and power of this entity. I realised it's been playing with me, when it lets me think I’ve over powered it , or that i know anything about how these things operate, I don't ! I realise its patience with me over these years. How it interacts with the subtle fabric of dream and my psyche, and how it weaves its spell is beyond comprehension to my clumsy human perceptions. He's a mystery to me, but I’m in absolute awe of him and can't get enough of his lessons.

I also looked up the name i found on the internet, i really wasn’t prepared for what i found. A Sumerian god of demons, leader of the Annunaki a superior race of beings that genetically altered human DNA. The Annunaki are the Nephilim (fallen angles from the bible) angles that fell and became demons. WTF???? I was in shock for a while, this shit is real, and this is proof. I get allot of weird information turning up at the right moment and precognition and stuff, but this totally blew my head apart. I think my brain needs to digest the gravity of this new information, i wasn’t expecting such a direct answer to my subconscious questionings.







5th March



He was in my bedroom and i sensed his presence a few times, but he made no attempt to get me until i was in a very relaxed and lucid stage. I could feel the ripples as i was thinking about stuff. They are strong waves that can be felt through the subtle bodies, it almost feels like when you’re on a fair ground ride and it drops, and you get that strange sensation in your stomach, only it ripples your entire being. I have one of these and I’m very aware and connected to it on a very subtle level. I let it carry me down a bit and i wonder if these waves have any connection to him. Then he comes, so gently and subtly, he wraps round me like a warm blanket, then he penetrates me above the hip bones. He did this so gently and carefully it wasn't at all unpleasant. I really got a feel for the subtlety of connection between me and him, and the subtlety of the waves. Then i get an itch on my nose , and I’m desperate not to scratch it , i try to stay focused and relaxed , but in the end i have to move to scratch my nose . As i do so i feel him float away from me like a warm dense cloud. I got back into the relaxed state again but he didn't return, and again i had an itch and couldn't stay relaxed for long Grrr!

I'm glad he came and showed me subtle ways, this is what i need to concentrate on during my own feeding and connection with others. The slowness and carefulness of these procedures is important for my refinement. You only get out of things what you put in! , and i need to put in more refined quality, and gain an intimate knowledge of what I’m doing.







6th March



He came again last night in a very subtle way , I was lucid and feeling the waves again only this time I’m quite sure that there coming from him or he’s manipulating them in some way . He came over me and i could feel pleasant waves of darkness flowing through me. Then he clicked the pillow about an inch above my head, i could feel him cutting my crown chakra off. A dark mass of energy was held there. Then i can feel him move into me, it's barely discernible, but his subtle being is inside my body with me. My throat begins to close up and it's uncomfortable to breath, I explain to him that I’m going to have to cough and clear my throat a bit. I manage to keep my level of consciousness undisturbed by this physical need. I concentrate of the subtle feelings flowing through me. It was a very pleasant experience.

Also prior to this he was about and there was quite allot of fear in me , probably because i was feeling wild and challenged him earlier in the night. A short while later he was moving the bed covers and he walked up my chest while i was laying on my back, I had my eyes open and was looking out into the room, but saw no disturbances in the air, or shadow clouds.







8th March



He came again similar to the last entry, but without the actual penetration. He walked up the centre of the bed and i could feel the waves again, but it wasn't intense. He made a few weird noises during the night, one of them was very strange, it woke me from sleep, but i couldn't discern what or where the noise was coming from. Some loud clicks from down the side of Kai bed too.







16th March



This was nothing much , but i was asleep dreaming about me and a friend exchanging money that we'd just won , and a black cat walked between us , i was just thinking what to spend the money on , when i sat bolt upright in bed . I had this strong sense that someone was about in my house, and i high pitched tone i hear when someone's making mind contact was ringing loudly (i call this my spider sense) I get it when someone thinks of me strongly, or someone's about to knock on my door and my demon or other spirits sometimes bring it on, or if someone's staring at me hard. But this was different i sensed a threat; it had me on edge for quite a while, although i couldn't place the source of it. Got to keep on my toes someone’s out to get me!







17th March



He came in the middle of the night when i was lucid, he came up behind me and i could feel his energy creep around the back of my neck. It was quite good and then he did something that he knows turns me on, and i was becoming aroused and hot, really hot. I wanted to move and help the feeling on physically if you know what i mean, but i really didn't want to in-case he stopped what he was doing. I enjoyed it for a while, then i moved, and he went.







18th March



This happened about midday when i was in a lucid state. Three times i had the feeling of energy around the back of my neck, it's nice, and i took this to be a sign that my energies or the energies that were being given to me via the back of my neck were helpful for projection . On the third time it happened, i was determined to get out. I could feel the energy flowing into my neck; i was lying on my side. I was fully aware of being in my body, and i was forcing myself to turn inside it, i knew if i could only turn a bit I’d make the separation, and i did, But it was like moving through treacle. I managed to put my arms out in front of me and was desperately trying to force myself to stand up on the bed. It was like the weight of the world above me, and the strength of will it took to stand up was immense, i almost screamed with the effort. I revelled in the challenge though and managed by sheer force of will to stand up.

Then I wanted to get outside and fly, I was ripped backwards through the wall, and ended up in the garden. I wasn't sure i wanted to go outside into the daylight, but i had no choice. I wanted to fly higher and as i rose (which was a bit of an effort ) I could see the buildings coming into delayed focus , it was almost as if first i had to gain the perspective in order for the things to exist . I rose in stages; with each heightened stage more of the surrounding landscape was created. At quite a height i remember thinking how much more solid and strong things looked in the daylight. Then i focus on a ship out at sea, it was a pirate ship, but thinner and more modern, it had sails, and as i flew towards it, it went out of focus and my want to follow it warped the whole scene. Then Kai's in my arms and I’m trying to get him into the crow’s nest of this ship. I remember seeing the spinnaker tower and thinking how exactly perfect it was (the layout of surrounding landmarks), then it all descends into dream and i can't recall the rest.

Oh yeah, also the subtle waves that i keep feeling kept occurring again. This time i had one in particular that lead me to believe that they are drops in consciousness. I was thinking about stuff and you could say that i was at the forefront of my mind the pinnacle of my thinking , right at the front of my head (the third eye) , and then this wave happened , and there was a distinct drop in the clarity of my thought and i seemed to have receded into my body . The point at which i now was experiencing thought was at the base of my skull or very low down inside the head.







19th March



I was sleeping in the day and was really concentrating on the process of falling asleep and the different stages of consciousness that i was descending through. I was in a lucid stage near sleep and i wanted to see if i could call my demon to me. As soon as i asked him if he would come, he answered "Yes" in my ear and then he came into me. I could feel him through my head giving me waves of feeling, then he penetrated me above the hip bones and the feeling was intense. I enjoyed the uncomfortable feeling for a bit with a knowing that he'd come if i called him in this state.







20th March (fed him)







21st March



Last night he came as a dark presence behind me, he was in the room allot during the night. He came up round the back of my head and was playing with my ear then i had this strange sound, it was almost like he had changed the pressure in my ear. Then he was giving me intense waves of energy up the back of my neck. Then he did the thing that i find quite a turn on and i became aroused (again) it was nice.

Later that night he came to me in dream and again he was one step ahead of me at every turn. It took me a while to figure out i was in one of his dreams , it's difficult to describe , but he gets me into a state where i almost dictate my own fear , he reads what I’m trying to escape from and knows my plans , the whole dream is filled with such a chaotic terror . As soon as i knew i could not out do him, i opened my eyes. Then i was pissed off, why I didn’t take the opportunity to strengthen my experience of these types of dream. I tried to get back into the dream but i couldn’t.







22nd March



This was in the morning when i was having a nap. I was in a heavy state and couldn't keep my eyes open i was on the verge of dream drifting from deep unconsciousness into dream. And i think it's for this reason it felt so real. He walked up the centre of the bed, i could somehow see where his feet where making indentations in the bed covers even though i was facing the other way. He was about a lot during this time and i like that he drifts in and out of my consciousness all the time. I can feel his presence in so many states of consciousness; his most subtle feeling carries me off into deeper more subtle stages of sleep.







23rd March



He did the most solid touch last night. He came over me from the end of the bed in a black wave, and did a most forceful but gentle stoke of my leg. He was about a few times during the night, one time making this really impressive sound.







24th March



I went to bed and no sooner had my head hit the pillow than he was there. I was laying on my front and i felt him walk up my left hand side on the bed. It was actually audible and i felt him drop through the bed. Then he came up through the bottom of the bed and connected along my entire left hand side. It was really quite bizarre , I could feel him pulsing against my body , but i could feel my astral body being attracted and repulsed by him , it went on for ages about 10 to 15 minutes it was quite weird, but he made no attempt to actually penetrate me. Also later on the same night he came and engulfed my head in a dark cloud, again he stroked my leg in a very solid way similar to yesterday.

April’s Diary 2011



2nd April 2011



He came a several times during the night in a very serene way, waking me from a deep sleep. He made no attempt to connect with me; he just let me know he was there, which was quite comforting because he hasn't visited in a while. Also why he's been gone there's been a distinct change in my sleeping pattern. I've been hitting a really deep sleep for ridiculous amounts of time throughout the night and day, not lucid dreaming, but real deep unconsciousness, it's great. I'm dreaming loads, recalling about 8 dreams a day with extreme clarity, but i have to say I’m not having a great deal of control over them. In fact i can't recall once being aware in the dream and conscious of the fact I’m dreaming .I'm unsure why this change has occurred. I’ve always had extreme sleeping habits’, but my real life doesn’t function well in total unconsciousness so I hope this phase won’t last long.







3rd April 2011



He walked all over me, i had just gotten into bed (9pm) and was aware of him being about. Then he walked up the end of the bed and round in circles across my chest. It was very heavy but like a dense energy. I looked out into the room expecting to see some disturbance in energy, but there was none. That reminds me i saw him as a fast dense back cloud move over the bed when i was putting Kai to bed. During the night he made some little running footsteps, and the sounds he makes around the room are getting more elaborate.







4th April 2011



I just had a conversation with my sister who lives up north, we don't often talk. Anyway i told her about all this astral stuff and my demon, she thinks that I’m disturbed and need to seek medical attention. She just thinks it’s some brain defect which is a load of crap, these demons are a gift they can teach you so much .My sister knows about these visits and told me that she'd had one the previous night. She said she'd woken up in the middle of the night unable to move for about 20 seconds, she just thinks it's her brain being weird and told me to stop talking about it.







6th April 2011 (Fed Him)



I was fast asleep in the morning about 11am and i woke with this immense fear dissolving into me, it was quite bad. I knew he was here and i said "hello" and welcomed him. Then he stuck two horns /hands (whatever he uses) into me just above the hips and i get the uncomfortable feeling, but it was deep and intense. I remember thinking shit i hope it doesn't get any worse , and then he intensifies the feeling i wouldn't say it was pain , but it is the most unbearable feeling , like having contractions when you’re giving birth .It was like having two holes bored through my very being , I was squirming about until he stopped , then i asked him to come back and he did it again , i thought "Oh god he's going to get me bad this time" , but he was gentle for a second , then he was gone again . It wasn't until after the experience that i realised i wasn't actually properly awake and my squirming around under the bed covers, had been my astral self. What was weird was that i was in-between astral and dream. The dream i was having before was taking place on my bed and i was teaching Kai violin, and after the attack the violin was still there, I’d actually woken into the same dream, or i had actually been in suspended dream, while my consciousness had been occupied with the entity entering that dream, or was i really awake and just hallucinating the violin (difficult to discern what's real in this state of consciousness.

I fed him at night.







9th April 2011



He came while i was in dream again, it's really quite strange for me to hit these depths of unconsciousness, and I’m struggling to recall things clearly. I was aware of him in the dream and then i come out and into almost waking consciousness and remember him coming into me, I push against him and squirmed around enjoying feeling his force against me. Then i remember thinking i can get out now, and i have great recollection of getting out of my body and walking on my hands to the end of the bed with my hair floating wildly about me like black snakes. Then things get a bit sketchy, I’m trying to hag a friend Scott. I seem more interested in getting him to realise the situation than actually feeding. I’m sort of trying to hypnotise him into remembering the event in the morning when he wakes. I draw a R on his head for remember , and i tell him a key word to remember (bubble-gum ) , that he's to repeat to me when he wakes as proof he's remembered . Then I’m hagging D with such ferocious intensity, i want him to be painfully aware of what's happening, and for it to be something that wouldn't fade into unconsciousness. That's all i can remember.

I did see Scott and told him about the hagging but he had no knowledge of it.







12th April



I was in my front room and there was a witch trying to get in. She was flying out the front of the patio doors. At first she was young and i didn't recognise her and then she distorted and became an old. Her face contorted with malice and rage, she was giving me a display of her power with an intensity of her energy she was giving off. I watched her unable to enter my house and i laughed at her pathetic display of power and concentrated the intensity of my gaze to see through her, and she begins to shrink. I do have a few witches on my back after i ditched my real life coven off. They all hate me now, but they can’t get me I’m too strong for their pathetic powers, there just posers and role players.







13th April



In the middle of the night i woke with a strong feeling that somebody else was in the room with me. I had the feeling that someone was behind me watching me (dark black).







28th April



This was one of the strangest and most bizarre nights ever. He came lots of times over the duration of the night and i got these intense waves that were on the verge of consciousness and as they pushed me down i got this truly sick and disturbing feeling and I’d jerk back to consciousness. It's very strange everything i felt during this time and well into the following day was as if it wasn't me feeling these things at all. My whole being and consciousness was different, my nature was strange and disturbing. There were also lots of intense hallucinations of twisted faces; the whole night was intensely messed up. There was some sort of chaotic presence in me that was trying to mess up my brain.







29th April



I was in dream and then i felt his presence, and he said “Ready " it was like his voice created a bubble of clarity. I really struggle to wake up and keep my focus on opening my eyes; i did so only for a moment and then fell back into a deep relaxation. Then i could hear voices out in the hallway, this has been happening while I’m awake throughout the day as well, i want them out of my house. So my astral self-took off and moved toward the light of the door, but it was like moving through a crystalline pattern of energy (very difficult). It was at this point that i was pulled back with ease by my demon, but as he pulled me back i saw Kai in his bed and i saw his little astral-self roll over because he felt me leaving. I wanted to go back and make sure he was all-right but getting back to the bed was difficult, but i know there was nothing out there of interest for me, so i fought to get back to Kai. I can't remember much after this only that the voices in the hallway persisted all night. Something’s playing with my mind again, it’s not my demon, it’s the goblins or some lesser tricky being’s. My land lord let people into my house while I was out without asking, I came home to find my messy house full of workmen, I went totally mental at them and freaked out, and the police kicked my door in and entered my house without permission, since then something’s been playing on my fears and deliberately freaking me out. I know what comes next.

May’s Diary 2011



3rd May 2011



He came into my dream as this strange figure dressed in a black robe with white eyes. He attacked me and held me down, and i couldn't move, and i mean not a mussel it had me totally pinned down. Then it felt like it had smashed a hole in the back of my head and connected with me. It flooded my brain with its energy and i began to fit, my arms were having a total spasm, i had no control over my body at all, but remained conscious. I've had similar experiences in real life a few times before, but i wouldn't say they were caused by the demon, it was weird. I found out today my friends mum had a fit, it could be some kind of precognition, I do get a lot of that from dreams.



Also i had a very vivid auditory experience, it sounded like a slab of metal had crashed next to my right ear (very real)







17th May 2011



This was a dream, but not a dream, some chaotic weird state near lucidity. It took place totally without any material or physical form. It was entirely in the void and the only visual and physical effects were those created by my thought. It was excellent to experience a purely abstract non-material reality. It’s nearly time to move on from this structured reality, it’s not my world.







18th May 2011



He came, it's been a while i think the pills I've been taking are suppressing my conscious link to him and most of my random brain activity. I felt him move over me, then he was all around my head, and he made this weird squeaking noise like a rat.

I also had an excellent dream of demon possession, an example of how they can totally over-run a humans mind and gain control over their bodies. I also got a good lesson on moving objects with my mind powers, I realise I'm way off course on that one.







19th May 2011



He came in the morning and got inside me. He was moving my right arm. I had no control over it at all. It took him a few minutes to get it up to 90 degrees and then he was stroking my face with my own hand (it was really weird)







21st May2011 (Fed him)





22nd May 2011 (Fed Him)



He’s back, I spoke to him before i went to sleep, i told him I’d feed him again later on in the night because i was too tired to do it then. Later in the night i was totally out cold, and then i was woken by this high pitched noise and felt his strong presence. This was a classic and flawless demonstration of his power and it scared me. He came closer and the noise and pressure intensified with his speed. It's like he was a wild animal that's been stalking you in the dark, and then it attacks at full speed with killer instinct. Just as he was on me before i even had time to think "Oh shit" he stopped. I was still in a bit of a daze coming out from such a heavy sleep, but he made it quite obvious that he'd woken me up to feed him. He wanted allot, that's two nights in a row he's been fed. I'm just so happy he's come back and that i can still make a connection with him despite the pills making it difficult.

He came twice more in the night, but with gentle feelings.







23rd May 2011



He came lots of times in the night through gentle waves all over me, he made loads of weird noises, and one of them was like metal pinging or like a coin being dropped through loads of pipes. Another was like the floor was covered with insects scuttling around. He was also doing lots of strange voices when i was asleep and it would wake me up then he'd stop, and start scratching the walls.

In the day i was in the front room, drawing in the sunlight coming from the window and i saw beetles crawl across the page. They were the most beautiful colours i’ve ever seen. They told me how alphabetti spaghetti was secreted by beetles (in much the same way as spiders produce web) , and that's how it was formed into letters . I was trying to teach them to do joined up writing on my page. Also they told me when i die there's a job opening to paint the beautiful colours on the jewel beetles, I’d be good at that. I’m not sure where these things come from, i think there from my subconscious like dreams that have been superimposed into reality. I think this is true magic when reality becomes the dream and can be manipulated then all kinds of magic and miracles are possible. Maybe that’s what Jesus and other people and gods figured out. Maybe they transcended reality.







26th May



He was about quite a bit, the strangeness of his presence was comforting to feel. Several times during the night and morning he made me think there was someone banging on my front door.









28th May



Excellent dream rising in a vast expanse of sky, the ripples on the surface of the water are so real as i fly over them. Realisation of god strings (rays of light that manipulate us and bring visions and inspiration to enlighten us, like the ones you get in the day from the sun)





29th May



4 times during the night he made loud clicks and then he came over me in a dark wave which was nice.







30th May



He was walking over the end of the bed.

June’s Diary 2011



9th June 2011



I felt him come as a slight change in the density and energy vibration of the room. Then he came into my consciousness as an illumination in my mind’s eye. It was very calming and healing and i knew that real communion with him is only possible when my mind isn’t all crowed and chaotic; I have to be calm and focused. 5 days off the pills and my mind is trying to get back to the calm, I’ve made my choice now I’m going to follow him into the abyss. Also towards the end of the experience he ran round the end of the bed, i could hear his foot prints.







11th May 2011



Excellent!!! He came with force last night. I was already out of my body and standing next to my bed, but i didn't gain awareness of it until i felt his presence. His presence has been around a lot, but to feel him when he reaches out to make contact is the only way to ever perceive him clearly. As soon as he made the noise like a screeching, or calling out of a name, it went right through me and i was excited that it was clear and powerful and this was going to be a good experience. With the force of his voice i went flying back through the house into the front room, it was a really disorientating feeling. I wanted to get back to him so i flew back to the bedroom and went straight into the darkness to look for him, he wasn't there. So i went around the house looking , i saw movement in the air around me , but it was nearly impossible to see him , i could only catch glimpses of his wake as he avoided me . I eventually corned him in kai's room and tried to pull him out so i could see him. At first he was a white wispy form then the smoky energy formed into a shrouded skull like demon (i thought at this moment that he looked like death) then the dark sockets of the eyes turned into two large dark orbs and his face of grey scales looked down. I was not frightened or put off by his latest guise and told him that it was only him i wanted and i loved him. I fly back to the bed room and he begins to spin a nightmare and play on my fears. I look into a mirror that's on my bed , but the me in the mirror is has red bloody eyes and an evil expression , as black runs through my eyes like ink an evil smile crosses my face and i pull away , but the me in the mirror is still there . A facet of me that's broken away from the true self and become an entity in its own right , sounds familiar . I wake up, disturbed, and retreat back to Kai and hold him. Another Kai rolls out the draw at the other end of the bed room, i go to get him, but realise it's a trick to get me away from the real Kai. Then another one appears on the other side of the room. I know it's not real and they laugh at me and fold back into the bed covers. I begin to question my sanity, if i become weak and begin to fall victim to these visions then I’ll lose kai. But they’re in my head all the time eating away at my reality , until i don't know which ones are real and which ones are me all the time .I needed some air, I ran out the front door into the street with Kai, i have only my T-shirt on and it's raining. There are some women next door waiting for a taxi. They asked if I’m all right , i go to say "No , there's a demon in my house " , but realise their think I’m mad , and call the authorities and their end up taking kai off me .I go back in and put Kai to bed , but I didn’t leave him unguarded all night. The reality of the situation dawns on me and I get hysterical. I'm in this alone forever, there is no help or way out of this path and the irony is it’s probably my fault for opening to many doors to other realms. There are too many lesser one’s playing games in my head, they just like tearing me apart.

At the beginning of the night, before sleep there's an immense amount of energy in the air and i watch it and feel it moving about me. It forms into the heads of five Roman statues in front of me, I talked to them for a while they were like a comedy act.







12th June 2011



I woke in the night and could smell smoke really strongly; i thought something was on fire in the kitchen. I got out of bed slowly suspecting it might be one of his little tricks, and went to the kitchen. Nothing! I had to check though just in case. That's the first time i can remember him using a smell to rouse me. Also later in the night he made a loud noise to wake me like someone smashing a large piece of plaster board a few foot from my head , this freaked me out a bit .







21st June 2011



This was one of the freakiest things that’s ever happened. I got up in the night to go to the toilet , and on my way tried to wake Kai up for a wee too , but he was really sleepy , so i thought I’d go first and then come back and get him . When i came back to his room to get him he wasn't there, i searched the house and could hear a noise in the dark end of my room (it's totally pitch black in there). Kai was sitting there crouched down in the dark, I said "Kai what are you up to " no reply, i called him by his name loads of times he didn't even move a mussel. Then he turned and looked at me, he had an old video in his hand, i asked him what he was doing, no reply. I went up to him and took the video off him and told him he has to go to the toilet, and he got up silently and went. This freaked me out , I’m not sure why he went down there , or why he wouldn't answer to his name , but i have my suspicions that my demon was in him .





22nd June 2011



He's been lots , but only little things , he lets me know he's around and stuff , but my computers been down and I’ve been strange , so i haven't documented them . He came upon last night for the first serious time in a few weeks. It was very nice, but different, he felt different or my perception of him has altered slightly. Anyway he came up over me and twice there was a definite change in pressure, almost like a change from normal air to the density of air inside a balloon and with it came subtle dips in consciousness, the waves. It was nice to feel him interacting with me; it means I’m calm enough to do so.







23rd June 2011



Excellent!! He came when i was just dropping off. I felt him in the room and then he came on me strongly. He touched me with what felt like a finger on the left side of my head just behind my ear and penetrated me with the same intense feeling he always uses, but with it came a sound of high to medium pitch. Then he put another finger on the other side of my head and again the same tone. I was listening to the sound and it got louder and intensified, then he tried to speak to me again. He was trying to manipulate the sound into tonal patterns that were segmented like words. A rise or fall in pitch was indicative of the intensity of his focus. He wants to talk to me, and I’ve been asking him for quite some time to share my consciousness with me. There other entities that come in and out of my consciousness at will, but i would say there all human or were once human (apart from the weasels and goblins), or there fractured distorted facets of my psyche, who knows. But he is very different, talking or communication in strait English is something he's never done, the use of language is not something that's familiar to him. I desperately need to find a way to communicate with him on his terms. Something else i noticed was the sound he was emitting seemed to split my thoughts in the coolest way. He could make an image fragment into separate layers of energy. It was almost like the thought/ image was alive and had the potential to move on into different trains of thought, but these trains of thought existed already within the image and as his voice/vibration affected the thought it split into its composite layers of potential. It was very aesthetically pleasing to watch.

After the experiment with sound, he proceeded to enter me and then took effortless control of my right arm. He reached out to touch Kai, and i felt a wave of dark go through me, like he rose up inside me and wanted to hag Kai, a thirst almost. This i wouldn't allow, but i filled myself with the emotion i have for Kai (love) and allowed him to know and feel that i feel the same for him too. Then he went, and i got really angry, i flew into the room strait into the dark with such a want of him. I was like demon made of red smoke, a skeletal hag witch. I realised i could hag (but he didn't want me to) and wanted to go to the neighbours and took off through the walls, at a slightly more sedate pace than last time. I kept getting stuck in the walls and i couldn't pull her into my being/consciousness, and then i overshot and ended up at a strange angle at the front of the house. I realised I’d messed it up and returned to my body.







24th June 2011



This was in the middle of the day; me and Kai had gone to granddads house for lunch. I was really ill and tired, with flu or something, and granddad took Kai out to the park to see the rockets and play for a bit. I was lying on the couch and suddenly became aware of being able to see my focus as an actual beam of fluctuating energy coming from my third eye. It was really cool; i played with my intensity of focus and could make it pulsate. Tried to move the lamp shade with some success, i could make it rock back and forth. It’s this eye beam /mind beam that lets me read other people’s minds. It’s important not to look at people or connect minds, because they do not always think nice things, and it’s better not to know what they think of you. You can also put these energy beams out to connect with people and draw out their life force.



I keep seeing something running round my house, i think it's some sort of dog sized demon animal thing, that's shadow like and into stalking. It might be my demon.







28th June 2011



I keep seeing that same shadow dog running around , it's about all the bloody time i swear it's stalking me , it won’t leave me alone , and I keep hearing it mimicking my voice , like it’s me talking to me , but out of the air.

He came a few times in the night making noises, voices in the hallway again various noises on the edge of my consciousness. One time he made a repeating tapping sound , it made me sit up because it was quite complex for him , then he suddenly made a loud cracking sound on the other side of me which i wasn't expecting . He also made another noise which woke me up, but i can't remember what it was.

July’s Diary 2011



6th July 2011



He came last night in dream, the unmistakeable presence of him .I was at Paxton road at our old house. He got into my body and i remember walking upstairs, arms outstretched in front of me like a zombie. I still have my consciousness, but he had control of my body, although i can affect my and his movements with the intensity of my emotion. We get up to the top right bedroom, my Dads in there. My demon try’s to attack him , and if i lend him my emotions the attack becomes more powerful , and if i want to attack it's almost like i come out of my own face like I’m the possessing spirit and the body is my demons .







8th July 2011



This was a lovely experience. I woke up to find his presence right in front of my face. It was like he had deliberately, not abruptly, but very gently woken me. My mind was calm and i just lay contently and felt him within my being. I’m very sure he had merged with me and i spent a long time with my mind in a neutral state and sometimes i could discern his presence. He would react to some of my thoughts and simply be observing others. He made a noise like someone calmly shouting a long way off, it was one indiscernible word. He was with me for hours , I’d drift off into sleep and wake and he'd still be there , i pay attention and he'd do stuff and then i drift off again . This is without doubt the longest time I’ve ever known him to be constantly with me; it must have been a few hours. He was inside me and i was nearly asleep and he got into my vocal cords and made a slight sound which jerked my awareness. Again later he made a much longer and more definite sound which was quite impressive. He also got into my right hand and made a very strange feeling through my fingers and the palm of my hand almost like fuzzy electric pressure.







12th July 2011



He was about it the night i woke to find him near me, he was very subtle and he stayed for a bit.







13th July 2011



He came in dream i remember the knowledge of his presence bringing me into awareness that i was dreaming. As soon as i informed the other person whom i was with in the dream that he was there, he got pissed off and picked them up and threw them all around the room. I remember trying to wake myself at this point; my room was filled with an intense vibrating energy. Twice i opened my eyes and it was still there.

I also remember a quick lesson on how the distortion of people’s faces is related to your fear of them, or even to the intensity of the emotion you feel for them. For instance if you like or love them someone will often appear beautiful to you and if you fear them they will often distort to something monstrous , just don’t look at people. You can also work this in reverse using your emotions to affect your own appearance.







15th July 2011



I was in the front room and could hear a marble bouncing off various non-existent hard surfaces around the room and something laughing at me.





20th July 2011 (Fed him)







25th July 2011



I was in the front room watching a film and for a second i stopped watching and brought my attention back to the room around me, there was someone sitting beside me, who was also watching the film as well. It freaked me out as soon as i noticed them they were gone. This has happened quite a few time’s. I get it quite allot with people talking, I’ll be listening to a conversation between people and as soon as i realise they’re not actually real people they notice me and start talking about me or saying nasty things , it’s like I’ve insulted them by thinking they’re not real. Other times it's been possible to gently become aware of it so they don’t notice me and observe and listen to what's going on. Sometimes it takes on personalities of its own or borrows TV characters and plays with you or torments you, but it never fails to impress or disturb me either way. I think its lesser entities manipulating the substance of thought. They split the consciousness that constitutes self and become stronger by using thought/dream substance to sustain them.







26th July 2011



I found myself suddenly fully aware of his presence. Then it became very disorientating and disturbing, he was trying to get into me. I could feel him so strongly take control of my body and i writhed about on the bed and became entangled with him, it was very strange. I could feel myself in one position, but see myself laying in another, half out of myself and occupied by parts of him. I remember rolling over and hoping he didn't try and get Kai. Then i managed to drag my astral self into a standing position, i could feel him in me still. Things began to distort and i could barely focus because my head was spinning. A patch of the ceiling dropped down almost like it was made of liquid in motion and anything i tried to focus on would distort towards me. Then i remember stopping any action and trying to centre myself this made things clearer .I could still feel him in me like a tall strong man. As i stared at the ceiling it was all flat and normal and i remember trying to distort it in a more controlled manner, i had some success, but the effect was not as good as when it happened naturally. Then i begin to descend into one of his dreams. I stop and listen and i can hear someone coming up the stairs and whoever it is reeks of that terrifying essence that signifies my demon, we begin the same old game where he weaves a web of fear until he's well sated.



Earlier in the night before sleep he came over me as a dense shadow cloud. I could feel him doing something to the back of my knee, it was quite pleasant like he was manipulating and healing my energies. Then he moved up to my back to my brain. I have had some brain troubles of late, he spent a few minutes working on that area, it was nice.







27th July



I was in the kitchen doing the washing up and felt something come running up behind me, i span round but there was nobody there. The feeling was so strong that someone else was in the room with me that i actually left the sink and checked the room and the front door in-case someone was approaching. I went all around the house nothing! It came a few times during the next hour or so. I really don’t like people in my house, it made me really agitated.







28th July



I was lying in bed and felt a subtle one coming over me, he rested on my chest. I could feel it pulsing energy out of me, and visibly see it as a dark cloud. Also upon going to bed my whole body was pulsing, i couldn't tell if it was coming from the bed, or if it was actually me vibrating at a faster energy rate. It could even be an effect of my demon, I’ve felt it many others occasions, but have no clue what it is.

He came in dream all i remember was the thought that he was demonstrating (demon-strating) exceptional skill at creating fear in dream .He was less intense that usual, he'd create a fearful situation/character and then very gently fade the fear out with a smile. He repeated this a number of times, so obviously a good lesson in creating and diminishing fear. I'm always very impressed with the sly cunning of this fear making demon. How he can turn an ordinary dream into a nightmare by instigating subtle changes and the feeding of the ensuing emotion, no, he reads you emotional reaction and effects his next change accordingly.

I heard voice in the day saying American hand over and over. Have no idea what the significance of that is.







29th July



I was playing with this astral pattern making it form into 3D shapes almost like stereographs, suddenly he ran up the couch, it actually moved under his weight. A few moments later i heard this sound like crackling/ popping similar to the sound of microwave popcorn coming from inside the couch. Accompanying this sound was this large patch of dark-light (by dark light i mean a pitch black light effect rather than a shadow cloud) It lasted only for a few minutes.



I was in the pub having a game of pool with some friends, and then i felt this massive pressure behind me. I turned around and there was this beautiful human form dressed in white (almost luminescent) standing up on the balcony above. It had feminine features and shoulder length hair, but it was male and had a deep calming male voice. I went up near it and tried to touch its face. A massive force and pressure rang through me , but not accompanied by fear as with my demon , but love and light , It was the angel Gabriel ( i know this sounds weird especially coming from me angle’s ? ) It told me that i had a year left on this earth. I was not at all worried by this. I want to die and leave this plane, I’m ready for my death , but i asked what would happen to Kai The angel told me Kai would also die . I asked him if there was anything i could do to prevent this from happening. He said no it was time for everyone to die. He told me it would happen on December the 10th 2012. Then he faded out and i was on my own again. WTF? Not sure what to make of this. This has got to be one of the most powerful experiences of my life, very different from anything that's happened to me before in the pub no less!







30th July



I was in the front room hovering and the sound of the Hoover distorted into a girl singing about fairy’s in the woods. It was a really pleasant tune and then music began to accompany her. I'd turn the Hoover off and it would stop, and it would begin again the moment i switched it back on. I listened to it for the duration of my hovering session, Very nice! Many times today I’ve felt him come into the front room , it’s not like him to be about in the day time he usually leaves that to the lesser ones, i think he may be agitated about the move , everything’s in flux .

August’s Diary 2011



1st Aug 2011



The first night in the new house and the place doesn't disappoint. Me and Kai have moved to the lower west wing of a large country house in the middle of the countryside. We're in the middle of nowhere surrounded by apple trees and horses, the nearest shops over a mile away; it's a serious change in the pace of life. The house is massive and creepy; the front room has a large gothic fire place, black wooden floors, dark wood furniture and threadbare rugs. It's old and there's a seriously strange and creepy vibe to the place. Anyway the first night here i was so tired, after a strenuous day of moving, i was spark out as soon as my head hit the pillow. I woke in the middle of the night and could feel the presence, but as i became aware of it would fade out of consciousness. I begin to fall into a lucid stage that precedes sleep, my mind is barely conscious of its thoughts. Every time i reach this state he interrupts my thought pattern and i bounce back to full consciousness and he disappears. This process repeated all night and he refused to let me fall into a deep uninterrupted sleep, which really began to piss me off. I’m happy his presence is here on the first night, but i was just too tired to muster the right enthusiasm.







2nd Aug 2011



This was not a good night, in fact it was probably the worst night of insanity I’ve had in the last few months. I was sooooo fucked up in my head and they just wouldn't leave me alone. I thought i was having a relapse and was hysterical with fear. They were in my head saying such bad negative things, like I had to kill Kai and kill myself i totally had no control over it. I can honestly say i was scared shit less; i went and got into bed with Kai. I went totally insane for the rest of the night, i couldn't shut it off, and sleep would have been a great release but again the same thing that happened the previous night occurred. My demon wouldn't allow me to fall into unconsciousness.







3rd Aug 2011



I was hysterical and on edge today after no sleep. I smashed things up and had a few fucked up head moments, thought my dread locks were talking to me at one point.

In the evening i was ok. I asked Annet and Zeayb to stay over because i was frightened it would happen again. He came, but in a nice way, not the same method of interrupting my sleep as the previous two nights. On the astral i had a piece of paper that read " In god we trust " that Aimee(my sister) had given me .I thought that my demon would not like that so i scribbled it out with a pencil . He then took hold of my consciousness and rippled it giving me the pressure of his presence. I took this to mean my decision was wrong, and i replaced the word god. He has no fear of god! He stayed for a while and i expressed my happiness that he had followed me to the new house.







4th Aug 2011



One thing i have noticed is that the presence of consciousness that i feel when a human wakes from sleep is similar to when he pops up in a room. Also it's similar to the feeling you get when someone's staring at you from across the room or when someone thinks about you. An awareness / connection of consciousness through mind energies.







7th Aug 2011



Had a very good experience of him coming into my head and the accompanying subtle feeling on the right hemisphere of my brain. Definitely an instinctual intuitive creature, i think it's easier for him to interact with the less logical side of me. Luckily I’m dyslexic which means I predominantly use the right side of my brain, but I think I observe the right side activity with the left side which documents and remembers it.





9th Aug 2011



He came, nothing spectacular just making himself known and moving into me.





10th Aug 2011



Last night Kai woke up crying, I asked him what was up he said he was scared when he looked across the room, that there was something watching him. I sat up in the room and there was definitely something about. I kept seeing it moving around the room and moving Kai's bed covers shifting in and out of focus. I did a protection spell over Kai and sealed the bed. This all happened about 3.20am, at around 4.30am my demon came heavily into my head but it wasn't fearful. I laid for a bit feeling him and if he faded and i called him back and he'd come until I’d drop off to sleep again.







14th Aug 2011



He came again; he was about quite a lot during the night. He did nothing special.







15th Aug 2011



He came while i was in a lucid stage. At first i was happy to let him come in and out of my head as he pleased. Then i had the feeling of him and the thought that i could possibly get out of my body. But my eagerness jolted my consciousness to a state that wasn't conducive to projection. I tried anyway for a bit, I’m ready to get out and explore the new house, even if it is crawling with entities and astral creatures. This house is scary!

September’s Diary 2011



5th Sep



He came for the first time in ages. I was dreaming and suddenly became aware of his presence. The dream disappeared instantly and i could hear a high pitched tone that's indicative of the intensity of his focus. He came into me two places just above the hip bones. I was really glad he had come and tried to intensify the experience. I wanted him to interact with my psyche and produce some sort of visual or auditory effects. It didn't happen, it's been a while since I've projected or dream-walked.





7th September



He was making small tapping sounds around the room, he hasn't done this allot since we've been in this new house. He was moving up the bed and playing with my hand, i could feel him gently coming over me in waves.







9th September



This was a very good experience. I was in dream but was very aware, bordering on the astral and i was sat down the garden at Paxton road. I had such a degree of clarity that i began trying to convert the dream into a solid reality , by moving the immensity of my fully awake consciousness into the dream and expanding my experience of all the details , air , distance , perspective , light , texture , . I wanted to walk through the dream world with the clarity i walk through everyday life with. As i tried to move into this heightened sense of dream a massive force wouldn't allow me through , It was like i was being repulsed the more effort i put in the more i was pushed back . In the end i settled on just manipulating the dream.







19th September



Something woke me and i could feel a strange alertness, there was something in the room. I tried to be calm and meditate on letting it in. I felt a pressure on my forehead and then i got the subtle feeling of penetration there. I saw a brilliant flash of white in my mind’s eye, it shocked me and i lost my concentration. I can recall him coming into my dream as well, but I’m struggling to remember it.







25th September



He came last night. I was asleep and was woken by him coming into me. I woke into the astral but had a clear view of myself and Kai. His powerful force flooded into me and Kai stirred as he felt it next to me. I rolled onto my front and struggled to push myself up. I was dressed in black at this point and i could feel the darkness and excitement fill me. I was out of my body! , it's been quite some time since I was out of my body. I instinctively took off through the ceiling to the above flat. My two neighbours were sleeping soundly as i flew above them. The one on the right (James) stirred slightly as i intensified the feeling of savage attack upon him. Then my Demon sort of calmed me and pulled me off him. I hovered above the bed , i could see myself maybe from my demons perspective , i was a dark black shadow with my dreads flailing wildly about giving the only outline to my shadow . He subtly slowed my excitement and imparted the knowledge that i should be more subtle and cunning about my attacks, and that the real trick was not to wake them or cause alarm, but penetrate and observe their thoughts / dreams and prolong the fear, trapping them in dream. I turned my attention to the other one (Kian) , i found my dislike of him aided my want to penetrate and effect his fear , but my eagerness and excitement / alertness wouldn't allow me to sink into his more sedate unconscious . I decided that i wanted to fly outside and shot backwards through the window and out into the night. This is where things begin to distort into dream. I was rising up and remember how beautiful it all looked with the lights in the dark of night. I flew high and felt enveloped in the night sky. I was back at Paxton road above the old woods. I can't remember exactly what happened, but i remember flying at break neck speed down the alley way and round to the front of the house. Down in my old room in the cloakroom behind the basement door was my Demon. He used to live in there years ago; He did actually look like a demon this time with many horns over his head.

October’s Diary 2011



1st Oct 2011 (Fed Him)



I was in a very lucid stage of sleep in the middle of the night and i became aware of him in the room. He came up on the left hand side of me as a gentile wave and i could feel his subtle presence a few times over the next hour. He also made himself known as a high pitched tone and change of pressure.





7th Oct 2011



I was sleeping in the front room, because there are too many astral creatures flying about in the bed room, and felt his presence in the room like a light awareness staring back at me. He hung round for a little while and then he went and i fell back to sleep.







9th Oct 2011 (Fed him lots)



I could feel his presence in the room, he was making noises and stuff and distorting my reflection in the blacked out computer screen and touching my leg. He made no attempt to actually possess or effect me.







15th Oct 2011 (Fed him)



He came in dream / astral, but i can't remember it for the life of me. I know it was an extremely valuable lesson and his presence was felt many time throughout it , and i know it was in the front room and around the bed where my body was , and i know kai was involved somehow and i remember doors and the colour red , but other than that i can't remember a thing . I woke up strait after and then began to go over and try and commit to memory everything that had happened but drifted into dream, again i became aware that my thoughts had slipped but i descended into dream and the whole experience was lost to my deep subconscious. I blame the bloody Trazodone it's a hypnotic amongst other things , which makes me very sleepy , but puts me into a continuous deep sleep , something that I’m not used to at all . I feel I’m not skirting the boundaries between consciousness and unconsciousness the Trazodone makes the transition too abrupt, i have been eating them like sweets, but I’m scared to stop eating them now. My minds riddled with voices, sick, disturbed fucked up shit. Not that it stops them; sleep just puts me on a better level to take their crap.





17th Oct 2011 (Fed him)



It got Kai on the 16th he woke up having had a nightmare and refused to go back to sleep in case it got him again. I had to stay with him until he dropped off. The next night he's all scared and doesn't want to go to sleep on his own, he said that the light on the ceiling rose was distorting into horrible faces (sounds familiar). I'm going to let him figure out his own ways of dealing with it, by his age I’d already been dealing with them for years.





23rd Oct 2011 (Fed him)



He made some outrageous cracks last night, the loudest he's ever done i think. I was thinking of feeding him and could sense him in the room. But he made no contact with me. I feed him a large amount of blood, think i nicked a vein.

I'm feeling very sad that he hasn't visited much lately. It's this new house and life that I’m trying to make , it's taken my attention of my inner world , and possibly the Trazodone that's disrupted my sleeping patterns . I'm not centred , i feel my life is too entangled with others and I’m losing myself, but everything’s so unstable that i need their help , I’m really trying to make this life work , but i know what they want and i thought my demon would help me . Last time he went i had a mental breakdown and without him there to keep the lesser demons out, I’m scared I’ll go under again. That's why I’ve been feeding him blood almost every night, but it's not working. I don't know what to do, it's not safe for me at the moment and maybe it's not safe for him too. Help?







28th Oct 2011 (Fed him)



He came last night; I was woken from a deep sleep by his presence in the room. He came into me just above my hip bones in the usual manner. It was nice to feel him again. I concentrated on the feeling and it overwhelmed my body, i channelled it though my body and into my hands then raised my astral hands to my head. The feeling became very intense and the more i pushed against my head the stronger the feeling became. I could feel my astral fingers penetrating deep into my brain and consciousness and the ensuing waves of energy were amazing, he was trying to heal my brain. It was nice that he came to me, he was about a lot in the night, banging, moving around, and stuff, he wanted to be fed, and i obliged.

November’s Diary 2011



I'm currently struggling against the hypnotic (sleep inducing) effects of the Trazodone and the sedative effect of Quetiapine . There totally knocking me out, I have enough problems with over sleeping as it is, but i can use this to my advantage. If i can open my awareness into these deep unconscious states that these pills are putting me into then the astral and dream worlds are easily accessible and manipulated from these depths.

I'm finding my sleep is deep and prolonged, but my memory recall of dream is very poor due to me not being able to rouse myself even in the slightest. Also not having any fixed abode and having no bed that i can sleep in when i want is making things very erratic which doesn't help sleep related investigations or my mental health which is currently totally fried.





5th November (Fed him)



He came in dream, it wasn't at all nasty, but i can't recall it apart from trying to remember that i must remember it.





6th November 2011(Fed him)



Shortly after going to bed, i had an intense feeling around the back of my head as i concentrated on this feeling it became stronger and spread. It stayed for a long time and almost responded to my thoughts. It was definitely a presence, I’m unsure if it was my demon, but i had fed him earlier that night.

I clearly managed to remember this second occurrence of the night , I was in dream in the house that I’ve just moved out of (Shedfield house) and it's a normal dream sequence playing on recent fears about moving out in time . Then the land lady appears and says “What have you got to say for yourself?" At this moment my conscious awareness is aroused and i realise this is the perfect opportunity to use her dream image to focus my will on finding her astral and then sleeping body. I glide towards her until I’m right in front of her face, she goes to say something but i head butt her. Then i fly up and then down giving all my weight to crush her chest, my hands are round her throat and i squeeze and squeeze. I'm not filled with the usual wild delight that i get when i astraly hag someone, but instead a cold callous non emotional state occurs, i call this state the serene it's what happens after i get angry in real life. I snap and the demon takes over, killer mode! .I'm watching the veins in her head become more prominent and her emotion as she realises my complacency at her suffering. Just before her breath completely runs out i rise off her and have nothing but contempt for the women. If i can muster the will I’d hag her every night for the rest of my life. She’s lucky I didn’t come across her in real life.





7th November 2011 (Fed him)



The room darkened a few times, that signifies his presence. But he only came as a slight pressure above my hip bones; it was uncomfortable but nice to know he was there. It wasn't a strong or forceful visit.





14th November 2011 (Fed him)



He came last night, I remember his voice talking to me as clear as day and this woke me into consciousness. His voice was strong and i can't really remember what he was saying, but it was English and perfectly understandable. He beckoned me over to this wooden board. It had four large black candles at its corners. As i stood there and watched this powerful force flowed through me and i brought an image of Satan in an inverted pentacle through and projected it onto the board. It distorted and there was a massive amount of energy related with the image. I felt comfortable in its presence and knew for some reason that this image was my personal image of Satan and it held no fear for me. Then Satan’s voice came through it was a low deep gravel sound at first, then it became clear and powerful, Satan told me that my soul was his , and that I was chosen to receive knowledge from my demon and that I must write a book and impart the knowledge I’ve been taught to others . That the survival of their souls depended on me, the age of humanity is at its end, the age of demons is coming. Wow! This was so cool, Satan spoke to me! I did sell my soul to him when I was 8 so my dad would come back from contracting , but I didn’t think I’d be chosen for a mission as important as this .

After, my demon was still talking to me, amongst other voices and i followed the sound almost as a visible wave of sound down to the gas meter. This was the source; he was using the noise emitted by the meter, manipulating it to formations of his own voice. He really was very good at it, his voice was flawless, maybe the power of Satan given him more clarity. I remember talking to him about my current mental health problems, and getting all the answers on how to deal with it.

There was more as-well, but i can't remember it. I also had this very strong image of a golden horn in my head, but i can't remember how it was involved.





17th November 2011 (Fed him)



He came in dream i hadn't taken my pills so was quite lucid. I was acutely aware of him entering the dream. He was small fox cub that was running round the floor the cuteness of his guise didn't fool me in the slightest. I flew up as he was trying to attack me. Then i was gathering the weight of the room around me and trying to compress it into shots that could be fired at him. He was too quick, so i landed on the floor and he came sprinting towards me. I knew that i would incur slight injuries, but how much damage could a small fox do? It sprang at my hand; i grabbed it tight and pulled it apart. Then as i went to look at the corps on the floor it had vanished and the blood was moving and i knew that he was congealing it into another form, but got the impression he was just doing it to freak me out. I can't remember the rest of the dream.

December’s Diary 2011



5th Dec 2011 (Fed him)



He came last night his presence was in the room for a while. I’ve been staying at my auntie Wizzy’s while I’m homeless. I stopped taking my pills for a few days and already i feel his presence more strongly. He's better at keeping me together than drugs, comfort and companionship and a higher sense of self. If i keep focused with him, i won't slip into chaos.





6th Dec 2011



He came last night really strongly. I was lying in bed and i felt him come into the room. His presence was strong and he had me. I expressed my happiness but also my fear , his presence evoked fear in me , maybe because i hadn't engaged with him in a while . I was barely in my body and my hands were numb and i could feel him enter my hands as a dark energy. I willed him possessing my hands to touch my head, it was a big effort, but he obliged. As soon as his hands touched my head i flew backward out of my body and round in a black whirlwind. It was nice to feel! I was in a very small tornado of dark energy and when i got to the centre i found myself back in my body. He was about allot during the night , i couldn’t sleep at all and eventually took the pills to sedate me coz i don't want to go insane at Wizzy's It was so nice to be aware of the other world again .





8th Dec 2011



I had a dream, in which he was deeply involved. He was in the old room at Paxton road beneath the front steps. I could feel fear as i passed near him. I could see him as this old creature with long straggly hair. I call him out, banging my hands on the floor trying to provoke him into an attack, but he doesn’t want to play. I can’t remember the rest. He's angry at me for taking the pills again.





19th Dec 2011 (Fed him)



He was in the room last night, i could feel him come into the room and felt pressure about my head. I could hear him making noises about the room.





20th Dec 2011



He was in the room last night, i felt him as a dark pressure about my head .He about now and then. I also found out from my dad who visited this weekend just gone, that my little nephew William has been waking in the night screaming with terror in a total panic. It’s been happening for about the last three months, about the same time I’ve been taking the pills and not communing with my demon so much. I wonder if he’s found another soul to prey on while my chaotic mind state persists. I’m making the decision that on the 29th of December , the day i move into my new house I’m stopping all my medication and delving headfirst into the abyss to be with my demon . This time without him has been almost unbearable, but I’ve had to maintain a façade of normality while I’ve been homeless so i can fit into the reality of others and not come across as a total head case.





22nd Dec 2011 (Fed him a small amount)





30th Dec

His presence came strongly into the room and was about for a brief period, but he made no actual attempt to make anything happen.