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I'm a later in life lesbian. Looking back I realize that I have an amazing ability to ignore specific parts of myself. Once I realized that homosexuality was something that was supposed to be terrible and shameful. I forced myself to become as boy crazy as I possibly good. I'm such a natural actress that I even managed to fool myself... for the most part. I always found myself captivated by beautiful women. I was always more interested in the looks of the female romantic leads than the male. I was ridiculously close to and attached to all my female friends. They had more power to hurt and wound me than any man in my life. The men in my life were always just objects, decorations, sex toys, validation of femininity. It wasn't until I was in my mid twenties that I finally realized that I really preferred women to men.



What bothers me though is that some people seem to think I need to justify my sexuality because I have a child and I've slept with men. Honestly... I might even sleep with a man again one day, but what I know about myself is that I will never be able to love a man, desire to be with a man, bond with a man the way I do women.



That doesn't make me confused. It just makes me honest.