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5 entries this month
It's all coming back together18:09 Jun 17 2010
Times Read: 569
Well if you read the previous journal entry you'll see that everything in my life fell apart in the wee hours of the Morning on Monday. I'm amazed at how quickly everything is coming back together though. I've just found a temporary place to live and people have been exceedingly kind and generous. For somebody who has spent much of her life feeling like there was nobody she could really count on I'm sure being proved wrong. People I don't even know are stepping forward to help lift me and my son back up to our feel. I think it's safe to say that faith in human nature is somewhat restored.
Fire20:14 Jun 15 2010
Times Read: 586
I’m a writer and I feel the need to write down the story of what happened to me in the very early hours of Monday June 14th. For me it will be cathartic, therapeutic and save me from having to tell it over and over again. But to tell it so you get the full effect I’ll start a little ways back.
It had been a trying couple of days… weeks… months if we were to be honest. I’d been feeling so hopeless lately and very lonely. I knew moving so far away had been the right thing to do. Patrick was flourishing finally having a relationship with his father and I had needed to cut ties and stand on my own two feet. I just missed my friends and I missed Montana in general and I had been having an especially long bought of self-pity. Saturday night had been particularly hard; I’d broken a date with a guy I really liked, simply because I was afraid of actually having a relationship with someone. I guard my heart most zealously these days I just have time to live through another broken heart. I didn’t sleep well and I had weird dreams. Looking back I realize that there was a warning in those dreams.
Sunday morning I attended church and prayed with all my heart to have God take everything toxic out of my life, that I didn’t care what I was giving up that his will would always be better and I just wanted to live a good life in the eyes of the Lord. There was a bit more too it, but that’s the jist of it. I went to work that day and shared a particularly strange dream that had woken me up crying, with some of my co-workers… little did I know how eerie I would feel about that later.
Sunday evening I went to bed just around 10. It seemed like a normal… if lonely night. I missed my son and he was staying an extra day at his Dad’s. I took my Benadryl and fell asleep quickly. Less than two hours later I woke up coughing and confused. There was an annoying beeping noise(the fire alarm) and the cats were howling. I opened my eyes and they burned. I felt like there were large people laying on me and I wanted badly to go back to sleep and ignore the noise, but some part of me forced me to move. It wasn’t easy I felt so week and I couldn’t breathe, I was choking on smoke and my body wasn’t working properly. My first staggering steps were toward Patrick’s room and into a wall of heat and smoke, and then I remembered he wasn’t home. I tried to head down the hall so go out the door, but it was pitch black and the heat was burning my face. I stumbled into the bedroom and tried to open the window. It was stuck. I fumbled on the floor for something to hit it with and came up with a cute high heel that belonged to a pair of shoes I loved but almost never wore. They were white with black polka dots, a peep toe and hot pink trim… and a good thick heal. I tried to smash the window with it but I couldn’t seem to make my arms work. I thought about throwing myself into the window in hopes my weight would break the glass and I also thought about lying down and going to sleep.
My neighbor came to my rescue. My neighbor is stodgy and set in his ways. He goes to bed at 8:00 PM every night and get’s up at 5:00 AM everyday. His routine is exact and precise to the point where I’ve wondered at times if he might be a touch OCD. For some reason he couldn’t sleep that night and happened to be outside smoking a cigarette at 12:30 AM. If he hadn’t been I’m not sure I would have gotten out of the house. He picked up a folding chair and smashed the window and helped me tear the screen out. I grabbed a quilt off my bed and threw it over the glass on the window frame. I tripped over my purse, grabbed it and tossed it out the window. Then I crawled through the window and my neighbor pulled me all the way out.
I fell to the ground and crawled away hacking and spewing trying to get some air. I could still hear my cats and went back to the window and tried to get them to come to me. They wouldn’t and I couldn’t get back in to them. The sound of Capella meowing for me will always haunt me and I will always feel bad for not getting her or the kittens out. I called and pleaded with her to come to me. I couldn’t see her. The smoke pouring out was too black and the heat when I tried to reach in was too great. Then she quick meowing and the firemen got there. I stood crying and shaking I didn’t even have my phone on me so I couldn’t call anyone because I didn’t know anyone’s numbers by heart. Then I remembered Patrick’s phone was in my purse and I called Mark. He and Jami were there in record time and the fire men got the fire out quickly.
Everything was lost… and I can’t help but wonder if my prayer had anything to do with the fire. I know some of you will think I’m crazy for that, but I don’t care. I got out of that fire with my life purely by God’s grace and stuff can be replaced. My son can’t and if he had been there I don’t think either of us would have made it out, because I wouldn’t have left with out him. Also the dream I had on Saturday night… it was about my house being on fire and trying to get the cats out but not being able to. I understand if you all are skeptical when I tell you that, I would be too, but I told several people about the dream on Sunday and the fire happened in the small hours of the morning on Monday. So there you go, there’s my story about the fire. Take from it what you will leave what you won’t.
I praise God for bringing me through it, for making sure my son was safely away from it and for showing me that all the love and support I could ever want or need is right here surrounding me. If there were a moral to this story it might be something about being careful what you pray for… or don’t… God’s plan is always better.
Whiskey & Water22:19 Jun 12 2010
Times Read: 590
I read a book called "Whiskey & Water", it was some kind of fantasy hybrid of Angels & Demons, Fea & witches and wizards. The story was just on the convuluted side of complex, I usually perfer my entertainment to be mindless, but overall a good read. Gives an interesting new dimension to the idea of heaven and hell and all that. Purely fiction, but food for thought, just the same.
been a bit19:52 Jun 07 2010
Times Read: 600
I haven't been on vr much lately. My bad. I've been busy with stuff. Life is good. Life is entertaining. As my previous post stated I was invited to an orgy, which I don't plan to intend, but I'm tickled pink over the invite. Just makes me giggle. Maybe thirteen years ago I would have been down and maybe in ten years I'll regret not going, but I appreciate just the thought that I could have gone.
Other than that I've been lost in reading and writing. I'm re-reading the Outlander series, which reminds just exactly what a good writer can do, and I've finally finished all but the last of the Anita Blake books. Over all I'm not super impressed, but I do love a good sex scene in a book and I'm down with the dark side of her writing.
Monday I get to meet the lady that writes the Tru Blood books, I'm stoked... even though I haven't actually read the books yet, lol.
I suppose that covers it for the moment.
*smooches douches*
Oh yeah!!!04:09 Jun 06 2010
Times Read: 615
I got invited to an orgy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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