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People are so flaky sometimes. One day you're they're best friend and the next you don't even rate a simple hello.



Maybe that's not a big deal to some people, but it drives me up the wall. I choose my friends carefully and when somebody whom I've chosen as a friend blows me off, it really hurts.



It's not something I can just get over. I'm not a fan of fake people and I dislike false friendships even more.



If you're not capable of being real or true, please... just don't bother.

I struggle with self-destructive tendencies. I don't cut or anything as self-defecating as that, but I have a tendency to want to quit just as I'm starting to succeed.



For so long I had this horrible mind set of it is better to never try at all then it is to try and then fail. I've over come it, but some days it still hangs on.



Today is one of those days, I'm fighting myself in order to prevent myself, from screwing myself.

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NocturnalMistress
02:56 Feb 20 2009

I understand completely.

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I'm craving a pack of sour patch kids. Hmmmm I could just suck on a sugar coated lemon wedge. Probably the same thing really.

So if anyone is interested I've updated my profile. Feel free to provide feedback... well don't be mean or anything, but feedback is always good.

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ladySnowStrixx
15:52 Feb 18 2009

ok will do

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I'm looking for some talented to writers to submit testimonials/short stories for a collection of writings. This book is meant to be real stories, about real people and the extraordinary things that happen in their lives.



Guidelines -



Must be able to write at a high school proficiency or higher.



Manuscript should be submitted in either rich-text format or word.



Should be 500 - 2000 words long.



Must be unpublished.



Content should be PG-13 or younger.



E-mail submissions to caceewalsh@writeme.com

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NocturnalMistress
08:56 Feb 11 2009

Hey CaCee..

Message me with what you are looking for, I would love to be apart of it =]

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I was with a friend, the other day. We get along great but at times she can be a bit judgmental. She's a good person, but we all have flaws so I don't hold it against her.



But we ran into this girl that I met when I photographed her wedding. As she walked out of ear shot, my friend muttered... "Wow, talk about homely, she must have been hard to photograph."



I was shocked. She was actually one of my favorite brides to photograph and her pictures are on my website, because I think she's such a beautiful bride. I looked at her getting into her car and tried to think about objectively and view her physical characteristics one by one.



She's average height, average weight, average shape, she's not quite young and has her Dad's features, she wasn't wearing make-up and I realized that she wasn't really very pretty. It surprised me because I always thought of her has stunning.



See when I think about her I think about how brilliantly blue her eyes are, and how they crinkle when she smiles, and how they actually sparkle when she looks at her husband and her family. I think about how stylish she is and how her outfits are always so smart, sexy, and modest all at once. I think about how athletic she is and the backpacking trips we go on. I think about how cute her hair always is and how she always cuts it herself and I'm in awe of that. I think about how beautiful the music she makes is and how she enchants an audience every time she performs. I think about how pure, humble and genuine she is and how she works so hard to never judge. She saved herself for marriage, but volunteers at an unplanned pregnancy outreach center and treats every woman that come in there with such love and respect. I think about the fact that she's kept her life in order, but is the first one to reach out with compassion when somebody is in trouble with drugs, alcohol, or money.



To me she is one of the most beautiful women I've ever met, and the pictures I took of her on her wedding day when we first met are some of my favorite pictures I've ever taken.



So I simply shrugged and said I thought she was beautiful and that she was easy to photograph, then let it go.



I wouldn't hurt her by pointing out how shallow her comment sounded.



She may have flaws, but she's a beautiful person too.

Last night the moon was one of those moons that makes you see where the whole idea of the moon being made of cheese comes from.



It was huge, yellow, and breathtaking. It was simply enchanting to watch it rise and travel the sky last night. Reflecting light off the snow made it so bright you could see for miles.



I know I've said it before, but nights like that are what makes me believe in the impossible. Even if it's just for a moment.

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vampchica4
00:29 Feb 11 2009

I was thinking the same thing! I love full moons!

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Ok boys, I've said it once and I'll say it again. No means no! And if you can't respect that online than you probably can't respect it in real life either. So don't be surprised when you get blocked. Take a hint, show some freaking respect and back the hell off.



Some of us girls aren't gonna just roll over and take it.

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NocturnalMistress
17:43 Feb 09 2009

hear hear Wifey :)

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vampchica4
22:14 Feb 09 2009

Shout it to the heavens and beyond!!! :)

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I feel like I should write something in here. I don't know why, I don't really have anything to say right now. Maybe it's just the writer's compulsion.



Anyway I hope this find you all well... or not, which ever you prefer.

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NocturnalMistress
08:22 Feb 09 2009

*hugs*

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I have commitment issues. I don't know how to be faithful, I don't want to be monogamous, I'm honest about it, I let people no up front.



I was faithful... once. For five years in fact. I thought he was the love of my life. He was the father of my son. He turned out to be nothing more than an annoying boil on my bum.



Any way there was this girl. I knew she was really into me and so I kept my distance, she's not the kind of girl who just wants a fling, even though she though she wanted one with me.



Well life's been kind of crappy lately and in a moment of weakness... well fill in the blank...



Anyway, I got to watch the hurt in her eyes as I broke her heart today.



Ugggg, I'm such a shit.

Oy, sometimes I feel like such a goofball. I learned a long time ago to laugh at life and all of it's outrageousness, otherwise I'd have to start taking anti-depressants.



So life hands out blows and woes and I find the humor in it. Because in a morbid way all of it is really humorous when you look at the big picture.



So if I laugh at the dumb luck of being the only one outside when my neighbor's truck falls off the jack and crushes him to death, don't think I'm insensitive.



It bugs me, bugs the heck out of me. This is just the way I deal with things. Wish I could have saved the guy. Wish my knee wasn't still fucked up and I'd been able to lift the vehicle off of him. Wish some neighbors would have been home so they could have come out and helped me. Wish I hadn't looked under the car. Wish my son hadn't been there.



So where's the humor in this?

1) Things like this always happen to me.



2) The guy was mentally handi-capped and worked on his car all of the time. It was the only thing he liked to do. So if he had to go, I'm sure that's how he would have wanted to go.



3) It wouldn't have mattered if I was there or not, or if I could have gotten the vehicle off of him. His skull and ribcage were crushed and he wouldn't have made it. So worrying over the what if's is pointless, always pointless.

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vampchica4
00:13 Feb 02 2009

That's really sad, but good for you for looking at the positives

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twoforme
17:34 Feb 02 2009

that is harsh and I know that if you could have done something you would have. it still doesn't make it any easier though.

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Do you ever just stop, look around at your life and ask yourself, "what happened to me?"



How in the hell did I get here?



When did I become this person?



Nah, me neither. '-)