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I love it here,truly I do.



Over the last almost 3 weeks I have been in such a mind state that I feel trapped,coming here knowing it isn't better,getting the butterflies,wishing it would subside,alienating everyone while I figure things out for myself.It isn't working out,I am still in the corner trying to fight my way out.Fighting my own mind against things that were never real.Succession has to come soon,learning to lean on friends and stop putting a cork on my own little bottle of insanity.

I reflect back on the past and know what I need to do,my mind tells me to let her go,stay away from her,she is no good for you but my heart just won't stop wanting her.I have the power to change this situation and back away,I fight with myself on a daily basis and yet I still come to the conclusion that if I just hold on a bit longer then all will be well.



I am under a delusion of the heart,sometimes to not feel emotions would be a godsend,it would be much easier going through life like a stone statue when it involves certain people and yet the other part is glad for what we had.



I do not know what to do here,maybe some space is needed to think things through.Do I really want to loose this friendship,is it healthy? I have lived this long without her I can surely continue living without her,or can this develop into a comfortable relationship where we can just be ourselves and forget what has happened?



Why do I have to analyze everything?,sometimes it is a rather aggravating trait.

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TaintedAngel14
16:05 Jun 10 2009

Rayne, itll work out, Im very sure it will, you're a strong woman, and its okay to feel, really it is, no matter how bad you DONT want to. Your heart and your head never agree, not with anything or anyone..

It has to get worse in order for it to get better..

So the train should be arriving at your station soon..

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IcyRayne
16:07 Jun 10 2009

I know doll but it gets so aggravating at times that I want to literally scream

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Kikin
15:22 Jun 11 2009

over analyzing things can be good at times... just don't let it get in the way of what is important... your happyness

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I went to a profile and seen this little saying..STRAIGHT but knows gay and bi people.

Have to put it in caps lock now don't we.Why in hell do people do this,most of these girls are only Bi cause it's the in thing,some say I am gay one day but straight the next day,and they say we need help.



Nowhere on my profile does it even state my orientation,it's just known.I could say Lesbian here but knows straight and bi people oh and I know satanists,rednecks,goths and supernatural freaks also.

Who fucking cares who you know.



Anyways I am gonna go eat some Pizza Rolls and contemplate people in general.

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Freyja
20:28 Jun 08 2009

Laughs and nods knowingly

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ThothLestat
20:59 Jun 08 2009

It's funny to me because, in terms of overall statistics; that's the default description for the vast majority of people: STRAIGHT with gay and bi friends.



Again, statistically speaking.



They might as well say "I'm human, but I KNOW some cats."

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IcyRayne
21:44 Jun 08 2009

That's amusing but so very true.

I believe I am gonna label myself lesbian with a bit of southern hospitality rolled into knowing that one straight person over there.



What is a straight person?,we are all straight with extended limbs.Conformist to Society..*blinks* < randomly speaking that is.

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TaintedAngel14
22:32 Jun 08 2009

well, labeling is just overrated anyways..i dont see the point, everyones unique in there own way and no ones diffrent, so you really cant styreotype OR label ANYONE..its just stupid to me is all..





PIZZA ROLLS! NO FREAKIN WAY! XD

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I be there waiting,I am always waiting,why wait it is useless and a hopeless misconception of life,noone will be receiving of this.



Wondering why it has to be this way,why end this way,why open yourself,close yourself,less hurt and tragedy will be inflicted and reflected upon.



Straight ahead your eyes never turn,to hold your head high and walk upon the clouds of nothing which to catch you should you stumble and fall through the airy grasp.



Smiling always to hide the truth behind feelings,molding over the scars that are but wisps of traces you let the world see.



Rock on Doll Babies,it's how life should be.

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erin88
16:10 Jun 02 2009

I've been smiling alot lately.

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IcyRayne
18:35 Jun 02 2009

I think it is time for a talk doll,I misses you so much Er.

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See this,look real close..*raises her middle finger in salute*

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erin88
16:13 Jun 02 2009

Annnnnnnnnnd, right back at you. Lol.

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IcyRayne
18:35 Jun 02 2009

*catches it and blows you a kiss*

Thanks beautiful

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You know the one TaintedAngel,she is such a doll,while talking she gave me great insight to my feelings for 2 women,it is one of the wisest phrases I have ever had the pleasure to read.



love is a strange things..it can tear families apart..but cradle us in its arms with sweet sweet things..

but it also lies..lust can be sadly mistakin for love..



Thank you doll,and I mean that from me heart.

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TaintedAngel14
06:23 Jun 01 2009

*grins and blushes* well..thank you hun..i does try!

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IcyRayne
13:44 Jun 01 2009

You stunned me with those words,we were having a fun time tripping and then BAM,love when I get things like this to reflect on.

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