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You think you are secure,you think all is finally well with your world minus a couple people whom you have managed to alienate,yet you still figure it is fine,your happy,had a wonderful week and then you wake up in the morning.



7 30 this morning I am happy,taking the kids to school and my girlfriend calls me..Megan has died she says.I could not believe what I was hearing.



A good friend of mine got killed last night 1 mile from her house,she ran her car right into a utility pole.

3 deaths in 4 yrs.

My uncle died May 30th,my best friend ever got killed on May 25th,he woulda been 22 August 9th.



It might be considered suicide,it is sad that noone knew,did anyone care to know.Well they all know now,is that only way for people to understand when things are wrong.It seems like it,people so wound in their own lives to never stop and look around at the whole big picture.



We go about our lives walking through and never noticing when someone is in pain.

You get remarks when your happy..Oh finally..not once do those people even see.I got that remark the other day.



See I have been struggling immensely with myself and I might have done a few things and pushed people away but I ask this were they ever truly friends if they couldn't even see my cries.

The people I held close to my heart couldn't understand it..get your head out your ass I hear.

My head was never in my ass,maybe just once if you thought you knew me you woulda seen.



My heart goes out to Megan's mother,I knew her very well.She is left to deal with her daughters death and to raise a 3 yr old grandson.



I sit here and stare and I wanna scream,wanna cry but if I do I might not stop.



I do not even know why I wrote all this,maybe to see and try and understand why,she was only 26.

Why did she run her car off the road,tell me why and help me understand.



I just wanted to let some people know I love them so much and I am sorry for everything.I called my girlfriend and let her know again I love her,I dont know what I would do if something like that happened to her..



Make sure you tell people what they mean to you,because it can be the very last time it ever happens.Your never guaranteed a thing much less life,embrace it.

COMMENTS

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twoforme
16:33 Aug 31 2009

I am so sorry hun. I am here if you need to talk or if you need to vent or anything else okay.



*HUGS* I Love you I just wanted to let you know that.

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LadyIsis
19:24 Aug 31 2009

oh girl. hugs sometimes things happen for no good reason. i'm still here for you.

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So girlfriend calls me a few minutes ago and says come donate blood at my job,I started whining,hate needles here but said fine be there in a few.



I started answering some questions..Tattoos..did you know they aren't regulated in my state..most likely not but anyways I have to wait until 2010 to donate blood.



Going to tell my wench this..stupid cashier chick which happens to be my neighbor the one who thinks I am a drug abuser mind you,says you told them the tat was recent.



I shoulda lied and donated anyways,not like my blood is gonna say a life.



People really astound me at times.

Inhumane loser who doesn't seem to care that donating blood ..SAVES LIVES.

I answered my phone and this dude from Verizon started calling me Miss Jacqueline.



Me: You have the wrong number

Him: Now Miss Jacqueline,I just talked to you and I am reporting you to the credit bureau

Me: I am not Miss Jacqueline dude

Him: Now,now Miss Jacqueline stop playing with me,I am reporting you.

Me: Dude,do what you have to do and oh BTW your crazy..*click*



Miss Jacqueline I am sorry,your being reported..should of paid that damn Verizon bill.

COMMENTS

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twoforme
17:55 Aug 26 2009

darn it, I knew I shouldn't have used that name, now Verizon is looking for me too. lmao

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ThothLestat
18:04 Aug 26 2009

Although it is a little scary that a company like Verizon wouldn't know what their own customer's phone numbers are or how to reach them.

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IcyRayne
18:31 Aug 26 2009

Lol,your insane.



I do agree,yesterday my county courthouse called me telling me it was a urgent matter for some kinda fine.I called and they kept asking me if I was Fernando Lupes.

Now I know my voice can be slightly husky and southern but damnit,chick here people,maybe I sound Mexican..let me go hear myself talk.

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I feel like I just fucking lost my best friend.



Wait I did just lose my best friend...I want to give a nice shout out to the people who contributed to this..go fuck yourselves with a nice razor sharp psychedelic dildo and do me a favor make sure you do it really good,make it worth the fuck.

I woke up this morning,seriously it is all I did.



My girlfriend is so mean to me and really I dont deserve it this time,she says I am going through things..,my mother this and that.



Yeah ok I am going to the doctors today to see face to face the person who punched me in the face 3 weeks ago and her name is none other than girlfriend's mother..Jumping for joy here.



Girlfriend says thank you for not killing my mother,yet in the process let's treat me like shit cause you cant get over the fact she did it..HELLO..hittee here..talk about Ironic.



And you wonder why I am turning into the world's biggest cunt.



Did I mention my neighbor says I am a Meth head?



Really I am not,trust me when I say I have meat on my bones..BAK BAK bitch.

Everything is fucked with my friends,I guess it just wasn't meant to be.



Touch my life in good ways,I am thankful at least for that.



Sometimes I guess we just go off in other ways,and yet still I wish it wasn't so..maybe in another time and place it will be different.



I will always love you though,till the end of time.

COMMENTS

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twoforme
16:02 Aug 24 2009

sorry you are having a hard time hun. I'm still here for you when you need me.

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IcyRayne
18:15 Aug 24 2009

It's ok Jessica..you remember what I told you Friday..I appreciate you just being there listening to my heart break..but also remember it is for the best.



I told you I would rather have what I had 6 months ago than to not have anything at all..I cherish those few weeks and always I can look back and know that it was good.



Now it isn't so good so to get through my heart I look back,isn't that the way it should always be?

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Kikin
15:33 Aug 25 2009

I'm sorry things are going so rough for you. I'm here if you ever want to talk

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IcyRayne
22:27 Aug 25 2009

Thank you sweetie,I appreciate that.

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Is a blah day..My girlfriend is furious with me for running her phone bill up to 166 bucks.I take partial blame,the rest is on everyone else..Seriously I called noone and don't know how it got that high..Last time I did that was when I was angry at her and called this one chick and talked to her 192.00 worth.



My head hurts and don't really feel like getting out of bed today.Lethargic is the word,now I have to deal with a furious wench when she gets home.Trust me when I say it ain't gonna be pretty.On the bright side of things I might be able to talk my way out of her anger,usually I am fairly good at that sort of thing,hoping she falls for it here.

I woke up today,went back to sleep,woke up again.

Going to the Doctor,just got another surgery appointment..yay the 18th of September,knew it would be the end of the year before they were done sawing on me.



I think I am gonna hang with my girlfriend,who someone recently told me it seems I forgot I had one.

As if I could forget,she is so damn sexy,just because my eyes wander at times.



Had a nice 2 hour conversation last night with a good friend of mine.She loves me.



Hoping to have another tonight with this one chick,but it will remain to be seen if she answers the phone,and what excuse she will have for not answering..those are the kick ass friends right there.



Oh wait..My landlord tacked on 40 bucks to my rent cause I came in on Saturday instead of Friday,I was hopping mad,wanted to throw things at his head but I calmed myself and decided its trivial..ha he took the fee off..said computer did it and he has no control but my lease says I pay on Saturdays,signed,sealed and whatever..fucker is a ass sometimes,and he likes to tell me I have a nice ass...*shudders and runs*..um No freaking thank you.

COMMENTS

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Gabriella
15:51 Aug 18 2009

run run far away from lecherous landlord lol

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I seriously am not gonna cut myself....I kinda typed a whole huge thing and well son of a fucken bitch,its not here.



I am to tired to re-type my whole week to this damn thing..I will start on it later..explain my whole damn week of non-existent vacancy to certain people who seem to um love/hate me at the moment..Tell you what.. I am gonna do it daily..play by play of my life for the entire damn world to see...I never did it and no its not my fault.

Nothing I say..I have alot of pent-up anger and remorse,my emotions are quite out of sane at this point.Do I open it all up here and let whoever see all this,will I be accused of being melodramatic,or maybe to much into myself as I have been accused in recent days.How is one to into their selves when they have a life and have everyday issues to deal with but gets told she sucks.

How do I suck I ask you..with my damn lips is how.

I am not gonna go all emo on this issue cause frankly I have run out of places to cut..

So I have this one friend who is kick ass and this other one also,she pretty kick ass as well,seems to be all mad at me because I am a huge disappearing act.Can't be helped.Why I have come to the conclusion that chicks are insane.

COMMENTS

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Gabriella
18:45 Aug 17 2009

you have a life. you can't be expected to be on here all the time. i just gotta be faster to catch you when you are on here lol

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IcyRayne
20:08 Aug 17 2009

No I do not have a life,my life is VR..I am a neurotic anti-sociopath,truly..have a good look at my drunken eyes.

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