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I just realized, A LOT of my people have died... Umm. Maybe .. Idk. We lost Emily. We lost Bri. We lost Jesus. We lost Alex. We lost Blondie. I've just been so ... Out feeding to not feel all the loss... I broke down today. Not so that anyone noticed. But, I don't , I've got , have been to so many of my places, and then stooped. I stayed here. And a lot of my friends are dead. I find myself almost alone. I've been alive for so long and I've seen so much death, sometimes I just don't want to deal with the loss of another that I just sleep. And await the next life. I think that the toll is taking... I can almost hear myself saying "I'ts just a weak point, you'll fight through it". Although, Idk this time... I'm.. not healing as fast. And ... People keep dying... No matter how I try to protect them, it's always somewhere that I can't get to. Idk what else to do, I miss my friends.
I awoke here again. Maybe because this is why I went away. Too much feelings. I'm not good with that shit. I want to be thee me again, although it's always one more tragedy after another. I almost think it's actually time to possibly leave this world. What else is there after you have done everything. I have this old me, and I want to go back to it, it's so close, and my hat is so old I can't find another one. I sometime's , feel that I am so old. although with that comes respect. And now that I have spoken. I fell better.
So, get on with living, or get on with dying...

My finger has not yet fully healed. I'm actually getting better at typing with a missing finger. It's healed, although the tendons have not yet come together, so I can not bend it, which goes to say I have almost broken it, steering my vehicles... I believe it is giving me so much trouble because it has been thee most removed finger of that hand. It is now the 3rd time. And we are not getting any younger. Just like any other species, I age. I've been here so long. It's not logical that I have actually remained in the same local for such a long time. I've been lucky, although I've been extra careful. I like it here.
This is why I have retuned here. The password was difficult to retain, but I am still here.. Idkw, I like it here. Love, Hate, Love. And I was looking for old friends. This is actually a Dark Souls safe house. I know, perfect right? You wish you knew..,.
Thee Brood and I went out thee other night. I love these nights. We can actually go out. I've been through so much. Yes, even I stress. I need to feed some more. So, yes , I like billiards. So, I created a team. We keep low, we're not stupid. We do well, As I said, I enjoy those nights. It's so hard not to play at my potential. Truthfully, it is something I have admired from afar. And believe it or not, it's difficult! Even acute visibility, I still feel pressure, and miss. Not OG. I think I am actually getting old, and my skills are demising. It's like I have to have that feeling, that , feeling, of, on the hunt, that live or die feeling, the pursuit, that is what drives, that is when I'm alive! That is where I am me! And not trying to be human!
Life or death! Do or die! NOW!!! Yesssss.... Blood... Can you feel its warmth, coating your throat, soaking your goatee, your chest, how sticky it gets... Warm... The pulse, the pounding of the heart, the coarse... ......
Before I go. Yes, the last picture. It's magik. Why? Because I don't exist... Come now..
Let us feed. For thee sun rises soon....

Whine, Whine, Whine, .
I am still alive! .Now then. I have been feeding.. Ha! How are you? My Brother pays homage. All is well. My Hold is in shambles. Although when you go to war with a brother, tis happens.
I am taking heed of what has transpired, the keep is in shambles.l Have I not already said as much? Forgive me, I have fed well. So, the keep. Nothing a few coats of blood wont fix.
I am finally beginning to grow a finger nail. I'll soon be able to type properly . I have fed so well tonight, I have actually lost my train of thought. Seriously, I was taking this somewhere... TONIGHT. It sucked. get it??? HAHAAHAAHAHA, Im terrible!!! Damn finger needs to hurry up!!!
Well, I've been feeding more, I just lost a elder. I'm not really, Idk. Fights. Battles. Defenses. Losses.
It's a never ending battle. And I knew this when I signed up. Although sometimes it, it all comes at you all at once. Like now. And that shit is... All at once. Laugh or cry, i'm here till the day I die...

COMMENTS

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Cavenblair
23:39 Mar 15 2021

Keep safe. 🙏

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Tell me you don't know... They, are thee ones who can hurt us thee most. This has been known to me for centuries! And is always has be been proven to me again and again. E.G. My Brother... Hhaahha... Yessss... Let us continue.
So, for now, I am missing a pinky finger. It'll grow back soon. They have been removed from mine hands the most in years to come, I ALMOST cant tell. But, I can. And that poor fool. Once again he has been put in his place. Oh, it was a glorious battle, as they usually are. Swords colliding, sweat and blood, fists being thrown! It was great! So. I knocked him out. he cut my finger off. I put him in his coffin, and listened to him bang and bang on it until I let him out, then, he was as weak as me. Hahahaha!!!
We fed and we laughed, and I sent him on his way. Forever remembering, and forgetting, " Thee Ones We Love thee Most, Are thee Ones We Trust thee Least."