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12 entries this month
Past, Present and Future
05:55 May 30 2005
Times Read: 670
Confusion grows as my mind becomes numb
Numb to the light around me and darkness descends
A blanket of blackness upon my lost soul
Images of past, things long forgotten
Brought to the fore front of my mind
To be relived again
Days and nights in an agony as strong today as then
Past, present and future come together to haunt me
In this life I lead
Where I came from, where I am at, where I will go
To what reason do I owe me existence
What is the force behind the woman
Who controls the thoughts within my mind
Where do they lead me
Running in circles never ending, never meeting
What does one have to call their own
Their mind, their life, truly do they control these as their own
I know where my thoughts roam day to day
I know where they have been
I know the control lost, the pain made to feel in the past
And I can say I truly hate you
I know the pain felt and control lost in this future
And I can say that I can love you
By HellChildDami May 29, 2005 ©
Lost Mind23:34 May 28 2005
Times Read: 681
My mind is shattered in pieces upon the floor
My heart bleeds blood black as the midnight sun!!
A darkness drifts in and slowly surrounds
A heart dips low to protect it's soul
A girl lies upon the floor gathering pieces
A mind once strong
Torn slowly apart bit by bit
Friends gather in wonderment
Confused by the sight before them
To gaze into eyes of glass
No shadows, no color, no light left in them
Strength and desire once prominant within
Has begun to disolve as time passes
Will there be an end to the downward sprial
Clawing and griping as the earth falls away
Slipping further into the black hole that once was my mind ...
By HellChildDami 5/28/05 ©
Far, Far Away02:11 May 27 2005
Times Read: 688
Hatred of a life not wanting to live it anymore
Taken to a place far, far away from here
Where the mind can be free
Where the heart feels no pain
And the soul rests in peace in night or day
Do not leave me to suffer this daily being to which I exist
I exist for life, for life I seek release
A mind imprisoned within the thoughts of a life not lived
Looking about from inside out
A lost being seeks something untouchable
Untouchable yet within it’s grasp
But holds something far different from what it seeks
Yet what is sought is not known
Only a dream upon a horizon
Far, far away
By HellChildDami May 26, 2005 7:45 pm ©
Embraced
06:34 May 26 2005
Times Read: 701
She cries at night and I am not there
She reaches to me and I feel her touch
The soft caress of her hand within mine
I look to my side, there I can see her, sense her, feel her
Her blue eyes sad and lonely
Wanting to say so much
Yet knowing not where to start
The tears build to the surface
Then threaten to flow forth
They begin to cascade down her pale white cheeks
My heart aches to take her pain
To hold her in my arms
Steal the very soul that breaks her so
Slowly she steps within my embrace
Wrapping my arms I feel the beat of her heart next to mine
My chin upon her head I feel the tears begin to flow
Within the trembling of her body
All the years of hidden pain spills forth
Thoughts control my mind
I see all the hatred and agony suffered
I lower to whisper words of comfort
She clutches to me
Nails pierce my skin and blood trickles
Her silent sobs give way to heart wrenching cries
The images and pain I can no longer bear to see
My cold lips press gently against her warm throat
Blood pluses beneath the skin
Beating faster and deeper
My teeth against her pale skin sinking in tender flesh
Blood silently flows down my throat
Her grip loosens as her tears subside
I feel the life force leaving her body
She goes limp within my embrace
Gently laid upon the bed
Brushing years of her tears from her reddened cheeks
Turning to leave, one final glance
Her years of pain now gone
By HellChildDami May 22, 2005 (12:30 am) ©
Look into the Eyes05:40 May 26 2005
Times Read: 702
One should never be ashamed or afraid
One should look another within their eyes
One man is no better, no worse then another
Respect can be seen within the eyes of a stranger
Disloyalty can be seen within the eyes of a friend
One should never be afraid to look into the eyes of another
A mans pride, a mans failure can be spelled out within how he carries his eyes
Written by HellChildDami May 25, 2005 ©
A Black Hole
06:41 May 25 2005
Times Read: 716
I have a black hole in my memory
Something I have blocked out
Something I know of what it is
I have refused to face for twenty seven years
Something that has effected my family
Something that effects my past
Something that effects my present
Something that effects my future
It’s a secret shared behind closed doors
It’s the darkest of secrets few can only imagine
It starts with the story of death
Ends in the thoughts of a mindless
Images blocked only not completely
Certain things forced to be remembered
So as not to forget the truth
Almost made as if a dream
Only not a dream but a nightmare
Lived out in the light of day
Everyday
Each and every solitary day of my life
A nightmare brought to reality by my own choices
A man in my life accused, caged like an animal but knowing he’s innocent
A man guilty that soars everyday to live a free life
Why is it I chose a man accused of this nightmare
How is it I knew just by speaking to him that he was innocent
Knowing he would not survive
Why the innate need to try to help him, carry him, protect him
Does the truth stay blocked, or do I refuse to see it
Why do I only remember certain things but not everything
I hide the past that touches not just myself but two others as well
Why is there forgiveness? for one where there should not be
And guilt for one that should not be
This black hole that consumes my mind
A void I cannot break apart I cannot over come
In revealing the truth what good does it do
Years have gone by and it was over when I left
Yet it’s always remained
Waking up panty-less knowing I was clothed when I began my slumber
Not once or twice but many times
Pictures found revealing a sick and twisted mind
How does one go about in daily life
Hiding a black hole in their mind
How does one go about hiding from the black hole ...
By HellChildDami May 25, 2005 ©
Faces of Death10:09 May 24 2005
Times Read: 725
Faces of death call out to me
Within my sleep in dreams of vivid colors
Or within the waking hours in visions of basic black
Faces of ones I knew long ago
Years since i have seen them
Yet their faces I see clearly as if it were today
The color of their eyes, their hair the style
I see their smiles and feel their tears
Some faces as still young that I see
Yet I envision what they would be today
Some are old and I see every fine crease within their cheeks
All these faces drift in and out of my mind daily
Thoughts of life that was lost
Stripped from faces young and pale
Old with age and wisdom of the years they lived
Faces who will never see the future
The future as I face it
By HellChildDami © May 24, 2005
Lone Figure08:43 May 24 2005
Times Read: 726
A lone figure standing upon the rocks
The water laps slowly against the sandstone boulders
A full moon in the sky shines down casting long shadows about the rocks
A slight wind russles the leaves of the nearby trees
Out in the distance a ship slowly creeps towards shore
The endless circling light of the house at the end of the cliff
Becons to the ship calling it to come home
She stands there in the darkened night
Silently waiting, watching for what is to come
For what she waits she knows not
She only senses something is there
A feeling of good or evil eludes her
Yet she feels a deep agonizing pain
Will the full moon reveal the secret it holds
By HellChildDami © May, 24, 2005
Word Games10:16 May 23 2005
Times Read: 732
Words are a game that people play
Some play the game well
When put together in the proper order
Words can say the kindest things
they can evoke images vivid in color, touch, taste, and feel
They have built up dynasties
And crushed the strongest empires
Words can bring forth life
or cause death in masses
Some speak in ruthless spiteful twists
They strike at the heart
Crushing within their grasp the very existence of the soul
A cyclone of emotions words can stir within the mind
Sending one into the brink of madness
Or pulling them slowly back to the vast emptiness one feels yet can't explain in
Words
By HellChildDami © May 23, 2005 4:15 am
Endless Years Of Pain06:25 May 18 2005
Times Read: 742
This constant flow of pain my life has always been
Although one may look at me hearing laughter, and a happy voice exclaim
It’s not the voice that screams within these walls of my soul
To know one single simple day that has no pain
I have never known the likes of it
Not a day has gone by in my years where no pain I’ve felt
Days go by with a slow never ending creep
An ache throughout my bones and muscles
A life lived in mindless stupor would cover the pain
But for how long?
My mind of endless thought clouded by chemicals within my body?
I suffer endless sleepless hours of lying there in the darkness
I fight back the tears from the surface before they spill forth for all to see
I yearn for the pain to go away but cannot end it for myself
I’ve tried, times no one knows of, nor ever will save for now
Days like today I wonder why?
Why am I here? Why was I allowed to live? Why did they save my tiny life?
Who controls this life?
I begin to think of all those I’ve touched in my life
Have the endless years of enduring the pain enough to make a difference?
His Sanity For Mine
08:33 May 13 2005
Times Read: 768
Sitting here banging my head against the wall
The hollowness is all I hear as my thoughts collide
My heart beat echo’s out a 3/4 time
To the tick of the music that plays through my body
A past replays as it comes back to haunt me
Choices made once thought I had left behind
Have crept up to steal away my soul once again
Matters once thought settled
now stir in the breeze of the coming summer wind
Like ghost rising to wisp around in the midnight sky
Words once spoken meant something to me
The air that I would breath
Now written on paper have no effect, no meaning to me
They are as empty and hollow as my thoughts colliding
A slow ride into the madness I thought I had escaped
I wish I could return to him every word written or spoken
I wish he could see the dementia he caused
I seek my freedom to regain my sanity
Could I set myself free I would cut the ties that bind
Will he sever the ties that bind at the price of his sanity for mine
Will I be free to once again soar on my broken wings?
By HellChildDami 05-13-05 ©
Ramblings of Insanity17:35 May 04 2005
Times Read: 784
Sitting here half naked while getting dressed,
Thinking of you and slowly loosing my sanity;
Just wondering how your day is going?
What you are thinking?
Knowing at times that you wish you were dead.
Could be thinking that now even as i write,
Or is just that you wish to sleep.
Maybe it's just to go to a far away place where sun and sand and martini's await.
None the less I really think
Maybe I should finish putting my clothes on
Maybe do something today,
But what I don't know,
So I'll probably sit right here and finish going insane
My eyes cross and the letters begin to blend,
I will figure this damn puzzle out,
Or end up in one of those cute little white jackets >;^}
By HellChildDami 5-4-05 ©
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