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7 entries this month
Ode to My Father18:37 Mar 16 2005
Times Read: 705
By HellChildDami ©
I used to think that you didn’t care
I used to think that you didn’t have feelings
You seemed to cold and distant like
I never thought that what I did ever mattered
So I did what I thought would get me your attention
Never caring what the consequences were
In my mind it was attention from you, good or bad
I realize now after having my own child
That I too will go through some of the same things
I think of what she will be like as she is growing
And I realize you have shown me how to be a mother
Because of all you have done
I realize that you did care
You were a father who gave his time to sit in a hospital
To hold my hand while I was scared
I realize that you do have feelings
I saw tears come to your eyes, but only four times in my life
And I know what a strong and proud man that you are
I realize now that you weren’t clod or distant
A father who has always been there, all I needed to do was ask
You were there with a warm heart to listen, if only I had asked
I built a wall all on my own not letting you in
I am just glad that I came to me sense before it was to late
I guess in way I thank my only child for that
And that really the only person to thank is you
The best time in my life that came from you
When you told everyone with a smile on your face
“Yes, that’s my daughter, she wrote those words, maybe on day she will be a writer.”
They were just words in a poem written from my heart, as this is to
I may never truly make my fame or fortune in writing these words to you
I thank you for showing me that it is possible
I thank you for showing me you cared
I thank you for having feelings
I thank you for being right there
I thank you for showing me I matter
I thank you for letting me do wrong
I thank you for allowing me to learn from my mistakes
I thank you for all you have given me, while never asking questions
I thank you for loving me in a way I learned of my abilities
I thank you for so many different reasons, that I could go on and on
But most of all, I thank you for being my father
James Madison Park - Madison, Wisconsin
18:09 Mar 16 2005
Times Read: 707
By HellChildDami ©
The water shimmers under the lights from the walk
Quietly lapping against the wall holding the water back
Slowly a duck floats by
The current not binding or pushing it back from it’s destination
Behind it floats it’s mate of same color and size
They are off to find a private place to be alone
As I watch them float on by my glance rests upon two people
Sitting with their legs over the wall
The water just barley reaching the soles of their feet
He rests his arm over her shoulder
She with her head nestled in the crook of his arm ear upon his chest
I imagine she hears his heart beating
Beating in rhyme to the water lapping against the wall
This place, a place where lovers sit close
They share their thoughts, fears and feelings
A place for a person to gather their thoughts
A writer to record it’s surroundings in words
An artist to paint it’s beauty of night or day
This place of peace and it’s many meanings
A Word To Describe
14:02 Mar 07 2005
Times Read: 731
By HellChildDami ©
Written March 7, 2005
If there was a way to describe how I feel, I’d love to hear it
If only there was a way to open up and tell you how I feel
Knowing how I’d like to spend the time with you
How it feels to be able to see you but not touch you
What it’s like to talk to you but not revel how I feel
When you see me you don’t see the tears that are shed
Tears of a wanting a yearning so deep within this broken heart
Tears of wanting something that I cannot have
Like a kid in a candy store wanting the chocolate he can’t afford
The times I see you they brighten my day even if but five minutes alone
It brings a smile to my face and warms my cold and lonely heart
The joy of my day that is the best to explain the feeling
More of a statement then a simple word
But how else do you describe the yearning within my heart
If only my feelings flowed as easily as the burning tears
Is it possible in our acquaintance for something more
Or will it always be a bite and a simple “Hey what’s up?”
Can We Go Back?
13:19 Mar 07 2005
Times Read: 748
By HellChildDami ©
Written 9/8/89 Revised 3/7/05
You once had a dream that was to last a lifetime
It was a dream above all the rest
You dreamt from your heart
But in the end it was all just a dream
What happened to our love so pure
A love for eternity, what has made it parish
Was it word that ended all of our dreams
Or was it just time that wore us through
Will there ever be a day when we shall meet again
Together again as we once were
Together to dream to be lovers again
Will there ever be a time for us to share again
Our times when we used to sit and talk
Can we ever go back to what we were
In the end if it never shall be
Then one thing is certain
If there ever is a time when I can not dream
Then that is the time that I know
It all has come to an end
It is that day when my life means nothing
For Me ©
06:49 Mar 07 2005
Times Read: 750
Echoes call out in the corner of her mind,
memories a blessing or a curse.
Life once seemed worth living
until the lights faded in your heart
behind the brick walls in your eye's.
Your soul like the deep ocean pearl
covered in the hard shell taking splashes
of the everyday pain.
So hard not to breakdown,
So hard to build up.
Wanting to cry but wondering for which reason.
A thousand mistakes made right
would seem a thousand left undone.
Just waiting for the right time to show all you can be.
The seconds are ticking
You just can't hear them.
Dearest Mother
11:26 Mar 05 2005
Times Read: 761
Dearest mother,
You may not be here now but I'd like you know no matter what was said, or what was done. I ave always loved you. I've always wondered who killed you, and now I know. He was a looser, drunk, driving without a license, had hit a fire truck drunk before. So why was he behind the wheel? Why were you in the car with him? I'll never know the reason why, and I can't say that I will ever forgive him. But if it's the way you would want it to be, then I shall try. I can't put it into the past. I can't ever forget. But if I should forget every bad thing in my life, I shall try to live on. Should you want me to someday be with you, I'll be there, no matter where you are. I'll go to heaven, I'll go to hell or I'll walk the earth forever just to be with you. All I have ever wanted was to be held in your arms just once more. Hear the sweet sound of your voice in my ears. When I die I hope that is the first thing that I can do. I've forgotten what it feels like to be embraced by you. It's been almost 28 years since that has ever happened. Please be there for me always. I love you so much and I miss you everyday even more.
Love Always
Your Second
Daughter
12/31/89 Revised 3/05/05 ©
Heartache
11:02 Mar 05 2005
Times Read: 763
By HellChildDami ©
2001
My heart is broken in to a million pieces
I fall to the my knees as they fall to the floor,
As I frantically try to gather the pieces.
The tears run down my cheeks,
I ask myself why has this happened?
What have I done?
I try to hard to do what is right.
What I know that needs to be done.
Only to realize I have a broken heart.
He was a gift given to me,
Only to be ripped from my arms.
But in the short time that we held each other,
The love I felt was stronger then I had ever known.
The love I gave was truer then true
The love I held growing more everyday.
So why did he not feed it?
Why did he do what he did?
Did he not see how he was killing the flower that grew?
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