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Tis a quiet morn.. one filled with grey skies threatening to drop a blanket of white upon the earth. Its the kind of morning that causes me to get lost within the darkness and dwell deep into my own wicked soul. Slowly I savor the rich dark liquid of my cup and easily become lost in thoughts. What do my thoughts consist of you wonder dear reader? Of many things I must reply.



I was recently asked to tell what kind of woman I was… my reply at the time was simple and quick as I was much involved with meaningless tasks. So here I shall spill the truth of my soul. Yes, onward I go to share with you the kind of woman that lives deep within me.



I am a woman of many words, most of which none shall ever hear as they are much too special to be share with just anyone. I am a strong and valiant woman, unafraid to fight for what she so strongly believes in. I am a deep and passionate woman, who heart bleeds of the eternal darkness known to few. I am a carefree spirited woman, who enjoys the simple pleasures in life as most do not.



No, I am not materialistic as material items fade away quickly. No, I do not require a large castle to rest in, as I believe no matter the size, if it is a good home then it is a castle. I am a nurturing woman who finds great joy in taking care and helping others, as I believe I am intended to do.



What kind of woman you ask? I am a woman unlike any other, or perhaps I am just like all that have walked before me. I am simply peaceful at times, and melancholy in others. I would like to believe that I am the average woman, but then again perhaps am nothing close. I am quiet, lost, and alone to dwell within my existence. I am intense, loving, and generous to the ones that are able to get close enough to me. I am guarded but open. I am the truth that you hide. I am the sorrow that you feel. I am everything and nothing all at the same time. I, quite simply, am me.



Blessed be is the soul with the ability to see themselves in different forms… Even more blessed is that soul with the ability to acknowledge it humbly~

Quietly I have sat at my desk listening to the sweet melodies of love float through my ears. My mind drifting into the bouncing candle flame, as I dreamed of how lovely it would be to feel the touch of another upon my flesh. How I ache to release all that I am into a single soul. One that truly wishes for all the passion that dwells so deep within this woman.



One wonders if there is that one soul that can handle all the fires that burn so brightly within me. I believe myself not to be too complicated of a woman. I do not wish for diamonds or furs. No... material things are nice, but not needed to make this woman content. So now you wonder what is that does make me content?



Oh, that my dear reader is easy. A light kiss to be felt from under the morning sun that shines through the window. Tender slides of the hand across my shoulders as you pass by me. A naughty little smile that tells me of all the things that you desire within your life. The truth on honesty that no other soul could ever imagine, but I know you share your words with me because I am your truth and honesty.



Yes, I am a simple woman. One who admires a man not for how he looks, but for the strong sincere character that he holds within. The wish is to share myself with that one who is not afraid to show me his soul, and know that never any harm is wished. A man who is strong, firm and open as he expresses his convictions within this life. The kind of man that is full of unbridled passion. Yes, this is what I crave.



As a new rhythm comes on, softly I sway to the rhythm as the tears threaten to well up and wonder. Is it possible to know this man… to hear him… to touch him and be touched by him? Yes, its going to be a long day dwelling within this mind so with that said.



Blessed is the soul with the ability to find what is they desire in life... Even more blessed is the soul with ability to welcome them warmly and keep them content along their journey~

Quite simply at what point will I have become worthy~

Drugging me in my dreams, does not stop the visions for what they are.. if it did then I would drug myself nightly to prevent the pain~

Its funny how conversations can take the mind into different directions. The thought of who we are.. and what we are meant to do with our lives can be an intriguing topic. I know I enjoy hearing what others think they are meant to do during this life. Not even what they think.. but more of what they are meant and attempting to do with their lives.



Which brings me to the topic on hand. I have been speaking with an old friend that I have reconnected with since I was on here last. In the past, I have identified myself in different forms. One of a writer (naturally) but also one into the lifestyle. A kajira was the title I often would be referred too as. Now though, I am not saying that a persons choice of how they live their life is wrong, but for me it most definitely not the path.



I am the type of woman eager to please. Eager to help others in many different forms. I am the woman willing to sacrifice herself for the love another. I still am that woman, but more the one willing only to do that once more, but that is a topic for another time and possibly life. Now though, I love the idea of love, I simply am not sure I am meant to be in love.. or rather be the one truly loved.



Before you get all sappy eyed and think I am some manic depressive down on herself, let me explain. I am loved.. I am worthy of love, but perhaps not in a traditional sense. I am loved for the words I speak. I am loved for the honesty I share. I am loved for the unique woman that lies within. Many are grateful that I have been part of their life and the knowledge I share with them. With that being said there is that difference between being love.. and being in love.



So who am I? Easy I am a guide giver.. a soul sharer.. a woman filled with the many passions of the earth. I am the one that will cry out into the night air knowing the moon will carry my voice where it is meant. I am that woman dancing down the aisles of the store completely oblivious to what others might think. I am the woman of laughter.. of grace.. of complete bliss because there is nothing that can hurt me anymore. I am the one protective, yet open. I am a woman of intrigue.. mystery.. and pure lust. Why am I alone.. because I am too intense to fully be loved and I accept that. Some things are just how they are meant.. it is up to ourselves to find the peace within it.



Blessed is the soul with the ability to search within themselves for the truth of life.. Even more blessed is the soul with the ability to search.. live and dream their truths~

So often my dreams vary into the different ideas or thoughts that dwell within my soul.



Sometimes it is the past seen. The thoughts of those who have crossed my path to leave some form of a message, or perhaps to a lesson to be learned from. Sometimes there are the dreams of what may be. Of all the little possibilities that are craved within this life. Of the joys possible should they ever be granted. Then of course, there are the dreams of present. The ones that show me what path is being walked in order to help me determine if that is the right one to continue on.



Last eve though, this was a different dream. A dream that is not any of these things, but instead one of solitude and peace. The sound of a melancholic song ringing through my ears as a vision of myself became visible. For it was under the light of the moon that I could be seen dancing in a field of wild flowers. The scent of lavender and jasmine filled the air around me. The wind slightly blowing my dress away from my body, as my hands rose above my head. My hips sliding back and forth in a rhythmic motion. The hypnotic state stayed with me as my eyes opened to the darkness of my room.



When I finally rose from my slumber, a feeling of content stayed with me. How those feelings are loved and valued. The peaceful serenity that can be felt from such a dream is what I long for on a daily basis. My only hope is that I can maintain that serenity for days to come. The only thing that could make it better would be the feeling of another so close to my flesh. To share of this feeling in another form.



Blessed be is the soul with the ability to see life in all its forms… Even more blessed is the soul with the ability to share it~

COMMENTS

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Lylia
19:39 Nov 13 2013

I enjoy your words (:

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POST COMMENT

So here is a little known fact about myself. I have two degrees but choose to work as a Lead Housekeeper at a University Hospital. Why do I do this you ask.. easy because it allows me to remain active, meet a wide variety of people and make some really good money.



In all actuality.. I love my job. I work hard but the reward of knowing there are people who appreciate what I do makes it worth it. Still, one of the greatest things are the people I come across. I have an uncanny knack of blending into any situation. I know how to dress it up and drink wine with the prominent people and I know how to throw it down with the bikers and a bottle of whiskey. In meeting me.. most people do not expect what comes out of me. (No I am not trying to sound cocky.. it is what they tell me.)



Case in point, this evening I was walking through one of the Cardiac care units to empty trash in rooms where people were staying over due to their surgeries running late. The first room I came too was a young 30 something woman and her husband who were talking between themselves and paid little attention as to what I was doing. (I normally try to accomplish my task without causing a disturbance)



The second room was an older black gentleman who was quietly sleeping.. sneaking in is my specialty. I have mastered the art of getting things done without waking anyone at all. (not sure if that is good or bad)



Moving on was an older gentleman who was sitting up in his bed, savoring up a piece of what looked to be devils food cake. I smiled and simply stated I was collecting his trash. In which case, he instantly began discussing how bad the garbage landfills were getting. We continued on into random conversation about garbage.. then off the wall make shift thrift stores.. then into reading and books.. and straight into my favorite thing, writing. For 15 (but seemed like an hour) minutes he proceeded to ask me tidbits of my life and about my writing.



By the end of the conversation he was telling me how he knew a woman, whose daughter was being published and thought he would pass on my information, as well as some poetry I gave him. Who knows he said. I was stunned as I never really think things will happen like that, but I did agree with the fact that you just never know where life where lead. I apologized and explained how important it was for me to be on my way and he had this to say.



"You, my dear, are an extraordinary woman. More people should talk to you. There is no doubt in my mind that one day you will be published as you are remarkable."



How humbling it is to simply stop for a moment to speak with someone and receive such a grand compliment. I never really think I am all that special. I am simply a woman full of words and aching to be heard. For such a lovely compliment to come from a 15 minute conversation reminds me of how beautiful the world can be with certain people in it.. and for that I am eternally grateful.



Blessed is the soul with the ability to touch a random soul.. Even more blessed is when that soul returns the sentiment~

Shh... did you hear that....



The winds have shifted once more and change is on her way~

November may appear to be a brown and dreary month, depending on one's particular climate, but it holds a quiet beauty. While in our mundane lives we're often preoccupied with planning for the upcoming winter holidays, this time of year, as fall begins to fully embrace winter, offers opportunities to observe wildlife, stargaze, and see aspects of nature that are sometimes overlooked. Observe the beauty of the leafless trees; see their true form and shape. Look at fallen leaves, often etched with frost, and watch for trees bearing winter berries and cones. Walking through the woods in November can be eye-opening. Without the thick growth of underbrush, and biting insects, we can see the bareness of Earth seldom revealed. Work magic with the season's first snowfall, or save some snow for a future ritual. In addition, collect leaves, twigs, and nuts to make a wreath. Have a bonfire celebration; work fire-magic. Think of November as a special time of waiting, and interlude between the vibrant fall and the coming winter. This is a time of darkening days, but also a time for indoor work or, if weather permits, outdoor magic. Welcome the wonder of transition.



~Ember Grant~