You are not a Premium Member and you are blocking ads. You are using Vampire Rave for free. Vampire Rave relies on ads in order to operate. Please disable your Ad Blocker. This can easily be done for Vampire Rave only.
If you are using Chrome, click the red hand button at the top right of the screen:
Then select: Don't run on pages on this site
If you do it correctly, the red hand will turn to green and you will no longer see this message.
today i have just hung around the house in my pjs, took my daughter's friend home and got some starbucks... lol what a great day.... maybe they will come in bunches, who knows....
saturday, sunday and monday - so far was great ...
unfortunately, my hub has to work late but that is ok, im not gonna let it bother me. im gonna watch a movie or hang out here, or take a nap. idk....
after this weekend, my heart and my mind is at ease. thank god.....
today was nice. i got up, talked to L for a bit before we went to her house. went swimming for a while, smoked for a while, swam and then ate. it was pleasant. sunbathed for a while and got burned! but at least i was out of the house and got to get things off my mind for a while.
it has been nice and tiring. i think i am going to relax for a bit and take a nap before the hub gets home.
last night was a dud. but i didnt get worked up about it. i just went to sleep. hoping that things are ok between us. i know its crazy. know he works hard. i know he's tired. so why dont i know that he is faithful?maybe i do, its just hard to believe.
we have had a few conversations lately that have given me an insight into the way he thinks..... its weird and hardcore. but at least i am figuring him out. slowly.
like i cant play on his sympathy to get him to pay attention to me. just doesnt work.
like saying something over and over upsets him greatly. or extreme talking upsets him or asking lots of questions upsets him. or looking through his phone, he doesnt like. idk, i just dont want to lose him. maybe im trying to hold on too tight. who knows?
this is my insanity. it consumes me. if he is going to leave, he would. plain and simple. if he doesnt want this, he says he would say so.
but my past and the lies he told a couple years ago haunt me. that is past, why cant i leave it there....
i am frikking bored. i am watching tv, and getting ready to go to the store. i am also going to visit an old friend. i havent seen her in 2 years. she has an addiction that i cant be around. she is SOOO much better than that. once, we were great friends, with so many dreams. its hard to watch her go through this.
when i talk to her, i know she is miserable. now she is trapped. with this dead beat guy, in this dead beat family, who cant stand her. she cant get a job, so she cant get away. poor girl. SSDD. same shit different day.
i can only thank God for my family and the blessings that i DO have. and pray for her; that she can find a job, so she CAN get away...
last night was completely awesome! hub had to work late, as usual, but as a special treat, he took us out for mexican. WOOT!!! my favorite, to be exact!
when we got home, the Jimmy Kimmel special was on, Total Eclipse of the Heart, which was a show completely about Eclipse~ the new Twilight Saga movie. I was psyched and Shelby was running around the house like a mad banshee screaming " I LOVE JACOB BLACK!" it was hilarious!
then, when i thought he was going to pass out on me, i did a sneaky thing and came up between his legs and started licking his thighs! LOL well, needless to say, IT was FRIKKIN AWESOME~ lol
so we all went to bed happy..... *sigh* some days couldnt be more perfect..... YAY
I LOVE YOU FOREVER BSS!!!!!! i am completely insane over YOU
All I can say is WOW! It's been a long time since I've done something like that. Maybe I should go out tonight and be bad! ; ) LOL
friends, right
16:41 Jun 22 2010 Times Read: 639
you are supposed to be my friend. you know, come over, hang out, smoke together! but whatever! you do what they say, you go be with everyone else, you have time for everyone BUT me. so whatever. fuck you.
i let you live with me and you do this. i dont know why i am surprised, you act more like your mom every day, and she is a USER. i guess when you are around trash, you begin to act that way too. that may be harsh but remember who was REALLY there, to pick you up, when your precious mother was on the road , being a fucking WHORE! who cared MORE about her next FIX than YOU. but whatever. you go and STAY with them. do what THEY want. nevermind the one person who understands and cares about YOU. that used to be ME. but, guess what? not any more. you have put me off one too many times.
last nite i was a hormonal wreck. GAH! it was time for bed and time ..........................
for some lovin....
well, lets just say that communication wasnt there and NOTHING happened. i freaked. i was so mad i could have ate nails!
i got an apology but by that time i was so freaking pissed i was just like whatever, kiss my ass. every few minutes i was like GAH! dont you get it! dont you want me? and he was like "yeah, i do, extremely" but of course, by then i was in bitch mode and wanted him to grovel and kiss my ass. well it didnt happen. so i finally went to sleep pissed. which isnt good.
but when i got up, the bitchiness was gone a lil. i say a lil because we tried again and failed. but this time it wasnt me, thank god.
eventually it happened and was wonderful but what a long road to get there.
i am sorry that i cant get down there when YOU say. its not that easy. i dont have the stamina to mow your damn yard. uphill, potholes, and rocks every where. i said i'd fucking get someone to do. jeez!
you dont have to give me shit just bc i cant control my husband. he will mow it eventually. its 90 damn degrees right now. we couldnt even if we could get there! we might have a fucking heat stroke!
i realize that its getting high and you cant do it. im NOT stupid. it will be done when its done. and that is the end of it...
last night was a lil better. but just a lil bit. we didnt speak that much til we got to bed. then i told you that you were ignoring me. AGAIN. you said you werent. i disagree. you WERE.
a lil bit of loving is nice but doesnt make up for so many hours of neglect. i love you. for better or worse but good grief who knew it would be more worse than better........
oh well, the kids are being GREAT. i guess thats bc one is gone and the other has a playmate. thank God for small miracles. this child can stay over at my house any time.
I finally finished my scroll box that i worked like 3 hours on. thanks to RAINBOW. he is a GREAT guy. Thanks for your help!
well last night was a bust. we hardly talked. when i said something about the way he was behaving all he could say is... im sorry. i dont want you to think that.
that is it. no elaborating. just that, wtf? what am i supposed to think? you really ignored me. you didnt touch me. *flipping bird* god! you piss me off SO damn bad.
i guess ill just sit around and pout about it. ill try to let it go but its hard.
It has been a good day. So far. Kind of.However, the kids are crazy. Shel has had attitude. No way right? the hormonal 11 year old attitude? b says to smack her in the mouth,lol
jt, well he is better and can see. which is great news. except he wants to fuss and argue about food. he wants to eat too much too soon. it makes me seem like the bad guy! i am the good guy! lol but they dont see it that way.
things are a lil better between me and b. i have my insanity moments and he drives me there but we will make it. we have to. he is the only person i have that has been here for me . for the last 6 years.
today we went back to the doctor. both the family and the eye. his eye is slowly getting better. very slowly. it still wont ope on its own. the doctor said two days. hmmmm, we shall see. i hope he is right.
i have been trying to play catch up with housework. i have been so tired that the only thing that was done was laundry and dishes, hehe i have a dishwasher! thank God.....
i ordered a new backpack and wallet today. i'm pretty psyched about it. lol
visited the garden. feeling better. and tired. i have been in the garden more than i should lately. but i guess it'll be ok.
maybe tonight will end as well as last night did. if not, maybe it will still be peaceful.
my new puppy is doing great. he is a real joy. i had forgotten how fun puppies can be. he keeps me on my toes, lol actually i have to be extra careful, seeing as he is only 2 pounds. lil teacup chihuahua. i FINALLY got one and he is SWEET... i would tell you his name but then i would have to kill you! HIYA lol jk
i love you BSS forever. and i love you for loving me with all my crazy. and there is a full garden of it!
today was a great experience for me. We actually were together today and it was great. He was so sweet and his words were perfect. He said when he vowed to love honor and cherish; he meant it even though he didn't say it much. * swoon* I love you even though you make me crazy.
well i took my son back to the doctor this morning. he is improving but it is still swollen shut. but better. that is the key and there will be no permanent damage to his eye. thank God.
Luckily I have been able to get on here today and reconnect with friends and get some leveling done. *WOOT*
i am missing Frank though, and Vampchica and M & M =(
the situation at home is a lil better. but it needs to get MUCH better!
i am going INSANE! the trip is officially off! my son's eye is so fucked up that he hasnt been able to open it for 2 days now. I am so fucking sick of this bullshit.
i am getting NO attention and NO me time. i cant believe this shit!
this was the first vacation i was going to have in like 5 years ! DAMMIT *smashing fist*
if i didnt have bad luck i wouldnt even have luck.
if i dont get some soon i am going to fucking smack a bitch! this is the worst week i have had in a very long time and ITCANGOAWAYNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2 more doctor vists. one tomorrow and one monday. jeez. i can only hope it gets better quickly without damage. he is such a good kid. i wish this hadnt happened. it is like a sign that i needed to stay here rather than leave the hub home alone. hmmm that is a thought. maybe the bastard was gonna cheat on me. maybe he already is. maybe i am fucking insane . idk any more.
i have a feeling that i dont really know you. at all. you hide things such as money, or your computer screen, or wont let me see your phone. its upsetting me. you dont want to fuck me.you say you do, but then dont. wtf? so who are you fucking?
i dont believe you. i dont believe you are where you say you are. i dont believe you are alone when you say you are either. how can i go away when i am afraid you will cheat or lie or both?
hiya. it has been forever since i have been around. i have had internet issues and personal issues, getting a new puppy, which btw, is wearing me out.
he is acting weird again. its like he doesnt get me any more. like he thinks its funny for me to be all worked up and then leave me high and dry. wtf? i have needs dammit!
i am glad that i am home for the summer but it is completely exhausting. mom is better but i had my son at the hospital today getting xrays of his stomach. it is so sad. i dont need marital problems along with a sick kid on top of everything else.
i leave for the beach in 4 days. but i dont wanna go. i dont want to drive the 8 hours there and 8 hours back. i dont want to be cooped up in a car or a hotel room with my mother. i dont want to hear the kids arguing about anything and everything. why did i even bother? it is a big waste of time and money. gggggggggggrrrrrrrrrrr *shaking fist*
COMMENTS
-