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HaZyFaErY's Journal


HaZyFaErY's Journal

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35 entries this month
 

yeah

20:55 Jul 28 2010
Times Read: 644


last night sucked. the hub didnt get home until after 8 and I was passing out by 10. I hate his job. They are slowly killing him and they dont even care.



then, I broke the new washer. :/ well, it was "used" but new to us. at least I think I broke it, who knows.



I need a change. I am going to get my haircut today. short. almost to my chin. I am sick of it and it has been pissing me off for days now so lets just get it over with. it will grow back any way. and quickly.



moms tv broke today and she called me crying. so we have a small 13 inch color tv that we arent using so I drove it over to her. she was so happy, lol she is silly but I know she doesnt have anything else to do, so.... I dont care to help when I can.



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what a morning

21:33 Jul 27 2010
Times Read: 646


today I had to go to this college and go on this training course for work. It was dreadfully hot but we were in the woods, with the snakes and spiders, poison ivy and oak and lots of things we could get hurt on. which unfortunately one of my coworkers did get hurt. all I kept thinking is "thank God that didnt happen to me" . that is awful. but its true. and I also thought, "ha,ha you lil bitch, that is kharma getting you back for all the times you treated me bad.iI am so mean, huh? OH WELL. lol she IS ok . except for some cuts and bruises and a tetnus (sp?) shot. lol



I work at a SCHOOL. how does a rope climbing facility and training course REALLY going to help us? it was OK. but not fun, I was not around people I wanted to be around and someone got hurt. DERRRR they are some fucking dumb asses. FOR REAL. since we just got a new principal I hope this makes him look stupid along with HN. lol that is mean too, but guess what? OH WELL. lol



i am so glad I only work there part time.

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gggrrr

00:50 Jul 27 2010
Times Read: 647


I want starbucks.... *sigh*

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relief and insanity

21:11 Jul 25 2010
Times Read: 650


last night I was sad and pissy. I knew that I wanted attention so I decided to pitch a fit for no reason. stupid I know, but that is me. an only child mind you. so we laid in bed and talked and I told him how I was feeling. (leaving out my struggle for star bucks guy but did tell him I was hit on) . he held me and comforted me. told me things that I needed to hear again. promised me forever and more. I feel like a total lame-o but he came through for me. I am glad that I talked to him about it.

I am crazy. I have accepted that. and it seeps out every now and then. I have to scoop it and shove it back inside before I run someone off. mainly HIM. the ONLY one who makes my heart beat slower and faster at the same time.

I told him all of this. How I color my hair and use hand weights and moisturizer and do all these crazy things to feel better about ME. and look the best for HIM. that I drive myself insane with worry and negative things. how I down myself bc I just dont have self confidence. how I worry to have pretty friends because I dont want to have competition over HIM. how I worry that his friends will talk him into something that will split us apart.how if he changes jobs -when will he get rid of us.... and more.. my crazy spilled all over the place.



but, he accepts me and that is the best gift I could ever have. I have cried and cried happily over this realization.and he told me that he loves me and no matter what we will be together and he will never leave me and he will prove it by being here with us every day, taking care of us and loving us.



God, thank you for this relationship and

this honesty that we can have with one another.

I pray this NEVER changes.

Thanks to all who have offered advice and an ear. I love you all.

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Problems

00:50 Jul 25 2010
Times Read: 657


I am very aggravated. I should be happy. I did the right thing, remember?

I guess I am being selfish. But I get lonely and depressed very easily. It is not my fault that I feel unappreciated....and neglected. I have been trying to not let it bother me, but shit.... I am weak, and I am breaking, slowly. I need support and words of encouragement. But I dont know if I will get them.



I am constantly let down. I cant stand to even talk to people any more. I have been hiding away at home because I have lost my faith in everyone. Not even family is a comforting thought any more.....



Maybe life will always be a disappointment around every corner

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Unseen
Unseen
18:39 Jul 25 2010

I'm hear for you! Get strong girl! Your the one that gave me strength when I needed it! Decide what is good for YOU, yourself then step forward, go for it and don't look back. I know you can deal with it!





 

PRIVATE ENTRY

19:11 Jul 24 2010
Times Read: 658


• • • • PRIVATE JOURNAL ENTRY • • • •


 

complaints

21:46 Jul 21 2010
Times Read: 663


I am cramping. gggrrr,I want to talk to someone so baad its killing me. Took some Tylenol quick relief but dammit, its not fast enough and its not what I wanted.Hopefully it will serve its

purpose.



Its raining. Which isnt bad but makes me sleepy.



I am hungry.

I am tired

I am lazy

I am hurting



I have to go back to work in 2 days.



I am sad.

I am aggravated.



*lights cigarette*



I need a wish....

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Isis101
Isis101
21:51 Jul 21 2010

Motrin works better...hope you get better ASAP.

Cramps do indeed suck.





 

PRIVATE ENTRY

21:30 Jul 21 2010
Times Read: 664


• • • • PRIVATE JOURNAL ENTRY • • • •


 

relief

21:42 Jul 20 2010
Times Read: 665


I am better now. I had a moment of confusion and now it is over. I have made the right decision and I am happy with it.

I do not know what I was thinking. A moment of stupidity I suppose. Or weakness. But I have overcame it!

I have not been so relieved and happy in a while. I hate to be confused and upset......



happy dance, smile faces Pictures, Images and Photos

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bitches

21:33 Jul 20 2010
Times Read: 666


rude. rate me low. but at least my profile has meaning. i worked hard on it. not for YOU but for ME. so screw you.



Flip-off Pictures, Images and Photos

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grumbles

21:02 Jul 20 2010
Times Read: 668


well piss.

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so true

18:05 Jul 20 2010
Times Read: 669


The only true knowledge in life is knowing YOU KNOW NOTHING- Socrates

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18:00 Jul 20 2010
Times Read: 670


I am very pissy today. No reason to be. Just feel like telling everyone to leave me alone for a few hours. but i probably wont. ill just suck it up like always ...

i am very conflicted today, i thought i had everything ALL figured out, and now this happens. wtf? give me a break. gggggrrrrrrrrr



and God, give me strength.....

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PRIVATE ENTRY

17:44 Jul 20 2010
Times Read: 671


• • • • PRIVATE JOURNAL ENTRY • • • •


 

Jason

23:57 Jul 19 2010
Times Read: 672


i miss you, jason. i wish you were here now, to see my new job, to listen to my problems. to hold.

to just be alive again.

noone understands me like you did

noone can make me feel better just by being there

noone understands my crazy, Jason, not like YOU .

i cant believe its been 3 years and 2 weeks.

i miss you

i love you

forever

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hmm

23:54 Jul 19 2010
Times Read: 673


today has been blah

boring and tiring- blah

trying to catch up in my rest......



last night was amazing

the hub was freakishly wonderful last night



i have never really gotten into the specifics of how freaky he can be, lets just say i was in total muscle failure very quickly.....it was fun, and quiet enjoyable.something that i had not ever experienced. muscle failure yes, but the new "machine" - no



i never quiet get used to how freaky he can be. i cant even hang with him most of the time .



some times it can be scary but he has never pushed or endangered me in any way.



maybe i shouldnt be so insecure.

maybe i should just go with the flow...

idk....



its hard not to trust someone you give in to completely. but somehow i manage it

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Regrets

01:43 Jul 19 2010
Times Read: 678


Did something today, I think I may regret. Let the husband take some not so nice pictures of me.... I havent done that in years. Made him SWEAR not to EVER show them. Said he would never. But I bet he will. Dammit! why do I do such irresponsible things?! ggrrr



I think I have something wrong with me, because every time he asks me to do something I dont want, I usually give in.......ggrrrrrr

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new job for you

23:43 Jul 17 2010
Times Read: 683


you are thinking about a new job. something inside and easier on your body.a job working around nicely dressed people trying to sell things. things that people need. that is great. something to help you feel better.

i should be happy

i should support this.



i will to your face- til i cant handle it any more



i should trust you- but instead i will punish you because of my insecurities, because of the one lie you told,2 years ago, i dont/cant trust you



but i am upset

for all that i will worry about is who you will be talking to

what will you be you saying

where are you going

what do they look like

when will you lie to me



why cant i just be happy

why cant i be supportive

why do i torture myself this way



this is crazy

i will never get away from my insecurities

i will never be at peace

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good....

22:11 Jul 16 2010
Times Read: 684


today was fun. got up early, changed the telly number, lol.... time for change. get rid of the shit.... so to say....

went swimming and stayed fAdEd all damn day. the kids have been pretty good and the hub is home early from work. sweet! lol

supposed to get a shipment tonight.... hells to the yeah!

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PRIVATE ENTRY

03:01 Jul 16 2010
Times Read: 685


• • • • PRIVATE JOURNAL ENTRY • • • •


 

a nice change

20:39 Jul 15 2010
Times Read: 689


today was nice. me and the kids went out shopping, and ate lunch with my mom. i spent waaay too much, as usual. but thats what happens when you are a shopoholic like me, lol



we has fun and some laughs. that is just what this family needs after these past couple of crappy days.



* happy dance*

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Unseen
Unseen
02:08 Jul 16 2010

Thats awesome Hazy! A shopping fix! I need one of those!





 

betrayed

18:22 Jul 14 2010
Times Read: 696


i only wish i had known you would turn on us sooner. i would not have wasted my time and effort on YOU. i hate you.

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YOU LITTLE BITCH

17:34 Jul 14 2010
Times Read: 701


I CANT BELIEVE YOU! YOU ARE NOT EVER WELCOME HERE AGAIN! HOW DARE YOU TREAT US/ HER THAT WAY!!!!!

YOU LITTLE BITCH.

I WOULD LOVE TO WRAP MY HANDS AROUND YOUR NECK AND CHOKE THE AIR OUT OF YOU.

YOU LITTLE BITCH. LIKE YOU ARE BETTER.



YOU ACT LIKE YOU HAVENT MADE MISTAKES. I CANT BELIEVE WE TOOK YOU IN LIKE FAMILY. I HATE YOU.



YOU LITTLE BITCH.



SHE DOESNT DESERVE THIS. EVER. AND YOU KNOW THAT. FUCK YOU. YOU FUCKING DIKE LOOKING BITCH.



I HATE YOU, YOU LITTLE BITCH. ROT IN HELL, DIKE

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too many books, so little time

17:53 Jul 12 2010
Times Read: 702


I have been reading a lot of series of books over the past couple years and now I have the decision to make of which one to start first. lol

1- the continuation of House of Night series,Burned

2- the 3rd book in the Pretty Lil Liars series,Perfect

3- a book recommended by WallFlower, Tithe (have not started this series yet)



decisions, decisions

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mOoDy...0.o

17:44 Jul 12 2010
Times Read: 703


today has been ok. i have been -mOoDy

i didnt sleep well- mOoDy

my daughters friends are causing trouble- mOoDy

mother is upsetting me-mOoDy

the dogs are pissing me off- mOoDy

nothing is going right- mOoDy



i can only hope when my son gets home, there is no fighting.

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take that

01:01 Jul 12 2010
Times Read: 710


this is for the loser that rated me a 5,Deargxdue .....



my profile looks like a MASTERPIECE compared to YOUR piece O' SHIT! so meet my BLOCK BUTTON - YOU FUCKER!

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iN a MoOd...

21:14 Jul 11 2010
Times Read: 712


today i am iN a MoOd.

i try to be nice.

i try to be likeable.

i try to keep peace but i am tired of suffering for others bullshit.

what is THEIR problem?

I AM NICE AND LIKEABLE DAMMIT!

i try too much -iN a MoOd-

what the fuck?

i am tired of pleasing everyone BUT me.

kiss my ass.

just shut your fucking mouth, mmk?



like i said iN a MoOd.....



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lf....

23:41 Jul 10 2010
Times Read: 726


I hate you, l.f. you are a bith.idc, you are selfish! fuck you

fuck you

fall to the ground

ill laugh fuck you

get old and wrinkled fuck you

ill be laughing at you fuck you

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bored

23:05 Jul 10 2010
Times Read: 727


I am so bored

watch tv- bored

eat-bored

smoke-bored

rate-bored

text-bored



ahhhhh there has GOT to be something else to do

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PRIVATE ENTRY

02:59 Jul 10 2010
Times Read: 728


• • • • PRIVATE JOURNAL ENTRY • • • •


 

thank you

17:17 Jul 09 2010
Times Read: 730


thank you god for letting me be small. (no offense to anyone who is not)

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tired

17:16 Jul 09 2010
Times Read: 731


today is my sons birthday. yesterday was his party.Shrek. lol it was fun but i am tired. extremely tired. happy and tired, lol

i need to drive to the other garden for a transfer but waiting for a phone call. i dont want to drive that far but its the only garden available. IF its for real.....*sigh*

I would like to go back to sleep for the rest of the day.

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invaded

23:19 Jul 08 2010
Times Read: 734


you are in my head, InVaDeD,

i cant think of anyone but you,InVaDeD,

my thoughts are crazy and wonderful.....

all of YOU! InVaDeD,

i love you so much, InVaDeD,

you have invaded my thoughts, InVaDeD,

my heart and my soul.....InVaDeD,



i never knew love could be so awesome! InVaDeD!

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~SwEeT~

21:07 Jul 07 2010
Times Read: 737


these past few days have been AmAzInG, to say the least. i have been in total heaven. except for Monday, my daughter was an ass. lol

Sunday my kids went to their dads so me and hubby went out to eat, and shopping. we had a lot of fun!



i bought....

2 new bras and panties *wink*

an Eclipse magazine

a Jacob Black pen

a puppy purse

new sheets for my bed

a new blanket to lounge around the house with =)



me and the hub had a marvelous time. just being together and sharing in our love. it gets more special every day



happy happy joy joy



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love has never been so good

19:07 Jul 01 2010
Times Read: 741


i am tired. and sleepy. maybe a lil pissy,lol i am not complaining for it was awesome while it was happening....





every night this week i have been attacked. in a good way though lol its like we broke this communication barrier and we are finally connecting. love has never been so good. we talk and make love, it is amazing. we have been spending more time together communicating and enjoying each other. it is like nothing I have ever felt.



*sigh* aint love GRAND?!

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