The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

trying to make it in my new coven. lots of new friends. getting a lot of my friends moved to be with me. that is the best. i have missed them so. it wasnt the same.noone understands me like they do., we have had so many good times. i love you all- vamp-ren-fire- pinky-

and to my friend birra- you and your kind words will not be forgotten

well today i go back to work after two months off. it will be nice but strange.

get the classrooms ready, find out which grade i will be working with,get my schedule for next week and hopefully register the kids to go back. i am nervous because i dont know what to expect and which class i will be in. i wanted to be with the same teacher but that is almost impossible. my daughter is going into that teachers grade and they wont allow me to be with her, i dont think even though i love her the best. lol

i pray that today is easy and worth while. i hope noone makes me mad and that i am happy with what i get. *crossing fingers and saying a prayer* wish me luck!

the walls are closing in. everything i do isnt good enough. noone cares. noone tries. noone matters. the life i have is a joke. why do i bother? why do i try? its not like anyone notices what i do any way.



i feel invalid. incomplete. and alone. empty without everything.



if it werent for my children, i would cease to exist. they are the only ones that count. (and vamp)

from my new friend- Doru- the sweetest words i have ever heard





Blessed be thy feet, that have brought thee in these ways,

Blessed be thy knees, that shall kneel at the sacred altar,

Blessed be thy [womb/phallus], without which we would not be,

Blessed be thy breasts, formed in beauty/breast formed in strength,

Blessed be thy lips, that shall utter the Sacred Names... ~bows~

this is for S. my best friend. i miss you, i cant wait til you come back. there is so much to tell. so much has happened. these people dont know me like you do. they dont care, the way you do, they dont understand.

they lie, cheat or whatever to get their way. to find out what they want to know. they say they are your friend. but they are not.



come home sweet ~S~ i love ya!

why cant anyone keep their mouths shut? they swear they wont say a word, but then the moment you turn your back, there they are, ruining your day, running their mouth.



stay away from me. leave me alone. and keep your fucking mouth shut!

today i took my kids to see their real father after 7 months. it was delightful. they saw him, their cousins and their grandparents. it was very nice considering. he wasnt drunk or mean or rude. he kept texting somebody the whole day, but oh well, whatever.



its not like he hasnt seen them in 7 months. he should be giving them his undivided attention but he didnt. he just sat there, like a knot on a log- lol



oh well i am thankful it went well.

today has been awful. had plans with a friend. she stood me up. texted another and she lied to me. almost was in a head on wreck today. scared the shit out of me. been fighting with my daughter.

its as if noone one cares. i dont fit in any more. friends arent really friends. they lie.

how can you be around someone and still feel all alone? that is the way i feel. alone. sadness. depression. alone, afraid, sad, angry. wtf happened? it was great and crash! everyone and everything wrong.

these are some stones that someone told me that will help with being fey.



tigers eye or any other smooth stone other stones to use are: saurolite fulorite, peridot,jade,green emerald{sacred} Homework: find out what stone listed works with you and find out why.



how do i do this?

well i changed covens. i love the old and the new but i miss everyone terribly. i am learning new things. adjusting is hard because i am the new girl on the block again. *sadness* i hope to learn new ways, rituals, make new friends, and hopefully be blessed along the way . ^^

you say i am your friend. we chat. online, on the phone. i keep your secrets, and you lie to me. you leave my coven to go to another. ask me not to tell. i say not one word. then you come back with a different name. identity. and lie to my face- in forum, acting like you don't know me- but you do. why?

you talk about people here and i keep my mouth shut. not one word! don't tell anyone anything, and you do this to me. was our friendship a lie also?



i am hurt and disappointed. sad. this is why i dont trust. who else knows? hmm? liar

why are people just adding me to their friend list? i dont appreciate it. they didn't even ask. if they had read my profile when they rated me they wouldn't have. but if i block them, it hurts my rating. ggggggrrrrrrr



why cant people just read what it says. and do it. just because i rated you, doesn't mean i want to chat and be bff's i have one. thanks.



damn!

my kids are great most of the time. i love them so much. so why do they have to act like devils?! they have a great life, why fight and cause problems?



we have the same blood. the same eyes, hair, skin. accept that we will be together- all of us, no matter what. i will not turn my back on either of you. i expect you to do the same. no matter the cost. my love is eternal, for you, for your brother. accept this and agree to get along for my sake. for my heart, for my love. i would die for you and i expect the same from you. FOREVER!

i try not to be paranoid. i try to believe what you say. just answer your phone when i call. or let me know not to worry. dont make up lies.

you say i dont have to worry but i do. that is like saying dont breathe! you lied to me before, i cannot get past it. it will not let me let it go.



the thoughts are there of you and her, eating lunch together or chatting on the phone, when you left me out in the cold.

i know that is the past and we said we would be together.

i know we stayed together, but its hard to believe what you say. i dont believe you even though i say i do.

i want to believe our love is forever but how?







I LOVE YOU STILL