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4 entries this month
insanity is back
01:30 Aug 24 2010
Times Read: 600
i am so freaking upset. he has to work late again. it drives me crazy. but tonight, is different, he should have been home. i swear to god.
you drive me crazy
i drive me crazy
why does this happen
this whole afternoon and evening was shit. everything went wrong, my period is here with a vengeance. a full moon is here as well. i am going in all directions.
i am so ready to pull out my hair. and scream and throw stuff and jump up and down. but i dont. why? what good will it do? make me bald and hoarse? i dont think so.
so i sit here and suffer in silence. i cry and light candles and worry.
this is insane as well.
i read an article about Anna Paquin and secretly wished I was her instead of me. just for a lil while. i want to be famous and rich and have some luxuries that i have never seen before. to be carefree and have no worries.
i am depressed. i know it. plus its hormones. ohmygod
i am so upset.
tiredness
23:20 Aug 21 2010
Times Read: 604
I have been out of it lately. i have been awall. lol i dont know why. i get tired if this site. i get tired of a lot of people. not people on this site, just people in general.
i am tired.
i am sleepy
i am annoyed
it has been a long tiring day and i am ready for bed. but i dont know what will happen because i am hungry too.
ggggggrrrrrrrr
back, maybe
18:36 Aug 13 2010
Times Read: 612
I have not been here in days. On purpose. I tried to find something else to take the place of being here. Which I try every now and then, which if you have read my journal entries, has happened before.
I am lonely. the hub has been working nonstop, it seems. like 60 hours this week. I like to go out and shop, but that can only take up a lil bit of my time. since money is tight. i hate cooking. i would have never made it 100 years ago or before. lol, i guess it is laziness. idk. but the craziness is starting to seep out again. i have smoked a lot so i can deal with being home with the "wild kids" all afternoon and eve. this may not make sense but i am typing as it comes to me.
i miss being here, but i dont. i like talking to a few people but i have reconnected with an old friend from elementary school and we promised to hang out and spend more time together. which is nice. she has been through hell and back. poor girl. tried to kill herself bc of her soon to be ex husband. he is a fucking bastard. dont even go there now, lol any way she needs a friend and so do i and i am really glad that this is happening. i have been going crazy. this happens a lot. lol
oh well, i think i am back for a bit but idk if i get another mood i may disappear for a few. idk...... i have missed you Unseen, M&M, catseye and others....
mixture of emotions
18:55 Aug 02 2010
Times Read: 616
today was good. better than I had expected. I went to work with some new people. people that I thought were going to upset me and piss me off. but it did not go that way. it was nice.
this morning went great as well. first day of middle school. we walked in and went to where we needed to be. we were so nervous, but we didnt show it. I helped her find her friend, and they went and sat down together. I went to work. I didnt cry this time.
I cried last night, like a fucking baby. She is MY baby. she cant be growing up. she cant be. NO. I let it out for a while, which helped. I could not let her see. see my fear, see my sadness. she is part of me. what happens to her, happens to ME. i want to protect her and kickk their asses for looking at her sideways. i pick her up when she falls. I take care of her. she cant be old enough to do this alone. but she is. time passes so quickly. I love her with every part of my soul.
i pray...... today is great for her. for him. I spoke to his teacher. she said he is doing great. she has a good group. which she does. i amhappy for him. he deserves this. i love him, and he is also a part of me and i love him with all of my soul.
so i pray.....
please be safe and happy, when they out of my sight. please let the brats leave them alone. let them be strong and brave and quick witted ...... amen
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