Honor: 0 [ Give / Take ]
14 entries this month
05:01 Feb 29 2008
Times Read: 611
To my dearest Irish psychopath;
I find myself thinking of you quite often. Most recently within the last few days. I miss you, and the mystery of each other we began with. If I could I would rewind time and repeat the nighte, when I stayed up all nighte to talk to you. I miss the intelligent conversation. And the whole hearted openness. Everything seems slighted now. I don't know why. I feel something went missing. I find myself voiding out and staring into oblivion thinking of things that seem so far fetched. A beautiful place, you, and me.
Am I'm slipping farther into insanity? Or am I regaining lucidity? I don't know which end of the spectrum I fall to, but I know which ever it is, I would want you there.
I had walls up, high high stronghold walls up. But the feeling I get from you just breaks them down. This is going to sound horribly childish, but I honestly feel like Sleeping Beauty in her tower. And until now I was asleep, void of complete emotion. I don't know what to say half the time. You keep me tongue tied, even though I play it off well. But I think you might know the effect you have on me. Or do you? Like I said, I don't know. I've come to an impasse and I don't know what to do. I feel lost. Find me?
Completely in need of guidance,
(Dee)Anna
18:08 Feb 27 2008
Times Read: 621
Alright sue me, but I'm going to get all weak and girly in this entry.
You know those cute little stamp pictures almost EVERYONE has on there profile in some form or another that signifies the fact that them and another member are together in some way or another? Yeah, that's what this is about.
(here comes the weak and girly part)
I want one!
Yes I just admitted to wanting to state online for everyone to see that someone else and I have a cute little connection.
Alright now that I've got that out of my system. Time to go back to being a cold hearted bitch.
16:54 Feb 27 2008
Times Read: 624
With my god son passing away and me having to leave this Friday to travel to Ohio for his funeral. I didn't think anything could possibly get any better.
Everything seemed to be slowly (well rather quickly) down hill. Until today. I sat down with my grandmother, and was able to have a discussion with her about my biological grandfather who passed away long before I was born. It was probably the most touching conversation I've ever had with her. And by far one of the most emotional. We talked about his service in the U.S. Navy, how they lived on the Island of Guam, and how my grandfather came to pass. I was only informed when I was young that he died of a freak military accident. Today I was given greater details. He was an electrician in the U.S. Navy, and was working on something with one of the jets. Some of the wiring was bad with a drill he was using and he was electrocuted. Something I didn't expect. We continued to chit chat and it finally came to me realizing I had never seen what he looked like. My grandmother searched and searched for a picture. She found one and gave it to me. Now it sits framed on my desk.
I kept saying something goos was going to happen.
And it did.
But I'm still wishing for something more.
This happiness is only temporary.
19:32 Feb 25 2008
Times Read: 652
I feel unbelievably honored right now. Sacred (my coven master) and Azreal (my assistant coven master) have appointed me a forum master. For lack of a better term, I'm geeked. I love Sanctus Acuity, and so so so glad that I'm apart of it again. Like I said before, it's home away from home.
07:26 Feb 25 2008
Times Read: 680
It took me forever to think of a decent topic to start a forum thread on. FINALLY! I found one. And it excites me even more because I didn't find anything else like in already in the forum.
I'm hoping it stays active. *crosses fingers*
---------------------------------------------
EDIT: 15 views of the thread later
and still no response.
EDIT: Now I finally gets results that
are NOT just arguments but actual
ideas and reasoning.
---------------------------------------------
06:15 Feb 25 2008
Times Read: 685
So with the encounter of someone new, the connection with the old is lost? Or is it only realized that the connection was blind? The differences are then seen. The once so tiny fissure that was only a matter of distance, is beginning to set farther and farther apart by the means of more then distance. Do you then cut the ties with the old, hoping that is binds the ties with the new tighter? Or do you proceed to try to rebind the old ties and continue the work with the new? The state of happiness with two woman is only allowed in the practice of Mormonism. I do not practice, you do not practice and nor does she. So what to do? I do not share well. Nor will I consider the idea of sharing.
I await the next move on the chess board. We are too far into the game to give up now. So make your move. And hopefully either you call give or I call checkmate.
21:52 Feb 24 2008
Times Read: 685
Sometimes I wonder how he's doing. Ties were cut so sudden. All I know is he's in a better place. Once in a while I get an update saying he's doing fine and things of the such. But it's really not enough. He meant a lot and now he's gone. And he doesn't remember me. It's far too complicated. But I really just wish I was part of his life again.
16:28 Feb 24 2008
Times Read: 699
It's somewhat upsetting that no one reads my journal. And if people do. It kind of sucks because no one has anything to say about what I put in here. Do I inspire awe and leave you speechless? Is that why no one has anything to say? My old journal had ten advent readers. And now I'm just thrown on one favourites list. I write in my journal for people to read. If I didn't want you to read it and comment, do you think I would write it for the world to see? If I didn't I'd scribble it down in a notebook some where and guard it with my life. But what's the point in this journal entry, you're not going to read it anyways.
12:43 Feb 23 2008
Times Read: 704
It never seizes to amaze me that every time I go to the doctors (which I hate doing) they found something new wrong with me. So here's the diagnosis for this trip:
[1] I have pleurisy (I could have told them that).
[2] All of a sudden I'm anemic.
[3] And supposedly I have a coagulation factor problem.
Gotta love modern medicine. (After that statement, I need to scrap my tongue raw with a razor blade). The only thing modern medicine could possibly be deemed good for is the drugs they make that people take in exceeding amounts to get high.
But that's even quite boring for the simple fact that I already should be taking most of those drugs. And I don't. No need to. Or at least in my mind, which is entirely fcuked up. So it's a impasse.
15:37 Feb 22 2008
Times Read: 720
Curiosity definitely kills the cat.
And I've more then exceeded my lives.
15:14 Feb 22 2008
Times Read: 721
Nothing like a scolding hot shower to burn your skin off with a fresh patch of steel wool and a new razor blade to help scrap it off. What a lovely shade of pink my skin turns.
I need to get this paranoia out of my system.
06:20 Feb 16 2008
Times Read: 828
To make it perfectly clear, I do not care that I have to start over. It's a fresh start. I only wish to know the reason beyond the deletion.
It seems that old "adversaries" have found my new profile and have decided to start old drama. I will not point out names, for that is rude. I have no problem co-existing with them here. The site is large enough we can remain within our "respected corners". I will make one personal statement.
You've "died". And that is how you will remain.
It's time to meet new and old members of the site and make friends. The past is behind us, we can only hope for tomorrow.
02:59 Feb 15 2008
Times Read: 834
Happy Valentine's Day to all.
Especially those close to my heart.
You know who you are.
03:00 Feb 13 2008
Times Read: 844
I miss Sanctus Acuity.
COMMENTS
-
Atonement
21:52 Mar 01 2008
All I can do is smile =)