The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

My headline.. madwoman.. fits.. for I am both crazy and a little pissed off..



I'm slipping further and further down a hole that I can't climb out of.. I stopped again doing drugs so maybe I can get a fuckin foothold and get the HELL out of this damned hole.



Yes, fucking tweakers.. I am one.. but not the ones you see running around stealing your shit and then turning around to help you find it.. I usually just keep to myself do my own little projects and usually don't bother anybody.

if I don't have the money to do it.. I don't do it.. I don't go out and pawn every fucking thing I own to do it.. I know I'm addicted to it.. but I will not stoop that low.. that only brings pain later on when you get help or whatever and go "oh fuck.. I lost all my shit to.. ".. no.. I won't do that.

but.. if I happen to meet somebody who wants to smoke me out.. great..

yes.. I only smoke meth.. (fucking tweaker.. ) occasionally snort it (that fucking hurts btw.. )

NEVER EVER !!!!!!!!! will you catch me with a FUCKING NEEDLE putting that shit into me.

but anyway.. yes.. I quit.. I did it before cold turkey.. I can do it again.

despite my fear of going out and finding a job and dealing with large groups of people.. I have no choice.. the "man" in my life is a genuine peice....... well.. anyway.. and I need to be clean and sober and step up to support my family.. and move us away from those in my household who seem to have given up hope and are drowning in their own guilt.

and I cannot sit around and wait for help from other people who HELPED CREATE my children who happen to live in other states.. no.. I've given up on that one.. I will not take his parental rights.. therefor.. I will not get any kind of money from the state and let them go after him.. I will not do it.. I will not punish the other members of that family whom I have loved (and still do in some ways.. ).. or who love my daughter.

I cannot continue to do what I have been doing to support my children by running around nightly and commiting crimes.. some of them with a higher price tag then others.. for money.. to feed my children.. commodities this week have given me an opening to get clean and go to work legit!



my love life? trashed.. fuck it.. I don't care... my "man" isn't my boyfriend, husband or otherwise.. he is my companion.. we surpass that whole my bf shit..because I refuse to actually be tied to him in that way again..



Friends..

a dime a dozen and at least 11 of them will fuck you over.. especially if they all tweak.. (fucking tweakers..).. if you got something of value.. TRUST ME.. IT WILL BE GONE.. and they'll be high for the afternoon. (wow.. so worth that friendship right?.. fucking dicks.. )

the one thats left over.. stands by your side.. and may actually prove to be a semi decent friend.. (til his ass goes to jail because his ex is a fuckin idoit tweaker who gets his ass so damn mad he does something FUCKING STUPID.. and leaves me to deal with all this shit by myself.. DAMN YOU TONY.. ) anyway.

I forgot what I was talking about.

oh yes..

I'm sober..

so yeah.. I'm sober and an insomniac.. at least I knew when I was coming down off meth.. I could finally get good sleep.. *sighs*.. not anymore........

on meth.. I could smoke a nice fat fucking bowl to my dome... and be able to lay down and conk right the fuck out for a few hours and then get up and be good to go for a day.......

not anymore....

but.. I need to be strong.. and I'm sorry to those who didn't know before.. but know now..

nothing has changed about me.. other then the fact that one of the reasons I used to tweak was so that all the food I would normally eat, could go to my children, so I made sure they were indeed full and not crying at me an hour later "I'm hungeeeeee"......



now.. I'm hungry.. I had forgotten what hunger was actually.. I hadn't felt it in months!.. MONTHS!..

but.. thats alright..

I'm getting clean, to get my life on track.. and my children's lives on track as well

all my children are healthy..

my youngest has two bottom teeth now.. mhm she's so proud of those things..

my middle daughter.. mm.. she is the best speaker for now..

and my oldest.. well.. heh.. she comprehends the best.. an oh lord.. is she smart...

but yes.. I suppose.. I should be done for now.. rambling.. and for any of those who actually made it through this mess.

if you have any questions.. take it up with my secretary.. (just message me..)