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IM FEELING MUCH BETTER NOW I GUESS I JUST HAD TO LET IT PASS NO ONE KNOWS YOU BETTER THAN YOU SO I GUESS I KNEW I HAD TO LAY DOWN OR SIT DOWN AND CHILL OUT. BECAUSE IF I DIDNT THAN I KNOW I WOULDA GONE AND SPLIT SOME HEADS FROM BODIES, AND TRUST ME IT WOULDNT OF BEEN PRETTY. BUT IM ALL BETTER NOW I WORKED OUT AND LET IT ALL OUT AND DID WHAT I HAD TO DO BUT NOW IM FUCKNG HUNGRY CUZ I WORKED OUT HARD AND NOW MY BODY IS CRAVING SOME FOOD BUT DINNER IS OVER AND THEY CLOSED THE FUCKING CHOW HALL, FUUUCCKK. WELL I CAN WAIT TILL MORNING IT AINT GONNA KILL ME. IVE GONE ABOUT TWO DAYS WITHOUT EATING BECAUSE OF WHAT I DO AND WHERE I AM SO FUCK ITS LIKE NOT HARD TO TELL MY STOMACH TO SHUT UP. FEELING A LITTLE SICK BUT WHEN AM I NOT SICK OR WUTEVER. CALLED HOME AND MY CDS JUST GOT IN DAMN I CANT WAIT FOR THEM TO SEND EM TO ME. ARCH ENEMY, LUCAN COIL, AND ILL NINO. DAMN IM GONNA BE HEAD BANGING IN MY FUCKING TENT WALLS ARE GONNA FALL AND FLOOR BOARDS ARE GONNA CRASH. WELL THATS JUST SPECULATION. TELL ME WUTS UP PPL, IM BORED OUT AND WANNA KNOW WUTS GOING IN THE VR WORLD.

HEY WUTS UP PPL IVE BEEN FEELING LIKE SHIT. BUT IM REGAINING MY STRENGTH AND DOING A LITTLE BETTER. I THINK IT WAS THAT PERSIAN PIZZA I ATE, HOLY FUCK WAS I HURLING WHEN I WOKE UP THIS MOURNING I DONT KNOW WHY IT FUCKED ME ALL UP BUT I GUESS IT DID. AND I WAS ALL WOOZY AND FELT LIKE A 6 FOOT 240 POUNDER WAS POUNDING MY HEAD INTO THE GROUND. IM WALKING AGAIN DIDNT WALK FOR THE PAST EIGHT HOURS I WAS LAYING IN BED AND PASSING OUT EVERY HOUR OR SO. GOD I FELT LIKE I HAD A TRIPLE SHOT HUNGOVER. FUCK, IM NEVER GOING TO EAT FAST FOOD FROM AFGHANISTAN EVER AGAIN. EITHER THAN THAT IVE BEEN RELAXING BUYING MYSELF SOME GOODIES. I BOUGHT ME NINTENDO DS WELL SEE HOW THAT GOES I HAVENT TRIED IT YET HAVENT HAD THE TIME AND STUFF TO BUSY RELAXING CUZ I KNOW ONCE WE GET BACK ON BASE WERE GONNA POUNDED AND POUNDED WITH WORK UNTIL LATE NIGHT. TAKE CARE GUYS AND ILL BE IN TOUCH.

ON A MISSION BUT NOT REALLY WORKING THAT HARD. FUCKING ENJOYING THE FACT THAT IM IN THE MAIN CITY HERE IN AFGHANISTAN. WE CAN HAVE SOME TIME OFF AND WERE AWAY FROM OUR COCK SUCKING FIRST SERGEANT HES NOT EVEN A FUCKING FIRST SERGEANT HES JUST ACTING AS ONE. GOD I HATE THAT MUDERFUCKER. WELL BESIDES THAT IM ON THE INTERNET NOTHING ELSE BETTER TO DO. GOT ME THE NEW SHINEDOWN SO IF ANYONE HAS IT, LET ME KNOW HOW GOOD IT IS. BOUGHT ME SOME BLS AND SOME OLD SKEWL UNEARTH BUT I DONT HAVE MY CD PLAYER SO I GOTTA WAIT TILL I GO BACK ON BASE TO LISTEN TO THESE FUCKING CDS. THE CHOW HERE ON MAIN POST IS FUCKING GOOD. GOD NEVER HAD ANYTHING THAT TASTES THIS GOOD. WELL EXCEPT FOR MY MOMS COOKING. BUT TRUST ME GUYS ANYONE WHOS NOT IN THE ARMY U DONT REALLY WANNA KNOW HOW BAD THEY MAKE CHOW. IF ITS NOT HORRIBLE ITS FUCKING MONOTENOUS. ANYWAY IM UP TO NO GOOD SO TELL ME WUTS MY FREAK LOVING VAMPIRE DWELLING FRIENDS.

GP20 OUT

WUSSUP GUYS I JUST FUCKING HERE TRYING TO RELAX ON MY SHIFT OFF FROM GUARD DUTY. WERE WE GET ONE SHIFT OFF AT LEAST THAT COUNTS FOR SOME SLEEP AND SHIT. I GOT SOME SLEEP AND I THOUGHT IT WOULDT BE GOOD FOR ME TO RUN THE TRACK AND GET SOME AIR AND THINK A LITTLE. IM FEELING BETTER NOW THAT I RAN AS MUCH AS I DID BECAUSE I DIDNT KNOW THAT I WAS GOING TOO. I WAS THINKING MAYBE TWO MILES AND ILL BE GOOD. BUT FUCKING ENDED RUNNING ALMOST THREE. I GUESS I HAD A LOT TO THINK ABOUT CUZ NOW IM JUST WRITING ALL ABOUT IT. IM THINKING THAT IT WOULD BE GOOD FOR ME TO GET SOMEONE BUT ITS LIKE SOMETIMES BEING HERE AND DOING THE JOB I DO EVEN IF IT IS JUST IN THE NATIONAL GUARD IT STILL TAKES A LOT OF OUT YOU. I KNOW THAT ONCE I GET BACK HOME WE WILL BE REDEPLOYED TO EGYPT OR TO IRAQ IF WERE LUCKY TO WALK THE A LAND OF EVIL LIKE THAT. I DONT KNOW WHY IM NOT DISCONNECT ANYMORE. NOT AS MUCH AS I USED TO BE WHEN I GOT HERE. I WASNT DEPRESSED BUT I WAS STILL FUCKING IN A WHOLE. IM SLOWLY CRAWLING AND LEAVING ALL MY DYING PLEAS IN MY FUCKING WAKE. SOMEHOW THE SUNLIGHT IS OPENING MY EYES A LITTLE BIT. IF I COULD REAL ALL MY SCARS TO SOMEONE RITE NOW THAT IS STARTING TO TAKE HER TOLL IN MY HEART. SHES SO RADIANT BUT FUCK SHES LIKE ABOVE ONE RANK AND HAS BEEN IN THE ARMY A LITTLE BIT LONGER SO TO BE WITH SOMEONE HIGHER THAN ME I DONT KNOW IF THAT WILL JUST MAKE THINGS WORSE. ITS LIKE BEING SO HUNGRY AND HAVING THE BEST FOOD IN FRONT OF YOU BUT FUCKING ITS BEHIND BULLET PROOF GLASS. I SEE IT BUT I CANT TOUCH OR TASTE HOW FUCKED IS THAT. I WOULD RATHER NOT FANCY MYSELF WITH ALL THAT BULLSHIT AND CRAP. NO MATTER HOW MUCH I WANT TOO. HEARING HER LAUGH DAMN MAN SHE EVEN GOTS HER NICKNAMES FOR ME AND SHIT GOD THAT DRIVES ME FUCKING CRAZY. LISTENING TO 3 DOORS DOWN GOD I KEEP FORGETING HOW FUCKING GOOD THEY ARE MUSICALLY AND SHIT. ITS LIKE MOZART ONCE SAID "MUSIC IS MELODY MELODY IS MUSIC" IF IT DOESNT HAVE MELODY IT AINT MUSIC, IF IT DOESNT TAKE TALENT ITS NOT MUSIC. BECAUSE ANYBODY COULD BE A RAP STAR SHIT IF I WANTED TOO I COULD MAKE IT BIG WITH THE WAY I WRITE. BUT MOVING UR MOUTH IN FRONT OF A MICROPHONE WHILE A DRUM MACHING PLAYS IS NOT FUCKING MUSIC. ITS CRAP IF ITS RAP.

ANOTHER MOURNING WHERE ITS COLDER THAN IT IS FUCKING HOT DURING THE DAY. GOD ITS COLD IN TOWER SIX. ITS LIKE STANDING IN FRONT OF A BIG FAN AND LETTING THE WIND HIT U STRAIGHT THE FACE AND ALL U CAN DO IS TAKE IT FULL FORCE. IT HURTS LIKE HELL AND U CAN SEE UR HOT AIR ESCAPING UR LIPS AND THATS CUZ U GOT LIKE TWO SCARFS TO COVER UR FACE SO AS TO NOT GET UR LIPS CHAPPED BECAUSE OF SO MUCH COLD AIR. TOWER SIX HAD MOST OF THE PEXI GLASS PUNCHED OUT BY THE WIND BUT UMM IT HAS BEEN REPLACED AND EVEN WITH EVERYTHING AROUND U COVERED UP EXCEPT TO UR FRONT ITS STILL HITTING U 35 MILES AN HOUR. BUT AS SOON AS THE SUN RISES ITS LIKE ABOUT FOURTY FIVE MINUTES OR SO THAT U GET SOME WARMTH. BUT ITS COLD AS HELL BEFORE THE SUN RISES AND AS SOON AS IT DOES IT GETS ALMOT TEN DEGREES COLDER WITH WIND AND ALL ITS A FUCKING BITCH. BUT THE BIG BLACK JACKET AND ALL THE SNIVEL GEAR U GOT ON MAKES IT A SOMEWHAT WARM SHIFT IN THE MOURNING BUT ITS LIKE IVE SAID ITS NOT GONNA GET ANY HOTTER. ITS LIKE DIEING BUT DENYING URSELF THE FACT THAT U WANT TO CROSS THATS HOW MUCH IT SUX AND IT HURTS. U FEEL THE COLD AIR CHOP THROUGH UR BONES AND STEELING UR ENERGY TO EITHER TRY TO GIVE A SHIT AND NOT GIVE A FUCK. BUT OTHER THAN THAT ITS ALL GOOD. ITS NOT LIKE ILL BE HERE FOR MUCH LONGER. WE GOT LESS THAN A YEAR ALMOST SIX MONTHS FUCK YEAH!

OKAY WUTS UP GUYS. TRYING TO HAVE A GOOD DAY BUT FUCKING I GUESS IT WASNT MEANT TO BE AND THAN TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY BUT FUCK. ANYWAY ALMOST GOT BLOWN UP TODAY FUCKING SHIT AND NOW IM KINDA GETTING A NEW OUTLOOK ON MY FAITH. SOME MOTHERFUCKERS FROM ONE OF THE UNITS HERE GODAMMIT MAN IM LIKE SO PISSED ITS LIKE THIS UNIT HAS ALREADY HAD LIKE FOUR N.D.(NEGLIGANT DISCHARGES) ON THEIR WEAPONS AND ALL OF THEM WERE CREW SERVE WEAPONS GOD FORBID THAT ITS A GOOD THING THEY DIDNT KILL ANYONE ESPECIALLY ME. AND TO TOP IT OFF IT WAS A MARK19(FUCKING FULLY AUTOMATIC GERNADE LAUNCHER CAPABLE OF FIRING HIGH EXPLOSIVE ROUNDS). IM JUST IM GLAD THAT I DIDNT START FIRING GIVEN THAT THEIR WAS A CREW SERVE WEAPON IN MY TOUR A FUCKING 240 MACHINE GUN. A POWERFUL WEAPON CAPABLE OF FIRING 7.62 ROUNDS THAT CAN KILL U IN ONE SHOT. ANYWAY IM A LITTLE SHOOKEN UP AND I KNEW THAT THIS COULDA BEEN PREVENTED BUT THAT FUCKER WAS POINTING AT THE FOB AND HE WAS TRYING TO LOAD THE WEAPON AND ALMOST HIT ME. HE MUST OF MISSED ME BY LIKE 15 METERS. ANYWAY OTHER THAN THAT IM GOOD AND THIS IS THE END OF JUST ANOTHER DAY IN AFGHANISTAN.

TODAY WAS SAID THAT IT WAS GOING TO BE EASY. YEAH FUCKING RITE BUT NOTHING IS TAKEN WITHOUT HAVING TO PAY A CERTAIN PRICE. ANYWAY BACK FORTH ON ONE MISSION ONTO ANOTHER. GOTTA GO TO THE MAIN CITY AND THAT TAKES FUCKING 2 HOURS. GOOD TRIP IF UR NOT TIRED AND HUNGRY. I GUESS IM GONNA BE TIRED BUT OH WELL AT LEAST IM GONNA GET TO BUY WHAT I HAVE TO BUY. ANYWAY FEELING A LOT WAY BETTER AND TRYING TO PAVE THE WAY SO THAT I ACTUALLY GET PROMOTED AND NOT INTO MORE TROUBLE. TAKING INITIATIVE IS SOMETHING A LOT HARDER TO REMEMBER COMPARED TO RESPONSIBILITY. BUT I REALLY WANT THIS AND NO OTHER WAY TO GET IT BUT JUS TO PROVE MYSELF. GOTTA GET MORE POEMS ON HERE AND I WILL. TELL ME WUTS UP LET THE RED CARPET ROLL FOR HIS GREAT GOTHICNESS IS IN THE RAVE TONIGHT.

HEY WUTS UP GUYS. NOTHING NEW TODAY OTHER THAN ANOTHER DAY ANOTHER DOLLAR AND ANOTHER DAY TO FUCK UP. GOT CAUGHT SLEEPING BY A RANKING OFFICER LIKE MY FUCKING COMMANDER. A GOOD GUY BUT WHEN PISSED OFF A TOTAL ASSHOLE. FEELING LIKE I MIGHT NOT GET MY PROMOTION. SO WHAT ELSE IS NEW? GOT SELECTED FOR SPC BUT I GUESS I JUST FUCKED IT ALL UP LIKE YESTERDAY IN WRECKING THAT GODDAMN HUMVEE. IF I DO GET IT GOTTA TAKE ON MORE RESPONSIBILITY SEEMS LIKE I GOT A LONG ROAD AHEAD IF I DO. FEELING A LITTLE DISCONFIDENT AND WITHOUT MOTIVATION BUT A STRONG SENSE OF WILLPOWER TO GO ON NO MATTER HOW HARD IT MIGHT SEEM.EVEN IF I DON GET MY PROMOTION NO BIGEE NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO BEING BITCHED AT MORE AND GETTING INTO SOME MORE TROUBLE. HOPEFULLY LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTTING HOME LONG WAYS FROM IT BUT IT SEEMS REAL CLOSE. TAKING A LOT ANGER AND HATRED AND STUFFING IT DOWN HARD. UNWILLINGLY AND SOMEHOW IN DISTATE I GUESS I HAVE TO SEE THE STAINS OF BLOOD MARKED ON THE FLOOR. DRIP AND TRICKLE IT SLOWS DOWN TIME AND I FEEL IT TREMBLE. INTO MY SOULD AND OUT OF MY MIND IT TAKES CONTROL. CAN I GRASP REALITY OR WILL TAKE OVER. BRING THE PAIN AND I BRING THE WEAPON, MUSIC OF MY CHOICE. GET READY TO BE BLOWN AWAY AND ILL SEE IT CRUSH YOU.

BEAT THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF THAT PUNCHING BUT I KINDA PAID THE PRICE. I DREW BLOOD OUT OF THE SKIN AND PEELED BENEATH THE SURFACE TO FIND A NEW SCAR BENEATH. IT HURT NOT AS MUCH AS I THOUGHT IT WAS. BUT IT DID SEND MY AGRESSION INTO ANOTHER LEVEL AND I KNEW IF I DIDNT LET IT OUT I WOULD LET IT OUT ON SOMEONE. LIKE A QUICK FURY HURRICANE I WOULD OF KILLED SOMEONE WITH MY BARE HANDS. OH YEAH I FORGOT TO SAY THAT I HAD A BAD INCIDENT HAPPEN YESTERDAY. WE WERE ON A MISSION AND IT WAS LIKE 8 O CLOCK AT NIGHT DUSTY DARK AND FUCKING HARD TO SEE. WELL I FELL INTO A DITCH AND HURT SOME PPL. NOT BAD BUT BAD ENOUGH TO PISS THEM OFF AND SEND THEM INTO A FRENZY. I GUESS I GOTTA BE MORE CAREFUL. KIND SAD AND MAD AT MYSELF NOT ANYMORE BUT I WAS. BLOOD ESCAPED THE EVERLONGING SCAR THAT SCRAPES MY SKIN. TEARS ME IN TWO AND I FEEL IT RIP ME INTO PEICES OF NOTHING. SIMPLY HARDER THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE TO FIND THE OTHER PART OF ME. NOT WANTING THIS AND HATING MYSELF FOREVER. IT HURTS TO SEE MYSELF IN THE BROKEN MIRROR. TOODLES DARK ONES.

GP20

WOKE UP TO DAMN EARLY AND NOW IM FEELING LIKE IM ABOUT TO FALL ON MY FACE. WAS DOZING OFF BUT FOUGHT IT OFF WITH WATER AND STANDING UP FOR QUITE AWHILE. ON GATE DUTY WITH A LITTLE GATHERING OF MEDICS AND LOCALS. DOING TWO DIFFERENT KIND OF JOBS WALKING AROUND AND SHIT. STILL HAVENT HEARD FROM MY FAMILY DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO I WANNA CALL AND THAN AGAIN I DONT. ITS HARD TO HEAR OF AGONIES FROM AFAR AND SOMEHOW IT DECAYS YOU FROM THE INSIDE OUT NOW MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY TO REBUILD URSELF FROM THE GROUND UP. FEELING BETTER NOW STILL MISS MY FAMILY BUT NOW I HAVE MORE FAITH AND I KNOW THAT IM NOT GONNA CRY. I CRIED A LOT ALREADY I NEED TO SHOW MYSELF THAT I CAN BE STRONGER NO MATTER HOW MUCH IT HURTS. I GUESS YOU NEVER KNOW YOURSELF UNTIL YOU SEE THE REFLECTION IN THE BROKEN MIRROR. HOW LONG YOU STARE AND REALIZE THAT THE TEARS ARE COMING DOWN IS WHEN YOU HUG YOURSELF TO NOT FEEL THE COLD DRIFTING IN. STILL FEEL LIKE I SHOULD HAVE TO FIND MYSELF THE ONE WHO DESERVES ALL OF MY ATTENTION. GUESS THATLL BE IN UNTIL I GET HOME. LATERS FOR NOW AND WISH ME STRENGTH AND FAITH.

AIGHT PPL THERES ENOUGH OF THE PRINCE TO GO AROUND. LOL. NA I GET TO ALL OF UR MESSAGES AND SHIT CHECK OUT MY JOURNAL I GOT NEW ENTRIES IN POETRY AND JOURNALS EVERY DAY OR SO.

AIGHT WUTS UP PEOPLE HOWS EVERYTHING AT THE RAVE. JUST GOT BACK INTO MY CAMP BASE YESTERDAY AND FEELING REALLY FUCKING TIRED CUZ I GOT UP LIKE AT O345 IN THE MOURNING JUST TO FUCKING GET ON THE COMP. REALLY COULDNT SLEEP THAT MUCH EITHER I KNOCKED OUT AND WOKE UP AROUND 0330. I KNOW IM GONNA BE REAL SLEEPY TODAY HOLY SHIT I ALREADY FEEL TIRED. JUST FOUND OUT YESTERDAY THAT MY KID BROTHER IS HAVING SOME APPENDIX PROBLEMS.ITS ALREADY TEAR INTO ME AND HOW MUCH I MISS MY FAMILY AND THE FACT THAT I CAN BE THERE WHEN ALL OF THIS GOING ON. FEEL KINDA USELESS NOTHING MORE THAT I COULD DO THAT THEY ALREADY HAVENT THOUGHT OF. THEY SAY HES IN ENORMOUS PAIN AND THAT THEY HAVENT GIVEN HIM PAINKILLERS BECAUSE THEY DONT WANT HIM BE TO DROUSY SO THAT HE COULD DECIDE IF HE WANTS AN OPERATION OR NOT. WHAT KINDA SHIT IS THAT. JUST GIVE HIM THE FUCKING DRUGS GODDAMMIT. LOOKS LIKE WERE BOTH CAUGHT IN A STRUGGLE THAT INVOLVES A LOT OF PAIN BUT ALMOST NO FUCKING CURE. FEELING LIKE SHIT WISH I COULD GO AND BREAK SOMETHING. I WANNA PUNCH THE HELL OUT OF A DAMN PUNCHING BAG. I GUESS THATS GONNA BE MY PT FOR TODAY. IM GONNA SWEAT LIKE IVE SWEAT BEFORE. I GUESS THE ONLY WAY TO CURE ONE PAIN IS TO FEEL THE STING OF ANOTHER. LATER YOU VAMPIRE DWELLING FREAKS SEE YOU AT THE FALL OF THE SUN.

BACK IN AFGHANISTAN. FEELING THE SAME SOMEWHAT AND IT STILL HURTS TO THINK OF TOMORROW BUT SOMETHING THAT EVERYBODY FEEL AN INSECURITY YOU MIGHT SAY. ALWAYS WANTING TO KNOW MORE MAKES YOU CRAVE FOR THE SIMPLE TRUTH. I WISH I KNEW WHY SO MANY PPL ARE OUT TO HURT ME. IM TORN IN TWO, BUT I FEEL LIKE IM COMING BACK TOGETHER. FINDING MYSELF IS THE HARDEST THING I HAVE HAD TO DO SINCE I CAME TO AFTGHANISTAN. ITS NOT ALL THAT SIMPLE BUT VERY OVERWHELMING AND CHARACTER BUILDING. I CANT BE WITH SOMEONE UNTIL I AM COMPLETE IN MY PERSON. I FOUND THAT OUT SPENDING TIME WITH MY FAMILY AND IT MADE ME HAPPY TO BE THERE. I GUESS U NEVER KNOW WHATS IT LIKE TO MISSED UNTIL UR THERE TO SEE IT. I WAS AWAY FOR A LONG TIME. I WILL BE HOME SOON AND COMPLETE.