Potion for an NJ attitude. 01:51 Mar 07 2016
Times Read: 376
We that dwell in the armpit of America have a certain undeniable charm. It can be heard in the bowels of the ghetto, the casinos on the boardwalk, the high rises in our cities, our over abundance of shopping malls, even our suburbs and beaches. This is not to be confused with our slang, which can differ depending on what section you live in. Nor does it have anything to do with our exceedingly ridiculous gang problem. No. This is a potion to adopt an official: New Jersey Attitude.
These things can either be collected or worked on over time. You can't just become NJ'ish, it takes a series of events.
1. Must have a dysfunctional family: if your parents are still together and have a good marriage or are still together and they don't hate their own brothers and sisters (aunts and uncles); you're out. Part of a real NJ attitude is being subjected repeatedly to psychologically damaging in-fighting.
2. Must have been exposed to a crippling drug or alcohol problem: Oh yes. This is vital to twisting your world view. If you've never yourself struggled with alcohol or drugs; never spent those witching hours bent on narcotics OR have been robbed by a friend on them OR have family members actively spending forty five minutes at a time in the bathroom OR spend every weekend for the last decade binge drinking (me), well then you're just not ready.
3. Problems with the law: This has the potential of totally giving you that little extra in your attitude that says; "I take no shit. Even if I go to jail for it." Part of living here is knowing that you can get arrested at anytime, for any thing. If ever in your whole life you've never had to pay fines, spend some time on probation, jail, or prison, been arrested, or think that you can trust police officers. Walk away kid, join a gym. Which leads me right into number 4.
4. Fighting and physical altercations: Everyone in NJ (including the girls you ask? Especially the girls I say) has a win/loss record of official street fights in their resume. If you have never been stole on in a club or show, jumped coming off the train, whooped that doods ass that kept touching your girl at Bar A, helped your girls stomp out that slut that did Joey in his Jeep Wrangler when you two were taking a break for like two weeks, ran from gun shots whether or not they were directed at you, or spit on a cop, then turn around and take the Path back into Manhattan with the other tourists, you're not built for an NJ attitude yet.
So these are the first Four rules. In a few days I'll post up the next Four. As you can see, most of these you can make happen pretty quickly if they haven't already partially ruined your life naturally yet. Besides the fucking unbelievably high cost of living (number one in the nation), property tax (who even pays that anymore), corrupt politicians (Chris Christie was OUR governor), and stereotypes (do you even Jersey Shore bro?), there are still key elements to adopting an official NJ attitude. Until next time. -Gomez.
COMMENTS
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Gomez
00:59 Apr 24 2024
Oh this is great! too bad I went to Michigan. then back to NYC. and now by some absurd chance I'm BACK IN NJ. -fuk