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i let the thought of him devour me.

i let his lips consume my insecurities.

i let his fingers run through my hair and i feel his hands clasp around my neck and i find his tongue wrestling mine.

he wins. and i am a good sport.

his hands trail down my back and i am overcome by goosebumps.

i tasted blood, and he bit my lip harder. i was tempted to moan, but i didn’t want to be this vulnerable this fast.

now i was swelling with angst, an aching and hungering for him.

eventually, it was purely skin on skin. his warmth and electricity poured gasoline on my cold and cracked concrete.

then, his kisses were matches, and he dropped them into the thick black liquid consuming my soul.

i had no control over the fire surrounding me and the flames engulfing every inch of my body.

he took full control of my body; i didn’t let him…. but he demanded it from me and took it.

there was a pain, but it was so bittersweet. it was like when i used to cut. the slitting my wrists hurt, but the pleasure, and the release of all the sadness flowing in my veins.

but i wanted this. i needed this. it was so much better than the self inflicted pain i was addicted to for years.

he was my everything. he washed away the suicidal thoughts and he burned the pages of my words of depression. and he swept away the anxiety and he calmed the waves of bipolar.

i won’t ever let go.

maybe this is why God has kept me alive. because this is what i have to live for. he was who i needed to be with. he is my forever. my infinity

COMMENTS

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Minde
21:46 Nov 26 2017

i love this

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Minde
21:47 Nov 26 2017

I love the symbolisms

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People like me are meant to be alone,
Because half the time I won’t even notice your name no longer lights up my phone.

I’m a walking contradiction,
An ice queen with a heart of gold.
I’ll show you what love should really look like,
But make sure to leave before any of it can unfold

I have a contradiction that will always
Prevent me
From loving you

Because I have
Sadly learned
Early in life
That people leave

I will be clingy
But never get closer
Be demanding attention
While keeping at bay

I have my fear
Of commitment
Solidly embedded In me

But once you’re here
I will hold on

Until you can no
Longer support me

I am a contradiction
Of emotion and impulse
Of lonely and together
Of holding on and letting go

COMMENTS

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Minde
21:52 Nov 26 2017

I feel you.
I am in the same boat.
but again being single is always.
"Independence Is happiness" Susan B Anthony
I believe that we are trained to believe we need someone to take away are problems. Someone to love us, But we need to learn love ourselves. At the end we die alone.
But true power is being able to take away the problems on our own.

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