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It has been 10 years since I left an abusive relationship with an addict and started a new life. Yesterday I looked for my ex on facebook and found him.

He looks awful. Way older than his age. The publicly visible posts are all the kind I would expect from someone who still takes no responsibility for the way their life has turned out and the saddest thing was seeing absolutely no family on his friends list. Not even the friends he knew, people he had known for decades before he even met me were still in contact with him. It was all druggies and slut accounts.

Really sick and sad.

It made me reflect a lot on what was lost and what was gained. I have no regrets for myself.

Wow. Have I ever written anything in this section?

I don't know.

VR tends to be my garbage dump when I have something running over and over in my mind and I can't get rid of it. Last night I lost sleep. I was so mad that it affected my circulation. So if my mind wasn't racing I was waking up with my hands being numb.

I just keep flipping this shit over and over in my mind.

Freedom of speech, a person's right to their opinion, activism. Where does one draw the line between these and cruelty? Five years ago I was told by a school principal(in a school that had just started an anti-bullying campaign, no less)that a person has the right to say anything they want and if a student doesn't want to be bad-mouthed by other students they should not commit to behaviors that other students look down on.

This is the mentality so I shouldn't be shocked.

I was shocked. I was hurt. I was pissed.



My husband is a retired veteran. He is disabled from his service with illnesses that are not visible to the naked eye.

Yesterday while we were at the grocery store a woman assaulted him.

I am mad at myself because I could do nothing in his defense. He was putting groceries in the car and I had gone back inside to return books to a friend who worked there.

When I came back to the car he seemed ruffled but he is sometimes like that after walking through the grocery store when it is busy. Right before he got into the car he told me. A woman was walking past him with her child and seeing his Operation Enduring Freedom patch on his coat she cleared her throat and told her child "that man kills people, we need to keep away from him".

It is obvious she was trying to make him feel awful and that I am a little miffed about but it was the cowardly way in which she did it that pissed me off so bad. Talking about him as she walked past instead of talking to him, cowardly. Calling him a murderer to her child and behaving as though if they got close enough right now he would reach out and kill them is cowardly and ignorant. There are so many people who served with him and since who never even fired their rifles except on a range.

She probably feels pretty righteous too, like she is a brave warrior speaking for some cause. I wish I could live in her bliss and be so narrow in my thinking. Unfortunately I understand her perspective. It comes from a place of hatred and fear and that is where my own pain comes from.

I am so disillusioned with Western society that I am really happiest in solitude. Listening to music, enjoying fiction, history and various studies. At the same time I love humanity enough to wish I could help teach people like her to understand that she isn't any better than a person who commits acts of violence on another person.

I am so angry.

I feel so sorry for her state of mind and so sorry for her child.

It is really a helpless feeling.