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today was fun... i dunno really nothing amazing happened... but i had a good morning... and christina got me a preamie membership yesterday.. omg she is soo amazing... i had soo much fun with it last night... and we were up till six talking... awesome....



then i got in trouble.... as if i give a rats ass,



aiight this is bullshit... and i can't take it no fuckin more....



@^%^ &!#*&^% !&^&*^*% !*#&%&*^ #&!#%!@^# ^!^** !#%^@!!

ha just try and read it....



maybe i need to get a better account so i can actually write one....

so today was my short shift... yet somehow it seemed longer... hmmmmm.....



i got home and just relaxed, and found out that when i take over this apartment, i may have more then one person coming to stay here... probably start looking for another apartment around then tho... two bedrooms won't cut it... lol.



anyway if i get into timken there will be no problems... will even open the door to moving into london and getting a town house which i was planning on doin anyway....



but all the same... i would be able to meet this sister i always hear so much about... lol,



anyway thats all for now.



*Always live up to your standards - by lowering them, if necessary.* lol



*Passion makes the world go round. Love just makes it a safer place.* ~ Ice T



*The way you overcome shyness is to become so wrapped up in something that you forget to be afraid.*



***Other men it is said have seen angels, but I have seen thee and thou art enough.***

i was late today... first time...

i got up and i was alright got my bowl of cereal. then sat down on the couch to check the weather and wait.. to call to wake up christina and get ready to leave... i blinked and al of a sudden i was lying on hte floor curled up next to the heater... wtf... the time 10.15 ... i started today at 10.30... it takes a minimum of 12 - 15 minutes to get to work...i was ten minutes late after finishing changing and punched in... shit... so in turn i stayed a bit later... so eh...



but if the only conciqunce of staying up till five talking with christina about anything and everything, was being late today, well worth it....

i love talking to hear and i feel as if i could for hours... while we talked leatnight i had no notion of time... it just flowed... if i didn't have to worry about 'extra charges' for long distence... i wouldn't have hung up the phone... i can't wait to go down and not have miles of cord between us...

what coversations await that senerio... i can't wait to find out...lol



anyway besides being late today went by pretty well, slow as usual but not shabby... so yeah...



aiight thats all for now...



*To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.*~William Shakespeare, Hamlet



*We are born wet, naked, and hungry. Then things get worse.*



*He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.*



*Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.* ~Oprah Winfrey



*Trouble is part of your life, and if you don't share it, you don't give the person who loves you enough chance to love you enough.*



p.s. sorry i went a little quote crazy... i guess making up for all the ones i've missed... lol

so i went to darts and got smoked.... we lost 8 stright sets... omg... i can't believe it these guys were like semi pro... they shot like at least three tons a set!! like seriously.... goddamn.... anyway... i shot a straight 50 average 2nd best for my team.... so eh....



its still been a very... eh day... i dunno what the problem is... nothing really bad happened but for some reason i just feel... i dunno...



this day for some reason just sucks... and i don't think tomorrow will be much better....

so long, and slow... and agrivating...



i didn't get paid today...

so i have no money until the 10th of december...

i am broke... i am falling... and i am alone...



i can't wait until i get to go down to mississauga... i can't wait to just be there... and chill with christina, sit and talk, go shopping... maybe rock out on an air guitar... maybe a drum solo... and a duet... can't wait...

so yeah my dad left a bit ago... so fun, joking around all night... lmao...



gotta start planning what to get ppl for christmas, hmmm... well christina said she'd bring me downtown T.O. when i come down... and take me shopping help to figure something out....



i got a minimum of 4 if i group my aunt and uncle.. and my mom and dad as one... and a max of 6 if i have enough money to do them seperate.... hmmm...

but all together goin shopping is just another thing im looking forward to doing when i go to mississauaga, its goin to be awesome.



and omg, you got mischeif drunk the other day and now you've got her stoned... so evil...

lmao...



i soooo want to see a little stoned dog....

aiight this one is a bit.... late but eh....

not much to talk about, just working alot, saving for the trip to mississauga, so can't wait... had a huge surprise, my buddy chris... who was also a groomsman in the dibockle they call a wedding... moved to st.thomas... of all places... not to far from were im staying... badass... we got together today for coffee and tio catch up see whats been up... so yeah it was pretty awesome.



and my dad is coming soon to chill here... adn hang out... for a visit, awesome... anyway thats all for now....

my head hurts.....



why am i doing this to myself?

why am i putting my mind and body through so much torment?

why am i taking shit from people i don't know, don't know me... and will never know me?

why do i sit alone in the dark and wonder why i can't sleep?

why do i have to go through so much pain?

why is money so important?

why do i do what i do?

why do i feel the way i do?



......oh yeah... now i remember.... and it brings a smile to my lips... and a restarting beat to my heart... now i can do it all over again tomorrow.



i want to see you sooner... but ill have to wait...

all good things come to those who wait.... :)

today i was trained on till or cash as they call it.... i hate it...Hate it.... sooo boring... and i hat people... not all people... just stupid people who want everything changed to suit them! or stupid people who are just stupid... and people who get pissed off at the world and think they can bitch at me... because i work at a fast food restaurant... NO PEOPLE dont do it, because i will not just take the shit!



this guy comes in today bitches at one lady... she leaves... then he bitches out the other chick... and she leaves... buddy turns to come at me and i straitend the fucker out.... of couse i could use my regular.... ahem... grammer.... but i straightened him out... dont come at me with your pissed off shit, its not my job to deal with it!

its bad enough i gotta work at Wendys to pay bills and maybe if im lucky keep some to go out, once and a while, but to deal with all you people who are just looking for someone to bitch out... i do not fuckin get paid enough to do it... so leave me alone!!!



besides my work day.... today was alright... one of the only things keeping me going is that knowledge that i need this money to go to mississauga next month.... come on timken.... plz

aiight... i've been working really hard trying my best to get alot of hours at this job... i need money....



im really looking forward to going to mississauga to see christina for her birthday... its going to be so fun.... and now that im working... and i may be working more then 5 days a week... i'll have alot of money... well at least a bit... well.... more then usual... and if i have enough when i go to mississauga....yes maybe...



anyway work is going good... i am kicking ass and moving up the ranks... already boooooooyyyyyeeeeaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!

well thats what i do....lol...



anyway... thats it... yeah reeeeaaaallllyyyy boring....

but my uncle got guitar hero 3 and i killed slipknot's 'before i forget' almost perfect....

omg, what to say nothing amazing has happened... i live a very.... uneventful life.



start work tomorrow... so not looking forward to the amassed pain and grind of the Wendy's enviroment.... oh the horror.



but must stay strong... as someone close once said 'sometimes you have to take a step back to go forward.' and i must pay bills, save money, and stride forward...... so i will do what i must.



AH but i have found my future car... as soon as i get into timken i will be getting a Dodge Avenger,

such a nice car.... and only 18,000 for an 08....

all in due time......

ugh.... this week has been quite unamusing....

Timken didn't call, dammit, gotta shave on sunday :( , why is it people think facial hair is unsanitary??? i dunno.



anyway jus chillin at home, aunt and uncle went out with friends, sittin watching Ghostbuster sippin on a cc and coke, mmmmmmm.....



yesterday tested my hand at writing a song, lyrics that is, and supposedly didn't do that bad you can find them in the spell grouping.... other than that completely uninteresting....



except.... just now.... my night was completely made... :)



anyway gotta get back to my movie and some more writing....



- Is not a kiss the very autograph of love? -

* Life is simple, its just not easy. *

headache......

i can't believe it.... they want me to shave my goatee... seriously did they tell Picaso he couldn't paint unless shaven? did they tell the great chefs of Italy, France, Ect. they couldn't continiously create and make food unless clean shaven?? did they tell anyone that they cannot do something properly unless clean shaven???



so stupid! i still have 2 days to hope for timken to call before i make any rash movements.... i dont wanna shave it off again!



but i will if i dont get anything else...



anyway thats all for now...

so i am off to bed gotta get up early for work, first day at wendy's... i will work so hard, to make sure i can make money, and when timken calls work even harder... so that when my uncle moves i can take over this apartment and not worry, make a phone call and not worry about someone elses bill, to buy actual food and cook it, clean and come home to ... clean!



then i will save to get a car and insurance, so that i can drive anywhere anytime i want, strathroy to see my brothers, mississauga to see Christina, yeah, can't wait.



and i've seen the dishware and appliances i will be getting, just gotta save for them, lol.



first thing on the list is saving for the trip up to mississauga for Christina's 19th, then bills, then furnature... ill need a couch.... and a tv stand...



aiight one step at a time... to bed talk to everyone tomorrow and tell you how it was.

what a day......

long and slow, and rather annoying....



but i start at wendy's tomorrow, so YAY for money, lol.



last night omg soo funny.... Christina you do an amazing guitar solo...lmao, new item on the must do list.... Cherioke... i so spelled that wrong but who cares... acnt wait.

awesome.. i came in third didn't win anything, but didn't loose much either.... it was all good, and soo much fun omg, jokes, stories... awesome.... lmao... i hope Christina can come down next weekend... it will be sooo much fun.

if i dont fall asleep i may write more later....

so tomorrow.... well today im going to my parents place for a poker night with my dad, brothers and some other family, plus i can grab some more of my stuff, sheets!!!



Christina didn't get a call back.... that sucks complete and utter ass, i was hoping so much that she'd get it, it would have made her happy... it's their loss though.



i need to ask tomorrow if she's coming up so i can tell my parents, tomorrow...



my mom will probably be happy she loves to cook for people too like me, which reminds me i heard a rumor that she got into her apprenticeship to become a chef im soo happy and proud for her, plus thank god i got this job because i may be able to get her the kitchen aid table mixer she wants for christmas for a congrats gift aswell.... awesome.



anyway thats it for now i gotta go to bed, got a tough poker night ahead of me... maybe ill win some extra cash... maybe :)

it kills me to know your upset and i can't be there to comfort you, and tell you it'll be ok....



im going for a walk.... i need to....

so i did it, after only aminute and a half interview i landed a full time position, yes it's at wendy's but i still have the ability to sell myself and my skills, awesome.



my dad invited me over for a guys poker night on saturday... so that works into plans because then i can get my sheets, covers, and my other stuff.........



as for my night.... sadly all i accomplish is the organisation and cataloging of my dvd collection, which proves once more that i really have no life, but im glad i was able to get it finished because now i know im missing like 7 dvds....



but eh... they are prolly at my parents place.



its funny how things are working out, suprisingly well, as still not exactly to my designs, but still pretty good, i should find out today weither Christina is going to be able to come down next weekend, i really hope so... but we'll see.

anyway thats it for now....



- love the only way to turn water to blood. -

SNOW!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAhahahahahahahahaheheheheheheheehe, i love it my uncle doesn't lol, anyway today feels like a good day, i have my interview which i do hope to get so i have some money coming in, im going to get a new matress yes! with a boxspring! double yes!



"i could be everything you need and more, because i love you"

i just got a call.... for an interveiw... so sad...

Wendy's, i can't believe i have to go back to a buger joint... eh *calms self* anything for now.... must pay off debt! will keep looking tho....

i have sooo much on my mind... sooo much to deal with and decide, and yet almost nothing is completely in my control....



What is strength?

being able to overcome any obsticle?

being able to get up after someone knocks you down?

continuing to fight for something you believe in?

never giving up hope or faith?



all i know is that i am all of the above and more and i will continue to be until i finally get to the end of the race.

lol, i went job hunting again today, and i have a couple hopefuls, Blockbuster, Longhorns Steakhouse, Still hopeing strongly for Timken, and if all fails through maybe i can be the santa this year at the mall.... lol awesome.... $16 an hour for like 5 hours a day... not bad at all.



But if i plan on taking over this apartment i gotta make atleast a grand a month, to cover the $600 rent $100 doller utilities, phone food, internet and extra.... come on please let Timken call me!!!!

MY FOOD ISN"T BLAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



just needed to get that out.

alas we didn't win, but never give up right.... lol we tied so at least were on our way up.



I had an alright game, besides two single digit tosses in the third board i fair pretty well, upping my average for the season.



I SOOO need new darts... this are soo old... and not even mine... lol, all in good time.



Other then that night went usual, and by the numbers... im thinking of maybe not moving with my uncle when he gets a house... maybe ill just take over this apartment, when he goes.... i dunno i got alot on my mind... alot to plan... try to find the straight ahead... but no matter what happens i have a strange sense of happiness in the unknown, and whatever comes ill be strong enough to make it.

much better, finished all the major cleaning, so much nicer, smells better.

*i swear things will change because i cannot continue to clean like this twice a week!*



i soo need to relax, but i soo need a job, and i sooo need money, and i soooo can't wait for the 17thish.....



i have darts tonight, hopefully i will be able to have a good match tonight, we need a win.



anyway thats it for now, maybe ill write somethin a bit later if your lucky... lol, as if you have nothing better to do.

i went for a walk tonight, down t the lake down the street, to think and meditate over everything, the water was so calm a complete contrast to my actual mind, so busy and full of stuff....



... i have a plan ...

what is your greatest fear?

by the way i have always said sheets not sheep, but now that i think about it if i got some sheep i could make my own sheets.... hmmm ideas....lol

well i was at the mall for sooooooooooo long today, all day actually, i went with my aunt.... big mistake, for a person who is really stickly with funds she likes to look at EVERYTHING!!!!



...I didn't buy sheets today... i was going to but then i was like... WHY? i have a perfectly good set of sheets at my parents house, with an amazing comforter, so NO im not going to wasxte the money, now all i gotta do is find a way to there house..... hmmmmm....



but as my tittle says AHA! i got Christina a birthday gift, i know its a month away but i always plan ahead plus i can give it to her when she comes down in case i am unable to get up to Mississauga to see her on her birthday... which i am now going to start saving for to make sure i can... good idea.... thank you *pats self on back* anyways i g2g make dinner my 'roommates are going out tonight, and im not... so CC here i come, damn im bad :)

as i was listening to you read my poem aloud, each word that left your mouth found its way to my heart, and a single tear rolled my cheek, for the amazement i felt that the woman i wrote it for was reading it to me, each line filled with the emotions and feelings i have inside, coming off the page in your amazing voice, and as i sit and listen to the song that you sent to me, i feel a great joy, in hopes that your feelings may be in those lines, yet i am afraid to say anything for fear of the answer, might it be that im looking to deeply for something that i want to be there? god i hope not..... i've listened to it three times now..... it seems to perfect to be coincidence.....



all i know is i can't wait to see you again..... and maybe, perhaps, find out.

im going to finally get sheets tomorrow. :)



........random

my day is going SO bad, and im going to be home alone again tonight, prolly just end up shilling to some music, maybe ill give christina a call....

well i went to work today, sanded a boat, got sent home early, damn, was told might not be working tomorrow... i need a good job, i've handed out resumes four times in half as many weeks, and nothing...why?



anyway, other then work, day is going really well... hopefully the night continues.

it was aiight tonight the weather was awesome, i went for a walk and listened to nature speak, as the spiritual energies flowed everywhere.

I watched a couple horror movies... Halloween, Hellraiser, and Poltergeist, just chilled talk to Christina and actually had a better day than i thaught it would be. I might not be going to work again tomorrow... i hope i do though, i soo need money.