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i have now had no sleep for 48 hours... and it is day 13 for three or less hours a night, and i connot... my mind doesnt stop working... on what i dont know.



i read, write, think, images and thoughts fill my mind that is tierd but relentless in its search of... something... im starting to go blurry... getting harder to focus... to destain my vision on something.... my sight burns...



and i wonder... does this spring from my feelings of isolation and lonliness? or does it spring from the realization of something else....?



i know my mind is in search of truths, things that in a way i dont want to know yet... why im not sure... maybe something that my heart has always known? would expalin why my mind is so against believing it... why cant they work together?



eh... all i really know is that i miss you... and i long for your embrace... even though ive never really had it before... and not longing in a weak way... not upsetting... driving, giving me strength...

COMMENTS

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SinginGhost88
16:11 Mar 22 2008

go to sleep :P

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i went shopping today, got some new shoes, shirts, #2 and 4 in the Black Dagger Brotherhood, series freakin bookstore didnt have number 3... and i got my supplements supposed to magnify my workout 7 fold, helping me shed the unsightly embarassing tire round the mid area, this should help me reach my goal of being able to go shirtless this summer yay, look better and feel even better about myself, tryouts are April 19th, Christina may be coming down, *crosses fingers* lol, and am planning a trip sometime in the summer to help her move.



Got news that my aunt is finally getting married to my uncle after a 14 year engagement lmao... and for such a momentus ocaision I will be dateless........ weddings alone are so dreadful... maybe i could just talk a friend into going as my date lol... free dinner night of dancing maybe someone would like to, plus i hear there may e charioke (sp).... o_O...



I may be on the verge of cancelling the camping trip... which would kill me... it all depends on how this weekend goes...



Oh, and i have officially been passed over for the 4th fucking time for the night shift at work, for a new girl... who was just hired... and wondered why we dont have automated fryers, "so the frys could just like, completely cook themselves..." .... just fuck... o_O



and so St.Patties day has passed, i am sober, and alone... but eh what else is new right, friends all had better stuff to do, and my uncle and aunt reverted to their room upon arrival back at the apartment... i am going nowere near my room for another couple hours... just in case o_O... Darts was an added disappointment, i started off good taking out a high 90 set... our only win on the night mind you... after that i ended the night with a high 30 average.... which for lack of a better is pathetic....



I actually talked with Christina for the first time in.... a while actually, she just got her phone back today and even tho we talk on msn, i really liked hearing her voice, and the slew of messages was awesome, made me feel important lol... tomorrow back to the grind, also revamping my workout to try and do some extra business before this weekend, because i am going to Strathroy to see my family then to Barrie to see my grandparents : )



ugh......



~ never stopped waiting, happiness hides around the corner ~

its been a while...



so anywho... i found out that the football tryouts are on the 19th of April, and i know its over a month away.... but im sooooo fucking nervous...

But a glimmer of joy :) Christina has said she's going to come down to show some support... so awesome... sow i definately have to bring my A Game... lol.



I came discovered the most amazing way to cook Poached Eggs, ahahahaha its so genious, they are perfect, absolutely perfect eggs... and as of right now... only two people know the secret... that i know of, there may be more....

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so anywho... ... I have a month to loose some more weight... tone up some more... and get back onto my A Game...