The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

man I've dont this a bit lately, but this time it was because of moving to my uncles new house...



so update time Ive had a couple days of... events, so... shall we?



First of as above stated, my Uncle baught and we have moved into (still unpacking) his new 3+1 backsplit, and its pretty nice with a really large backyard, the kind I can just sit back and write when I get my laptop... excited...

and I almost beat the crap out of one of my uncles friends, the previous owners had left their cat behind it was in the shed, everyone else thaught that the owners would return for her, but him noooo, they abandoned it, so to "teach" it to leave he... hoofed it over the fence, threw it by the neck and lower piece of skin around its ass... I was like WTF? are you a moron? so mad... and all the women that were helping move lit into him too, but I still felt like hoofin him over the fence....



some good news, my uncle is bringing me to his bank and he's going to help me get my consolidation loan so that I can stop the bill collectors, start rebuilding my credit history, and still have some money to pitch for food and such around the house. That will be awesome. Plus Ill be getting my laptop, soon after that as well.



Next set of news, Im heading to a short class on writing, I hope to build on my writing skill before heading to full time school next year, so when it comes time to writing scripts and such Ill have some more knowledge and skill under my belt... kinda hone up my ability, that starts in june, and im looking forward to it...



for all those who were following my trying to make the silverbacks team... no word as of yet... im in the mind set now that if I don't make it I won't be too broken, because I look at what I have accomplished to make that point and I have done alot already... my weight, improving my abilities, and the fact that I faught back my 'fears' and actually tried out for a semi pro team... Im happy with the improvements and theirs always next year... Ill even be better then.



I am working on two new stories right now... at once, lol. Both to hopefully be used as the first two productions to be filmed by me and my cousin, under our company name Cracked Skull Productions. One is a romantic stoner comedy... think Snowday meets Cheech and Chong, meets Alice in wonderland.... and the other is a sadisdic Horror / Thriller. I may post some parts on here in the next little bit... so stay tuned.



Anyway I gotta go work is calling...

This day...



at this time... well when I started writing this it is 3:15pm.... is my anniversary or would be my two year anniversary if she hadn't left me... if I could have fixed it... if I could have done something....



I was packing my room up, cuz Im moving to another part of St.Thomas, and coincidentally I came upon the invitation that my mom had decorated and made look pretty to commemorate the ocasion, the supposed joining of two souls.... what a crock of shit....



Not the institution of marriage, just mine... aparently doomed from the start as everyone said they could see that it wouldn't last, but I was blinded by the fact that I loved her......



Now Im sitting here looking down at a piece of my broken heart, decorated with pink cursive... hers... lace and fake flowers.... and im flooded with the memories and emotions that I have since locked away... floded with the pain of the last words she said to me... yet i can still remember the good days, like when we first were dating...



and as i watch each tear burst on the glass of the box frame... in them I can see the images of past... and painfully I know... they are past....

So Christina came down this weekend, and it was a really fun weekend...



She came down friday afternoon, we went to timmies for a bagel, coffee and a convo, about 2 and a half later we came back to the house, and decided that we needed to go out again, so down to the park to smoke a bit, check out the St.Thomas gator, and watch a bat fly around, then up to the blockbuster, timmies and then to the park for another session, but not before grabbing cookies and M&M's lol, had a really deep conversation bout after life, our responsibilities as gatekeepers, and how the cars that passed looked alot like fireworks lol, got back to the house finally and watched Captive... which is a aiight movie with alot of gore, so yeah... then tried to watch AVP2,... failed, and went to bed...



saturday was the Tryouts for the silverbacks... and putting aside the fact that I got so pissed at myself for falling on the turf in the beginning I think I pulled it together and did a pretty good job, I'll find out if I made it either this week or next... so anyone who wants to cross their fingers and say a little prayer... totally appreciated lol. Afterwards we headed into strath to chill with my brothers, Me, Andrew and Boo got completely TRASHED... so done, and when the three of us are trashed and having a good time totally leads to jokes, even if Christina was pulling the whole light weight not drinking too much thing :P jks, Andrew was so trashed the guy was walking around making soo much noise and going upstairs to wake up Christina to do in his mind 'more drinking, or even some weed' this however coming after crushing the dog and talking into a cell phone with noone at the other end... lmao, best part was after going to bed close to three everyone was up at like 8 or 9 for church which we were late for anyway...



Sunday was when we realized how trashed we got boo.... soooooo trashed lmao, poor boo had a hangover and all the little kids kept laying on the car horn... "can we please... not honk the horns?" lmao... we headed back after church, I was really excited we were going to play some road hockey and Christina was going to play... this should be sooo good, but no... we go out and start playing waiting for her to show, what does she do?? hmmmm? can you guess? thats right naps... while subconcsiously protecting her Tostitoes from the night before... my mom made dinner we watched AVP and then went for a walk to timmies, where we enjoyed a nice talk, because "people like us scare old people like them...." came back watched some Kong then off to bed...



Monday around 11:45ish the train was to leave, we got there at about 9, chilled in the parking lot talking to my mom about whatever, a whole bunch of stuff actually, then at 10.30 we headed in got the ticket, which I found out why my debt didn't work, I got hit with a Thirty doller 'bank fee' that morning for some obscure fucked up reason.... anywho, we chilled in the train station talking about Religion, Sexuality and Life in general, before she had to leave, and as always it fucking sucked to have to watch her leave, but she has someone to get back to, who I actually can't wait to meet, sounds like a pretty cool guy,



But in all I had a really good time, I hope she did, seemed like it, and yeah can't wait for the next time... hopefully next time you come up this way Ill have my own place : ), then you wont see Andrew get upset for having to go to bed lmao....

anywho thats all for now ttyl.

so yeah tonight i had darts and it was playoffs... I myself had an aiight night, 60 average, two tons and two take outs... sad part, we only won three frames.... of 8... terrible night...



eh tomorrow im off, gotta do some cleaning for this weekend, Christina's coming down, booyeah, thinking about going to the club friday night, then going to chill with my brothers saturday night WOOT!!! lol, and Silverbacks tryouts this saturday too... nervous... o_O



anyway thats all for now

I was away for about a week... and aparently not very missed... lol, but none the less an explenation is in order....



My youngest brother... was in a fit of trouble, and my family was thrown into a form of disarray... there was alot of crying, things like a bleak outlook and sadness ran rampant through the family like fire in a dry forest, some few of us were drivin by anger and frustration at the problem and lack of the capacity to do something... it is solved to a degree now... but there is still alot to do... what is it that actually happened to cause such distress? that is a story for only selected ears...



Other then that I went to drop off a couple resumes, to try and rid myself of Wendy's... and have begun another story that is somewhat inspired by the happenings of the past couple of days. Which are both good things, except nothing could touch the upcoming weekend however... not this weekend but weekend next... Christina is coming down, must fully plan ahead lol, an unseen setback will probably lead to a change in the origional set of plans... but you must learn to go with the flow...



Other then that... everything is going the same... oh yeah... I have completed all novels in the BDB series... booyeah. lol

This morning is very saddening, especially compared to how i felt last night, I woke up at 9ish am, which was surprising because i had only just gone to bed just before 7... I awoke to the slightest burning in all my muscles even still, every part of me ached, and I had the strongest yearning to reach out and grab something infront of me, to grip it and hold it so close that every contour, every line and shape was felt through me, rolling to my side I reached out, assuming something was there, the feeling of nothingness engulfed my reach... Slowly I opened my eyes to see nothing, noone, stupidly I had actually believed you were there with me, and in the face of grim truth I wish I hadn't opened my eyes...

A feeling of sadness deeper then I've ever spoken of engulfed me, I haven't felt like this since after me and my ex-wife split, and I knew deep inside we were done... My self loathing got deeper as I realized just how aroused I was from the dream I had just awoken from, my body urged, which was strange because nothing had ever happened in the morning, I don't think she really enjoyed being with ME, not the act in general, but everytime, I knew deep inside it wasn't me she was thinking of... not me she imagined... not me she loved..... thankfully my dream was void of her... and everone except one person, which I am sorry... I can't control my dreams...

I sat alone for hours attempting, fighting, trying endlessly to get back to sleep, to the dream that had enthralled me to the point I was at, but finally realized I couldn't... sitting in my cold, empty bed, the lonely silence, a disturbing comfort to my agony... because it was how it always was... a painful constant that has and probably always will be.... and yet selfishly I wish you wanted me as bad as I do you... I wish with every once of stength you were here with me...

I want you... need you... im broken to know i never will...



sorry i just needed to get it out...

COMMENTS

-

---

SinginGhost88
06:49 Apr 04 2008

*hugs* (K)

---

POST COMMENT

I have had a great day and an amazing night and to start lets work backward and start with the night... I had an exceptional showing at darts, second highest average, a ton and a take out... but after darts and upon returning to the house, i was overcome with a sense of aggression (not against anyone or anything, just a strange fierceness) aswell as an overwhelming serge of energy and power... so what to do? the gym...



2 hours straight of pushing every limit i have, i push myself so hard i truely thaught i would breakdown... I ran for a full hour of the two i was there, and hit the plates for the remaining, and omg every part of me burns... and god does it feel good... every movement causes a sensation... all i can do is sigh in an strange kind of enjoyment... lol,



And then earlier today, I walked up to the mall to get both the next novel and the one im missing from the Black Dagger Brotherhood series, and when i returned back I started to talk to Christina, smiling already... lol, anyway... we were talking and she said something that... hit me, and i was taken back, surprised and am still a bit doubtful... she said i would be a good male role model... which in all honesty looking at the fuck up that is called my life, i dont really see, but if she see's it... it must be there, and i will fight to be the best i can be... and eventhough its prolly not true... i feel hope... lol, god im a sap, some would say idiot... ill stick with sap.... for now lol : )... anywho...



by the way... i never say this... but i like the way i look after a workout... i can see definition... plus after running myself ragged im am now sitting at 266 1/2lbs, YaY... lol

and another day off tomorrow... i so hope i get that aggression back... i feel like doing it again...



oh yeah... p.s. i know its nothing... but please dont snap me back to reality... i need to at least hope... thanks...