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To err is human...to forgive is just plain stupid. Oh sure we all have to learn to deal the the mistakes others make around us...but I can't imagine being able to let go and have forgiveness wash over me like some cool stream. I neither desire it nor do I need it. Common sociopath perhaps...but I wager that heartache is but one of the many 'mistakes' that I will avoid



There's a place for those like me. Not the padded walls of the local mental health institution for me...I have found solace in a much more simple prison that the one with stern faced orderlies who ask with their lips but order with their eyes. I have bypassed that place where a doctor's prescription gives sleep for a few hours and made my home directly in the pharmacy.



Drugs...Alcohol...Sex...all the adictions of man sated in it's various sins and shallow graves. My heart will give out soon I'm sure. Man cannot live by these things alone...for long. But a wild ride and a quick death become more delicious as we learn that the only thing waiting for us is age. Age and illness and infermity.



To grow up sick and feeble. I don't even understand the reasoning. Like trying to achieve high score on a game no-one wants to play. Why? Why root for the longest years when the finish line is only riddled with broken hips and a bent spine. We weren't meant to live that long. We weren't meant to shoulder that decision but somehow it happened. We kept living longer and longer and no one called foul. Because when all is said and done, most of us feel we're missing out if we don't make it past the average age and experience.



And what experience is that? To have the most things in my garage or closet? To have spent the most hours in front of a television? To have eaten the most meals? Where is the savor in that? Where is the life? No better to live well but quickly. Be the first one out the door and on to the next.



So back to the wicked with me. Let me experience the world through a milky fog...but be living. I will stumble through it...staggering and unsure of my steps with my veins filled to brim with whiskey...agitated at the bitter taste of speed drip working it's way down the back of my throat. Barely able to see but searching nonetheless for a sweet young so and so that I might despoil her and thus feel more alive myself.