my body is weak... but not as weak as my mind... heart and soul... I feel drained... alot more then I should...I really dont know what to say or do,,,I need what has turned out to be so much... no where near as simple as I thought.... Im just blah...
"Human"
I can hold my breath
I can bite my tongue
I can stay awake for days
If that's what you want
Be your number one
I can fake a smile
I can force a laugh
I can dance and play the part
If that's what you ask
Give you all I am
I can do it
I can do it
I can do it
But I'm only human
And I bleed when I fall down
I'm only human
And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
'Cause I'm only human
I can turn it on
Be a good machine
I can hold the weight of worlds
If that's what you need
Be your everything
I can do it
I can do it
I'll get through it
But I'm only human
And I bleed when I fall down
I'm only human
And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
'Cause I'm only human
I'm only human
I'm only human
Just a little human
I can take so much
'Til I've had enough
'Cause I'm only human
And I bleed when I fall down
I'm only human
And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
'Cause I'm only human
"The Lonely"
2am; where do I begin,
Crying off my face again.
The silent sound of loneliness
Wants to follow me to bed.
I'm the ghost of a girl that I want to be most.
I'm the shell of a girl that I used to know well.
Dancing slowly in an empty room,
Can the lonely take the place of you?
I sing myself a quiet lullaby.
Let you go and let the lonely in
To take my heart again.
Too afraid to go inside
For the pain of one more loveless night.
Cause the loneliness will stay with me
And hold me till I fall asleep.
I'm the ghost of a girl that I want to be most.
I'm the shell of a girl that I used to know well.
Dancing slowly in an empty room,
Can the lonely take the place of you?
I sing myself a quiet lullaby.
Let you go and let the lonely in
To take my heart again.
Broken pieces of
A barely breathing story
Where there once was love
Now there's only me and the lonely.
Dancing slowly in an empty room
Can the lonely take the place of you?
I sing myself a quiet lullaby
Let you go and let the lonely in
To take my heart again.
I want you to know, that I'm happy for you
I wish nothing but the best for you both
An older version of me
Is she perverted like me
Would she go down on you in a theatre
Does she speak eloquently
And would she have your baby
I'm sure she'd make a really excellent mother
'cause the love that you gave that we made wasn't able
To make it enough for you to be open wide, no
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me you'd hold me
Until you died, till you died
But you're still alive
And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know
You seem very well, things look peaceful
I'm not quite as well, I thought you should know
Did you forget about me Mr. Duplicity
I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner
It was a slap in the face how quickly I was replaced
Are you thinking of me when you fuck her?
'cause the love that you gave that we made wasn't able
To make it enough for you to be open wide, no
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me you'd hold me
Until you died, til you died
But you're still alive
And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know
'cause the joke that you laid on the bed that was me
And I'm not gonna fade
As soon as you close your eyes and you know it
And every time I scratch my nails down someone else's back
I hope you feel it...well can you feel it
Well, I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know
To all the want to be men who have come and gone in my life..who think Im not enough...and the fucking grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side....and find out its NOT!!!!!
It has been a very long time since I have been back here...miles well having writen anything....I have missed it very much....I wish I could say my life is doing great.....but I cant....I have really had some very good bits of happiness....but I have paid for it...like now....and boy am I paying fucking dearly...I have had some great loves in my life...I have been very lucky,,,no...not lucky....blessed... thats the better word for it...but as much as I hate to say it...I have had to pay the price every time.....
Now... I have a man in my life I love sooooo unbelieveably much...and we have been crazy happy... he gets me in ways that no one else has been able to...even the really stupid stuff....but now it has come time to pay the piper....He has a mentel illness that he understands is there...but really not how to deal with it...I try to help...I explain the best I can but he is convinced that that is not the way to handle it...all I can do is sit back and let the run away train happen...right now I can even talk to him about it...because we are in a very messed up place where something happened...*sighs*...
He has split personality disorder...
full blown... He made a mistake and started cheating on me...I wouldnt even have called it that...but he went behind my back....Im poly...so we could have talked and it would have been a different story...he feels unbelieveably bad...and I have forgiven him...it was online....
But heres the real paying the piper...the other side of him....wont let her go...he was off his meds...and I am trying to give him time...but I am hurting soooooo fucking bad....I feel so unworthy...that I am not enough....at one time...i was for both sides of him...I just dont know what to do...Im trying so hard....but all I feel like all I am doing is failing...I have to sit back and know shes sending him clit shots...thinking thats her daddy..I know..I know what everyone is saying...Im stupid...for hanging on....but the fact is mentel illness is a very bad problem...and I cant just blame him...I know I could say..I just dont want to know whats going on...but I cant....I need to know the truth...so it is a catch 22...so here i am.... the other woman....AGAIN...when I NEVER really been the other woman...paying the piper for happiness...lost
COMMENTS
-