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fists clenched...head down...i speak only to myself..

keep calm...hold on...breath...

i walk...the walk of death...bleeding inside where no one can see,,,,

I pray...the pain will not come this time so hard..like a punch in the stomach that doubles me over...that It wont knock the breath out of me...

but....then there you are....and I see my prayers have failed....

breath..

*thoughts*...i will protect my self...it will be fine..i will just walk away and not cry and scream inside...

walks and cant breath...

I watch as my own eyes look back at me...

everything stops...as i know I have failed...

the flesh of my flesh...a very piece of my soul stands in front of me..

my child...my heart...you will always get to me....
by: me...

scrambling to wake and put my head together...



your not here..or answering your phone...



Im alone again....



breaking.....



FUCK YOU....



the vodka is calling my name....



and for once I answer its call....



puking..shiting and pissing the floor...



the eels find my lifeless body...



no one to hear my cries and screams....



I break...as hinder and blue October plays in the background...



pulling and scratching at my body as the eels make their way....



alone...



alone...



alone...



ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



you asleep...or not answering my cries....





the eels make their way...and i just rub my head giving in....



the vodka chasing them...as the beer chases it.....



the caffeine pill finding its path.....as I light a cigarette...



storing files and never forget...



a measure of control is regained as I give over to the fight I had ...



I laugh instead of cry..and I ask...why have I not done this before....



what the fuck was I fighting for?...this is easy...



I sing with words of Hinder...better then me....





I dont cry...beg or care....





there is only one thing left to break....



and can you do it or lose me forever....



show me your face.....



save my fate ?



or am I worth less then a bowl of crazy.....?



easier then what I was....



why not just let it be?...



you dont care ...so why dont I dear love...my spilt apart ?





because you sealed my fate....