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This was a special project given to me by an instructor I had.

Assigment: Sit in front of a mirror and stare at myself and write what I saw of/in myself. I got so angry looking and seeing what I saw that I knocked everything off my dresser but then, I was able to write.

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As I sit before this mirror; I see a person I've known a lifetime. It's the same one I saw a few years back. At least,on the outside anyway. The girl I see has hair the color of an old copper penny that hangs below her waist. Her eyes are very strange and hard to describe. There is a dark blue circle around the outside. The inside is a yellowish, golden color with streaks of a brownish, red running down to the pupil at different point throughtout. Her skin pale.



While I sit here I begin to see the inside of her, if even through a crack. I see the part of girl that keeps all of her feelings and thoughts inside. Her thoughts are more complex than a scientists experiments. She often wonders if she will unravel them all. The feelings she has are also perplexing. At times they surround her the way water surrounds an island. At one point or another they feel as if they are tighter than the grip of a straight jacket on a prisoner. And her emotions like tides go from high to low.



On the outside she wears a smile that is brighter than a diamond shimmering in the sun. And yet, on the inside she is as sad as a small child who has just lost their favorite toy. Her soul has been tossed around more than the ball of yellow yarn that her cat plays with.



What about her dreams and goals? Well, they've been lost as if they were a feather in the wind. She has more emotions that a tidal wave has water and, if she had kept all the tears she had cried it would be enough to fill up the Atlantic Ocean more than once.



Still as I sit here, I find her digging deeper and try to stop her but, the force of her thought is stronger than the wall she has built around her feelings and it crumbles down. As I travel deeper within her the person I see is not her at all; It's a little girl.



The part of her I see is the part she has kept hidden since she was a child. While watching this part of I begin to cry. For, it has been a long time since I have seen this part of her. Especially the abuse.



All of a sudden her emotions come rushing through like water busting down a dam. I see feelings of loneliness, love , hate, happiness and a million more being tossed around as if they were in the eye of a hurricane. but, she is jerked back to reality by a thunderous laughter from within her.



All thought has ceased, she sits smiling and lets the peacfulness of her room rock her to sleep.

COMMENTS

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VeilofDeath1
22:05 Apr 01 2010

Close to home,its tough to look deep within cause alot of the hurt and damage seems to block the goodness that still there.

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Loki1313
09:11 Apr 15 2010

This piece has a way of opening a part of my psyche. And I am not sure what to do now in this way. And for me to be somewhat speechless is uncommon.

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Alchemage
09:55 May 02 2010

It's amazing what we can see in ourselves when we actually look. It's not always good, hence we don't like to look. This entry is deep and revealing! Wow!

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WaitsForTheMoon
19:06 May 24 2010

I had read this dear one, When I wrote silent walls for you.

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bloodyfairy
02:47 Jun 13 2010

Very nice i read it sme time back wasnt sure what to put then but now that i read it over again very nicely done.

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dreamwalker111
00:13 Jun 15 2010

It is very hard to expose our most sensitive spots especially if they have been hurt in the past. Very insightful writing.

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deathownsall
23:08 Oct 12 2011

its good to let youre emoutins go it will free youre thoughts and fears so be free and live youre dreams and never look back

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BreathlesRapture
00:09 Dec 06 2011

you know we are usually always harder on ourselves than we deserve to be ...this made me tear up from what you see of yourself...yet I can identify with it muchly so...there was a time where I felt isolated and bound tho it didnt stay long....im too much of a free spirit...you cant cage a wild horse for long:) but anyways back to you....in you I see someone beautiful longing for the gentle release of her soul...you just need to trust and the confidence to do so...and once you are set free...the brilliance of whom you are will be shining like a beacon for all to see:)..give it time hun..you'll see what I mean...Di...

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