The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

I host the Morning Drive Show on the radio station that I work at. I try to make it upbeat, and a little fun, but with management involved, censorship runs rampant. I can't seem to do anything lately without pissing them off, but, then again, isn't that my job, to make some laugh, and to piss others off?



So, this woman calls in this morning when I'm taking calls and she says: “My husband is bald, what should I do?”



My mind immediately decides, “Ok, do I run with this my way or the stations way?” I think “Definately my way.” I know I'm about to piss off the entire world I work in, but, I don't care.



“Well maam, that's a good thing isnt it? Your husband being balled?” “What do you mean?” she says? “Bald at his age, he's only 34!” This is too good to be true. “Well maam, if he's not getting balled, I'm sure he'd be cranky, you know that relieves sexual tension.”



“Not THAT kind of balled!” she says, “He's bald, no hair!” “Well maam.” I say, “I suppose it's whatever you are into, if you like the shaving thing that's fine with me. Of course, if he's getting balled, is it by you, or another woman?”



“NO NO NO!” she screams, “He's going bald, he has no hair on his head!” “Well maam.” I say, “I'd hope there's no hair on his head, I mean, that'd be kinda funky, or a mutant or something of that nature wouldn't it? I don't know any men with that type of issue down there.



Click..... Dial Tone

At this point, I look in the window that's in front of me allowing me to see in the other studio. In the reflection are two of the management people standing behind me. The looks on their faces are that of a wild hog facing a herd of pissed off lions. This should be good.



“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? HOW MANY PEOPLE DID YOU JUST PISS OFF? I HAVE TO FIELD ALL THOSE SHITTY PHONE CALLS WHEN PEOPLE GET PISSED!”



At this pint, he's rolling off 4 letter words like a sailor in heat, what do I do? I open the microphone to the airwaves. Keep in mind that when the microphone is open, the audio in the studio is muted, and I can only hear it in my headphones. I'm hearing this guy cussing, bitching, moaning and groaning, and he doesn't even know I've opened the microphone, he's so involved. Then silence as he realizes his mistake.



They give me the evil eye and I say “Your listening to Mann in the Morning LIVE, that's our management team as they experience what it's like to actually go through puberty during a mid life crisis. Tune in tomorrow when they'll be discussing whether I still have a job.



People, I've been doing this for years, if you don't like it, don't call me, don't write me, don't email me, simply grab that little knob labeled power and turn your radio off, or grab the BIG KNOB and fondle it until the station changes.



They'll cool down by the time I show up in the morning. They won't fire me. I'm Chief Engineer for 3 stations, I maintain all of the computer networks for the group, AND I do a live show.



They could never replace me for the money they pay, and they know it. So, I get to slide.....



Sometimes, just sometimes, I REALLY do LIKE my JOB.