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Dearest journal,



Another year has passed and with it the last of my schooling. I shall be leaving in about four months and to tell the truth I am scared shitless. With the way the economy is going I have no job and no resources to get one. All of the "fastfood" jobs have been taken up by adults who have eathier been laid off or fired and they are trying to support their families. So of course I cannot be entirely mad at them now can I?

What am I supposed to do? With college rearing its ugly head and finally a chance to break free of my parents I am stuck in a very sticky spot. My mother and I are not on the best of terms and I believe her mental health to be slightly slipping and she will not listen to my father to go and get anything checked out. Not to mention my puberty and her menopose. Good greif I am supprised dad hasn't tried to commit suicide with the way this "family" has been running. And I do use the term lightly.

Everything is slipping by so incredibly fast and I feel as if I am in a whirlwind of emotion. Not knowing what is real and fictional. Friends for instance have become a sorce of headaches rather than comfort. And I fear that I have lost the last of my greatest guy friends because I just couldn't keep my big mouth shut and let my feelings for him slide by. Of course to have done so would have gone against my every grain as to be completely honest on emotions in any sort of relationship. I have often found that if it is not the easiest way at least it is the way that does not leave me with a heavy heart and the enternal question of "What if?".

I continue with my lessons on the guitar as per usual my father is becoming more of a pain in the ass than a mentor. But it was to be expected. My sister... The only thing I now worry over Raine for is her marrige. She married young and her husband, god love him, is not the brightest of creatures and cannot keep up with her. Hell I have trouble with it and I have a lot more years with her under my belt.

oh but the time grows late.

yours forever and truely

sarah