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I dont usually like to write down another's work.



But this song makes me silent.



Only a Man by Jonny Lang

I used to live my life in fear

Was worried all the time

From waking up to laying down

I had no peace of mind

The world became a darkened place

A struggle without end

Although bitter times those were

The days that I had began to understand

I was only a man



I grew up singing songs in church

With questions in my mind

Then turned my back and ran away

From God who gave me life

Then one night his presence fell

I wept and shook and then

I fell down and cried, Dear Jesus, rescue me again

I understand I am only a man



And He said, What will it be now?

Will you choose me or keep swimming up stream now?

I've been inside your head hearing you scream out.

Well here I am, just take my hand and I'll take out

All of the pain and all of the fear

All of the fear



I'll give you my burdens (I'll give you peace)

All of my desires (I'll give you what you need)

Oh, what about these chains, Lord? (I'll set you free)

But they're so heavy (Lay them at my feet)

I'll lay them at your feet

Just promise you won't leave (I'll never leave)

So where do I go from here, Lord? (Just follow me)

(Just follow me)

I'll follow you (Just follow me) wherever you lead

Wherever you lead, wherever you lead

Now most are going to never even know who Jonny Lang is. And a good portion of the rest on this site are going to never understand this song.



If you have a chance. Listen. Think. Enjoy the simple words he weaves into such beauty. It might help you along whatever path you have chosen for yourself.

Laura and i had a fight yesterday.

I felt such rage, such anger, so much hurt.

The worst thing about it, none of it was towards her.



It was all the things i fear about me. The things inside that make me hurt. All the distrust, and paranoia that i feel towards everything.



I dont know how to make it easy. i dont know how to open up to the people that i care about. I am so closed, so spiteful towards everything in life.



I have had a hard life, theres no doubt about that. But....its no excuse to hurt everything i love. And she takes it all, she takes it all in and tries her damnedest to make me better.



It amazing that she could even love me after everything. And in that i find the only solice in life.

She makes me feel better when she looks across the room, smiles, sticks her finger out just so i can touch her.



I feel the most pain and anger when i look into her eyes after i have made her cry. Me, of all people have no right to do that.



And all i can do, is just fall backwards into what hell i have created for myself in this dark hole i call both my mind and my soul.



I fear the day when she realizes that i hold all this inside. When she sees this horrible darkness i hold so tight inside me. Hold so tight, so close, because its the only thing i have ever known. Its the simple comfort of misery that i have found to be there for me always.



I want her to know that, i do love her. I do need her. She gives me life every morning, she gives me the pleasure of exaltation every single time i see her. She is the only thing i have truly loved, fully, and deeply in this world.



She is my respite.