Another night of no sleep someone broke into my basement uggggh now every noise in this old house is getting to me
Really is what you make of it. Took along time but im starting to realize that. I cant stay home and exspect things to change i got to go out and change it. I guess i really did create my own loneliness
Wish it was.night time so i can go out and not be so many people up in the world
I been here ten years still dont feel like this is home. Think im going to move and start over. A small quiet country wooded town is what i think im attracted too. Some place so peacefull and quiet with the fragilest winters
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I lay awake in this silent dark cold house trying to tune out my body pain. Looks like another sleepless night. But still i smile cause i try to make the best out of things. Yeah i feel the pain but at least i can feel it. Yeah i am home alone lonely on thanksgiving but im still thankful because i have a home, food and im here. Things in life can always be worse so always be proud and thankful for what you do have.
As i lay in this old house alone all i hear is the traffic go by every once in a while. I turn everything off just to hear ghe silence to make my heart feel the feeling of loneliness as a reminder that its safe. Loneliness is safe. No one can hurt you, break your heart or disappoint you. Yet the only thing you have then to male yourself happy is yourself, but when you cant make yourself happy no more that loneliness turns to numbness the numbness makes you go out and seek someone just so you can find pain just so you can feel something. Then you feel the pain of a broken heart and the cycle repeats where you go back to loneliness
Haven't slept in days. Dont know if its from the emptiness that consumes me or the loneliness. I feel like the night keeps me awake due to having a reason to hide from all and blend in and using a reasoning of being asleep knowing i cant close my eyes. Maybe the lack of sleep is from the fear of never waking all tho i already feel dead. Night seems so peacefull, the darkness, the silence, the peace and the beauty of the moon and stars in the sky. Seems like ive been alone for eternity. Wanting, craving to find a soul mate that can truly understand me and show me another side of darkness, but then where will there actions lead me?
Now i feel good enough to live. Been dead inside for so long. The numbness consumed me. I want to feel something. I want to wake up inside. Tired of being in darkness alone. If only a master would come join me
Long for that love. Not ordinary love but the type of love you would die for and fight for. Someone who would risk everything just to have you
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