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So, today, I had an argument with my fiancé....Wasn't a good one either....We don't argue much, BUT when we do, it is like an explosive machine gun. Deadly.

It was, because our communication, or should I say, lack of.

I feel like shit and that I just want to die....But I am also mad at him a bit, because of his actions....

I don't think I will be sleeping in the same bed with him tonight......

I just want to say, no I am not looking for pity or anything of that matter. I just want to tell you this, because people go through many things....and sometimes it can be life changing: good or bad.



So, when I was in elementary school, my mother tried to commit suicide. Apparently, father and my brother were outside. I needed to go to the bathroom. It was locked. I don't remember much after that, just that my brother and father, busted down the door....

It was traumatic experience, so I blocked it out. When I learned about what happened, I was in high school at the time. I didn't even remember either, until they told me.



Everyone goes through bad times, I was one of them. And no one is alone.

So, I have noticed when I talk or bring up something, no one really cares. I put on Fb that my cat is getting surgery. One comment, and then when I replied, they didn't respond. Not even my mother.

No one really cares and that's sad.

I don't know if there is anyone out there that agrees with me or even feels the same way. But when people show me wounds or something bleeding, I don't get grossed out. Maybe that is because I have never had stitches or even surgery. I have seen enough wounds to not flinch or even worry.

UNLESS, it has to do with kids. That is the weird part. I remember when my niece slashed open her nose when she hit her face with the fan. I worried.

I remember when my friend cut her hand a little on a knife. I didn't worry.

Anyway, I don't know if anyone shares the same thoughts, I just wanted to write this.

It is time to move on. I am done. But I don't know how I will feel with this next job........

So, I don't know what to do for my hubby....

Recently, I spent 50.00 dollars on him for steam...But I also want to do something special for him....

I could make him cookies. :3 He loves when I make them....

Or I could do something sultry. hahaha.

Who knows...

But one thing, I will do is write him a poem of how much he means to me.

So, we went to the vet yet again....She had another x-ray done and they said something is blocking her intestines. She is in surgery....

About 3,000 dollars....we don't have pet insurance yet. So, now we are in debt. But I don't care about that. I care about my cat........

So, today, I realized, my cat Zara hasn't been eating food. She hasn't ate last nights dinner or breakfast... She even puked 3 times yesterday. I took her to the vet and they said, she should get an x-ray. She got one, and thankfully no blockage in her intestines. I was given items for her and I neglected to give her, the other half of the nausea pill. :/ She puked again. I hope she gets better and I hope this isn't serious........

I don't think I can handle losing another thing I love....

UGHHH, I CAN'T WAIT FOR MY TAX REFUND!!

I can finally buy new clothes maybe or just save up. I am just hoping that Zara's teeth are alright so, we can save up.

I feel like I should lose some weight.......but I also feel that I should love my body........these emotions are so conflicting.....I have gained weight these past few years and I am saddened by it. Back in WI, I would walk with a friend almost everyday, for like 4 miles. I used to be more active. But since moving here, I have had no one to work out with plus my husband doesnt really like doing what i want to do....and that makes me sad and frustrated....Right now, I am on pills thinking it can help with my appetite....ha ha, so far nothing yet. But I will keep trying.

So, it has been raining here in California. And I must say, I LOVE IT. I love the rain. Back in the past, I used to walk in it, loving it. I didn't care if I got sick, even know I don't.

The rain makes me feel at peace, like all my bad energy is just rolling off of me. I don't know if anyone else feels the same way, but it is amazing.