EpicInDefiance's Vampire Journal

EpicInDefiance's Journal

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6 entries this month

← Sep 2007

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Tobias
16:37 Oct 22 2007
Times Read: 667

R.I.P.

I lost my dragon on Saturday..

COMMENTS

Ridiculous thoughts.
05:07 Oct 22 2007
Times Read: 672

Do you ever wonder is someone notices when you're low.... I mean like you feel so low that the thought of suicide has crossed your mind but it was never stong enough to actually carry anything out... I know that I have fucked up royaly. But if your willing to do something about it.

Getting into meaningless fights over something so stupid. Stupid shit that would have done everyone else a bit of good without it that was either there, a part of it, or someone that just happened to be around when you told the story. Sometimes leaving one person pinned against someone else. Even if they are innocent. Or would like to be innocent but had no other choice and kicks themselves about it constantly. I would be ever so gratefull if I never had to deal with money for the rest of my life. Money and over-rated but a nessecity of the market. That or possesions. Minor possesion that you could live without. Pleasurable possesions that can sometime lead to an unconvient truth. Somethings that are the basic factors of life. Keeping that inner child when you have leaches around you. Some try to make you feel how they do. Some people try to lift you up. I would like to be someone that lifts other people up. If only I could lift myself up half the time.

You're mind feels crazy like in a mad rush. You start to get upset with yourself because you can't even finish a thought. Trying to calm down. Wondering if you're really insaine when you wake up from a bad dream. Take a shower and see the women that was trying to kill you in the dream standing right infront of you in the shower. Or when you wake up and go to the bathroom at 1:30 in the morning to put your hands under some cold water to wake up. You turn the lights off and question yourself if you actually did that or if you're dreaming and what was chasing you is right behind you. Doctors that diagnose you with bullshit. Think there full of shit or live the nightmare of your diagnosis to it's full potential. Do you belive them or think there full of shit. Nothing a little pill can't take care of. Or a shot which ever you prefer. Living everyday wondering if Karma has taken it's last toll when you lose something so precous to you or when you have two bogus incidents that cost you more money that you dont have. Let whatever comes fall where it may.

Something has left my life and I don't know where it went to.. somebody caused me striff and it was not what I was seeking..

COMMENTS

Fucking amazing!
22:41 Oct 18 2007
Times Read: 679

COMMENTS

stoopid
18:46 Oct 10 2007
Times Read: 689

Okay I know the title is a typing error but seriously Ah oh my god... I just spent a 1/2 hour in the bathroom holding my tongue with some paper towels and spitting out blood. Okay so here's the thing I was eating some gram crackers and I bit my tongue and bit a little chunk off. Fuckin A that fucking hurt. Literly I can take my finger and run it over both sides of my tongue and there is a peice missing on the left side. pshhh...

COMMENTS

I'm stronger.
06:00 Oct 06 2007
Times Read: 709

Ever since Wednesday has been over I've felt pretty happy. To an extent. We went to a party last night for my friends birthday and major shit happened. Fucking way too much drama. Sam is one of my best friends but i'm sick of her lies. She lies about such stupid shit. Not really to me as much but she asked me to lie to Tory last week and I had to tell her. I just can't handle any of that type of shit on my concious. I can't. I also can't stand how much of a slob Sam is. Her kids are eating weeks old little bits of food on the kitchen floor and the living room floor because she just doesn't clean. There was fucking syrup, and broken eggs juice all over the floor and it took her fucking longer than a week to clean it up when she has fucking a two year old and a one year old....ahhh whatever. I guesws I've just known her too long so I know how to handle her shit. but eh..

I'm pretty mellow right now which is kinda cool. I love this song. I'm not a huge popish fan but I think this song kicks ass. I fully agree with it. I do feel stronger right now. I don't feel pretty at all right now but I don't feel ugly. I just kinda don't care about a lot of things right now.. I only care about my job and my school and I feel pretty damn focused on both of them right now. I feel really motivated. Maybe Karma has felt that I've had enough shit handed to me. maybe... I don't want to be too sure that Karma's punishments have finally stoped considering they've been going on for a couple years. I did deserve a lot of it though. I guess well yeah... I have done some fucked up shit to people once. Some of it I think from a previous life. But my question is that if I'm still getting an ass whooping from Karma from a different life why am I human.... unless being a human isn't everything and there is something else better to be. Damn man I hope that my Dragon is going to be okay... I got a few things I can try but if it doesn't work then I guess I'll have to take him into the vet. with what money I don't know but my mother said that she would pay for him to go.. I don't know how much of that I belive but ehh..

I missed my class today because of all the fucking bullshit that happened last night and Sam left without me so she couldn't take me to school when she knew damn well that I had to go before she called up and wanted me to come over and she tolled yeah sute no problem... ah hu...

COMMENTS

Can I take a break once in a while?
16:37 Oct 01 2007
Times Read: 727

Ah my god... I'm just getting pissed off at everything right now. I'm getting pissed off at everyone! Thinking that I can do it all! Fuck this shit! I try to help I try to be there I try to get the work done BUT I CAN'T FUCKING DO IT BY MYSELF! Fuck you people that think my life is to serve you! I don't want to be in ANY fucking relationship right now but I don't want to leave Jason..*sniffs* I need to be there..

My best friend's fiance died on there Wedding day... I was suppose to be there but communication got fucked up. Me and Randy were suppose to be there! John ends up dying the same way that Randy did.

R.I.P.

Randy Platson

Age:18

September 12, 1986-March 6, 2005...

I'll miss you baby!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCK!

COMMENTS

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