EpicInDefiance's Vampire Journal

EpicInDefiance's Journal

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4 entries this month

← Oct 2007

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Interesting.
15:55 Nov 19 2007
Times Read: 665

hmmm well My Father and I went to the bar on Saturday... That was fun except there was this guy there. I think his name is Justin. He was bugging the shit out of me. He was staring at me the whole night. Everytime he walked passed me he tried touching me. The second time he tried putting his arm around my waste. I asked him to leave me alone; told my dad and tried to stay by him. I guess my dad went up to him and told him that I was his daughter and that still didn't fucking stop him! He deicded to come over to where I was at and asked it he could kiss me. I told him no and asked him again to leave me alone. I then went over to my friend by the bar to get a drink and he fallowed and told me to get into his truck. Dude he was fucking creeping me out! I went a told a couple of my friends and then they told the car tenders and then they went and told the bouncer and after that needless to say I didn't see him for the rest of the time. Damn man. Damn the man. I just hope he was drunk and I never see him again.

but besides that I got drunk played some good games of pool and even beat my dad with the lights off the table. So that was cool. Made out with Cinder and danced with her. We kept picking each other up and spinning around. There was a band there and with the band was this lady that was taking pictures and she took quiet a few of me and Cindy so I just e-mailed them hoping that they can send me those ones.

Other than that my weekend was good. Not great but good. I got to see my car that I'm getting as soon as my financial aid comes in. It looks nice. It's a 2002 and it's red. The front bumber is a little smashed but nothing that can't get fixed. I have gotten to drive it yet or look under the hood but I'll definatly do that before I get it.

COMMENTS

I'm sorry we do this.
22:12 Nov 09 2007
Times Read: 692

I've been starting to think about the fact that I can't have my own emotions. Because we all share the same emotions for different situations that we encounter. For instance I could feel really lonely and upset. Those aren't my emotions cause someone else in fact everyone else has probably felt that same way. We can't really define our individualities because frankly we really don't have any. Someone else out there somewhere is almost exactly like you. So how do you become an individual? I seriously don't think you can. We are simply defined by our experiences and the society that we live in. Our cultures make us somewhat different but there is always someone just like you. That thinks the same or at least similar to you. Why do we always try to find people that are like us or have similarities? We should be trying to find someone that is completely different. Try and learn about other's as far as culture or frame of mind.

Everyone in there life thinks that they have it hard. Everyone gets depressed thinking that no one understands when there are billions of people in this world. It's highly unlikely. A lot of people in this world think that there the only person going through a hard time and feel like there falling. Most defiantly unlikely. What you should be thinking about in that context if you really want to prove to yourself that things are really bad is to think that no one in this world has the exact same life and same series of events that make us who we are. There are tons of people that go through the same thing and there is always someone out there that is worse off. But no one has gone through the exact same thing at the exact same times as you. And if they did think about what culture they're from and there's always a difference. Why do people always tend to compete with who's life is worse? Who really is worse off? How can you even begin to define that? As this moment someone else in the world or possibly many are thinking the exact same thing. Weather they write it down or not they're thinking it. Also how do you even begin to define what happens in ones life is bad. Going to jail, yeah that can be bad. But it can also keep someone away from harm. Someone can purposely put themselves in jail to get away from something or someone.

As far as jail or prison is concerned how can you even define why there in there is worse than anyone else's. People who might possibly steal from a grocery store might think that there pretty bad ass and then they meet someone who just murdered there wife/husband and kids. Come one now. Is a murderer really bad ass. You did some prison time. Good job. The person who robbed the grocery store did some jail time. Good job. Everyone either thinks that they have it bad or they're badass. For something like Drugs, you're killing a few brain cells maybe passing your limit. But what did you really accomplish? unless you're productive and do something beneficial for you life it's just kinda stupid I think. Now I'm not all against drugs cause that's certainly not the case. As a matter of fact I use them regularly. Or at least pot. Who can you really consider better? Someone that can smoke twice as much pot from you or a Gravity bong that doesn't make you sick or someone that just aced a mid-term exam? There are a lot of question that I'm probing that I don't really know how to answer. But who can say they can without having some sort of bias.

I don't really know where I was going with writing this but it's something that's been going through my mind the past few weeks and I'm surprised that I even got this far. So umm well lately I've been trying to completely clear my mind and just look at the world around me. I try to actually see the trees the grass, the buildings around me and not just know their there. Appriciate the things that we can see and touch. Fully enjoy life as such. Actually look at things and try to study them persay. Like when I'm driving. I'm not just driving. There are cars around me and you better hope that they know what they're doing. Cause some idiot might do something you would consider stupid and run into you. Like what happened to me on Wednesday. I was driving down and was coming towards and intersection where I didn't have a stop sign but the cars and go perpendicular to me did. Some idiot decided to run the stop and almost slam into me. Now first off I almost was in a car accident. Two I was driving my mother's car. And like I've said to many she deserves that car. She's work hard for it.

Well I think that, that's enough of my rambling.

COMMENTS

Three Wishes.
13:56 Nov 08 2007
Times Read: 699

yeah that's kinda how it goes... I'll write more here later.

COMMENTS

Blue.
16:23 Nov 05 2007
Times Read: 715

I have to start painting or drawing again. It's been going on 2 years that I haven't been in any art class and it's driving me nuts. I haven't felt to motivated to do much as far as that's concerned. I just can't really do much or as much as I used to in the small room that I have. now if I had MY room back things would be different. I need a big room. A big room where I can not only use a book or some canvas but use the walls up too. I remember when I had huge murals painted all over my walls. I mean like huge tribal designs that I created dragons and shrooms and just a whole bunch of different designs that I would make up. Can't really do much when you're living in a cramped room where you can't even fit your dresser in. I feel like I'm starting to get back on top of things. I’m not really liking this cold weather we're getting but eh what can you do about it.

to be honest I want to run away go some place wonderful with beautiful landscapes. Live by the ocean for a while. Collect some sea shells and other treasures along the shore. Then I was to run away to somewhere else... not sure where just somewhere away from here. I want all my friends to come with. I want to cut hair for a living. I'm not so sure about my studio arts degree anymore. The Art world is so busy and competitive and it would be hard to get a job. Cutting hair that's not so busy. I'm constantly trying to open myself. To find out who the person in the mirror is that I'm seeing. For a long time I didn't believe that it was me and now that I see it is. I want to know who I am. I've got a lot of things racing through my mind much like everyone else. Trying to figure out what I should do about certain situations and change the things that I'm not too proud of. Also much like everyone I to have some secrets that I'm embarrassed about. Actually fuck it. I'm mortified by some of them. I'm pretty happy with how things are going but I'm constantly questioning myself. Questioning my abilities. I no longer want something else to take over but at the same time I constantly want to be seduced by some drug. Though I'm trying to not let it get out of hand the cravings can be quiet strong. I’m motivated to do something. something that can change my life significantly but I know that takes time and my patience is getting really thin. I was hoping that this semester would be over by now and I'd be working on next year. I have a good feeling that next year will be significantly better. Well I guess that's enough of my babbling. I'm not even sure if I got out the message I was trying to say.

"Everybody wants a lover, Nobody wants to discover what may lay deep behind a sometimes painful past"

COMMENTS

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