The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

[ mood | nausise ]

[ music | nothing. ]



I'm home sick today. Everything I smell make me nausise. I can't think straight. I don't feel okay. I don't know... I feel really bad one of my friends has cancer. fuck. Yesterday I made a few mistakes. Nothing much I can do now. I tried to take a shower but the smell of everything just made me throw up. I havne't been able to eat anything for a few days either. I've just been drinking water. I feel really tired right now but not enough to try to fall asleep. I had a nightmare last night. I wolk up in a sweat and then threw up on the side of the floor. I tired to wake up and 5:30 for show choir. I'm now convinced that I don't care for it and I'm only in it becuase I need the credit to graduate. That's pathetic. I feel back asleep after my alarm went off and wolk up 15 min later. I couldn't move. My eyes were open and I couldn't move at all. I couldn't breathe either. I had to put my head in the sink to wash it before my ride got here. I got to school and felt fine until I walked into the cafiteria. I'm shaking. It's okay. I think I'm going to go back to sleep.

[ mood | confused ]

[ music | My Chemical Romance...The ghost of you ]



I'm having an innner conflict and I hate it. It deals with another friends problems and not being able to do anything about them Anymore. I hate the fact that these things bug so much as it seems not to bug the other person at all. It's just me. This is really pathetic of me. All I have to remember that is was nothing. But I can't. I'm just being selfish. I need to stop. This isn't fair to that person. All I'm doing by this is degrating myself and that makes me even more pathetic. Maybe I reget, most likely I don't. Just because that's me. Just like him. The him whom I can't help but to envy. He had everything, including her. And then I'm like my Father. stuborn.



Screw this jean pool! It's okay but I'm not the milkman.

[ mood | happy ]

[ music | Rolling Stones...Brown Sugar. ]



wow...I'm kinda bored. But I'm listening to the Rolling Stones..so I guess I'm in a happy bored mood. I'm actually just taking a few quizzes. fun fun. One of them is "Are you a NECROPHILIAC, a RAPEST, or a CANNIBAL?" I got a Rapest. That's funny, to me at least. Tiffany is stupid. She first dyed her hair a purpleish red that was kick ass and now she's tring to strip it and she looks like Carot top! It's that bad. I had to take a picture of it. Tomarrow I get to go with my Father to Racy's and see if they'll put my paintings up. I'm so happy. I hope they do but if not that's fine. I have four rolls of film to get developed my Mother is suppose to get them tomarrow as well. I wounder how Nicole is doing...Nicole if you read this "How are you doing?"

[ mood | happy ]

[ music | Pink Floyd...set the controls for the heart of the sun. ]



Well I saw nicole today. That was cool. It wasn't for very long because she was working I maybe said "hi" and waved to her. Well for the short amount of time it was good. She still looks really good. I have no idea what I'm going to do tomarrow since we have no school. Most likely veg and be myslef. I possibly see what everyone else is up to. Maybe I'll go to Racy's. Thursday I have to go to Racy's to see the manager. He might be putting my work up. That makes me happy that it's even a maybe. It won't be any of my drawings since they aren't colored. But I like a lot of my paintings to an extent. Well I'll wrap this up and again another not exciting entry.



lace and leather

[ mood | dorky ]

[ music | Dir en grey. ]



Well I'm glad that today was over..or at least the assemble we had at school. It was about choices and depression that type of stuff..."You won't recruit me..." sorry anyways. I'll enjoy my five day weekend and do something fun until Friday night and Saturday. I have to work in Friday till most likely wont get done until 1:30 midnight so it won't even be worth going to bed because I have to get up and be at the school at 4:45 A.fucking M.!!! oh well I guess. It's for show choir. I'm only in it for he credit that I'll get other wise I wouldn't be in it. It's stupid. umm.. well.. I guess I have nothing else to say. besides...we need more FRUIT BASKETS!!! hehehe...(it's a really good manga series too)







What kind of leash do you use for a gold fish?

[ mood | ecstatic ]

[ music | Jefferson Airplane...Plastic fantatic lover. ]



Today was okay. I enjoyed it much. This weekend was funny. I was at work and Ryan this really cute cook there called me in to grab buss tubs= big tubs that they put pans and such into and when I went to grab them this was the conversation....



Ryan: While your down there...

Me: Ummm..no not while you look like Rob's ass.

Ryan: Yeah, well you smell like Rob's ass.

Me: Well I can always get rid of the smell while you'll never change.



AKA: BY THE WAY (I tried to say I'd be there)Rob is this really nasty guy that works there that nobody likes and went to jail for malesting two girls and three boys. NASTY!!! How can you do that to a child?!



Anyways.. I found it amusing.. all of us joke around like that. My nick name there is Fluffy... I got it from my friends at first because there is an anime call Inu-Yasha and we like to pick characters from the mangas. Anyway my character's name is Sesshumaru who is a full dog demon who can change appearances from a actually demon to looking human. In his human form he got his tale cut off and now he wears is over his shoulder hence the fact that he got the nick name Fluffy so they call me that....well in school they were calling me Fluffy and when a friend of mine was in class I wrote a note and held it in the window saying "don't call me Fluffy". Then my Step-Father saw it and he called me it and told everyone at work. Wow that was long...any who now they call him Fluf-daddy. I find that amusing.



I can't wait till I turn 18 because when I do Gary (my boss) Will promote me to work in the kitchen instead of doing the dishes. YEAH!!! Big smiles here. well anyways that's enough for now.





OOO ONE LAST THING!!!!! There's a really hot chick that I like named Chanda and she saw me dancing in class(because I'm a dumbass) and commented about it, she started laughing to because it wasn't something you'd never see to often.. Wow that was pathetic. anyways bye

[ mood | annoyed ]

[ music | My Chemical Romance...Thank you for the venom. ]



Well not that I have much to say than fuck EVERYONE! For example I called Nicle because I feel shitty and she used to complain that I never call her. Well for one I have nothing to say. Two I've been depressed a lot lately and when I do think I can call her she fucking yells at me. Plus I know she doesn't want to hear it. There is nothign anymore that I can talk to her about anymore. POINT PROVEN!!!! THEY ARE MY PROBLEMS AND NO ONE ELSE SHOULD DEAL WITH THEM BUT ME!!!!! Everyone thinks that I have such a negative out look..NO FUCKING SHIT! They tell me I can talk to them. They tell me they'll listen and when I do they yell at me and tell me to "quit my bitching". FUCK YOU!!!! Either tell me you don't want to listen and telling me you care and telling me you want to help if you your going to react to me that way! NO wounder I hide everything and keep it all inside!!! YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!!! EVERYONE as far as I'm concerned can FUCK OFF!!!

[ mood | Depressed.]

[ music | Marlyn Manson....a pill to make you numb.]



TRY TO DIE AGAIN!



EDIT: I change my fucking mind about everything. I fucking suck. My life is the biggest shitpile on this earth. I'm so god damn pathetic I have nothing to do on a Saturday night than sit around in pain and think about how much I hate myself for being stupid and ugly and having nothing to do because I have no friends that ever call me. NOT TO MENTION I FUCK What I might ever have with someone! I always have to instigate EVERYTHING. Maybe that's a god damn fucking sign. Where are god damn lethal pills when you need them? FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK YOU ALL!!!

[ mood | melancholy ]

[ music | Crass..do they owe us a living? ]



I won't say that I'm doing well. Very annoyed actually. Everyone at this point can kiss my ass. I hope things get better with her or else she'll be happy.