The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

some of the ugliest thing took the longest time 2 make and some of the easiest habbits are the hardest ones 2 break,

but I' not asking 4 vaules nor thepain,

but I am asking 4 a way out of this life

chours cus I can't wait 4 u 2 catch up with me

and I can't live in in the past

and drowned my self in momories

welcome 2 nowhere and finding out where it is

and fixing ur problem and starting over again

ur feeding ur ego

with what u can see outside

and ya killing urself and not speaking ur mind

chorus

I wonder why u make believe u live ur life straight throught me

can not understand y

u question me and the u lie

I wanna justify ur ways

I cannot show u an escape I do not know u anymore I never knew u anyways

why

why don't you understand

why don't they listen

why don't they care

this pain I cannot bare

you look at me and think "what is she supposed 2 be"

I'm dreaming

nut now I'm screaming

the blood flows

as the pain grows

blood rushes down my arm

I won't do any harm

first I lay

then I pray

the sooner I cry

the sooner I die

the razor blade cuts deep

I start 2 weep

they call me a freak

maybe they shoudl take another peak

look at me

and cry as I sink

have u ever felt lost inside

so unloved with in

that you almost die

have you ever stepped out of the light

and you realize theres a stranger inside

heaven ablaze in our eyes

we're standing still in time

the blood on our hands is the wine

we offer as sacrifice

(chorus) come on and show them your love

rip out the wings of a butterfly

4 your soul my love

rip out the wings of a butterfly

for your soul

this endless mercy mile

we're crawling side by side

with hell freezing in our eyes

Gods kneel be4 out crime



Chorus 3 times

What lies behind a smile

Is what's buried underneath

No one know about them

It's stored inside to keep

Mix feelings of jealousy and hurt

Has you tied up and confused

You just smile and go about your day

As you're acting so amused

You cry your eyes out

But ashamed for someone to see

So as you hear footsteps

You wipe your eyes and cheese

All has bottled up inside

And you just want to explode

Suicide crosses the mind

But reality won't let you go

You feel all alone

And don't know what else to do

It feels the people physically close

Are far away from you

As your heart turns cold

And your mind turns weak

Suddenly some words are very hard to speak

Your bright world all of a sudden seems to turn black

The switch is no where near

To brighten your world back

Not much seems to go your way

And you're thinking it shall past

Not if it's been going on for months

And it's really getting bad

So what do you do now

Go whine to someone

You feel they can't relate

So you combine with no one

Some people look at you

And think you have it good

But if they really knew the truth

It wouldn't be understood

Some people look down on you

And think your problems are small

But if they walked in your shoes

Could they live through it all

It's easy to look from the outside

But they really don't understand

You want someone to help you

By at least holding out a hand

i hurt i said,

i wanted to die,

they said id be better off dead,

i sat infront of you wile you spoke,

the hurt i felt,

the feelings your words invoked,

i dont know what to say....

ill try to be happy,

so you can have it your way,

each day i wake up,

and each moring i lye down,

but all i think about is me,

and the love i havent found,

my mommies gone,

my daddy left,

how many times has that story been herd,

how many children have been hurt??

Does any body ever think about the long term affects of what they do?

In history,

the same thing is persued,

the mentall illness,

and the siclence of one... last....kiss....

the torment it stupifys me that alll this is done,

and all we have to show for it is 200,000 dead kids,

200,000 guns kinfes and pills,

and the empty screams of who suicide kills.

I thought of dying

gazing into the black, seductive ice water

so glassy and so tranquil

I thought of dying

but in my place

Death's bony embrace

clutched listless children

gnawed by hunger;

prisoners on death row

detritus of their own childhoods;

poor shepherds grazing blunt-toothed animals

on landmined hillsides



I thought of dying,

to throw myself away

so much landfill

If it's no use to me

I could give it

I can holler with my lungs

at injustice

join hands in protest

at brutality

I realized that I had long been dead

but I could choose instead

to reawake

and be alive for them

Suicide dreams

In your eyes the sun disappears my love

I no sun at me or a light

All of the convoys left towards the water and the light



And I remained I am alone in the despair desert

My love

All my dreams became a broken

My love

you grant me a thing from the light

The despair seas killed me

You grant me a thing for the rescue

My love are my dreams it commits suicide on the shore of the loss

Life... So fragile.

Flicker of a flame...

Wondering... who's to blame?



Fighting for her life.

Running from the knife.



Trapped in a box.

Chained with locks.



Running for her tombstone,

A place to call her own.

Somewhere unknown.



Falling...

Distant voices calling.



Crying...

Because she's dying.



The sound of death.

The shortness of her breath.



Life... so fragile.

Flicker of a flame...

Wondering... who's to blame?

sticks and stones may break her bones but names will make her suffer

love and pain is just a frame that will only make her bleed

jokes and games she's left out of

hate and greed controls her so

the need 2 be loved is hurting so much that even her mother hates her

she's changeing in2 a monster but only her brother can tell

she's trying 2 make him like her but she's just not getting through

what will she do how will she get through

the pain is just 2 much

she needs some1 there but no1 seems 2 care

she just want 2 be happy at least look it but not feel it

she's getting despate she wants 2 give up but she just has 2 push a little longer

but what if it alot longer and what if she will never find peace

no1 will listen and no1 will care

she just has 2 be there

Beautiful without meaning Lost before I begin

Betrayed the heart of the stalight

Gone with the curse of my sins



Gardens I cared for lie rotting

Perfection at my feet in decay

Trampled are my dreams of my sweetheart

Beyond reach, where the unicorns stray.



Mirrors burn me with lies, Sunlight scolding my skin

Scars marring humanitys perfection That lie in the depths of the sin



Immortal and ever renewing The pain that I live for each day I'm abandoned by all religeon As the dark ship bears me away



Criblings so young and so foolish

Carress me with help of the wolves Disgracing all I hold sacred Leave me a whore of the fools



Alone in the dark I scream your name

Sobbing in the cold of the mist My frozen heart is all I have left of you But now dissolves in the blood from my wrists

i sat in a dim lit room,

the darkness around the candle consumed,

i sat biteing my nails,

down to the bone,

i grbed my hair and held on tight

because some how i knew i would die that night,

my eyes opeaned wide,

and all i could do was stand up and scream,

i slit my wristes verticaly,

so the wounds wouldnt heal,

i screamed at my self,

but i coulnt hear,

i grabed my hair and started to pull,

some of my scalp came out with each handfull,

i looked around one last time,

the i strted do diembowl my self,

when i was half way done,

i got woozy and fell down,

knowing id never again see the sun,

my mommy found me the next day,

lieing in my own blood and puke,

the perfect suisde,

for me and for you,

so try it out and you find out,

that my perfect suiside is worth it,

so try it out.....

Love me,

my razor blade.



Peel my skin,

make me scream.



Sink so deep,

make me weep.



Cut my flesh,

make me bleed.



Take my life,

set me free

There she sits so helpless

Just waiting for that special day

The day she set aside

When she'll take her life away



Up until that day

She'll screw her life up more

Taking all the drugs

And cutting like before



Stories of her messed up life

Are written on her skin

Keeping count of all the times

The knife just tends to win



Scarlet scars upon her wrists

Tell of all the times

She tried to go but something

Stopped her suicidal crimes



Her blood shot eyes tell of all

The countless times she's cried

She has no more tears to cry

So her end she will decide



As that day comes around

When her 'precious' life she'll take

She'll bring up all the pain inside

And one more cut she'll make



Never will she stop to think

Of all the people she will miss

You can call it 'ignorance'

But ignorance is bliss



As she starts to think about

The story of her life

She wants to end if faster

Just to end all her strife



She curls up in the corner

And she begins to cry

All the while voices whisper

Just f u c k ing go and die



Mascara tears leak from her eyes

And stain her pale, white face

Trailing down her satin cheeks

Depression's line they trace



She sinks her nails down in her arm

As she begins to shake

Substituting physical pain

For the pain from her heart ache



As she slowly falls apart

She starts to crave her blade

She takes it out and wastes no time

To add to the cuts she's made



She drags the blade along her skin

As she watches the blood pour out

She feels control run through her body

And the voices cease to shout



She puts away her razor blade

With no sign of regret

She knows that she will do it again

For the pain she can't forget



As she starts to breathe again

And her shaking finally stops

Her weak and fragile body goes

To her bed and drops



Her eyes begin to slowly close

As she thinks about that day

Where all her struggles end as soon

As she takes her life away

I lie here waiting

thinking

Thoughts without purity

I can see your eyes

I can smell your scent

I can feel your touch

I can hear your breath

and taste your flesh

If my sins were yours, we would both lie

in this hell together

but it could have all been better

If I gave you my mind

I would have talked to you

If I gave you my body

I would have given you my respect

If I gave you my heart

I would have given you my devotion

If I gave you my soul

I would have given you my trust

I open my eyes wondering

would you do anything

would I do everything

What’s left of me drips

down inside of you

You sleep, I dream

You hurt, I bleed

You cry, I die

I don't want to be coy,

But to say what I'm about to do

Would not be cool.

Let's just leave it at that.



If the world is black, it's black,

Whether you complain

Or collaborate by silence.



Even if people liked me,

I wouldn't like them.

I would just have to watch them

Being mean to people

And not say anything.

Because to say anything

Would not be cool.

Let's just leave it at that.



You're not going to change the world,

Whether you complain

Or collaborate by silence.



I travel often to the frozen heart of the world,

Inland to that Antarctic, rock-strewn desert

With a few dozen warm-blooded penguins wandering around

Lost, dazed, dejected.

That's the way things are deep down under.



I'm never going to change things,

Whether I complain

Or collaborate by silence.



Let's just leave it at that

This bouquet - just a fake

Fake as the love you swore to me!

My tournequet

My torment tonight

Stopping up my reasoning

Bind me! Bind me!

Kiss me faster and faster

I am a slave and you Are my master.



dominus;dominus;dominus;dominus

ancillam; labourant

Meum deus; mortus



About my wrist - the stubborn veins

So blue, so blue

emotionless

Yield grudgingly to my darling razorblade

So silkily their contents race down my arms

Weaving enchanting spiderwebs

fragile ruby bracelets

Upon my lilly-white skin



Master! master! master! master!

Control me

Abort me

Sling my pretty neck in your noose!

Slave girl working

Slave girl jerking

Convulsing on your tightning rope!

With my lifeless eyes I blankly stare

At my Nymphetamine with the crimson glare

Bound tighter at last I'm out of time

At last the fake rose wilts and dies

Decision



With nice little twist,

I slit my wrist...



Not waiting life to kill,

rather my own blood I spill...



It's my own choice, I have no fears,

only pain, in eyes some unshed tears...



On the floor, blood making stains,

slowly releasing me from my pains...



Bloody stains, stains like in my soul,

caused by all the pain, this life so foul...



Vision finally fading away, soon it's all done,

staring darkness, oh so black, soon it's all gone...



Soon I'm released, free from this pain,

suffering and life, it was all just in vain...



Thought, funny how blood makes difference between life and death,

farewell life, so painful, so useless, gonna take my last breath...

Though I chose death instead of pointless pain,

Please forgive the manner of my leaving.

My love and need for all of you remain.



I could not long such suffering sustain,

Nor would it long have held you from your grieving.

Though I chose death instead of pointless pain,



I hope that choice will not my memory stain,

Nor lead you to be wroth at my deceiving.

My love and need for all of you remain.



For only in you do I live again,

Woven like a wind into your weaving.

Though I chose death instead of pointless pain,



I put to you the plea of the self-slain:

To comprehend an anguish past conceiving.

My love and need for all of you remain



That all that I have been not be in vain,

But blend into the earth of your believing.

Though I chose death instead of pointless pain,

My love and need for all of you remain

I need,

I want, I care,

I weep, I ache,

I breathe, I see

I know, I stand,

I kneel, I cry,

I wonder, I wish,

I dream, I question,

I admire, I love,

I desire, I adore,

I bleed, I die,

I think, I believe,

I am. ..................... julian (a dear friend of mine hopefully more 1 day) said these beautiful yet true words I adore and loe u julian