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It was in 2002, When I was in kind of fucked up life already. My mum wanted to cut off the marriage and say bye bye to dad. She wasn't happy. Being a lesbian married to a man and that was a bit of a bastard also self-centered and also she was and she still is. Dad was starting to Drink like an idiot, knowing he is screwing his health down the shitter. and me? Working in a 4 star bronze Hotel, as a bar waitress, collecting glasses and cleaning tables and ashtrays. that time I was full of energy, trying my best to steal shifts to work in so I get EXTRA pay since I was just a part-time. I also acted as entertainer with customers, not all of them but chose those who had great sense of humor at least.



I acted like I was stealing, their beer then put it back and other silly things and got large tips. I was many times happy after that, but I never told any of the stuff oh what I do or I got. Of course that will be stupid to do so if I had acted very honest there. With those tips I bought clothes and with my so called pay I half was paying my debt of 900 euros today but those times was 400 Maltese liri.



I say I was sneaky but there was so much to learn from.



My supervisor Mario, though I call him Humpty Dumpster LOOOL, why? He was short 5 ft 4 and teeny chubby on the stomach, rounded face, bald but not completely and had a large black moutache' and he is very hairy, savage and rude, arrogant and total asshole backstabber, and miser.



He never liked me, not once bit. I was already wild person, and whatever I had in my mind I spoke it out loud in his face. Not so clever of me since I was new there and somehow my first LEGALLY job I got. But with him I never cared,. he Provokes and I kick him hard on the back enough to make him sore. He called me many times unattractive fatty and I had my pride but not in my looks. I was very sensitive on that. So whenever he Insulted me, infront of people, I caused him a terrible pranks which make him know that was me and can't prove it.



Troublemaker me for you that is =P When I am baldy provoked I can be quite aggravating in many ways. I also been knows as a sniper. Not first time during my breaks I am resting in piece ans some of the bar throw shit on my plate which I so fuckin hate that attitude, I got some papers ripped and turn them into balls, covering with pesticide or something smelly really smelly liquid and throw it in their coffee cup or bottle, make it sinkable so they wont notice. The effect then was.......... well use your imagination since I won't tell you =P



I also threw stuff at them back like plastic ashtrays or knives or forks and aimed right. No one liked me cause I entered in that hotel thanks to father's friend. The Director Angelo Vella (R.I.P. TO him) He always treated me with great respect and kindness and was under his protection.



His eleven kids (all of them are his and his wife, meaning no adoption nor other) did the same. One of them was alcoholic and reeked of alcohol every bloody day. Whenever he came to the hotel all went pale, since he acted like executioner and fired whoever for no reason or silly mistake and me with loads of mistake i made when i worked at the cash never yelled at me or got me fired. just told me not to fret, cause no one knew that machine from the start. so they hated me more, but he cared for me.



I miss him and his father. Both died. The son died (alcoholic ) died one year earlier than Angelo.



I started having shit one after another when they died. Not from the owners no. From the stuff. I kept my ass there till I collected all the money I wanted.



I paid the debt okay. I also with my savings paid and got myself My very first computer and was very happy. When I went out on Saturday nights after work, I got drunk and also flirted with girls and guys non stop and hell knew what happens then. but do not worry. I never gave my body to any stranger specially to men.



When I turned to 17 I went to Amazonia. Its a summer disco club but opens on special events. I didn't knew anything of gay parties and stuff. And went to this party thinking normal disco shit. I danced, bragging anywhere i moved It was my 17th and I got free drinks. Good for me but low act on other people to do. That time I never cared. As long as i got my stomach full and less money to spend all was good. I needed money to go home with a damn cab lol.



5 sexy girls came near. I wasn't bad. I knew how to wear and how to look good. though I was chubby I never kept away when I wanted to hunt down someone. I hunted 3 from 5. These were nice blondes and one brunette. I like Brunette than blondes, but oh well. ...........



we went to the hotel which one i don't fuckin remember, and we had all 1 large bottle of orange, coke, and sprite ofcourse no one around knew that in these bottles was half bottle of vodka and orange, 1/2 bacardi and half coke and 1/2 tequila and half sprite :P we drank, sniffed something weird, made me go blurred yeeeet soooooo high and I felt the heat, and in the morning I woke up all full of headache, in a room which I don't remember where nor how i got there but sure wasnt mine. And some hands and legs on me. I looked around me and I saw 3 hotties all naked yet all of them reeked of alcohol, smudged make-up and complete total loss of senses hahahaha. I was like what the fuck happened? I saw myself all naked too. I went out of bed. my body was full of bites and kiss marks and my neck very pink, red and brown with lipsticks and bite marks (not vampire style) my Hair that time was spiky and blonde with cherry red lights in it. but that morning? it looked like Edward the scissored hands hahahahaha.



When i was having shower, one of them came to piss and peeked in the shower to see who it was. she told me I was a real BEAST there. I told her she was mistaking, but when those other 2 woke up and sobered themselves well they said the same. From there I dated 3 of them and tried to verify if its real or nor or how it felt to be with a real girl. it felt good but cant understand their needs. its like I am male near them.



the more time passed the more I saw myself as a male. not Butch, but male. I hated when someone called me girl but I showed the opposite.

I was scared of mum and dad. I never knew mum was gay herself. And dad is narrow minded like his sisters. I kept it to myself. somehow dad came to know of my nasty wildest adventure of foursome sex trip in a hotel and was shocked and ashamed.



He asked me yelling what came into me and i told him i was drunk and i was curious. Mum asked me how it felt. I said good I guess. I knocked them all 3 of them totally out they said since i didnt remember anything. Mum laughed her ass out. dad was shocked even more. Mum told him better girls. and better being called lesbian then whore.



I agreed on that.

I dated girls. so much girls i can hardly count them or remembered their name only this time I didnt let them touch me. or undress me. I was the one to play with them, I warned them I aint give them love. just good sex time, since i loved it and also I dated them on profits. they have to buy stuff for them self not me. they gave me gifts when i rejected them (the gifts) they told me to keep it as a gift for the best time i made them have. gifts wasnt needed. I felt like a fuckin escorte. bad too towards them in a way. many tears when i broke up with them but they never hated me,. or atleast i think so. I treated them well although i never loved them.



i cheated on them million times yet they cant complain cause they knew since i warned them from the start. no love and no attachment. I date only and sex that is all.



I went to Valletta my favourite place to go shopping and walk around to waste my time when i was off work and then I saw from a window that some witchcraft books was for sale, And I am sooooooo into witchcraft.



I followed the address that was written besides the books and i followed well. I waited the shop to open since it opened at 16:30. I was tired and sore from walk. I went up the stairs, when it opened and the books I liked was cheap and got them. I asked for email addy to contact them in case i wanna order more in the future and that what i did.



this guy was Taran and that time although my female name is Tieranagh in Malta I am known as Tara. Taran somehow was the director of the shop and I went to meet him and buy more books. and hell he was stunning one. good boy look with long hair. 6 years older than me too. liked him and wanted to know more. not cause of his position. to the hell i cared what his pos was. when i got to know him more i told him how i felt and got rejected. He had to go to Asia, (south east ) and I started to save money to go away from the country myself but to Ireland. I miss my country as hell. I miss my relatives. In April I went to Ireland to see my aunt and my fav cousins Andrew and Peter and my brother (R.I.P to him as well since he passed away with cancer) half brother also twin in a way. cause both was born in same day and same year. died this year in may. (2011) and it pains me greatly. He lived with them and took care of him. He is not my mum's child but from a woman of lust. I bring respect to her though. My aunt was already divorced from my uncle of respect and I love him still and still call him uncle. Though she was living with an old bastard. He was like jack Nicholson when he acted as a bastard in films LOL all greedy, rude, impatient, judgmental and loud.



well He was Maltese and was married 3 times and divorced 3 times and got children from 3 wives LOL

amazing right? yet fuckin crazy.



I mean my aunt has a fine taste in everything but not when she chose him. what the fuck he got good? He snores loud too, farts loud, talk loud, and rude way, and insult people of black race and those who do not share the same thought. like me. but sooo many times I made sure he pass hell if he gave me shit.



When I went to buy shoes, that are male style, My aunt noticed I changed from female to male style. but never asked me anything. he? when he noticed? was telling me to be more female or no men will take me. AS IF!!!!! I ignored him and bought them anyway. Clothes he took me to female boutiques and I got nothing. I went secretly to men, and bought some stuff.



Everyone? I am a hell of a bad tempered, and when I am provoked its already signing yourself to be dead but if I get on period? well I will torture you,

with many ways you wanna cry to die.



I got my P there and was in pain and angered too by it. This man, Vincent? started to pick on me again and pissing me hell off. I told him to cut it out yet he never stopped. My aunt told him too cause he will be sorry (since my aunt know me too well) I was in a gang and a thug too in my early time) but she never mentioned anything to him. He didnt listen and when I exploded? I turned his time with me very NIGHTMARE AND SCARY to the point he was afraid to be near me alone.



hahaha serves him right.



when I came from there he said to my dad I am the devil child. =P who knows?



Taran didnt came yet from Asia. But I came to discover he is really really rich. and from there I stopped liking him as in crush.



I saved more money and made sure they came fast. how? working overtime, and other 2 more jobs and I was totally out of my senses in the very end of the days. money came and not even 1 cent was spent from my saving. from april till september i made 2, 000 maltese liri over 4,000 euros even more and my mum money. and went to Rome for 3 days and i made some mess. When I came to Rome I was lucky that I am fluent in Italian since I was 14 ( thanks to Italian mafia who taught me some here and there till I got more interested and someone diligent taught me more well) I was at loss and confused where to go. I called my Italian friend which i met through chat called Vincenzo but I call him Enzo. and Finally I met him at Roma termine station. and there we jumped on each other like bunch of two stupid monkeys, and went to his apartment. I also met his friend /room mate Chris at the station. The trip was long and i was tired. Enzo cooked pasta al 'arrabbiata which OUCH TO MY STOMACH since i cant handle so much spiced food.



I ended up with tears in my eyes, swollen lips and red tongue and went to buy 2 pckts of cold ice milk. I drank them all and what a relief.



They did my hair. Enzo with scissors and hair brush and Chris with Hair dye. Chris only made it more dark red and Enzo made my hair from long shoulder length to spiky bad ass looking babe.



He took care of my make up after my shower and wearing myself up. went to the Spanish steps and Piazza Di Spagna and saw the fashion designers Gucci and Prada and also met with Versace. Went back and slept.



In the morning went shopping for food and i made some observations in the markets and there is help yourself in the parts of vegetable and fruits and I made some stealing stuff as in. make large fruits or veggies that are 5 kg etc...... weigh them up, the price tag comes out and stick to the bad, not closing it and then take the things out and make small stuff of same type then close it. walk relax and move to the cash. pay and act normal.



These two were pale as ice and also scared but saw how relaxed i was they called me sneaky ass.

on the bus we danced and sung and in the eve we cooked, and then went out for a stroll. got drunk too. came home walking on four lol to see how aggravating we were. Only Chris didn't drink alcohol. we were laughing and acting like idiots and slept together in one bed me and Enzo but He ended up on the floor in the morning. I kicked him out of his bed without knowing. no worries. both were with clothes and no kisses or more happened.



last day? shopping, alcohol, danced, from one place to another we went and been silly laughing our ass all the time. saw a real scary movie (Japanese one) that made us jump from all silence and suddenly a terrible scream. Japanese and Chinese people sure scream alot.



slept at 3 am and woke up at 6am to go to the airport. i managed and went to Malta ok just some bad accidents happened and cause back injury.



Part 1 finished to be continued.......