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Once again I am doing my usual contemplation about life and things in general people sometimes just act so ungrateful for the life they have been given. Always woundup blamming others for misdeeds and statisfactions and it makes me sick to my stomach.

Instead of embracing what's real they cover up they're pain and hurt and hide behind the ego self in order to run away from reality. From the essence of my being I will do the best that I can to try and help those who need it. Though it might not make a difference it's better then just letting things go and do nothing.

Trust me I am just as fucked up as anyone else and make mistakes galore ! But I don't go bitching to the devil or god blamming them for my choices they're my own and I accept that.

But the decision ultimately us up to the individual who makes them and without knowing the price people constantly pay it almost 10 fold.

But there are things that fall out of control that is not in our ability to handle such as "fate" and when this shit hits the fan it makes a big a difference between who stands strong and who is left sucking in the dust. So I stand alone with a kingdom of dirt below my feet and grateful for everything I have.

I have always looked to the night for answers to questions that always seem to dwell on my mind. Such as with our finite time span can we truly make a difference? Others such as with everthing running a muck now a days will there ever be peace of mind for humanity again. Yeah I am just a deep thinker always have been, but if someone doesn't ask the questions who will know the answers? But more importantly I see the night as a mother who comes to bring peace and serenity to her beloved children and may even inspire spontanity and fun or fear and aggression. However it maybe she is truly a sight to be hold.

In my previous entry I have a you (meaning anyone who actually wants to read this) an idea of who I am and what I seek. Here is a bit more elaberation for you. I have been training in the martial arts since the age of 4. My parents who at the time where both active in military duty divorced when I was 5 and it was not an easy time in my life. My mother would grow even further distant because of her job being a naval seal and travling 10 months out the year on duty. I spent most of my time being raised by my father who was a bomb tech in the Air force. But we always had to travel to different bases and countries and my parents did not want me to grow up ignorant of other cultures, so instead of gaining education on the local military schooling my parents would drop me off a local monastary for a 6 months to year to study and learn aboutl local history and philosophy of that particular country were where stationed in at the time.

Most of our travel was done within the asian continent. Mainly in China and Japan as well as Thailand. The cities I mostly stayed in where Fujiou province(nothern part of china near shanghai) Also stayed in Kyoto and Osaka japan for an extensive period of 6-8 years. And spent 3 years in Bengkok. My training was a combination of basic school studies and also religion as well as martial arts. I not only learned how to develop my mind and body but my spirit as well and finally came to some obsolution and peace of mind. Though there still is much more room for improvement I seek to help others and just enjoy life as much as I can. I learned through trial and error as well as through dedication of blood , sweat and tears to accept and respect all people.

Over the years and times to past many people have always asked ,me the same question what makes one so unique from everyone else? Is it the way we sight our own idealisms and make the preceptions of truth or is it just merely the fact that our independent will makes want to stand out for everyone else ? The answers to these questions have plagued us and more importantly taught us more about ourselves then anything else.

But had I known these questions would have me travel the globe more then once to seek the answers that were already within it would have indeed been a boring life. I know that being mortal we have certain faults that are just innate we cannot escape them but how we embrace these weakness is how we develop into a higher state of mind and life in general.

Since the dawn of my existence I have always sought something higher then myself always knowing that there was so much more to life then just beating away at daily drudgery and just surviving. There was always that burning curiousty why I am here, and what's my purpose in life? I came to a conclusion that the only way this would be find is though travel and experience and for me it was being able to embrace the fighters way and seek it through the arts of combat.