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To turn in to myslef to find that peace that was so designed to be that peaceful silence to make all that rents space in my mind; real & whole again. When times do heavy weigh & they do weigh heavy -- often!, yet not am I so inclined to turn that way for peace, but rather I am found running the opposite direction. When looking back at what was then, nostalgia has not entered so close upon my threshold as it has today. Looking dimly, as I have not yet closed my eyes. For it was future & mine I had a date & safely kept when I left one eye half open. But the hours passing in these moments, I find not that peace of which I mentioned, to be lying in either myself or the hours that so dimly come. In gasps for breath to stay afloat, I swallow in massive gulps, the strength not to slip into my core that lie so near & yet so very far. For I have lost my peace of mind & that silent peace appears now to only be a piece of something in part that has been broken. So, all that lies silently whole is a bunch of really broken pieces! Heavily layed upon my heart & mind, they have left in turn, deep & painful creases.

Why do you not see into me, You always see whats on the outside. You see me as some evil being, A past I've always wanted to hide. You really don't see me as who I really am, You look at the darkness that was me. You can't see the changed person I am, Something that you truly need to see. The darkness is gone from me, And yet you just can't see that. I really can't blame you for it though, My blood did cause all of that. My blood is still dark and black, But it's not on the inside of me. Instead the blood that brought me into this world, The evil blood that flows in he. I've done nothing wrong, I'm here because of he. So take a look at the one in front of you, Don't look past just look at me. If you truly see who I am, You'll know I'm not as dark as he. He is gone so look at me, Don't look past just look at me. You may not know how I feel, But you could look and see. I truly love you even though I get none in return, Maybe you could love to if you truly see me

Secret Life Everyone has beyond the one you that you see. Or should I say put out there. Mines not as what it seems. Not always so happy and peachy. When you cut me I bleed. When you hurt me I cry. Some of us have managed to borrow these feelings deep inside. As I. Like a lonely soul drifting through the sky. Not knowing why. Or what to do. Feeling so stormy and side. Making sure when anyone is around. We or maybe just its just me put on that fake smile.

the arch in your back gives way to exaggerated gasps, i wonder, how long has this actually lasted? suspended in the clearest moments of magic, you slow your breathing to the subtle rhythmic pattern i can always follow; they work to make me shatter. break me down into mere nerves, just feeling and emotion, this elementary form is ours to hold. the warmth of our breath, coalesced, sustains infinity. o, my love, how long it's been since ive tasted divinity, pr any of your supple intricacies. i've been longing for those luscious lips, but settle for swimming in thoughts such as these. even with your back turned, i can still feel the warmth of your smile, rejuvenating life in all that it touches. it makes the sun seem as a mere speck of light, compared to those lips so full and bright. your curviture; akin to the most graceful sculpting of marble, yet untempered and delicate; one touch could send shudders reverberating throughout. and the one thing i still hold most dearly, that which i miss the most: your mind. quick to snap, yet just as quick to console. always ready to challenge me where no one has, but still providing the support i've never had. your words, smooth as the breeze through the trees, always had a stirring on my soul. in a hundred million years i couldn't begin to act as if i dont care. but as i sit, fingers running thru each and every silky strand of your hair, hands running over every curve with the faintest of touches, going in circles, tracing infinity; i sit alone, reminiscing of all the life you've given me, cherishing all that you've chosen to share with me. i sit here caressing the part of yourself that you left with me, the part of myself you chose to neglect. absent of both regret and shame, i sit here, struggling to hold on..

The tears fall down my cheeks like rain pouring from the black threatening sky. It is all over and I can't help wonder why. You were my sun on a cloudy, dark day, You were there to wipe the tears away. Now you are gone and my heart breaks in two What good is my life if I have to live it without you? You were my stars, my breath and my moon How could our love fade away so soon? We were once happy our love shined brightly Like the largest diamond sparkles in the sun. Now there is only the darkness of pain and despair

I've been through better days I suppose worse ones, too I don't even know how I feel Since I was walked all over by you So many things exist I can no longer stand But I can't get back the time You've ripped from my hands Sometimes I feel used But mostly just rejected The needle punctures my snow white skin Insanity... I'm Infected...

I’m staring down the barrel of a shot-gun. Thinking, “Have I had a good run?” No longer was I having any fun. Never got smarter than the day I was born. I still find it amusing to hear a car horn. But now I’m left feeling openly torn. You tore my heart out, and now it’s gone. Not going to see another happy dawn. I start thinking that I shouldn’t go on.

Thinking so hard, forgot what about. Talking away, but words don't come out. Living life, just according to sin. Don't forget to take a deep breath in. Look at a mess, made of blood. Watch it turn, thick as mud. Lay on down, unconscious in bed. The time has come, to examine my head

It seems like here I go again. The same tears from the past are spilling out today. The same problems presented in another way. Living for the future to escape today. You may think my room is my prison. When I leave it sickens me what I see, ignorance and evil all around me. So I lay back down on my bed. It takes me to a quieter world of deeper thoughts. Closing my eyes as I stretch out my hand. Letting a deep breath out when I feel a stronger rougher hand than mine. My mistake it was just the wind. Like a sickness I am day-dreaming again. I used to be more confused. But something whispered, find the answer in you. Disappointment is my enemy. At least it’s familiar and not a soul shocking surprise. My expressions are worn on my face and a distant look in my eyes. My smiles change into a cracked mirror dropped on concrete. Not knowing why my lips formed them in the first place. Training myself not to get too happy. Kinda like a skipped cd, my sky keeps falling. Some things are a mystery. Hopefully one day they will be told to me.

We sat together but i dare not look at you as you may ask what i was looking at We sat together watching movies together but I was looking at you in the glare. I hold to that glare as if it were a flare in the middle of the night. I hold to that glare as if it were the sunlight. But now we went seperate ways as you caused me pain. But now you left me as you never cared, but love is not fair I wish i could change my heart's love, let it fly as a funeral dove I wish i could control my heart, as you shot it with a dart The flare is gone to leave me with that one glare The sunlight is gone only remains night, to leave me no sight and no fight to love again.

When you wake up in the morning and the time seems wrong. Then the world seems quiet and the mood is calm. But nothing is happening and barredome sets in. Its one of those days where efforts seem thin. When you feal your alone and theres nothing to do. Then you concentrate and something thats diffrent for you. But your mind seems frozen and your body seems weak. Its one of those days where the present looks bleak. When you try you're hardest to make something change. Then your results are just out of range. But your efforts were worth the try. Its one of those days where the world seems to cry

You look in my eyes And pierce my soul But it’s the soul of The girl you think I am Not the girl I am You touch my face Not knowing that that face Is the mask I wear Its not my face It’s the face of the girl you think I am The girl you think I am Is bright and shining She dances through this world Without any cares She wears her heart on her sleeve And is the open book You say you read so well that’s not the girl I am That is the girl you think I am

The bleeding moonlight Casting upon my face Showing all of my shame Or perhaps simply grace Searching frantically For a shadow to hide me away Battle scars to be seen later You’ll know what I did another day Running from the fear Of the deadly unknown Nothing should ever change I don’t wanna die alone

Slowly slipping belief there is more than what is seen, cluttered dreams bound between words cut split the seam, inside of me I cannot see where to go I know. This life not mine, my plan living another motionless unlike time, the page is changed day to day nothing here no need to stay, inside of me I cannot see where to go I know. Letting go my path shown swept away internal peace, inside of me I cannot see where to go I don't know

I’ll miss you not at all you know, When on spring morn the lilac bloom, When in summer heaven’s eye shines at it hottest point at noon, When in autumn evening winds shake leaves yellow and red, When winter’s cold send me shivering to a warm and early bed. And when adorned in silver hair and wrinkled face, I set my pen to paper; I’ll miss you even more. But what could I do? After all, it was you who shut the door. I’ll miss you not at all you know, When on spring morn the lilac bloom, When in summer heaven’s eye shines hottest in the early afternoon, When in autumn evening winds shake leaves yellow and red, When winter’s cold send me shivering to a warm and early bed. And when adorned in silver hair and wrinkled face, I set my pen to paper; I’ll miss you even more. But what could I do? After all, it was you who shut the door.

COMMENTS

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LadyKrystalynDarkstar
06:26 Apr 16 2008

Out of all of these, this is my most favorite. It just reminds me of things long past. Beautiful.

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I was once lost on a cloud? My wings swam through blue oceans of light, ice in my vains from love lost and love gained. I return to earth to search my remains but all was lost because nobody came.Now years pass and only the sky cries from being alone. I don`t think I will close my eyes ever again for fear all of this will disappear. My act was not chose for me but the play gose on, one day I will remember what the world is about... then we can move on. You see love has vicious plans for you and I...come see the end.

When I look into a mirror reflections are all I see Then I think to myself no that cannot be me But then I look at all the sides and parts And all those different reflections have many different hearts Those many hearts are not complete indeed way too uneven One catches my eye she thinks she will go to heaven Then another one is depressing sad as can be All she wants is for everyone to see This other one wishes to flee she cowers in the dark night She is antisocial living away from light Then another one silent and quiet always running like dove She is cold lonely locked up wanting no love Then out of most there is the heartless one She can dodge words like bullets from a gun There is also the gleeful girl pretty in pink Be careful with water she is just made of ink But then there is happy she is so hidden She is truly unhappy she was broken when smitten But then I see all these reflections combined in the mirror And I look closer and see a trickle of a gray little tear I think to myself whipping it away all of these are parts of me But no I do not want anyone to be able to see