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today i did my laundry running up and down the stairs paying a doller a load ugh is so tired but i have to keep going until its all done.

she sits there with a golden pipe in her hand and she always wears a smile upon her rubie red lips she is with a group of people mostly men so she's the only woman in the group.
she looks around her baby blue eyes scans the room a few times before she takes a few hits off the pipe the hot tip of the pipe touched her lips as she put's it to her mouth and she takes a deep breath as she takes a deep drag off it feeling it start to kick in the room seemed alittle spinny at first and then it started to feel good to her.
she has never felt this high before in her whole damn life...her parents we're druggy's and they would make her sit there as they would smoke and get high all she wanted was to run to her room and hide but if she even dare to make a move she would get in trouble she did'nt want anymore marks on her back.
she shook her and snaped out of it still holding onto the pipe in her hand she take another hit and smiled she then passes the pipe to another guy and then she stood up and headed to the door and spoked sofltly..i need to go home it is pass my bedtime and im to high right now to even think about driving home.

Im not letting those people get to me
cause im not lana i wont get mad and start drama cause that is not who iam.
i really dont give a flying fuck what they think i said
im a 45 year old woman i really dont need any stress i have enough fucking stress in my damn life to have to put up with more added shit.
so what im gonna do is ignore anyone who come's my way with any damn drama or even stress like i said before im not lana i dont start drama i stay to my damn self.
all i ask is to be left alone
i do not need anymore drama in my damn life
i have enough in my life right now.
dont you think im depressed enough i dont need it to get any worser then it already is
you guys are bullying me which is making me really depressed.
would you like it if i just end it now?
that way you people will be happy that i killed ?myself because of the shit you are doing
your making it wrose just leave me alone please
this is not easy for me

I feel like dog shit right now..my body is all shaky and i feel all stressed out and my bipolar is all out of rack i cant seem to sit still all i want to do is move around.
my head hurts from my mind going all crazy like i just cant handle this shit anymore i need my aunt rose to bring my meds to me that i left in her damn car i need it.

time keeps on slipping into the future
i see nothing but darkness and lots of shadows within it..it keeps pulling me into it i try to scream but nothing comes out there is noone around to help me get back in the light.
i thought about dieing just to end this damn madness they call my life i just want this to all end and i can live a normal plain life but it wont ever end it is something i have to deal with for the rest of my life.
i see things
i hear things
they never go away
they try to get me to listen
but i just ignore them
blocking them out
but they just keep it up
never to end
how can i survive
in this nightmare
this darkness

about to do the dishes cause it's driving me nuts seeing them just sit there so now their soaking in hot water so i dont have to scrub them
yeah im tired of doing shit all the time all i want is to relax and play my games but no im not allowed to oh well im used to it been going on since i been living with my aunt judy sometimes i ask my mom why she had to leave me like she did i miss her so much it kills me inside.
yeah its been almost 5 years since she passed away it's the day i will ever forget it broke my heart in two seeing her with all those damn tubes hooked up to her she did'nt look the same all i wanted was for her to wake up and let me know that it was all a bad joke.
yeah i know it was'nt but i wanted her back i still do but i know one thing for sure i will see her again when its my turn to go but until then i will keep doing my chores that i was put on this earth to do.

COMMENTS

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LORDMOGY
17:42 Feb 09 2020

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my mind is going freaking crazy all i hear is a loud cry or even a loud hissing sound and then a big long snake looking thing pops up in my mind and i let out a very loud scream it even scared my bestfriend when i screamed like that.it really scared the living shit out of me and then two bite marks showed up on my hands it did'nt hurt at all but it did itch a little bit.
but when i go to sleep it all stops it only happens when im awake i sometimes feel like im going fucking crazy my mind feels all fuzzy like i cant think straight it drives me insane i just want to roll in a damn ball and just cry my eyes out.

I feel like shit my back hurts like hell i feel like im falling apart at the young age of 45 dont even know whats going on with my body i even went to the doctor's all he did was order a extray on my back and it's always really nothing wrong so he gives me something for the pain which hardly even worked cause it's not really a pain pill which is something i need to help with the pain im having.
im really tired of living with the pain all my life did'nt start until i was in my late 30s i use to be able to walk long ways without any pain but now i cant even do that anymore.
i hardly even have any energy to do anything anymore these days all i want to do is sleep and when i cant sleep all i do is sit at my desk and play my games or even rate on VR i just cant take this anymore it's driving me fucking crazy wish it would just all stop and let me live my life like a normal person.

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LORDMOGY
20:05 Feb 08 2020

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Vampireking777
22:20 Feb 08 2020

💜💜💜💜

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I Dont feel like doing anything anymore all i do now is sit in my room playing games all day and talk on skype with my bestfriend i dont go out to the bars anymore and i dont work have'nt in a very long time i somrtimes takecare of my aunt when she's very sickly.
i sometimes have to walk to the store for my aunt that seems like its the only time i get out of the apt i sometimes get really depressed and want to run away from this hell and just hide and never be found until i feel like allowing anyone to know where im hiding other wise i wont ever be found.
that is how i feel i sometimes feel like i'm going through all this bullshit alone with no one there for me to talk about my mental halth with someone that would understand what i'm going through and how i feel like im being pulled and tuged on.

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DreamEscape
16:14 Feb 08 2020

no on understands what im going through right now

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I tell you to stop but you never do
i never wanted you in my life
but i had no choice
so now i have to live with you
to deal with you
to yell at you

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SedeDeSangue
15:19 Feb 01 2020

Sounds like the BS I’m dealing with.

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DreamEscape
16:28 Feb 01 2020

yeah it sucks

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