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I have to bring more pain into my life. It is one of the few things I can count on to always be there. It doesn't turn its back on you or humor you. When you need to feel something to feel alive, pain is the only guarantee. If you ask someone to love you, you will usually get a middle finger in your face, a big fuck you, and if you are lucky, a kick in the ass. If you ask someone to hurt you, they will ask you what time and where. This is why I work out so much. You would be amazed how much pain you will feel when you push your body to the max. It gets you higher than anything. It's almost to the point where I don't even care about sex anymore. Just give me a slap in the face. At least I know I can enjoy that.

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Isis101
23:22 Oct 24 2008

Wow...???

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There is something burning inside of me. I don't know what it is. When I feel angry or nervous, my insides become hot. It doesn't hurt, but it hits me like a heat wave. Something is trying to come out. It wants to get out, even if it has to consume me. I don't know what to do.