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So I got this email from the datee today, which I saw this morning before work in the wee hours but didn't open, and man I'm glad I didn't, because I am FUMINGLY angry right now.







Apr 24, 2011 – 11:57pm

Hey Julie,



I tried to call you Saturday night and Sunday to make sure you got home safe. As you hadn't called me.



I had ask you to call when you got home so that I knew you had arrived safely (a gentleman always assures a safe and secure passage home for his guests and lady friends and if he is unable to safely deliver them home, he must follow up with a recognition of safe arrival to their destination (a phone call) - old fashioned I know).



Thank you for coming out Saturday.



I get the feeling that you have been avoiding me?



So here I am.



I felt that on Saturday, I was on a date by myself, you definitely weren't participating in that social experiment. I felt very early on that there was no spark between us, as the vacant stare in your eyes expressed a lot not to mention the constant checking out other people (plain rude girl!!! If you were a guy you would get slapped by your date).



I, like a romantic optimistic dolt, thought I would give it a little longer as you had traveled so far (Zillmere... okay not whoop, whoop but you made a real gesture in the name of 'maybe' and I appreciate that :) ). Hence also the nervous, convoluted conversation I went into as I was getting no help from the peanut gallery.



The whole evening, I was made to feel so disconnected to you in person, compared to your online persona. That I push the date further than I should of. Stemming from my feeling 'out of place' and awkward in your company. I tried to draw out that online persona. I invited you to extend this torture (and you accepted, masochist :P).



In a whole I walked away from the evening feeling drained (emotionally, financially (I gambled on 'maybe' and lost, petty? No not really as a simple thank you would remove the sting of feeling used), and physically), as it was all hard work to try and get you to open up. Even as friends, I feel that your 'real life' persona is definitely out of kilter with mine. I walked away asking myself 'why' and the answer was that I have to be more for me and stop always emphasing with someone elses point of view and seeking to placate to their needs and feelings (thank you for that blunt force trauma to my personality).



I was awaiting, in the name of good manners a small note of 'thank you'. Thank you for the outing, but no thank you to anything in the future. A gesture of recognition for the evening and a parting of ways, in a mannered and mature fashion. That is why I have left it so late to send off this email to you. I gave you a very large window of opportunity to save a little bit of the impression you have seared upon me. Alas, that was not to be.



Thank you Julie for my wake up call.

Be there for myself

Take care of myself

Treat others as you wish to be treated, but don't expect it to be reciprocated

Get out there into the real world and reconnect with life.

Respect yourself enough to say 'no'.



I hope you will get yours soon and recognise that you deserve happiness as do we all. If you truly seek a partner then don't be afraid to open up and smile. To gain the greatest we have to be willing to go all in... and a simple after thought expressed is cherished.



This goes for your writing too. Get your passion ignited again, create don't duplicate (get out of the fandom universe start making your own path) and do it for your own enjoyment.



Wishing you the best

Sergio



Ps. Have a read through your profile, that person wasn't there on Saturday.

:O







So after reading that this afternoon after work, and feeling my blood pressure going through the roof, I started and rejected a bunch of replies before sending this one, which is about as civil as I can manage right now. And my reply:



Apr 25, 2011 – 5:05pm

Oookay. Well to be honest I have started and rubbished about 3 replies so far so I'm just going to come out with a response.



1. I never received any calls Saturday night or Sunday. No missed calls on my log, nothing I received when I had the phone out. So sorry, that's why I never picked up/replied. Also, I sincerely don't remember your asking me to call when I got home. Sorry, but I really don't. If it was said while I was running for the bus, I may well have missed it.



2. I did not send any response on Sunday because I thought it would be too soon. And I was busy, doing that thing that I don't have any passion for, that's only copying, and which I certainly don't do for my own enjoyment (because deity of choice forbid that one creates fan works out of a sense of duty, not enjoyment). And I slept. A fair bit, actually.



3. I apologise for looking at other people who were going past while we were out. I feel it's rude to stare. I'll remember to stare intently at someone the next time I am out in public with them. Also, vacant stare? Thanks, heaps. No, really.



4. If you felt out of place and awkward why the hell didn't you just say so, instead of dragging it out longer? There is nothing wrong with saying "sorry, this is not working for me," and going.



5. I offered to pay my share. I even said "are you sure?" when you declined. Do not hold that over me, thank you very much.



6. I did have a good night. I also did not feel any spark, but would have been willing to stay in touch to hang out, chat, or whatever, if you had wanted to be friends. Note the judicious use of past tense, there.



I'm not even going to go on further. Please don't bother replying.







So yeah. Not. Impressed. And certainly not out to do that sort of thing again any time soon. Connecting is overrated, methinks.



How do people do this crap all the time?

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Cinnamon
12:37 Apr 25 2011

Ok. No. Connecting is not overrated. I'm as stubborn as a mule and I feel that there is something good out there for anyone willing to stick their neck out. If I can hang on through two failed marriages and one failed long term relationship, then you can hang on with me. :)



Seriously, hun, you just ran up on a LOSER. Yeah. All CAPS. And I'm not just saying that because you're Draky and you're the precious and you are adored; I'm saying that because he was rude. I realize he probably thought he was being straightforward, but I think there's a fine line and that he leaped across said line with an evil grin upon his face and then kicked you in the gut (a few times) once he landed on the other side. Dang.



And he brought up money??? How tactless is that??? O-M-G. Really. Even if a date doesn't work out, a "gentleman" doesn't whine about spending money. And he did elude to himself being in that category. Hmph.



Also, I soooo cannot see you "checking out" other people while on a date. I mean, we all look at other people. That's normal. What did he want? You fawning over his every word and gesture, with your eyeballs glued to him the entire time? That's unrealistic.



You know what his email sounds like? It sounds like he's emotionally needy and insecure. The date just didn't work out because there was no spark, but instead of just shrugging his shoulders and giving it an "oh, well" he had to point the finger at you so that he didn't have to self-evaluate himself and see where he might have been lacking. Typical self-preservation move, but totally not necessary. Sometimes people just don't click. Period. No one's fault.



*hugs* Sorry. But don't let him get you down. Really. He's not worth it.

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Akeron
16:08 Apr 25 2011

Ditto everything Cinnie said. Especially the part about not letting this person get you down.

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ThothLestat
18:53 Apr 25 2011

(thank you for that blunt force trauma to my personality)...



did he actually WRITE that in an email??

Wow... the drama. DRAMA!



I wonder if he Tweeted it as well.

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I have a date. On Saturday. With a boy.





I haven't been on a date since the whole engagement fiasco, and precious few before that. I've hated myself since then. I have no idea what to do on dates. What do people do???? What do I wear???? Gah!



And there is no way I can undo 2 years of self-neglect in a day and a half. Especially while working both days.







...I think I'm gonna go be a little sick now.

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Iamthedevil
09:06 Apr 21 2011

B calm, and speak of what interests you, talk of what you wish, or what thee current subject iz of, although do not speak too much, there iz to see what iz to be brought to thee table, so that you may inquire, or oppioniate of, tiz iz how discussion iz begun... These r just guidlines, nothing to follow in order... Feel it out, and take your time...

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Cinnamon
16:55 Apr 21 2011

First (and foremost) I am no authority on this dating thing that you speak of. I vaguely remember doing it once or twice. :)



What do people do? Watch a movie? Eat? Omg, don't do anything like roller skating unless you're really good at it. I'd probably end up in traction and while it would make for a good story to tell at a later date, the evening would be a bust. Or, um, lemme think. Is it cold there yet? So no walk in the park or picnic? That would be nice. I hear that some people even meet and have coffee. We don't do that hear because most the people in my small hick town don't even know what a latte is. But, still, I have heard that other people do it. lol You know what I think would be a fun date? Going to a comedy club. I haven't done that either, but just imagine what a great start that would be? You could hang out and laugh and that always makes people feel good and then you'd have something to talk about later.



Oh, but, I have the what to wear thing down pat: clothes. *nods* Yep. Definitely wear clothes.



*wiggles* I'm so excited for you. Have fun!!! :)

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Akeron
20:54 Apr 21 2011

Congratulations Draky!!



I can't really tell you what do do on a date with a boy, but I can tell you what always drove me nuts. Women who were so worried about everything being perfect that everything went all lifeless and annoying. Bleeech.



He asked you out for a reason. Relax. Be yourself. Whatever you end up doing, it's all about having fun and spending time with the other person, not impressing anyone. So relax and have fun. You'll do great.

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Nedra
23:56 Apr 21 2011

*squeeeeee*



Ok - take a deep breath and listen to all the folks above. Be yourself and have a great time......











and if he gets fresh..........have more fun!!!

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Drakontion
00:16 Apr 22 2011

LOL... you guys are the best. Thank you! And I will definitely try to follow all suggestions!

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there comes a point, when you look at other people's lives, and you just want to give up, because in 37 years of life you've accomplished exactly nothing. you have no one. you work in a job you don't like, dealing with idiots every day at odd hours of the day. you put up with abuse from the drunken, drug addled, mentally ill and just plain nasty that is the majority of the population. you've lost whatever drive you might have had, getting up is a chore, and going to sleep is a sweet relief. when you can sleep. you'd rather immerse yourself in a game than face the real world, because what does the real world ever offer except more pain and frustration and heartache and loneliness? you have more emotions and depth of feeling dealing with pixels on your screen than you do dealing with what's away from it. you fervently wish for something, anything to take you to these make believe places and every day you wake up just that little bit sadder that it didn't happen. so you bury it in the words that bubble up inside you and hope that one day it will happen and you won't be here any longer.



there comes a point, when you read enough of other people's words, that you just want to give up, to throw it all away, because nothing you write can ever possibly be as good as what they do. you don't get the kudos, you don't get the reviews. and you sit and wonder. why do you not have the same appeal? is it your style? your content? are you writing for the wrong audience? is it because you write what you yourself would like to read, but apparently no one else shares your likes? is it because you don't know the right people to pass it along, because word of mouth does so much more than merit these days? is it because you actually really suck, and just no one's been game enough to come right out and say it in so many words. YOU SUCK. YOUR WRITING SUCKS. STOP INFLICTING YOURSELF UPON THE WORLD AND DO SOMETHING ELSE, FOR GOD'S SAKE.



there comes a point, when you look at yourself, and you realise there's a reason why you're alone. several of them, actually. and they're looking back at you in the mirror. so you put on your face and pretend to be someone else, projecting personas that protect you and isolate you and make you seem more attractive, not that anyone notices that anyway. and you try to convince yourself that it's not so bad. you can do whatever you want, whenever you want. except have what everyone else seems to have. except be happy, be with someone, be someone. and you retreat to your digital fantasy worlds because at least there you're happy, even though you're someone else. there you love and are loved, and it's deeper and stronger than anything here, even though it's not real. there you mean something, even though it's not really to anyone. there you're the centre of the world, and there everyone revolves around you.



and you wonder if you stayed there if anyone here would miss you. but not too much, because you already know the answer to that.



so you play in your little worlds and you write your little words and you love your little characters and nothing ever changes. you just step one more day away from the start of your life, one more day into a twilight that you never really saw coming, waiting for something that never happens, for someone who never happens, because all the someones you really want don't actually exist.



you'd happily wait forever for someone who isn't real. because in your fantasy world they love you back.



it's just a pity that that world isn't this one.

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Cinnamon
16:50 Apr 21 2011

Draky. :( I don't know what to say to this. Sometimes I don't say anything because I'm afraid that what I say will be, I don't know, the wrong thing. But I couldn't just read this and then say nothing!!



First, I enjoy your writing when I get the chance to read it. I know I've never said it before, but I've always felt that you are such a wonderful writer, much better than me. I've always been a little envious. And you may or may not believe this, but in the past months, I've wished that I had more time to really read what you have in your journal. I'm not just saying that because of this post, I'm serious.



I know that we're oceans apart and that it hampers being a friend in some ways, but hear me when I say that I love you and care about you and think you're amazing. I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it. That's just how I roll. ;)



Also, you think that you've not done anything, and while this may not be like coming up with the cure for cancer or anything, you've been there for me through some of my toughest times. You've helped me build up the Coven--wouldn't be the same without you. You've been there since day one. When I needed time away, you're all like "Cool. Take it. We'll hold down the fort and we'll be here when you come crawling back for some FF lovin'." Your companionship is priceless. You've made me laugh with your funny stories (remember the boss seeing you in you jammies?). We've played together in the Garden. You've been my friend and while, like I said, that may not seem like a big deal, it is to me.

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HOW IS IT I HAVE NOT HEARD THIS SONG BEFORE???



Thank you, fanmixes, for giving me this small piece of aural bliss.







Sigh.



Goin to bed. (alone. as usual)

I've been spending more than a bit of time obsessing over this particular game character, Anders, from Dragon Age: Awakenings and Dragon Age 2.



In Awakenings he's a snarky, laid back, sarcastic mage who spends most of his time attempting to evade capture by the religious military of the game. He states "All I want is a pretty girl, a decent meal, and the right to shoot lightning at fools." He's all about personal freedom. In Awakenings, you can choose to save him from them and befriend him. He's funny, witty, a healer, and likes cats.



In DA2, he's a terrorist. Passionate. Driven. Committed. Crazy. He still likes cats. But just happens to be possessed by a spirit of Vengeance who's slowly turning him insane.



The thing is, I always liked him. I even have a "Team Anders" tshirt (which I may or may not wear more than my "Team Alistair" tshirt). While you can flirt with him in Awakenings, you can't progress the flirt further (which is where fanfic comes in). In DA2, however, you can have him as a love interest. In as much as you can have an obsessed revolutionary as a love interest.



His scenes if you romance him are meltingly good. Like, amazingly. It's a tragic love story though. There are no happy endings with Anders.



Anyway. All that was just because this fanvid is perfect, and I love Anders.

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CryingMist
16:31 Apr 05 2011

you play dragon age II? cool!!!

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