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As of Saturday that just past i am single again. So right now I am going through that whole heart ache thing. I fell sad and depressed, pissed off, worthless, unwanted and unattractive, and so many other things all in one.



I wish the pain would go away, but I know it takes time for wounds to heal. I hurt inside and out. I don't sleep so well. I can barely eat and most of the time when I do, I end up throwing it back up, cause I'm so upset..



I am lost in emotions. I don't know which way to turn. I know I am done with the whole relationship shit. Its not worth my time to love and care for someone who is going to hurt me in the end. I'm just going to stick to just fucking chicks. I can be friends with benefits but I don't want anything more than that. I don't want no emotions. No I love yous I care about you, and so on.



Romantic Love was just created to sell greeting cards. I love my daughter and my "family" and thats it. But that's a different kind of love all together..



I need to get out of my rut. I need to fuck someone and get out all my frustrations. It would make me feel wanted and attractive again. I need some self confidence. It is lacking at the moment from all this hurting and shit.

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MorbidAngels15
14:52 Mar 31 2009

hun you know your in my thoughts im really sorry about what happened......break-ups are hard and by reading this, damn you must be hurting hun :( i know it will be hard for you to come back up....but seriously when i had my last break-up i kinda hit rock bottom....and from then on the only way is up. Also being stuck in a rut at the moment i know that feeling all to well *sighs*

You know im here for you hun....if you want to talk about anything you know i will listen sweetie :) *hugs*

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Inside I hurt so much. No One could imagine the pain I feel inside. They see the outer surface and think I have it great. But on the inside I hurt. I cry. On the outside I have everything anyone could want. I have a beautiful daughter, an hot girlfriend, I don't want for anything. But on the inside, I am miserable. I have fears and pains. Thoughts I have pounding deeper and deeper. My life seems like it is about to fall underneath me. I have a gut feeling something bad is about to happen. i see it on the horizon. Another heart break. But there's nothing I can do. I feel that she is fading away from me. That she is going to leave. But I am use to it. Its he same old song and dance. The same old ball and chain. No One can ever put up with me too long. But i hurt cause I know more pain is coming.

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Angelus
14:13 Mar 19 2009

.. so, to coin an expression from confidence class, 'change the script.'

Grant you, to some extent, we all wear masks, for safety, for the ease of those around us etc.. that very mask often prevents those near us, from seeing the real fears, to be attended to.

..

Try saying, 'I need help.'

The reseults can often startle and delight.

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Sometimes words are nothing more than words..But they need to be said. Sometimes I have a ton of crap running through my head. It's hard to think straight at times.



Life can become a pain. Cravings and stress and wants and needs can block my mind from what I am trying to think. I get lost in my tormented thoughts, hopes and dreams.



A sick place in my mind a place only for me and those brave enough to try and go there..All the blood carnage and pain that dwells there..



All of it complete and incomplete all in one. All so pleasurable to the flesh and to the soul. That sweet sweet thought of pain and lust.



All the fires that burn. All the perversion that I dream. Oh the joy

I've been a bit stressed lately. It's ick. My body hurts. I'm pissy. I'm just blah. I need a break from life and can't take one. I need some serious alone time to relax. But that isn't happening either. Just like a few other things I need that I'm not getting. I'm just here I suppose. I'm drained but never tired. I hate sleep so it makes the lack of sleep I already have worse. I need a get away. A vacation. Not just a physical one. But one mentally and spiritually as well. I need a good cleansing. I need a smile and a cheese sandwich. I need a release and from many things..

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MorbidAngels15
22:59 Mar 03 2009

hun if you wanna talk im here for you *hugs* :) i know the stressed feeling i could just do with getting away for a while to

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