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27 entries this month
PRIVATE ENTRY
15:54 Oct 29 2007
Times Read: 1,028
• • • • PRIVATE JOURNAL ENTRY • • • •
Celebrating in the Future
15:10 Oct 29 2007
Times Read: 1,029
Brett and I will have been together for 2 years come next August. His birthday is on the fourth of the month too. We are hoping to be able to go to the Vampire Rave meetup.
We are actually planning on putting our deposits and book our room about a week after the baby is born.
We basically want to make sure she is healthy so we eliminate that out of the equation.
It would be $50 for us on the deposit, and then $450 more. It's not that much and it's a lot more in our grasp then the gothic cruise. We are planning on hopefully attending that in 2009 or 2010, depending on everything that is going on.
I would love to meet a lot of people on here, especially some of the higher level members and staff of VR. I have wanted to since I joined and I still do, not because I think they're god-like or anything. Just because I think it would be interesting, especially after reading so many of their journal entries.
It would also give me motivation to get the weight I have gained while being pregnant, off again.
Missin' a Certain Pussy...00:27 Oct 28 2007
Times Read: 1,037
Since I am missing my Nala Cat, I thought I would place a entry in here about her. Well the many attitudes she has and I have caught pictures of...
(1.)
The Lazy Nala
(2.)
The freaked out Nala
(3.)
The friendly Nala
(4.)
The Tolerating Nala
(5.)
The true Nala, without the innocence
Pain and Discomfort
20:57 Oct 27 2007
Times Read: 1,040
Right now I am trying to pack my hospital bag and get the bills straightened out.
I am freaked out and terrified and wishing my mommy and Nala Cat were down here.
My belly is tender from how I turned in my sleep. I am having contractions about an hour and a half apart. There has been a shitload of mucus and a little of it was blood tinged.
**I'm sure everyone wanted to know that detail! At least no one else gave me problems waking up today! LOL!**
Yesterday I had five contractions throughout the day, today, it's more frequent and getting sharper and a tad bit longer.
I think the baby is coming before we can safely induce labor.
I want to curl up in the fetal position and cry as of now but it's not like there is anything I can really do to prevent, avoid, or prolong going through childbirth. *sighs* So no sense getting upset or crying about it. I am just trying to keep my mind off of it and continue writing down the times of the contractions.
I think I might play the Sims for a little bit... after I finish packing my bag and get a shower.
What Stands for What?!? Who's Name is That?!?
03:03 Oct 27 2007
Times Read: 1,046
Lordy, lordy, lordy!
Someone help us...
We are looking at baby names again and making a list. We want to make sure we both like the name picked and that it is really the name we want to give her.
Oh lord, can we really come to a compromise?
And I am going to laugh my ass off if we make a list and things, then stick with the name we already have picked out.
LOL!
I'm a Sick Puppy
05:10 Oct 26 2007
Times Read: 1,049
How the hell do you gain over 5 pounds in a week when you can barely keep any food down?!?
I just got done puking up more freakin' food, yet again. I have been keeping bare minimum down for the past three days. I think it is my stomach acting up again. I know it's really horrible but I am skipping my iron supplement tonight to see if it helps any... but I was supposed to stop taking them for a week on Saturday night anyway so would it really hurt to not take them for nine days instead of seven? I will probably call the doctor tomorrow and see what he says or has his nurse tell me. If I can't keep some food down between now and noon tomorrow morning, I am calling a primary care doctor and getting an appointment for Friday. Joy, joy! Right now, I am sucking on freeze pops and drinking a little bit of hot chocolate made with milk... hopefully it gets my stomach to stop producing so much acid.
I haven't been able to get on here as much as I would like to. I have been feeling blahish and depressed almost. I have been playing Sims on the Gamecube and attempting to pack and/or clean when I can.
It feels like my hips are being preyed apart, and I guess they are! LOL! I am already 1 centimeter dilated and 50% thin. I can't believe it, my sentencing is almost over! LOL! Over nine months of misery, but I know Aurora will defiantly be worth it! *smiles* I can't wait!
Oh and inducing labor is defiantly a possibility! The doctor wants me to be dilated so much and things so I won't have to get a c-section but um, I might have to get one anyway...
I will explain that one sometime soon in the future. I bet everyone gets a laugh out of it and the perverts will enjoy reading it. LOL! I don't give a shit though.
♥ And Brett Brett got me flowers today!!!! ♥
I love him lots and it cheered me up tremendously!
Position in the House
23:43 Oct 23 2007
Times Read: 1,054
I was just made news master in The House of Caomhnóir-an-Eolas!
Yay! I am so flippin' happy about it!!
I feel like I can help out the house more now, which is an awesome thing!
Going Home
22:08 Oct 22 2007
Times Read: 1,058
Within the next two to three weeks, I should be back in Ohio... if everything goes according to plan that is.
I can't wait.
Clay mud everywhere,
puddles without glass in them,
people I know and I'm used to,
roads I know,
TURNS, HILLS,
and I won't have to get on the interstate every time I want to go somewhere!!!
Help! Cont.19:40 Oct 15 2007
Times Read: 1,088
The dominars have come out of hiding! Yay!
Help!17:22 Oct 15 2007
Times Read: 1,090
Calling all dominars!! Calling all dominars!
Help! The condition of the main forum is in the crapper bucket! Help! Help! Help!
The ignorance is spreading!
This is why I really, really would love it if Cancer granted me with a dominar position! I wouldn't have to wait for other ones to log on to close them down...
Baby Moving
17:04 Oct 14 2007
Times Read: 1,091
We have decided to talk to the doctor on Wednesday about inducing labor. I have been having more and more contractions. We have to know a time frame to tell employers for Brett to get a job.
Insurance
21:10 Oct 12 2007
Times Read: 1,092
I have COBRA now! I was enrolled today so I am insured and I can have my baby!!!!!!!
What's Going On
14:02 Oct 12 2007
Times Read: 1,093
I never thought having a crush in high school would help me later in life with anything. LOL! Kind of ironic that the guy I yelled at for doing my homework might be a savior right now for Brett and me.
Anyway, Jacob worked for multiple company companies and also started his own when he was 14 years old. It's a company that does web design and a wireless network. He's planning on expanding the area his service is available to but the grant fell through. We left Brett's contact information with his mom and we're hoping he gets back to us. We're also hoping that we are here when he calls.
Even if he doesn't change his mind on possibly hiring Brett, he can at least help us out with information or referrals to other computer places in the Ohio Valley.
Thank god for old crushes, I guess.
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On another note...
We went to the clinic yesterday to see what they suggested. I guess I am staying down here until I have the baby.
*There are so many stretches of interstate we would have to go on where I wouldn't be able to get to a hospital fast enough if I went into labor or if something went wrong. I don't care to risk my own life or the life of my child. At this point, I would rather be medically induced to have the baby before I go.*
But we went there and they told us to go home and make a list of all the bills we have. We were supposed to go the department of health, did that. The guy at the front desk told us to go to WIC, they told us to go to Bridges to CARE, and they told us to go to the DHL building and gave us an application for Tenncare. We didn't have anymore time to go there yesterday.
On our way home, we had to take the one interstate during rush hour. Huge mistake! Some stupid ignorant dumbass cut in front of us and we barely stop in time. The seatbelt slammed against my belly and the baby. I started having sharp pains in my belly, sides, back, and neck. I probably have a little bit of whiplash, but I'm not really worried about that. But it caused the baby to get out of the delivery position and caused it to get into the top of the womb, up against my ribcage.
When we got home, the pain finally settled down some but the baby wasn't really moving all too much. I got up and was talking to Brett about something and my legs started shaking violently, and locked at the knees. It scared the shit out of me. But the baby started moving finally. I had a fever though from about 30 minutes after the incident.
I fell asleep because I felt so exhausted with the hormones and natural chemicals released from the pain wore off. When I woke up, we talked to my mom. She told us that I went through shock, which is why I was shaking so much, so hard, and couldn't move. She told me that if the baby stopped moving or started moving weird... if the pain continued, I started shaking again, the fever didn't go down, and/or I feel like I am having contractions, to get my ass to the hospital.
She said that even if nothing is wrong with the baby or anything seriously wrong with me, it would just be another bill to pay. She's right. Money doesn't mean shit to me next to the life of my baby.
She said that the baby might be bruised from the seatbelt hitting that hard.
I feel really bad this morning. I have been sleeping most of the night. Honestly, I just want some GOOD pain medicine. Not like I will try to get any or anything like that.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Now for today...
I am so not ready for this. I feel like I am going insane. It seems hopeless and I am becoming horribly depressed.
*I think that right now I really have a right to!*
We are going to Dell first to see if we can speak with someone in Human Resources Department, We are going to basically plead our case to see if they can process his case any faster. we can't even get personal health insurance until Dell processes the crap!
If they can't process the case any quicker, we are at least getting his paycheck stubs from them.
Next, we will be going to the DHL building. I have the application here and I am going to fill it out when Brett wakes up since I need his information too. But when I get down there, I will be refusing to leave until they pick me up.
I am 35 weeks along and I can't wait for people to bullshit around when even the nurses at the clinic stated that I can go at any time.
No wonder I am feeling like all this bullcrap is hopeless and I am just going to hit nothing but dead-ends again today.
I am just hoping by some miracle that I can get everything done today. Because if not, I will have to wait until Monday. I want to cry!
What I'm Planning to do Today
16:53 Oct 11 2007
Times Read: 1,095
I am planning on going to the WIC office since I know it transfers from state to state. I am also planning on asking them about welfare and the breastfeeding program. But the first thing I am doing is going out to the clinic to talk to them about what I should do and the process of everything.
I really don't want to have this baby on the road somewhere.
I want to have it before I leave but I am so worried about the no insurance situation.
I hate Dell for not giving us any warning and we won't have the money for insurance for ten business days and it will probably be just for Brett at that point. But it will take too long for it to go through. My belly is dropping fast. The baby is in position. I just want to get this done and over with.
13:49 Oct 10 2007
Times Read: 1,098
The closest the contractions got last night is 19 minutes. They are fainter this morning and at 25 minutes apart. What the hell is going on? I can say the baby is A LOT lower in my belly!
03:29 Oct 10 2007
Times Read: 1,099
contractions suck i want my mommy i might be going into labor and they are 23 mins apart i am not ready for this i dont want to get pregnant again
Suspense
17:02 Oct 09 2007
Times Read: 1,102
By now, Brett is in the meeting. I'm 34 weeks pregnant and might be traveling over 500 miles in either a U-haul or car.
Not knowing is killing me! Especially since Saturday is the three year anniversary of my daddy's death.
Oh God
01:21 Oct 09 2007
Times Read: 1,103
What we have been fearing all weekend might come true tomorrow.
I don't know whether I am more terrified and lost or relieved. At least we should know something for sure... HOPEFULLY!
Brett has a meeting to go to tomorrow morning, even though it's his day off. There is one at 7, 8, and 11. He is supposed to attend the 11 o'clock one.
I might just be disappearing from Vampire Rave, my house, and my plans on a coven for a while. My mom doesn't have an internet connection at the new place. *sighs* I don't know when I would be able to get back on.
Laid Off?
19:08 Oct 08 2007
Times Read: 1,104
I hoping we know something today. At least we would know where we are moving for the most part.
Mommy's Instructions02:18 Oct 08 2007
Times Read: 1,105
Got to love having a mother who is a registered nurse and knows what the hell she is talking about!
I finally got a hold of her and told her what was going on about my body swelling and things. Below is the e-mail I just sent to Brett explaining what she said... so instead of typing it all out again, I am just pasting this here.
"Okay what mommy said...
If I am still as swollen in the morning, go to the doctor in the morning and don't play around getting there.
I am to keep on drinking tea, especially since I haven't been peeing as much the past few days. There is a really good chance it is me retaining water. If it is, the swelling will go down for the most part by morning but I will still appear bloated/swollen to a certain degree for a few days since I am pregnant.
I am to keep my butt in bed or in bed as much as possible and elevate my feet to help circulation to them. I am to watch my salt intake too because it is another possible cause. And I am also to keep a watch on the baby's movements to make sure there are no 'weird' or 'unusual' movements or long periods of no movement from the baby. I told her that wasn't a problem.
The bottom line is... if I am not as swollen in the morning, hold off another day to go to the doctor's office. If it keeps on going down, don't go. If it keeps going down and flaring up, go. Or if it doesn't go away at all, go. Alright?"
So I am hoping the swelling goes down by tomorrow morning. But even if it does, I am to stay in bed for a few days at least.
I am going to go insane! This is seriously a bad week.
**Oh and found out on Friday night/Saturday morning (when Brett got home from work) that Dell is laying off employees tomorrow. We are praying and hoping he is not on the chopping block!
And we also applied to another apartment complex yesterday. We are just waiting to see whether we are approved or not. Our move-in date is set in the computer for November 16th. I don't think the baby is waiting until then though.**
Bed Rest
18:40 Oct 07 2007
Times Read: 1,106
Damn swelling. Brett has condemned me to bed rest for now. He is probably making me go see the doctor tomorrow. The doctor wasn't in yesterday and the swelling has gone down at least 75% since yesterday evening. I pushed it all too much. I did too much yesterday but we had to get things done. We're pretty sure it is most likely high blood pressure... which even if I could go to the doctor's office yesterday evening, they would have took my blood pressure to see what I was at and then prescribed me bed rest. *sighs* If the rest of the swelling doesn't go away, I just to go see them tomorrow. It will be bed rest, then hospital if the bed rest doesn't help.
Damn Limits
17:02 Oct 05 2007
Times Read: 1,110
You know you have pushed your limits too much when you start seeing white specks flying around the damn room.
Cleaning and Chores
15:47 Oct 05 2007
Times Read: 1,111
There is so much to do before the baby gets here. We aren't unpacking all the baby's things, unless I have the baby before we move. We have to move at the end of November but we are planning to get out of here at the middle of November instead. I'm hoping I don't have the baby before then.
Brett signed the release on this apartment last week. I am just hoping we have the money for both the apartment and enough saved for the baby. All we need is enough to get through December because the first paycheck of January will have all of Brett's Christmas bonus money on it.
The security deposit will get mailed to us. We can't even cash it so we probably won't get that money until January. James has to come here in order to cash it. We are getting it back off of him from where he lived here with Brett paying for everything. It will probably be over $800, which we need but we won't have the money to get him here any sooner.
We are looking at different places this Saturday. It frustrating looking for something that is safe, affordable, close to Dell, and also convenient to everything we go to. Brett's talking to Mr. Shirley about the apartment complex where he lives and we are still thinking about the complex we looked at and applied for within the past couple of months (can't remember exactly when). But it's a little further from Dell then Brett wants to be. And Mr. Shirley told Brett he wouldn't recommend the complex he is at. I have him asking Mr. Shirley why that is. There is another place that we know for sure we can get into but I haven't been there yet or gotten a chance to look at price wise or meet some of the staff or look at the different apartments. We might just be moving there depending on everything.
I have also been trying to get Brett to help me to get the apartment ready for us to move and just overall ready for the baby if it comes earlier then the due date. I seriously wish he would stop procrastinating so much. It’s getting on my nerves and it’s driving me insane. I am trying to overlook it most of the time but I can’t seem to do it anymore. I want him to somewhat cooperating with me at the very least. I am scared of going through delivering *Aurora,* money problems, the apartment situation, distance between me and him, the anniversary of my daddy’s death, the guilt of a whole lot of things, and just overall stress of my thoughts.
The only thing that is keeping my mind off of everything is getting my status up on VR. I want to start my own coven and I am determined in doing so. I have created all the necessary images and I’m planning out the main page, along with the rules and regulations page. I can’t wait to be able to submit it all to Cancer. I don’t know how I will take it if Cancer denies my coven when I apply. I will be bugging him about what I need to improve so I can get my own society very soon. I am still surprised that radu and some other members think I will make a good coven master. I still can’t believe some of the remarks radu made. *Blushes* It really makes me think and believe in myself more and more.
Antisocial Me18:00 Oct 04 2007
Times Read: 1,115
I am becoming more and more antisocial right now. I don't really care to message or talk to people. I have even been keeping to myself almost completely, other then Brett.
I'm not really depressed right now. Even though I have excuses to be, especially with the 13th coming up the weekend after this one. I'm not really irritated today. Although Brett gave me the same sluggish morning as always and the kitten is getting to be unbearably annoying.
I am in a way content. I'm not really expecting anything from anyone so there is no chance of disappointment and it's letting me relax some. I am worried. The money problems are still going on and we have to get a new apartment set up for after November.
We don't even get the security deposit back from this place for a while and we have to get James to come and cash the check.
I am terrified more then anything. I am more scared then I have ever been in my life. I don't even really know how to cope with the fear. The more I talk to women who have gone through delivering a child, the more and more I don't want the day to come. I guess they assume they are helping me by sharing their experiences. The truth is it's scaring me more. Every time I go into the OB's office, I want to run out of there and just hide some place that no one will find me. I am terrified that something is going to go wrong some where during this last month and a half. There is only 7 more weeks left until my due date is here. I don't know how I can do this. I am doubting my own strength. I am doubting myself every step of the way.
I don't have a choice though, I have to do this now.
I just want to hide...
Sire Status
15:13 Oct 03 2007
Times Read: 1,117
I have everything ready to submit to Cancer. The only thing now is to get my status up on my own and send it all in afterwards.
At least I can say by the end of today, I should only be 20% away from Sire without taking into consideration Daire's mark. I can't wait but I can.
PRIVATE ENTRY
12:17 Oct 02 2007
Times Read: 1,123
• • • • PRIVATE JOURNAL ENTRY • • • •
Sleepless Nights
13:55 Oct 01 2007
Times Read: 1,126
I have been up ALL night. I can't sleep worth crap. I am about to pass out so I am forcing myself to get off of here and go to bed, finally. I'm just looking up a number for my mommy, writing it down with a message for Brett... and then, hopefully, going to bed. *sighs* At least I got my pages viewed up some through the night. I'm currently at 239005 pages. I'm still trying to make it to sire on my own to create a coven. I know I can do it but I am not patient at this time. LOL!
So here's to another sleepless night!
And it doesn't help that I am horny as hell. Is it kind of bad that the idea of having sex with a sleeping Brett Brett crossed my mind more then four times during the night? LOL! He gave me permission a while back that if I want to, I can. After all, he has had sex with me while I was sleeping and even after making me pass out. And don't get any ideas, everything we do is with the consent of the other.
COMMENTS
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