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You mess with my head sometimes and I wonder if you actually realize it.



Maybe I just need to stop. Yesterday was a bit upsetting to say the least. I don't know anymore.

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dwaynemcgriff01
02:39 May 27 2016

if you need a friend to talk to im here

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I miss having sex with you. I will straight out admit, no one else has match my appetite for sex quite like you did.



Brett's the best I've ever had on sex.



But you are the best in stamina I guess would be the word. I still remember the 7 times before you left.

First time in 8 years that my breathing is on the normal scale for my age! Fuck yes! I'm so freaking happy!



My breathing was so bad as that of a retired coal miner when I first started seeing this doctor.



Now my numbers are amazing! ♥ Not to mention I haven't had any urgent care or emergency room visits for breathing problems in the past year. ♥

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LORDMOGY
01:24 May 19 2016

Awesome!!!



I returned from Iraq in 2005 to discover toxins in the sand damaged my lungs so I can relate to having breathing issues.

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Levity
15:40 May 24 2016

Yay for getting better! :) ♥

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I'm so stupid. Enough said.



It's probably for the better.



So why am I on the verge of crying?

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Dakotah
00:14 May 18 2016

Sorry to hear you are having a hard time. :(

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Yeah I'm so screwed.



So fuckin screwed.



It's happened.



And I think I love you more then I should.



I feel like I've betrayed myself. I feel so scared of feeling this way towards you. Last time ended so badly. So fuckin badly.



Brett already knew. He called it from my first reaction to that very first message you sent me.



This sucks. I need to protect myself. It's not like I can help you or anything else.



I was so right in knowing your voice would unleash so many things for me.



And the fact that I just felt jealousy, that's just petty and stupid. I need to figure out why I felt it. There's a few possibilities. Obviously.

Maybe I'm kidding myself when I say I don't love you like that anymore but it's what I believe is the truth. You make me smile. I miss you when I can't get online to talk with you. I remember all the feelings and emotions you used to bring out in me.



But those emotions left me years ago. I never stopped caring about you. I always wished you the best.



So much went right at the beginning. So much more went wrong in the end.



I can't explain why I want to hear your voice again. It's probably because it will let me know for sure if I do have any deeper feelings for you or not.



It's how many years later and you can still mindfuck me. At least it's in the right ways now! ♥

Captain America! ♥



Heading to watch it with my love!



So happy! Date night without our monster.

Yes! 4-20-16 I weighed 273. Today, 5-12-16, I weigh in at 263. 10 more pounds down! So happy!

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BeautifulEnlightenment
01:33 May 13 2016

Awesome!!! Keep up the good work! You're looking great! =)

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Dakotah
22:08 May 13 2016

Congrats. I know weight control can be hard. When I broke my leg a few years ago I put on the pounds. It was hard to get it off so I feel your pain. But its worth it for health issues and self worth. By the way and NOT flirting with you, you are very pretty. :) There a compliment. I mean it too. Keep it up. Ever need support let me know, message me. I lost 20 lbs and did it right way so I can be a friend.

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dwaynemcgriff01
03:47 May 14 2016

Congratulations on that. But you still are beautiful

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I've been selling eggs just so my daughter can go to her cheer clinic for the third year in a row. =]



Screw you bills. Chickie money is extra. Next it'll be for fishing fun! Yayness!

I'm so about to just put in my 2 week notice. I guess the bad thing is its over what I know is right and a manager trying to tell me that it's wrong. When I'm a paying customer, I can park anywhere I wish. I'm paying and obviously not on the clock. Dude, just because I work 5.5 hours 3 days a week shouldn't mean I have to punish my kid by walking across the parking lot.



It's stupid. My kid is in pain and it's stupid that I can't park on the side that is closest to the doors. We're not busy at this time... ever!



I'm just so tired of it. I fucking hate Brandi!

Why do I do this to myself? He somewhat reminded me of you and you somewhat remind me of him. I can't keep going in a circle with nothing good in sight. Thank goodness he quit coming to work... so now he's fired and he can't come back. I feel guilty for being happy about that.



Now you... I don't know about anymore. I'm just getting irritated every time I see or talk to you because everything has its difficulties. It's stupid and so childish.



Crap, my break is over. I gotta go take my headset back. Dang it!

I seriously don't want to go to work today. I just feel out of it. Depressed is more the word.



Anyway, here's to getting on with the day before I find a reason to back out. =]

I can't believe I came in at 6:15 this morning nor that I volunteered to be in the hole by myself.



I'm crazy!



And Dave yelled at me. =[ He actually yelled at me.



I also got a compliant from a customer about me. She complained I was too chipper for 8 in the morning. O_o What? My manager said he would take that compliant. Lmfao!

I'm going into work. They don't have people to open the store.



Stupid openers. Quit making people's lives hell.

My baby girl is good. I'm happy.

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dwaynemcgriff01
06:09 May 07 2016

That good to hear

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I feel like shit. A nervous wreck way past what I've been in a couple of years. And you want to play games? Really dude? Really?



I see it ending badly for sure. Not for me, but for you. We agreed on certain things. You sure as fuck are not going back on them now.



You want to end how great we've been doing lately, that's how! That's exactly how!



Fuck them!

We were just sent from the urgent care to the emergency room. Aurora needs a CAT scan. Her x-ray showed a mass in her belly where the pain is and nothing below it.



We thought she was just backed up. Nope.



Here I am, alone. I'm a nervous wreck.



Just breathe.



I've stayed strong through more then this. Brett's at work. I really wish he was here with us though.

Urgent care with my baby girl. *sighs* Hopefully they move their butts.



At least I don't get as sick, as often any more. If only my child would stop it too.



=[

I got my premium!

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dwaynemcgriff01
01:18 May 06 2016

Nice

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♥ Gives me whiplash but feels like love! ♥

Yay! Day off tomorrow! ♥



I'll be off to the doctor though to see about getting my blood tested. I haven't been able to feel the bottom of my foot for like 5 or 6 months now. Eh. I don't want to know if I have diabetes.



*sighs*



I'm head home to pick up my daughter and spoil some chickens. Meow!

I'm so freakin happy! Dave complimented me on my way of taking orders on headset... after he hit my arm.



Lmao!



I'm happy with it. I hate being on headset. I hate customers who call me everything in the book. But it's little things that make the difference. ♥ Like the customers that pay for the car behind them. The customers that tell you they miss you on your days off or were looking for you.



It isn't all bad.



People are not all bad.

Is it bad I wish things didn't happen between us before so those feelings would still be there like they were? So that it could happen now if you really learned? That was it was a possibility?

He didn't call and didn't show today for work. He left yesterday for a family emergency. About $50 went missing out of the manager's drawer.



Why am I torn between being content if he gets fired and being sad?



I feel rather guilty.

About to walk into work...



Here goes nothing.



Please don't fuck with me today. I want it to be a good one.

Just found the head of Aurora's chicken.



RIP Peepers.



♥



Not what I wanted to start the day on. =[ At least I know for sure.

I came outside just so I could talk to you. I'm sitting in the wet grass with my butt going numb. I started talking to you at first for closure and now I'm not sure why I've continue.



It's easy talking to someone who has lived with me. I don't have to explain so many things. You know how perverted I am. You know I don't tell tall tales about my sex life. You've seen my scars and dealt with my baggage. You know my quirks.



It's easy.



Anyway, I came outside to talk to you and listen to music... to my surprise the lightning bugs are out and it looks almost magical. I'm content.



♥

I can't wait to wear my balls tomorrow. XD



I'll be in a good mood. ♥

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WishBone
19:59 May 02 2016

How are they worn

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DireConsequences
20:08 May 02 2016

Inside. Lmao!



Ben wa balls. ♥

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slipknotbabe356
22:31 May 02 2016

I admit was going to ask the same thing too LOL

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DireConsequences
00:17 May 03 2016

Haha! It's okay!



At least a dozen of my coworkers know I wear them to work. It's funny. They smack my butt for one reason or another and then ask wait, do you have your balls in?



I find it hilarious! Plus cooperate can't get on my nerves with them in. I go in my own world.

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I'm not sure I like your mood being based on whether I'm talking to you or not. I hate that I like talking to you but it is what it is. Maybe this is what I need to stay sane in the situation I currently find myself in. Brett knows I'm talking with you and he knows at any time he can read my messages. I've thrown my phone at him a couple of times and he just throws it back. I love that he trusts me but with my current state of mind can I trust myself?



I would rather have you in my online life as a friend then Brandon in my life as anything. I have seen you at your worse. I'm not sure I've seen him there and I know he has one hell of a temper.



I'm not letting anyone destroy my outlook on this week.



My Tommy car was fixed for less then $30 which is awesome. Aurora's rash didn't look as bad this morning when I sent her to school. I didn't work on free coffee Monday. Yep, it's going to be a good week whether it wants to be or not!



Eh, if Helen wants to censor a portion of our friendship,  so be it. I'm starting to think he's leading her on to get sex again. If that's what her and Brandon want to do, why should I care? When we compared how he treated both of us during her relationship with him and the one with me... I felt awful. He treated her like shit when they were together... he treated me amazing.



It wasn't meant to be.



Several good things came from this... I became closer to my friends, Brett and I got back together and he started defending me and our relationship, and we have made the judgement call that I'm poly. He saw me blossom again. First time in years since the last time I had a relationship on the side of our's.



Why keep being sad over something that I was going to end after he yelled at me? I told Brett I wanted to end it and I did so because I always keep my word.



Here's to a good week! =]

At the emergency room with Aurora for a rash everywhere.



Meow. I just want one good day this week, please?

This week is going to be one of the hardest. Why does it have to physically hurt to not be able to touch you? Why did I have to fall so hard?



I can't decide if I want to get the cute red mini bubbler I got you or just tell Timmy it's his now.



Why do I miss you?



I feel like this is just the death of a princess. You taught me to laugh and smile again. I can't ever thank you enough for that but I don't need you anymore.



I keep going through short periods of wanting you and missing you but then I remember you yelling at me in front of everyone over correcting you about something small when training someone. Never again.



When we dated, I was your princess.



You ripped my heart out and I'm glad to say I never stopped being Brett's queen.



The relationship we had probably saved mine with Brett. He saw what he was losing by you changing roles in my life.



Another role is being played, you're not my friend or my lover... With the threats you made, you're my enemy.



I don't care what you mean or meant to me, no one comes between Brett and I. We always go back to one another.

Just finished the rest of the fence for the chickens to the best of my ability by myself. =]



Tomorrow will be a sad day in our chickens' lives.



But I don't want to lose Pinkie Pie, Purpley, Bluey, or Peepee.



It's bad enough I lost Jeepers Creepers who I taught to sing and Aurora just lost Peepers.



On a good note for me... I won't have to gather eggs from 5 different places around the yard and there won't be chickens on my porch.



Sad news is they're social. They're free range. I'll be having depressed chickens. I'm going to be sad and depressed too. I like eating outside and Bluey jumping on my lap to get a bite.



They're my babies.

Trust me, I almost hate that I like talking to you.



You seem to think there's still feelings there. And damn it, so does Brett. Well all I have to say about it is fuck you both.



I generally know what's going through my mind and heart and what I've put on the back burner.



Now I'm going to pout a bit about having to do laundry when I get home.



At least I don't work for free coffee Monday! Yes!

I seriously am wanting Burger King. Ugh!