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So Aurora is pretty sick. She woke up about 2 am and took three things out of her baskets and took them to her room to play with them. She fell asleep doing a puzzle. She didn't even really care that the Easter Bunny came. O_O What kid doesn't care the Easter Bunny came? Tyler was healing from open heart surgery and was still excited when he was little!



Anyway, we were supposed to go to my mom's house to eat and celebrate but we stayed home. My mom's got some kind of virus too. Everyone is sick around here and I'm just hoping I don't get it.



Well Mama and Papa saw Aurora for a couple of minutes. She got two baskets from up there. She got three here and a couple of extra Easter presents from mommy and daddy to make her feel better.



She's doing okay. She still hasn't ate anything today. But she has been drinking water and Pedialyte.



I feel crappy because my baby feels crappy. I really need to get in my workout today since I didn't get to yesterday. However, we have to sort through the candy and chaos of Easter morning and 5 baskets of stuff. O_O



Yep, she's spoiled. =]

Happy Vietnam Veteran Day, daddy. I only wish you were alive to see that there are people who respect you and that you were never alone.



Ohio is now the 35th state observing Vietnam Veteran's Day. The news showed some of the speech made by a veteran and daddy, it made me tear up.



I'm sorry people spat on you and all of those other things. I'm sorry people are stupid.



I'll always remember how you explained it to me. I'll make sure to explain to Aurora the same.



I love you.



*This should have been posted yesterday.*

My poor baby is sick. Just in time for Easter too. She doesn't even care that the bunny comes tonight. She's out of it and feeling crappy. At least we're getting a little bit of ice cream in her since she won't eat anything else.

It just doesn't seem right. I know you would do so much for me if I let you and I just won't. You're not my boyfriend... you know I want to hopefully work things out with Brett even though we're not together right now. But ugh! I hate that I'm turning down a chance to go to England to meet the one person I really, really want to meet because I hate the idea of feeling like I owe you something.



Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!



Frustration. That's what you make me feel at times but I care about you.



But oh, you made me upset today asking Brett if he was going to see that girl now and acting like you didn't know we were finished. You were one of the first people I told.

Hmm. I feel better after getting a couple of yummy pictures. Heh! Looks like I need to keep up what I'm doing to get comfortable to take some more pictures to send to that particular person.



I can't wait to meet you. ♥



I need to keep motivated to do this for myself, among other reasons.



I needed those. Just thank you.

My doctor appointment went good. I'm going on a 1200 calorie diet after being seen by a good dietitian. I'm nervous but I'm sure I can do it. I think Progresso Light soups are going to be my new best friend when I feel the urge to eat something in a bigger amount and yummy. 2 servings of my favorite is only 120 calories. Yay!



I've also officially referred to the skin doctor about the areas on my nose because the one is growing and my nose is hurting pretty badly. Otherwise, I would leave them alone. I've had those two areas since I was in like the 6th or 7th grade. So I'm pretty darn used to them. It's probably nothing serious or that's what I'm hoping. =]



I guess I bit off a big chunk when I ended things with Brett. It's like everything I think about is confusing. It's weird. I expected to be confused about a lot but just not this much.



And I think I figured it out. I think I know why I got so horrible and terrible when he was going to leave me. Not because it was happening or the logical reasons people probably thought of but he knew her for days and could open up to her like he hadn't done with me in a long while and he could show his feelings towards her. I finally sobbed over it and broke down. How many years has it been now since that happened and yet, here I am about a week ago finally comprehending some of my feelings at that time.



It's insane to think about how many stupid mistakes I've made and how many I regret. It doesn't upset me like it did and I know I'm going to be okay. I'm sure of it. I'm trying to figure out something with Brett and his classes that I can get a job but it doesn't seem to be happening. We're living together.



At this current point in time, I can't see us getting back together. That's a little upsetting but he is trying and so am I. No matter what, it's been civil and it's going to continue that way. We have a child to think about.



I know I need to think about Aurora and myself. Getting my health is in the best interest of us both, obviously. My breathing is horrible at times.



What's my motivation to lose the weight and get healthy?



My daughter.

My breathing.

Seeing my dad struggle with his weight problems.

Not wanting to develop diabetes.

Health problems, period.



I can do this. I've been cutting down on calories. I've been exercising more often and increasing it. I can't wait for the weather to warm up so I can walk our dirt road with Aurora again.



For the first time, I'm really looking forward to something. I'm sure I can do this even though I know I'm going to struggle. The hardest thing that going to come up is Aurora not eating everything. I automatically go to eat what's left because of how I was raised. But I figure to go ahead and put it in the "dog food" so I just won't touch it.



I want my Frankie. =] I need my talking time with that chick! *pouts* I miss her.

We're keeping the net for now. We honestly don't know what we're going to do with it. I guess it all depends on whether I use it or not. I need to get that new screen for the laptop or a new dang laptop with dial up connection available on it. O_o



I went to the lung doctor today. I am so happy to say that my breathing was in the normal range for the first time in probably years.



I've been doing better. I've been exercising, eating better, and honestly, I'm starting to get some of my confidence back.



I have my PCP appointment on Friday to get a physical done and a couple of other things out of the way. I need to get a referral to get my nose looked at. Those two areas on it are causing me discomfort to outright pain some days, usually at night. But it's probably nothing that getting them removed won't help. And the other thing is talking to my doctor about the lap band to help me out. I feel torn about it. My respiratory doctor thinks it's a good idea and honestly, I do too but I feel like I would be taking the "easy way" out.



When exercising, I'm having problems breathing. It's devastating to get to where I have the motivation to do it and then can't breathe and puke because of it. When it happens it's what I experienced before when I couldn't breathe, puked because of it, and finally went to the emergency room because of it all those times over a year ago. Wow, it's been a long while.



I need to end up making some decisions. I know I can't keep up with my child the way I am right now. I'm starting to get better and hopefully what the respiratory doctor wants me to do in the next month will help... and if it doesn't, I'm probably going to be disappointed.



I need to get to bed.



I need to quit thinking too. I think I avoid this place a lot on the off chance of seeing certain people online. But in reality, I need to quit letting that hesitation rule over whether I get online or not. This has always been an outlet for me and I need to keep going with it.